Birchas HaBanim: Parental Love and the Power of a Blessing

Transcript

This Torah class is brought to you by TorahAnytime.com. Parshas Toldos just had Birchas Yitzchak. It was such a big eisek around Birchas Yitzchak. The brachos were supposed to go to Esav. They went to Yaakov. A ganze tumult back and forth, Esav, Yaakov, Rivka, Yitzchak, Birchas Yitzchak. What was Birchas Yitzchak? What is it? What's this Birchas Yitzchak? What's the maileh? What's the koach of Birchas Yitzchak? What is it exactly? Is it a birchas tzaddik? Is it the koach of a bracha of a tzaddik? Or is it Birchas Av, the paterkeit a bracha? What is the yesod of Birchas Yitzchak? If you notice how many times in the pesukim is mudgash, it's emphasized, b'ni, b'ni, b'ni, ben, b'ni. Extra words, extra pesukim. Vayehi ki zaken Yitzchak vatichen einav me'ro'os, vayikra es Esav bno hagadol, vayomer eilav, b'ni, vayomer eilav, hineni. The ganze pasuk is iberik. Vayikra es Esav b'no hagadol. Vayomer eilav, Hineni. Vayomer, Bni. Vayomer, Hineni. And back and forth. I could read you pasuk after pasuk. Tachzak achtzen mol, steht bni, ben, b'noi. Rivka spoke to Yaakov bno. V'Rivka shemaas b'daber Yitzchak el Esav bno. V'Rivka amal Yaakov bno. Vayter ben, and vayter ben, and vayter bno. Read, rabosai, the pesukim. Mamish extraordinary. We already know by now who Esav is, and we already know who Yaakov is, the alter kinder fun Yitzchak, and the kinder fun Rivka. Why is it mudgash so many times, ben, ben, ben? So the emes is, I remember a time and a place, years ago, a zeide, a baba, a mame, flegt redn mit a kind azoi, Mein tayere kind. Every sentence began, Mein tayere kind, mein tayere kind azoy, mein tayere kind kum, mein tayere kind shteh. That world is gone. Chaval, a lost world, forgotten world. I still was zoche to somewhat grow up in that atmosphere, that everything was spoken to a child with the introduction of mein kind. Maybe that's the pesukim. Why would the Torah be madgish it so much? First pasuk, Vayomer eilav, Bni. I mean, what's the conversation? Vayomer eilav, Bni, Vayomer, Hineni. He called, Esav, Vayomer, Hineni. Eses, and I'm here. Vas es bni, and then I'm back and forth, and ben and bni. There's a machlokes Rishonim. What was the ma'alah and the koach of Birchas Yitzchak? The Even Ezra learns that it's tefillah. It's a tefillah. Even Ezra is mearech to understand the pasuk mem. What is the ma'alah of Birchas Yitzchak? And he says, pashut, this comes out l'maskanah, that it's a koach of tefillah. Hanachon b'einai — this is the maskanah of the Even Ezra, pasuk mem — sheBirchas hanavi k'ein tefillah hi. It's a tefillah. Hashem shama tefilaso, ki ikar zois habrachah al zaram. So the Even Ezra learns clearly that Birchas Yitzchak is a tefillah. Sefer Ikrim is cholek, and he's mearech back and forth, yeah, the pshat of the Even Ezra, not the pshat from the Even Ezra, and he declares that maybe it's not so much a tefillah, but it's a nevuah. Chanavi.

Yitzchak is not just Yitzchak, the tzaddik of the Rastacheicha Navi, u'mimeila, ligt in zayn brachos nevuah for the future. And then he asks back and forth on this mahalach as well, and he comes out to a maskana that actually it's a mixture of both. It's a mixture of tefillah and neviah ala asidus. Interesting. Now basically we find that there's a thing called Birchas HaAv laBen, every father bentcht zayn a kind. What is that? It's definitely not divrei nevius. Tachzika niskein yeder, mensch niskein navi. I want to tell you something interesting, just popped into my head. I'll tell it over to you. So, pelid genoyem ali melech, peled, mamash a pele. You know, the name of a person is a symbol for what the future of the person is. Shmoka garm, as hezogt the Gemara. The name of the person has in it somewhat of the asidus, the future of the person. Says the Noam Elimelech, Bishleima you go to a tzaddik and he tells you the name of the child, the Torah we find many times even the Eibishter called names of certain of the avos, HaYikra Shmoi, the Ribono Shel Olam called their names. So then you can understand the name as an asidus. What does ... tatte, kita nomen? What does he know when he chooses the name? Usually they choose the name, either it's in the parsha, either it's a fight between the two sides, the ... Okay, good. So where is the nevuah chelek of them? Sagt the Noam Elimelech that the name of the child is placed in the heart and mind of the father by the Ribono Shel Olam, k'ein a psa nevius of the osid of the child, ... psa tatte, a psa koach. He has a psa koach, as says the Noam Elimelech, k'ein a psa ruach hakodesh. Here we find birchas haben, that a father gives a bracha. We'll soon see when the times are to give the bracha. The minhag, of course, is Erev Yom Kippur. Many have the minhag erev Shabbos, Friday night before the seudah. Now how do we understand that bracha in lieu of the Rishonim that we just learned? We just learned that there's a machlokes: what is birchas Yitzchak? Tzusiat tefillah? Tzua nevius? So what is the birchas ha'av leben? So parshas yafseitz tefillah, chayra, yeah? What is it, nevius? Pashut, it's a din of tefillah. But a father has a koach to be mispallel ha'av. The father gives a bracha, tefillah to the ben. Un meinish in stam a tefillah ba'alma. There's an interesting goyen in Aliyos Eliyahu. It's brought that the goyen was never mevarech his children ever, not even Erev Yom Kippur. The last year of his life, he called in his children Erev Yom Kippur and he gave them a bracha. The main birchas haben, ... it's not a small thing. I'm trying to give to understand: what is the birchas habonim? Is that the ... I give brachos to kinderlach? What is it? Is it tefillah? ... tefillah, so it needs to have a special time. What tefillah is this? ... What's so bad? What's so bad that we give the bracha yedidah to a kind? What's happening Yom Kippur? Why Erev Yom Kippur get a bracha to a kind? So you see that it's not stam a ... tefillah. It's not stam Mincha, and don't think Mincha is a small thing. It's got to be more. It's got to be something, because you see that it's designated for Erev Yom Kippur, and the goyen only did it. ... we find that Birchas Yitzchok was also ... Yankiv also ...

Says, Hineni, I'm going to die, and therefore I want to give over the brachos. You see, there's an inyan of Birchas Av. There's something about Birchas Av lifnei meisei, before a person passes away. And it's interesting, when was Birchas Yitzchak? It was the night of Pesach. According to the Chazal, it was Leil HaSeder. Rivka gebeten, Rivka asks to bring shnei gedayei izim. Chazal say, one for the Chagigah and one for the Korban Pesach, because it was Pesach. The wine was the Arba Kosos, as they state mefarshim. So you see there was zmanim eilu, there were times, the hoiben itzayten, where there was a bracha. It was a zman to give a bracha to a child. Before a person dies, like Yitzchak, Yaakov, zman of Pesach by night, zman of Erev Yom Kippur. So what is Birchas HaBanim? What is it? Vos is der koyach fun der bracha fun a tate tzu a kind? What is it? So, let's talk a little bit. There's a peledike Chasam Sofer. Chasam Sofer in the teshuvos, in Orach Chaim, siman chav gimmel, discusses bichlal why do we have Birchas Kohanim every day? Why do we do it every day? And he brings from the teshuvos, from Reb Zalman Margolies, the teshuvos Beis Ephraim, that asks this question: why don't we do Birchas Kohanim every day? So there's a very famous Rama. Rama says a taam, a chiddush that he was mechadesh on his own, eigena chiddush der Rama. Vos is der chiddush? It's not brought down anywhere else, a chiddush of the Rama. Birchas Kohanim has to be b'simcha. You need simcha for bracha, for Birchas Kohanim. The time when people are b'simcha the most is on Yontif, by Musaf, when they're ready in their minds, they're ready to go home to eat the seudah. Azoy zogt der Rama, taaman Shulchan Aruch. Since Birchas Kohanim needs simcha, since Birchas Kohanim needs simcha, so you need a time that's meyuchad for simcha, and that is by Musaf, because people are ready. They're thinking of the good meal the wife prepared for them, is b'simcha. Santer Rama, bam shepele. The Chasam Sofer says a different reason. Zogt der heilige Chasam Sofer: V'nir'eh li, a taam pashut, because by nesias kapayim it's written after the avodah, Vayeired me'asos hachatos, vayevarech es ha'am. Aharon HaKohen. So it's a chelek of avodah, and avodah needs machshavah, it needs kavanah. If not, avodaso pesulah. It's pigul. Birchas Kohanim also needs machshavah, because people are tired during the week, people, they can't be mechaven properly. Afilu az mitrachtshen, am bisl kavanah davenen, the kop is shoin in the gas, vu mitdafleifen un gein un shtein. So meileh avodaso pesulah. So therefore it couldn't have been done during the week. It needed dafke Yom Tov, where people are more meyushav. And then the Chasam Sofer says a davar shel פלא. He brings from the machzor, Al haminhag shenahagu levarech eladim b'Shabbos v'Yom Tov is for the same reason. Why do we only do it Shabbos v'Yom Tov? It's interesting to notice that it's Yom Tov also. Every rav gets this shaylah: birchas kohanim, birchas banim, is it only Friday night or is it Yom Tov too, sheteicha Yom Tov? Okay. Because the whole week the father is tarud. Friday night he's not so tarud. I know a lot of houses, they're not tarud, but mishloach daas remains takke the reisa kavanas Friday night that a person has. Hetachshal malachem, the betaleh. Vayachem l'shalom is ken shlof. The bisl shlof is a chav of Shabbos. But al kol panim, מסתמא, it's better for kavonah Friday night, u'meileh birchas kohanim. It's only Shabbos; birchas habanim is only Friday night. Azoi zogt the Chasam Sofer. What do you see from here? That he compares the birchas habanim to birchas kohanim. It's a chapeladike zach. Vos is? Nu, rabosai, lomir lernen Chasam Sofer. Nu, nu.

What is this, the same sefer? Birchas Kohanim is avodah. It is trakin avodah. So if you don't have kavanah, shayach to piggul. Zogt the sefer, hu hadin, it's the same thing Friday night when you give a birchas habonim. Birchas habonim, a bracha. You ever see where you give a bracha to a guy by a chasan, do meinste, he's thinking already either about the dessert and how to get out of the chasan, or the geze brachos was... מזל? You shouldn't do it. Why? Because you don't have the right kavanah. It's avodaso pesulah. Pashut. Pashut. Birchas nesias kapayim, that's an avodah. That's an avodah. On the versus birchas habonim. That's an avodah, that you could compare it to nesias kapayim, that you need a special din machshavah of them. What's meant? I want to read to you, Rabbeisai, a sefuna, haflah, fellow. The sefuna says, Lavan, after having a fight with Yaakov Avinu, at the end of this week's parsha. So, Rabbeisai, don't have tainus on me. Learn last week's parsha. ... Good? On tainus of them. Parshas Vayeitzei. Vayashkeim Lavan baboker, the maftir of this week's parsha. Vayashkeim Lavan baboker, vayenashek l'vanav v'livnosav, vayevarech eshem, gives them a bracha. Fragt the sefuna, who cares? Lavan's brachos. A gezelche brachos, machayev could do without. אז איך פרעגט זיך פון א קושיא, a big deal, לאבן, עס שטייט אין פסוק. כאילו די גרעסטע צדיק. א מענטש גייט ארום און ער זאגט, ער האט די ברכה פון רב חיים קניעווסקי, אדער פון אן אנדער, סקולענער רבי, איך ווייס, אלע גרעסטע גדולי ישראל, און איך פון אבאמא האט די ברכה. וואס? איך ווייס נישט. ... זאגט די סיפורים: כבר אמרו, אל תהי ברכת הדיוט קלה בעיניך. מיינסט שלעבס ברכות, אפילו לאבן? מיינסט? אל תהי ברכת הדיוט קלה בעיניך. But you see, the story is not even happy with this. It's more than that. אמנם, סיפר ברכת לבן לבניו. The Torah is teaching, the Torah is writing over the story, להורות, to teach. There's a lesson from them. Her הלשון ... פון די סיפורים, her, שבירך ... אשר היא על בניו. Even Lavan, ... תטא, תטא is a ברכה. און דער ברכה על בניו is בכל נפשו, בלי ספק. ראי, שתחול יותר בזכות הסלם אלקים המברך. It's a lot better than a regular person, stam אזוי giving a ברכה. It's not ברכת הדיוט; it's more than ברכת הדיוט. It's more than אל תהי ברכת הדיוט. תטא is a ברכה. ... מתונגעפאנגען די שיעור, versus ברכת יצחק. אוואדאי יצחק is דער צדיק, און דער נביא, און דער גדול, און מסתמא איז דא א מסורה פון ברכות פון אברהם אבינו. Emes. But you see, the Torah was madgish, mein zun, kuma, kum mein zun, ... what is it? When the Torah says, ... it's not a bracha. It's not al tihyeh birchas hedyot kalah b'einecha. There's something called Birchas HaAv, versus rosh tachol. I want to show you something interesting. We find by the brachos of Yitzchak and by Yankev, an ענין of neshika, a kiss. In pasuk chav-vav, the pasuk says clearly that Yitzchak, bet, Vayomer eilav Yitzchak aviv, Gesha na veshakah li, bni. Give me a kiss. An ענין to give a kiss, to receive from him. Azoi shteit in pasuk. We find in the brachos Yankev also. He tells Yosef, Kach na elai, bring him to me, and he gives him a kiss. Vayechabek osam, vayenashek osam. The pasuk says clearly.

Pas in Vayechi, perek mem-ches, pasuk yud: V'eini Yisrael kavdu mizoken, lo yuchal lirot, vayagesh osam eilav vayishak lahem vayechabek lahem. So here's got the interesting, the tactic, the kush. And by Yitzchok, men farkert. Interesting, tahor. Here, maybe it's geshmak in a Torahs, you know, that beisai. I'm all forlegen kush in the Torah. Ain't that the Torah nachloif in the kingdom kushin. All right, efsher. It's a vitz. Ober ein zach zet men. But there שטייט an ענין פון נשיקה. It's brought down in the Siddur HaRizal that before you get a birchas av, muz men zugen tzu taten geben a kush, says the Arizal, gebn a kush. What's the inyan from the kush? It's a poshut, tchneise. Daf zayn a matzav fun chibah, l'choira. Obviously, I want to talk to you more, rabbeisai. I feel like zoger, yedios vos nisht aleveis, chidushim. There's a peldiker Rabbeinu Bechaye in Parshas Balak. Rabbeinu Bechaye says that when you give a klalah, a chelek from the klalah is to look at the person and to mention the name. Un the bracha is farkert. Megit yenem a bracha, you give someone a bracha, darf men em kuken in ponim, un me darf gebn em the bracha mit zayn name. Zogt Rabbeinu Bechaye, where does he see this from? The pasuk alein. The pasuk shteit that Balak asks Bilam, Lecha arah li Yaakov. Ul'cha zamo Yisrael, Yankif Yisrael. We know already what. Balak had a one-minded agenda: klal Yisrael. He doesn't have to repeat it again and again. L'chaarah, Yaakov Yisrael, Yaakov Yisrael, zaka b'einei b'chaya. Perek chav-gimmel, pasuk zayin. And you have to mention. Davzogin dem nomen fun dem mensh, v'mezogt a klalah. Un farkert is by brachos, zogt Rabbeinu Bechaye, because we see, Ma tovu ohalecha, no Yaakov, mishkenosecha Yisrael. Zet men doch befeiresh stadim, Yaakov Yisrael dem nomen, az ey zogt Rabbeinu Bechaye. And how do we know that you have to? Look, because it says clearly he took him up, me'ros sura, me'Renu, medaf kuken in ponim. Ich hob a kashe, rabosai. A gute kashe. By tefillah, halachah is that you don't have to be mazkir the shem of the choleh or the person you're davening for when you're standing by the bed. We learn this out from Miriam, Sanhedrin, siman kuf yud tes, klar. By azoy shtelt zikh far a kashe: me'lech fun Moshe, le'Keil na, refa na lah. You didn't mention the name. Paskened fun danet, we learn from over here that you don't have to say the name. So why by tefillah? Nu, daf men zogn dem namen. Why when we get to a brachah, daf men zogn yeda nomen? Ich meydikah. When the teretz, rabosai, is obviously it needs to have a tefillah. You see that it's not just to daven about the person. A brachah for a tatte is not just tefillah. A bracha latate is a kesher. A bracha is a kesher with the Mensch. It's not just davening for the person. Volt es geven nor a tefillah, dem muts palel zayn. That's קוקן אויפן מענטש. קוקן אויפן. Darf zogen zei nomen. Es vet gebracht, in sefer sucha sholem, Fridike. He says Friday night when you mevarech the kinder, darf men zei zogen by name. You have to call them by their names. This Rabbeinu Bechaye says, this is Rabbeinu Bechaye, Rabbeinu Bechaye. Cankel a kum, a bracha. David will kum, a bracha. Bedavka kushin. A bracha darf me geben. Chaverai, mir dacht zach that besides the inyan of the bracha, there's also a ahavah. It's a kesher. The inyan of bracha, bifrat fun a tateh tsu a kind, is an expression of love, of ahavah. I have two raayos to this, chaverai. Two ma'ases. One is in the Gemara, and one is a ma'aseh from the heilige Reb Bochber. Gemara sagt, as when Rabbi Shmuel...

Kein gadol walked into the Kodesh HaKodashim. Hatu the Rabbeinu Shleilam, levush habadim, bed. Shmuel bni. Vachein. Rabbeinu Shleilam, daf onkumen tsu der bracha fun Reb Yishmael Kohen Gadol. Yishmael bni. Vos vilst du? Vos iz der Chazal darach? What is the Chazal telling us? You really think that the Rabbeinu Shleilam needs, needs a bracha from Yishmael Kohen Gadol, az er darf a bracha fun them? Taytsh, rabosai, is: Yom Kippur is the zman of the greatest ahavah. It's a zman of bracha, of kesher. But the Rabbeinu Shleilam, Yishmael bni, express ahavah. The greatest expression of ahavah is through a bracha, rabosai. The greatest bitui, expression, vos me ken expressieren a hergesh fun ahavah, is durch bracha. There's tefillah, and then there's bracha, which is a kesher, kesher, ahavah. Yishmael bni. Vachein. Ein maaseh. A tzveite maaseh, rabosai, fun heilige Reb Ber. Reb Ber, tziyadua, Reb Schwab used to say it over, Reb Schwab from once, yizeicher tzaddik livrachah, forkt a siba zogn. Reb Ber had tremendous ahavas Yisrael, peledike ahavas Yisrael. Reb Berber himself, when he comes to Shamayim and they'll ask him, Nu, mit vos istu gekumen? With what are you trying to guarantee your Olam Haba? So he would say, Vos, mit Torah, chas v'shalom? And don't forget, Reb Berber's yedua, it's like Torah. The answer, Olam haTorah lernen, they all learn Reb Berber's Torah. He says, I wouldn't say that, because I would say, Efsher, I didn't complete my responsibility, my chovah vifel ich hob ge'laut. Could have done more. Mit mifragen yiras Shamayim, v'lechshemes, zach zogen, v'lech mifragen davening. But this I would say in my defense, zogt Reb Berber, the heilige Reb Berber, az ich hob lieb gehat Yidden, un ווען איך hob געזען a Yidn גאס, hob ich געוואלט צולויפן צום, un אים geben a kush, un אים zogn a bracha, un geben ihm a bracha. Reb Berber is saying that the bitui, the expression of a ahavah, is through giving a bracha. If you have a lot of ahavas Yisroel, you're constantly giving brachos to Yidden. That's because when you love somebody, you want—how do you express, how do you express ahavah? And that the answer is, you express it through giving brachos. Reb Berber is saying, run over to everybody in the street, A bracha, a bracha. And that was a sign of ahavas Yisroel, because when you have ahavah, you express it through bracha. Friday night, Rebbei. It's a time where there's a ahavah. There's a ahavah. I got the sefer that Chasam Sofer used to be mevarech all the relatives, zayin kinder, zayin eidim, zayin eineklach. Other mefarshim bring down from Fridike to be mevarech the uncles and the aunts. Altz moichel. That's the loshon, that it's a mechilah. It's a mechilah that everybody's happy and we love each other. It's a zman of ahavah, u'memeila gitn brachos. I want to tell you something interesting. I see the clock. Give me another minute, rabosai. There's a machlokes haposkim if you should make a birchas habanim with two hands, with one hand, a big tumul in the Acharonim. Brought down from the Maharil, that you should do it with one hand or two hands. It's like ansa tumul. What's the problem if you do it with two hands? So you're doing like birchas kohanim, like the avodah. Kaisavarchu, should you do it like birchas kohanim? According to some sefer, interesting, birchas habanim is mamash like birchas kohanim. Okay, I hear, you could say yeshivishe teirah, the lav, the issur sheboi, maybe you can't do exactly like birchas kohanim, but you see in...

That it's connected to Birchas Kohanim. Put down that the Noideh B'Yehuda was mevarech the goyim with one hand under his chuppah. And the goyim said that from there he learned that you can't use two hands; you should only use one hand, only use one hand. Rabosai, in pasuk shteit klar, in Parshas Vayechi, that he tells the children to come over, Vayechabek lahem. What's the pshat in the kissing? What's the pshat in the holding, the hand up from cup? So you know there's hechin yonim, shefa. It's also the kisrei ha'atzilus. It's also the kissrei heads. It's stam, there's shnei yudin lachtov, there's good Kabbalah inyonim. The Maviavik says that it's tes-vav. There's fifteen. Memeila, fifteen is the letters, the words in Birchas Kohanim are fifteen. Memeila, where you place one hand. But by Birchas Kohanim, it's two hands. Al kol panim, mikan rednu, rednu, redn Torah. The what? One hand. L'choira it was one hand. Okay. Rabosai, mir darf zach de pshat. It's not so much, and of course there is groyse inyonim in them, but it's to hold the child. It's to put your hand on him. It's to be mekasher yourself with the child. A gantze zach, a tatte. It's phenomenal. A child comes over to him and tells him, Ta, homework, this, that. Tata says, Busy. I'm busy. I'm busy. I'm busy. I'll tell you good maisel. Ein maisel. ... Ein good maisel. Tzum sof, good, ein maisel. Zeide flegt iberzogen, how come in America there's such a thing called an old age home, and in Europe there was no such a thing as an old age home? ... So most of them, they couldn't afford it. That's most of the pashut pshat. It's kost a gute gelt. Unless the government pays for it, ... right? Zeide says there's a tifa havanah over here. A child is born in Europe, ... day and night, he was busy with the child. When the father needed that the child should take care of him, sof yomov, so he returned. He was machzir, he returned what the father did for him, knowing ... And in America, ... a kind is born, right away the nanny. A little bit older, you take it to the babysitter. A little bit older, right away to the gan, goes to the playgroup. From the playgroup to school, from school to camp, from camp to... So okay, very good. So when it's time to take care of you, ... in camp, ... we'll send you also to the babysitter. We'll send you also to the babysitter. וואס דאלין מיט ר' ...? You know, a whole life could go by, and we don't have a psakesh mit a kind. Friday tzu nacht, the inyan of birchas kohanim is vaisen a ahavah, and therefore you have to kiss and you have to hug and you have to hold. Now, I, never placed my hand on my son to give birchas kohanim. I hugged him. I always put my hands around. To me, I understood the whole inyan of the bracha is vaisen a ahavah, hug the kid. In today's times, rabosai, it's not enough just to put your hand on the kid. ... This is Friday night birchas ahavah. It's b'chol hanefesh, ... not the das is birchas ahavah, rabosai. You've just experienced another Torah class, brought to you by TorahAnytime.com.