V’lo Lidei Nisayon: Daily Tests, Mesiras Nefesh, and Avoiding Spiritual Danger

Transcript

This Torah class is brought to you by TorahAnytime.com. Baruch Hashem, we learned Seder, Pirush HaTefillah. I think it would be appropriate this week to emphasize and work on a part of davening in the Shacharis, even though it's not lefi the seder that we're up to. We did Hodu, we did Adon Olam, we did different parts of the beginning of tefillah. U'vehader quickly, a little bit, fast forward a little bit to a part of davening after brachos, tefillah that we're mevakeish, yehi ratzon after brachos, Birchos HaShachar, because it's appropriate, and it's l'inyan of the parshas hashavua that we're reading. Lech Lecha, we read, the Torah is teaching us about the life of Avraham Avinu. What we read about the life of Avraham Avinu is a life of tests, nisyonos, and difficulty. From one parsha to the next, from one difficult matzav to the next, it's the life of Avraham Avinu, and that is the picture that the Torah paints of us, for us, of the life of Avraham Avinu. Hagam Chazal tell us. That Avraham Avinu was a zaken veyoshev b'yeshiva. It's Gemara in Yuma. Like all the avos, the Rambam quotes it in a few places, that they were zakein veyoshev b'yeshiva. Because that's שנגלה, that's satn learned. They were great talmidei chachamim. The Gemara in Avodah Zarah tells us that Avraham Avinu's Mesechtes Avodah Zarah had 400 prakim. Yet we don't see it in the Torah. You read Avraham Avinu, you thought he lived a life like everybody else. Yes, of course, connected, devoted to the Ribono Shel Olam, that's clear. But you don't see more than that. What we read and what you're told about Avraham Avinu is a life of difficulty, a life of nisyonos. And the maaseh avos siman labanim that we're supposed to learn from Avraham Avinu is this: a life of nisyonos and how to pass nisyonos. L'choira, this is obvious when you read Bereishis. Torah doesn't emphasize, the Torah doesn't elaborate, and maybe not even kimat mentions, as Avraham had gezesen ba'shtendung gelernt. We don't have that. I would have expected a portrait of Avraham Avinu hanging in my sukkah. It would have been a portrait of Avram by a hashash, mit rishonim, mit a shtender, daglezelte, all right, with a cup of tea, like all gedolim, all right. It's not the picture we get. Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov lived— Lives, daily lives with starker difficulty and nisyonos. And obviously, this is what the Torah wants us to read about them. And the ma'aseh avos siman labanim is what we're supposed to learn. The Mishnah in Avos tells us, Perek hei, Mishnah gimel: Asarah nisyonos nisnaseh Avraham Avinu, v'amad b'kulam. Avraham had ten tests, and he withstood all the tests, amad b'kulam. That's the life of Avraham Avinu. The Mesillas Yesharim, in the beginning, at the end of Perek Aleph, Mesillas Yesharim says, Tachlis hachayim — why are we here in this world? L'kayem hamitzvos v'la'amod b'nisayon, to withstand tests. That's what we're here for. V'על זו ישתאל צריך פה the kasha, the question must be asked every morning, like I said, there's a tefillah after Birchas Hashachar, Yehi ratzon. We ask, Ribbono Shel Olam, al tevi'eini lo lidei chet v'lo lidei aveirah, v'lo lidei nisayon. Don't bring me to a test. But that's the tachlis hachayim. That's what we're here for. We're here for...

for tests and to pass those tests. So why and how do we understand the tefillas hashachar that we daven and we ask the Ribono Shel Olam, Al tevi'eini lo lidei nisayon. Like I said, that's why I chose to work on this part of the davening, because we're going to read about Avraham, Yitzchak, Yaakov, that their life was about tests, and the Torah focuses be'ikar on that. Now, of course, no one has to ask the Ribono Shel Olam to give him tests. That's clear. If you look on your sheets, I quote you a few Gemaras. The first Gemara is Gemara in Sanhedrin, daf kuf zayin amud beis, that the Gemara says that a person should actually not ask for a test, that the Ribono Shel Olam should test him, because we find that Dovid HaMelech asked for a test, and he regretted it. Bechanuni na bazos. Because we say in the davening, Elokei Avraham, Elokei Yitzchak, v'Elokei Yaakov, asked Dovid HaMelech, Ribono Shel Olam, why don't we say Elokei David? The Ribono Shel Olam says, You were not tested. Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov lived a life of nisyonos, tests, and they passed it. So he says, Bechanuni, test me. The Ribono Shel Olam gave him the test of Bathsheba, which he, again, I use the word failed because that's what the Gemara seems to say, even though it's a whole shaila, ken chat, lo chat, or whatever it is. The Gemara in there, in the text of the Gemara, he failed and he had regret. And he says, Halavai, he wished he could have said, Resen lepiv. He could have had a muzzle that would have kept himself from asking this request. He regretted it. So avada to ask for a test, that's clear, that we don't do. And avada to bring yourself to a test, it's also pretty clear from that Gemara that one shouldn't go and put himself in a matzav where he's going to be tested. But to come and be mevakesh to the Eibishter, to be mispalel to the Eibishter, I shouldn't have a test. How could you be mispalel for something which is life? That's what life is all about. That's the tafkid and tachlis hachayim. And also it's a tefillah shav. Every person has tests. The Gemara says, Ein lecha adam she'ein lo yisurim. There's no such thing as a person doesn't have yisurim, and all yisurim test a person. So how could we be mevakesh from the Ribono Shel Olam, Al tevieni lo lidei nisayon? You look on your sheet, rabosai. We've done five of the six, first five, six mareh mekomos. The first mareh makom on your sheet is Avraham Avinu's life is nisyonos. That's clear in the Torah. And that's what the Torah focuses on. That's the first mareh makom I give you on the sheet. You look, you see clearly that the Torah spent all the pesukim writing about the tests, the daily, daily trials and tribulations of the Avos. And very little about their greatness in Torah and avodah. We don't read so much about that. The second mareh makom on the sheet I bring you is the Mishnah in Avos, perek hei, Mishnah gimel, that says clearly, asar nisyonos that Avraham's life was ten tests which he passed. The third mareh makom is a Mesillas Yesharim, which I quoted to you, that the Mesillas Yesharim says that that's the tachkid and tachlis hachayim. We're here for that, to mekayem mitzvos and to be omeid b'nisayon. So then I bring you afterwards, v'tzarichin, the question is, then how could we daven to the Eibishter and request a bakasha every morning, al tevi'eini lo lidei nisayon? The next mareh makom, I bring you the Gemara Sanhedrin, and I bring out it's nachon v'emes that a person should not bring himself to a nisayon. It's also nachon v'emes that one shouldn't ask for a nisayon, like Dovid HaMelech; he regretted that. But to daven to the Eibishter that you shouldn't have nisyonos, it's like davening to the Eibishter, I shouldn't breathe, I shouldn't live. Life is about nisyonos, and that's what we're here for.

So why are we asking Al Tivieni lo lidei nisayon, that I shouldn't have a nisayon? I saw in Eitzer HaTefilos, in the peirush of Eitz Yosef, he explains that actually we don't read it properly by reading it as two different things: Al tivieni lo lidei nisayon, stop, comma; v'lo lidei bizayon, stop, as it's actually two tefilos, two bakashos. That's a mistake. It's one bakashah: Al tivieni lo lidei nisayon v'lo lidei bizayon, that if I don't pass the nisayon, I'll have a bizayon. So I ask the Eibishter, don't bring me to a nisayon, which I can't pass, and where I would have a bizayon. Avad nisyones hachayim, that's life, and one cannot ask the Eibishter that he shouldn't have nisyones. But what we're asking is Al tivieni lo lidei nisayon that will end up in a bizayon. It's yedua, the Ribono Shel Olam does not give nisyones to a person that he can't withstand. The Gemara says that if the Ribono Shel Olam would have given Chananya, Mishael, and Azarya yesurim, the Gemara in Kesubos, they would have been polchin l'tzalma, they would have bowed down to the avodah zarah. The Ribono Shel Olam instead gave them that they should be thrown into a furnace, and that they were able to withstand the nisayon on a moment's notice, to jump into a fire for the Ribono Shel Olam. But had they had yisurim, they would have not withstood it. Mefaresh to ask, are we minimizing Chananya, Mishael, and Azariah's greatness? We're trying to say that, nah, no. Like a lot of people, they hear of great ma'aseh and mention, nu, nu, volt es geven if it was a different situation, they would have. Is that what the Gemara is trying to do? To cut down, to size, so to speak, to minimize Chananya, Mishael, and Azariah? I've heard in the past from Gedolei Yisrael, I can't recall exactly at the moment from who, but I remember hearing a meorerdik vort, that Chazal are telling us not that Chananya, Mishael, and Azariah were weak, but that the Ribono Shel Olam only sends yisurim that one could withstand. A lesson, the limud of the Chazal is that the Ribono Shel Olam gave them a nisayon because a person can only get a nisayon that he could withstand. So the Gemara is teaching us, if Chananya, Mishael, and Azariah would have been given yisurim, pachos l'tzalmus, the Ribono Shel Olam gave them a nisayon that they could withstand, and that is to be thrown into a fire, to be thrown into a furnace al kiddush Hashem. I've mentioned in the past that the Ostrovtser Rebbe, zecher tzaddik livrachah, once cried by Shalosh Seudos. Talmidim asked him, the chassidim asked him, Rebbe, why are you crying? And he said, Ikvesa d'Meshicha is the yisurim of Klal Yisrael. So he said, Rebbe, but you taught us. The above yesod that we just mentioned, that the Ribono Shel Olam doesn't give unless mikanasois helfen. So why are you so overwhelmed with pain and suffering about the yisurim of ikvesa d'Meshicha? Obviously, as the Ribono Shel Olam git, kemen dos oishalten; we could survive it. Hat er geentfert, b'chochmasoi uv'pikchusoi — a very sharp, he was a very sharp person, the Ostrovtzer — he said, Ober, veysts, vi fil Yidden kenen oishalten? You don't realize how much Yidden could withstand, withstand a lot. So, you're right, the Ribono Shel Olam doesn't give unless we could handle it, but Yidden are able to handle a lot. Yidden are able to handle a lot. Al kol panim, Reb Yosef is learning pshat in al t'vieini lidei nisayon. We're asking the Ribono Shel Olam only to give us nisyonos that we could withstand, but nisyonos that we will fail because we can't withstand them, which will bring us to bezayon, dos is the bakosha: please don't give us such nisyonos. I mean, you could ask, besides that it doesn't fit into the words, because it's double loshon, lidei nisayon v'lo lidei. I mean, if it meant nisayon that I would fail and it would be a bizayon, it could have שטיין, v'lo lidei nisayon.

Shal bizayon. I mean, lidei and lidei, if it says twice the word lidei, the implication, the mashmaus is that it's two different bakashos. But besides that, then why are we asking? Vos darf men fregen un betn dem Ribono Shel Olam that He shouldn't give us nisyonos that we'll fail? If the Ribono Shel Olam doesn't give us nisyonos that we'll fail, that we can't keep, unless there's a middle darga. There's nisyonos that we can't withstand. Can't. Impossible. There's nisyonos that we could, and it's easy. And then there's nisyonos where the nisayon is very big, and we ask the Ribono Shel Olam not to give us those which will be so challenging that it's questionable if we could withstand the nisayon. It's pilpul on a pshatava, on the words that don't really fit, but the Eitz Yosef says this. So again, rabosai, if you look on your sheets, I bring you the next mareh makom is Oitzer Tefilos, peirush Eitz Yosef. And that is that avadeh we're not asking the Ribono Shel Olam not to give us nisyonos. What we are asking, that the Ribono Shel Olam shouldn't give us a nisayon that will come lidei bizayon, something that we will not be able to withstand and then we'll be embarrassed. The story of Bas Sheva was a bizayon for Dovid HaMelech, a tremendous bizayon for him. So we're asking not to give such nisyonos. And like I said, the next mareh makom on your sheet, I ask, it doesn't fit, loy lidei, loy lidei seems to be a double lashon of two bakashos. And besides, if the Rabbeinu Shom anyway doesn't give nisyonos that we can't withstand, why do we have to ask for that? Bas dafnen beten, loy lidei bizayon, that we should get a nisayon that we can't withstand. If anyway the Rabbeinu Shom doesn't give, like we learn from Chananya, Mishael, and Azariah, unless, like I said, that it's possible that there's different levels of difficulty. We could withstand it, but with great difficulty, and therefore we ask the Eibishter, please don't test us that much. A test, yeah, but a test that will possibly not pass al tevi'eini lo lidei nisayon v'lo lidei bizayon. I saw in Sifsei Chaim—that's the sefer from HaGaon HaTzadik, Reb Chaim Friedlander—he quotes iyun tefillah. Iyun tefillah is another peirush in the Oitzer HaTefillos, opposite the Eitz Yosef. I rather went to look there; I didn't see it there. There's a different one, so maybe that's your answer, because I looked in the Oitzer HaTefillos, because I grew up with the Oitzer HaTefillos; that's the one I know, and it's not there. Huh? It's not the same one. Not sure. Okay, so either way, what I did was, I made you a copy of it like this: Hamyotzei lechol hadeios. Now, I have to have—I don't mind, if you don't mind—I need to ask you to give me the papers that I gave you, because the one I have doesn't have the copies of the Acharonim, the mefarshim that I bring you. I'm sorry. Thank you. Okay, so if you look on your sheets on the back, I bring you from iyun tefillah. Someone Haritz Mikelenburg. That's it. It's not the same in tefillah? Sava kabbalah. Okay, so you see, basi l'lamed, v'nimtza lamed. I learned something. All right. So he brings a different pshat: v'loy lidei nisayon, that I shouldn't test the Eibishter. I shouldn't test the Eibishter. A person sometimes goes through a nisayon, and he lacks the emunah and bitachon, and he starts questioning the Ribono Shel Olam. So v'loy lidei nisayon is not I ask the Eibishter not to test me, but it shouldn't be that the nisayon should bring me that I'm menaseh. Like the lashon of the pasuk, Vayenasu osi zeh eser pe'amim. The Ribono Shel Olam says the Klal Yisroel in the midbar was menaseh Me zeh eser pe'amim. So he says that that's the pshat here, v'loy lidei nisayon, she'anu lo nenaseh Hashem yisbarach, that we should have the proper emunah and bitachon to go through the matzav and not test the Eibishter. And the Midbar brings it from the Midbar Yud Aleph, beis. What? I can't hear. He says it from the Midbar, so we ask the Eibishter. V'loy lidei nisayon, that the Ribono... even though, l'choira, what's the kasha, rabosai? Hakol bidei Shamayim chutz miyiras Shamayim. It's very difficult to ask the Eibishter, you should have emunah. But all right, if we're going to start being mefafel on every word, we could be here till tomorrow, which I don't want.

If you ask me, I would be with you till tomorrow, but then you won't come back next week, and then they'll blame me for it. Okay. Well, you won't have to come back next week because we'll be here till next week. All right. Anyways, on your sheets after the Sifsei Chaim, I bring you from Reb Chaim Kanievsky. Reb Chaim, Maran Reb Chaim Shlita, in his Shema Tefilasi, says a different pshat. And if you look on the page on the opposite, on the other side of the paper I gave you, I bring you the actual lashon of Reb Chaim Kanievsky, and that is that Reb Chaim says there's two types of nisyonos. There's nisyonos which are life-changing, life-altering nisyonos. That's a difficult nisayon. We ask the Eibishter, don't give us such nisyonos that will turn our lives upside down. But then there's daily nisyonos, which are normal parnassah, children. These are normal, and it's given that we should be able to be oved Hashem and learn Torah in opposed to all these nisyonos. So those nisyonos are tachlis hachaim. Those nisyonos we don't ask the Eibishter not to give us. Ein lecha adam she'ein lo yisurim. A person has to have nisyonos. That's life. Lo lidei, mei nisayon with a hei hayediah, כאילו something which is life-altering, life-changing, that we can't be soivel. But daily, daily trials and tribulations, nisyonos, that's chaim, and that we're not asking for. You look on the opposite side of the paper, I bring it to you. U'val peh hoisif Moreinu v'Rabbi Shlita, which is Reb Chaim, ki diber el mesilas yesharim. He's addressing the Mesilas Yesharim's question, the question on the Mesilas Yesharim. That the Mesilas Yesharim says that we're here for lamid b'nisayon. Why is it that we ask not to have nisyonos? And he answers, that's going on taryag mitzvos, v'chiyuvim regilim hamutalim al ha'adam, shekasher kosh loi l'kaymam, when it's difficult to be mekayem, is a nisayon. It's a test. The Ribono Shel Olam is testing how serious are we in Torah and tefillah. Aval habakashah kan, but here when we ask not to have a nisayon, that's going on shelo yehei nisayon miyuchad. That's like we should have something which is earth-shattering, you know, experiences that you could ask the Ribono Shel Olam not to have. If you look further on your sheet, after I bring Rav Chaim, I go on to address this topic, because I think this is a very important topic, and it goes to the heart of understanding Bereishis and the life of the Avos and the Mishnah of Aserah Nisyonos nisnasah Avraham Avinu, and that is, you know, it's interesting, like I already pointed out, that we read about Avraham Avinu only that he had a very difficult life. Az es geven gan a geonim, and az er gezesen in yeshiva by a shtender yomam velaylah, that we don't find in the Torah, even though it's true that's what it was. It's also interesting that the ten tests is a machlokes rishonim where it begins. Rambam, on that Mishnah, learns that Aserah Nisyonos begins with Lech Lecha, Lech Lecha me'artzecha, umimoladtecha. Other rishonim, based on a perek in Derech Lezer, say that it begins with Ur Kasdim. He was thrown into a furnace for believing in the Ribono Shel Olam. Nimrod threw him into a furnace. So the question is, why Aserah Nisyonos begins with Lech Lecha? And even much more of a greater question, Ur Kasdim is not even mentioned in the Torah, the nes, the whole story. Of Ur Kasdim, and the nes, the test and the nes of Ur Kasdim should have been in the Torah. The Ibn Ezra says it's merumaz in the word Ur, Ur Kasdim, the fire of Kasdim. So tell it to me. Tell me, tell me, Avraham Avinu, the beginning of his life, how he battled for the Ribono Shel Olam's kavod, and then he was thrown into a fire, and he went al kiddush Hashem. It's an unbelievable story of akedah, of sacrifice. No mention. Meidikah hara, rabosai, yeah? No, rabosai, kums, a meidikah hara. It's a sheinah hara. Your kids are going to ask at your Shabbos by the Shabbos table, where is the story of the furnace? They read it in medrash, and they teach it in the schools. Why would the Torah cover it over and not consider it one of the Aseres Nisyonos? So there are many different terutzim in the Rishonim themselves. Rabbeinu Bechaye discusses this. It's already in the Rishonim why it's not mentioned in the Torah. Other mefarshim ask why it's not one of the Aseres Nisyonos. I saw an interesting Tashbatz. Tashbatz says because Avraham Avinu was a young child. He was a young boy when all this happened. It doesn't count. Lech Lecha, he was married with a family. That's already the beginning of Aseres Nisyonos.

In the Chumash shiur in yeshiva, I spent a little bit of time on this. I mean, why? Just because he was young, he was a child, so it can't be called asarah nisyonos. It's not one of the ten nisyonos. You look on your sheet I bring you from the Tashbatz. You see, ayin Tashbatz, shehaya katan. He was a child. So what? I think the pshat, rabosai, is gargeshmak. Listen carefully, and I think with this we can answer why the asarah nisyonos does not begin with Ur Kasdim, but rather with Lech Lecha. And the answer is: when a child, with not understanding life, he's not confronted with the difficulties of life and the daily shtering of life, parnassah and children and controversy of neighbors. Idealistically, idealistically, a mensch can zech acharayin varfen in a fire for the Ribono Shel Olam. Ribono Shel Olam, gevaldik, ah. You know what's more difficult, maybe, and what's maybe more of a test of the love of the Eibishter? To live every day with all the nisyonos and all the difficulties that weigh us down, and zayn an ehrlicher Yid and learn Torah and daven. That's a big—there's a very famous story. The Maggid was a malach who used to come to learn Torah with the Beis Yosef. The Beis Yosef asked the Maggid, I daven so much to the Ribono Shel Olam that I should die al kiddush Hashem. It's one of the greatest things that a Jew can accomplish in life, the greatest mitzvah, to give up his life al kiddush Hashem. Zeide used to tell me that the Chofetz Chaim, k'seider davened this, that he wished, give up his life al kiddush Hashem. Gedolei Yisroel were mevakeish the Ribono Shel Olam that they should go through this experience of kiddush Shem Shamayim. At the Knessiah Gedolah, Rav Shach said over a story of people who danced right before they went into the Auschwitz, to the gas chambers. Simchas Torah, they danced. It was Simchas Torah, and they said that even though we don't have a Sefer Torah, we have ourselves as Yidden, and we dance for that. And so, with such song and dance, they jumped into the Auschwitz, the gas chambers. And Rav Shach writes, I don't know about you, but I, I, I wish I could have been there and be part of that group. All the years that I taught Torah, I would have given it all up just to be part of that. It's in the Knessiah, it's a famous drash. He says, I don't know about you. He says, I don't know, I can't speak for you, he says. That's how Rav Shach used to speak, used to speak directly to the people. I can't talk for you, he says. If you want, it's reprinted in the Machsheves Mussar, the sefer—what's the name of the sefer on Rav Shach on Chumash? It's printed in there on the pasuk, Kedoshim tihyu. What's kedusha? What does kadosh—kedusha means? Leben, Kedosh Hashem. What is Kedosh Hashem? The greatest Kedosh Hashem, jump into a fire, right? That's what we think. And Rav Shach says he wishes he could have been part of that moment of hisallus, that a Yid jumps into the fire for the Eibishter. And Gedolei Yisroel davened for that. But the Maggid tells the Beis Yosef, shelcha gadol. What you got was greater than dying al kiddush Hashem, and that is that what? Chai, you lived al kiddush Hashem. That was what the Maggid told the Beis Yosef. It's greater to live with mesiras nefesh than to die al mesiras nefesh. Rabosai, you listening? On a moment's notice, a Yid could jump into a fire for the Ribono Shel Olam. What's greater, what shows more love, and what the koiches of a Yid is to live a life, day in and day out, with all the problems. That's asarah nisyonos nisnasa Avraham Avinu. It's possible that we don't counter-... counter-... Yidden throughout the doros jumped into fires, screaming Shema Yisrael. Reb Chaim Volozhin says it taka comes from Avraham Avinu and Yitzchok, and the Akedah, they instilled it into our, so to speak, DNA. Our koiches, they were able to do it. But the truth is, to be a korban mechayim is a lot greater than to be a korban that's nishchat. Briskerov says that that's actually what Yitzchok was. Yitzchok was va'aleihu la'olah. He's supposed to live, live, live as a korban, and kedai lachtzis lechutz la'aretz, he couldn't live a life.

That wasn't kaddish. That was a greater korban, a greater sacrifice, is to live like a Yid, to live b'mesiras nefesh. Now let's get back to the pshat. Loy lidei nisayon. What is the tachlis hachayim? Tachlis hachayim is to live nisyonos, daily nisyonos, avadeh. There are great nisyonos in life, but the tachlis, and that's what Reb Chaim Kanievsky is saying, lamid b'nisayon means not what we think. Ooh, we went through an earth-shattering event in life and he passed the test. No, no, no. It's the daily things, the daily parnassah, all the things that yetzer hara, that bring him down. Don't let him learn, don't let him daven. Those things are nisyonos which are tachlis hachayim. And on that, we don't ask, Al tevieni loy lidei nisayon, because that's a must, and that's part of being a Yid, and that's part of being alive as a Yid. There's a story told in Brisk, they say over this maaseh. Brisker Rav was once listening the way a Yid was speaking the greatness of his rebbe, the ma'asim that he did. Brisker Rav said, You know, ich bin oich a baal ma'ofes. Really, what? You want to hear some of my mofsim? Avadeh. So he thought he's going to hear chiddush that he walked out, and who knows, who knows what happened, right? Mofsim sheb'machlafa vafela. No. Brisker Rav tells him, Every morning I wake up, six o'clock. Before the zman of netz, and every morning I do this, and then I wash negel vasser, and then I put my right foot into my right shoe, and then I put my left foot into my left shoe, and then I tie my right shoe, and then I tie my left, or whatever. I'm tired, I'm rushing, I see the clock, whatever it is. I tie my left. Okay, you got me. I tie my left, and I... Okay, you got the point, right? Once, if you're also in the shlufsnisht, I have to catch you guys also a little bit, okay? Good. The guy's looking at the Brisker Rav, and he says, Where's the moifsim? He said, Du meinst a moifes is to turn the world upside down. A moifes is to do the same thing every day, year after year, day after day, to do exactly what the Torah tells me and not change. Daily life is a moifes. That's a Yid. It's difficult. That's a mesiras nefesh. Come every time. I'm time for davening. I'm time for seder. Not to waste a minute of seder, not to waste a minute of my Shabbos table, zai levatala. That's tremendous. V'tzaddik b'Emunaso yichyeh, by Neilah, that's a big thing. I'll eat in tunis. I don't minimize it. ... That's the greatness of mesiras nefesh. There's a story from Rav Hutner. Rav Hutner zatzal used to say over that he doesn't like the books that are written. He doesn't like the books that are written on Gedolim. Why? The book written on Gedolim tells you how great the gadol is. But it doesn't give you the life of the gadol, growing up and all the difficulties he had to become this great gadol. And he said, mashal l'mah hadavar domeh, I'll give you an example. Chofetz Chaim didn't speak lashon hara, but do they write to you how he sat at a chasunah as a younger bachur, and all his friends were speaking lashon hara, and he turned away? And he said, and everyone's laughing at him, Ah, he's a frum mak, he's anti-social. Yeah, of course, later at the end of his life, wow, he never spoke lashon hara. But they don't write to you the difficulty that he had day by day becoming that. I say that's where nisyonos hachayim is the tafkid and the tachlis. I'd like to add two more points, and with this we'll end. It's an interesting lashon: lo lidei nisayon. Why lidei? Lo l'nisayon. Don't bring me to a nisayon. I think there's a pshat here, vos mekanzagen, maybe I heard it in the past, I don't remember, but either way it's a good vort. We don't ask the Eibishter that we shouldn't have nisyonos, but we shouldn't be given over to the hand of the nisayon, that he should have, so to speak, the upper hand. I shouldn't be in his hand, but the nisayon...

It should be in my hand. I should be shaylet on the nisayon and not the nisayon on me. Azoi meinach, ... hameidik pshat. You hear, rabosai? Lo lidei — don't deliver me in the hand of the nisayon, which means I lose myself and he rules over me. Meidik pshat, you hear? Lo lidei nisayon. Don't bring me that I should be in his hands and he rules over me, but the other way around. What? I should be shaylet, and I should be who I am and not lose who I am because of the nisayon. Another pshat I think we could say, which is important to know: lo lidei nisayon. Once you came even lidei nisayon, you're already in trouble. Sometimes, as ... nisayon she'ein sug shepet, it's already too late. We ask the Eibishter, don't even bring us lidei, even close enough to the nisayon. Today we live in a tekufah where, yes, I think you did that — it was self — because we got to talk about it: the phone and the internet. Avadeh, it's not an aveirah, but it's lidei. It gives us that we're close to it. You got to be very careful. You know, the nisayon has to be guarded even before you came to the nisayon. When you come lidei nisayon, even when you come close to it, we ask the Eibishter, don't bring us near the nisayon, because once we're in the nisayon, it's already too late. Be very careful, rabosai. You know, one of the greatest nisyonos we have today is— They're trying to be shaylet. They're trying to grab our eyes and our hearts and our minds and our feelings, and we don't even realize it seeps in. The Yid that never saw all this is not the same Yid that saw all this. It is what it is. We change, whether or not we know it or not. We're מוסר ביד הניסיון. We ask the Eibishter, לא לידי. The Eibishter don't even bring us close to it. Once we're close, we might be in trouble. And with this I'll end, a pshat from Reb Elyashiv, which I think is very important. You look on your sheets. I bring you all this. I bring you—you'll follow through. It's laid a little bit. You look on your sheets. I brought you everything we spoke about is in here in the sheets. The last mareh makom, I bring you a Gemara Kiddushin, daf mem amud aleph. The Gemara says a story, and if you look on your paper on the other side, I bring you the Gemara Kiddushin mem amud aleph, and I bring you the kasha and the teretz from Reb Elyashiv. The Gemara Kiddushin says that Rav Kahana almost fell on a nisayon. He almost went and fell into his yetzer hara. He was going from door to door to try to make parnassah. It was a situation. So Eliyahu Navi said, You know what? Let me give you money. Like this, you won't have a problem of having to go b'nisayon door to door. So he gave him a kli מלא דינרי זהב. You look on your paper on the last piece that I bring you there. It's the Gemara. The Gemara says that Eliyahu Navi gave it to him, כדי שלא ידחקו בפרנסתו, to take care of parnassah problems. He asks the kasha, Reb Elyashiv, but I don't understand. We all know that tzaddikim— All over in the Gemara, they refuse to take special gifts which will take away their Olam Haba. This is almost like a gift Elyahu Hanavi gave him. Yeah? What's with the shaylah of taking from this, from your Olam Haba, like a, from the table, right? He took one of the feet from the table. He's taking away a part of his schar in Olam Haba. Answers Reb El Yashiv: You see from over here that it's a good cheshbon not to want to take away your schar in Olam Haba. It's a very difficult thing to do. But if it's a question of saving yourself from a situation of a person having a nisayon that he'll fall into, it's kedai. You see from this Gemara, it's kedai. It's kedai, it's kedai to come and say, you know what, I lose, but I gain, because I'm not in the hands of a nisayon that I won't be able to withstand. Hameivin yavin, rabosai. A lot of the excuses that are used to use all this technology is parnassah. Dai lechakima b'remiza. Maybe it's kedai to lose a little bit, not to fall into the hands of a nisayon that you can't keep. And this is the lesson that we can learn, v'lo lidei nisayon, because if not, it will be...

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