Hilchos Lo Sachmod: Pressuring Sellers, Gifts, Business Negotiations, and Shidduchim

Transcript

This Torah class is brought to you by TorahAnytime.com. Tonight, we're going to speak about one of the Aseres HaDibros that, for some reason, people don't know what exactly is the issur and what's aser and mutar for this issur, and that is lo sachmod. Don't lust. Lo sachmod. In Parshas Yisro, in the Aseres HaDibros, perek chaf, pasuk yud-daled, lo sachmod beis re'echa. Don't lust the home of your friend. Lo sachmod eishes re'echa, the wife, avdo, his slave, amaso, his maidservant, shoro v'chamoro v'chol asher l're'echa, everything that your friend has. In Va'eschanan, which is called Dibros Acharonos, the Dibros Shniyos, it uses a different terminology. It doesn't say lo sachmod; it says v'lo sis'aveh. Perek hei, Devarim, perek hei, pasuk yud-ches, v'lo sachmod eishes re'echa, v'lo sis'aveh beis re'echa. So in the first Dibros, lo sachmod. In the later Dibros, in Parshas Va'eschanan... We find the lashon, lo sis'aveh. Chemdah, taivah. Chemdah is it the same aveirah? It's the same dibrah. Here it says, lo sachmod beis re'echa. Here too it says, lo sachmod beis re'echa. Actually it starts, lo sachmod eishes re'echa, lo sachmod. And here it says, v'lo sis'aveh beis re'echa. So why the change? Why in the dibros rishonos, lo sachmod, and in the dibros acharonos it says, lo sis'aveh? So if you look at the Rambam, you look at the Rishonim based on the sugya, there's actually two different issurim. Lo sis'aveh is in the mind. Now what does that mean? To lust someone else's is not the aveirah of lo sachmod and not lo sis'aveh. It needs to be that you lust, and in your mind you're contemplating. You already have a plan to get it. By just wanting, not a good middah, that's kinah. You're not supposed to be jealous. But that's still not lo sachmod and still not lo sis'aveh. When I start thinking I want it, and I'm going to get it, and how I'm going to get it, that's lo sis'aveh. When I actually do something to get it. I do a maaseh, lo sachmoid. So lo sisaveh begins in the mind. Planning, planning. Lo sachmoid is executing. Now it's interesting. What happens if I execute to get, and I wasn't matzliach? For example, I tell the guy I want to come and buy, and I bother the guy, and I want and I want and I want your house and I want you, and nothing happened. He said, No, no, no. I'm still over what? Lo sisaveh. What does that mean? I can't want your belongings, any of them, and plan on getting them. Now there is one situation where it's mutar. We'll discuss that in a moment. But to plan on, let's use the word forcefully getting, forcefully getting, that's lo sisaveh. Acting on that machshava, on that thought, on that plan, is lo sachmoid. And if it doesn't work out, I'm left with lo sisaveh and not lo sachmoid. What's part?

Of loy sachmod. Can I walk over to the person and say, Listen, I like so much your house. Please, could you sell it to me? Is that loy sachmod? I had a, what do you call it, chemdah, a lust for your home. I wanted it. Let's use a nicer term, a desire for your home, right? I planned on coming to you and asking you, and I even executed it by asking you. Am I over loy sachmod? And the answer is no, because it has to be force. The action has to be a forced action to get it. For example, I can't beg him. And even if I ask him nicely, but I keep on asking him repeatedly, I'm over loy sachmod. Loy sachmod does not have to mean that I force you by threatening. Loy sachmod is even what if I overly ask and I badger you, and I can be nice, I'll smile at you, please, please. Just because you say please, your mommy will be very happy that you said please. But the Torah is not happy because, lemaaseh, if you say please 20 times, and maybe even more than one time, you're over loy sachmod. So let's be clear in the basis of the halacha, in the base of the halacha. The Torah says once, loy sachmod, while in the dibros acharonos it says, loy... saveh. What's the difference? There is a difference. Loy... saveh. I think I want. Now, thinking I want is not lo sachmod or lo sis'aveh. I want, I want, I want. Let me tell you something. People will be over lo sachmod every second of the day if it's I want what the other guy has. Not a good thing. Not a good thing. It's kinah. It's jealousy. But it's still not lo sachmod. Not lo sis'aveh. Lo sis'aveh is when I plan to get it, and how to get it. Lo sachmod is, is when I actually act on my ta'avah. If my tachmod didn't work out, I'm still left with what? So even if he doesn't sell it to me. Now what's lo sis'aveh and lo sachmod? To force him. Now, force doesn't have to mean I come to him with a gun, or I come to him and I tell him I know information about you, so you better— no, that's gangster. We're not even talking about that, all right? What are we talking about? To even beg him, and even nicely, please. But one time, you're allowed to go over to him. You're allowed to walk over to him. The Sma in siman reish chaf-ches, se'if katan ches says, I'm allowed to ask him once, could you sell? Then it's okay. So if I want your house, or I want your car, or I want to raise your jacket, and I walk over to you and I say, Listen, I like that. Now, I'm not telling you it's a good thing to be chomed, to have jealousy, to want something from somebody else. Even if you were jealous, and even if you planned on getting it, and even if you walked over to and asked him one time, it's mutter. What exactly is called forcing? Not clear. One time is definitely mutter, but what else is called forcing? So the truth is, the Chareidim, the Chareidim in Mitzvas HaTluyos B'aretz, perek chaf aleph says that what's called forcing, b'chol ois. If it's a lot of strength or force, I don't know exactly where does it end, nice asking and begins to become forcing. But one time is definitely mutter. So I would tell you one and maybe a little bit and a half, all right? I'll tell you this: you want to sell it to me? No. Who told you to add yeshur? I'm not sure, because I don't know what the Chareidim means. I don't know. Let me tell you something. You know what the problem is? You want to be over aseres hadibros? Could you imagine with one little extra? Uh-oh, that's it, you're over aseres...

It's a dibrus. It's a scary halacha, rabosai. People don't know this. That's why I'm telling you. Very few know what's included. It's one of the Aseres HaDibros. I want something from you. Wow, I gotta, I want it. So in my mind I start thinking, you know what, let me ask him if he wants to sell it to me. One time, Moshe paskened that he's allowed to say, Yeshua? I didn't say that. Are you allowed to go, maybe. You can't tell me if you want to say, I'm going to be first, you can say that? I'm going to be—yeah, we'll talk about that. Let's just first go slowly what the basic halacha is, and we'll talk about all these cases in a few minutes. Yeah. Is it possible to get without thinking? If you're acting without thinking? I don't know. Most people think before they talk, and I don't know. Let's say it just happened to be that you grabbed it. You asked and it happened? I mean, you asked several times and you performed and you got it? You asked several times. What do you mean? That means you wanted it. No, but you—once you asked several, you can't—planned at the same time. It wasn't premeditated, he's saying. It wasn't planned before. I didn't even have in hirhurim. I know, but whatever it is, that second, that second, even a second. I mean, you want to know if you have to get a party planner to figure it out? No, you don't have to get a party planner. Whatever it is, it's your thought that moment. Okay, now, lemaaseh, many Acharonim say, in general, a person should be careful not to ask to buy something from somebody. Unless it's for sale. Never walk over to somebody and say, Oh, can I buy it? Why? Because you have to understand there's a few things. Maybe it's jealousy, right? Now that itself is no good. A lot of times somebody wants something from—because the other guy has it. The minute the other guy doesn't have it, you don't really want it that much. Tell you a nice maiseh. It's good to bring in a good maiseh in halacha, okay. I once heard a beautiful, beautiful story. Someone, chashuv talmid chacham from the Mir, told me that he was standing there when somebody walked over to Reb Yerucham, the heilige mashgiach of the Mir, and asked him the following question. It's told over that Reb Yisrael Salanter, when he woke up in the morning and he went out and he saw the sun was shining, he broke out in a dance from simcha, from happiness, and he said the bracha, ... להחכים ביום ובלילה. Hashem, gevaldik. Ribono Shel Olam, thank you. I'm so happy. How come we—we're not that many years from Reb Yisrael Salanter. Reb Yisrael Salanter wasn't a Tanna; he just lived, right? Not only we don't dance, we hardly even have emotion. We hardly get happy. It doesn't affect us when we see the sun. We come to shul, wake him up, ... להחכים ... and then the cell phone goes off, right? What happened? What happened? So Rabbi Yerucham answered him the following: You know why we and people in general are not happy when they see the sun? Because it doesn't only shine for them. It shines for the other people, the whole... If it would only shine for them, they'd love it. Yeah? They would be mamish. You ever notice when a guy gets a car on the block, yeah? He's all happy. You know why? Because his neighbor doesn't have it. The minute his neighbor has it, and the other one, and he has to quickly get another car. Whatever, I don't have to... The bottom line is, that's what happens. And then Rabbi Yerucham said that that itself is the reason why Rabbi Yisrael Salanter was so happy, because it was for everybody, because the sun shines for everybody. You know, a lot of times when we want things, it's because what? The other guy has it. Okay? So first of all, that's out of the question. That's not a good thing, all right? And to go and ask him even one time, not a good thing. It's kinah. It's not a good, healthy thing. So you should really avoid wanting other people's things when it's not from jealousy. I really need a car.

When I really need a car, and that car is perfect for me, I have, let's say, a certain amount of children, and it's perfect, and I... all right, so then it becomes mutar. But then what? One time, okay? So now you understand how, we call it, it's not that simple to go ask your next-door neighbor if you could buy something that he has in his house. It's not that simple. Now, once something is on the market, the person is selling it, then it's all mutar. Then there's no problem to go over to him and ask him ten times if he wants to sell it to him. If it's not on the market, then I'm being choimed, yeah? I'm being choimed his. But the minute he's putting it up for sale, so for example, can I walk over to a guy and bother him to buy his house? No. But the minute the for sale sign goes up, can I be first? Yeah, of course you could do that. You understand? Once it's up in the market, then it's not chemda. Why? I want to buy what he's selling. I'm not being choimed his. So we're going to get to—give me a few minutes. Let's go slowly, because there's a method. You know, if you follow the method and the steps, it's smooth. You'll understand the halacha, okay? So let's go one next step. Once it's on the market, can I bother and force the guy for a specific price? Can I bargain with him? Yes, it's business. There's nothing wrong. You understand? You can't go to a guy who's not selling his house and bother him more than once, Can you sell me the house? But once it's on the market, you can bother him that he should sell you the house, and you can bother him with the price. Could a person say, I wish that was mine. I wish I had that house. I wish I had that car. It depends. It's not a good thing. Not a good thing. Why? It's kinah. The Drisha, the Drisha says in Shin Ayin Aleph, it's not aser sadibros, because just because you wish you had it doesn't mean you're planning on getting it from the guy. But it's not a good thing because you're being jealous, okay? Unless you say, I wish I also had it, maybe. Very few people put in the word also. The word also. I always say, I listen to the word also and I never hear it. I wish I had it, implying I and not him. I wish I also had it, then I hear a lot less of. Anyways, this is the basic halachah. Now let me show you how this is relevant. Can I walk over to somebody and convince him, pressure him, to donate a kidney? They do it. People get up in shuls. Is it the same thing? Lechora, lo sachmod, v'chol asher l'reeacha. So the truth is, someone would say it's pikuach nefesh. But for who is pikuach nefesh? You saving one and you— No, no, one kidney, to donate a kidney. One kidney. There's nothing wrong. Nothing wrong. Nothing— it's very— nothing, nothing. Please, don't even— You're making another guy put himself in a— That's not— okay, that's a different sugya. Your sugya of donation of organs is a separate shiur. That's next Tuesday night if you want. Okay, but this Tuesday night, we want to write your chometz. I walk over to you, I want your kidney. I need your kidney. Can I? I need a kidney. Can I have your kidney? So, by the way, you said good, so let's discuss this. The first thing is usually the person himself is not asking. It's an organization that gets up and is telling you to donate his kidney. Now, don't think this is not a big discussion. The acharonim, the poskim discuss this. But there's a few things which I would like to point out which really open up the sugya more. If I ask for myself, it's lo sachmir. If I ask for another person, it's not lo sachmir. Okay? Yes. Well, to sell the house for other person. Ah. So now we'll get to the end of the shiur, broker. Exactly. We'll talk about it. We'll talk about it. Okay. The next thing I want to point out by the kidney is, you hear? You're not asking he should sell it. You want donate it. A donation. You want a donor. Okay? This is a big machloikes.

I believe, and I feel, and I went through the sugya many times, it's mutar to ask for a donation. It's mutar to ask for a present. We could talk about that. Can I walk over to somebody and say, you know, I wish you would give me this and this present? Okay? A present is not the same thing as a business, so it's not the same. The problem a little bit is, I'm saying I want a specific thing. I don't just want a present. I want the present that's in your, that's within inside you. There's another issue. Do I see the kidney to say I want that kidney? Some acharonim say that, I don't understand that. They say lo sachmod has to be, I'm chomed a specific thing. Just because I don't see it, that means I'm not chomed the specific thing. In general, I know I need a kidney. It's a big chiddush. Final and last point that I think, when you give it, you weren't forced to give it because that guy forced you. No one gives a kidney because that guy asked. You know why they give a kidney? Because they're convinced it's a mitzvah. So it's not that person, through his convincing, through his badgering, through his, that he forced you to give a kidney. Kach nirah lani da'ati. What I think, this is the heter on all three points. The first thing is, usually it's not the guy himself; it's somebody asking for the person that needs. Second thing is, he's asking for a present, even though he's asking for a specific present. Now the truth is, you can maybe say there's two kidneys. He's not asking for the left one or the right one. I don't know, maybe. A present, I'm giving you all the heterim, right? Then it's not a problem of lo sachmod. I need to be sachmod the— that's what I'm telling you. That's what I'm telling you. You don't come and say, I want that kidney and give me that kidney. I need a kidney. That's what I'm telling you. And the final thing is, it's not that he's maskim, that he, what do you call it, he bent to your coercion, to your, right? He didn't bend because you asked him. He wasn't influenced. He was influenced by the mitzvah. The mitzvah. Since the Torah— so, and that's the minhag. The minhag ha'olam is that people get up and they badger people of the mitzvah, the great mitzvah, what it means to donate a kidney. And usually— that's for a different class for a different night. Now, let me show you how this applies in daily life a little bit. Kidney donors, all right, people are aware of it, but Baruch Hashem, and let's hope it doesn't apply to you ever, okay? Let's see where it does apply. A kid in school. Kids in school, yeah, they force their friends to give them their candy. Kids in school, they force their friends to sell them, for a price, their tchotchkes, their little toy. This is the issur of lo sachmod. The kid wants the candy from the other kid. The kid wants the toy of the other kid. He forces him to sell it to him. He forces him to give it to him. A parent should teach his child. Not to lust what's not his, and definitely not to become a businessman at the age of seven. Give me a candy and I'll give you, and I'll pay you. And if a kid comes home, he should be taught immediately to return it. Immediately to return it. It's the issur of lo sachmod. The kid desires, let's use a better word, he desires, no? The candy, he desires the tchotchke, the toy. He tells the kid, you better give it to me, and if not, I won't be your friend. He pays for it with another candy or whatever, I don't know, whatever they pay. I don't know what the ovel hasocher by kids is. I don't know how it—what? How could there be that many questions? Okay. Tell me, is it childish thing for a kid to punch his friend in the face? Yeah. No, but we understand where we can. An adult could be facing some charges. What's wrong if you teach a child lo tachmod from a young age? That's all I want. That's all I want. All I want is, I'm not telling you you should come and tell the kid, ... okay, I'm not telling you that. That's not the point. Don't take out your belt and give—

That wasn't the point, all right? The point was, lemaaseh, here's she'eilah halacha, lo sachmoid. Kids in school, the candy of their friend. They convince their friend, they badger them, You better give me the candy, and if not, I'm not going to be your friend. And he pays him with chamesh, some other shaveh kesef k'kesef. So it's lo sachmoid. It's mamash lo sachmoid. And what you need to do is tell the child, Don't do it, and if he does do it, send him right away. Don't wait till the next day. Drive him over to the house and say, Return it, and don't be over lo sachmoid. He doesn't want the candy; he wants a candy. Ah, now you're talking, now you're talking. So let's discuss that. We're going to get to that in a few minutes, okay? Let's go slowly. In theory, this is lo sachmoid. Let's go and chip away a little bit, but we need a little more information. What happens if the seller is not on the—he's on the fence. He's not going to sell it right now, but he might sell it. Eventually he will sell it, right? Are you allowed to badger him and push him to sell it now? Who is saying that he will eventually sell it? We know this. You know that he will eventually sell it. He mentioned to you. He mentioned to you that he's going to sell it in four months. So it's open for business. In four months it's open for business. No, but the beginning is not. In the beginning it's not. So that's the whole point. If the seller is not sure—okay, now the truth is there's two cases. One is, let's say if the seller is bichlal not sure if he wants to sell it, and you badger him to sell it. So maybe it's mutar. Why? Because if he decides that he doesn't want to sell, and you badger him, that's lo sachmod. But if he's mesupak, so all you're doing is convincing him to sell, if that's really what's happening. But you got to be very careful, because what happens if you're nagging him and he says, You know what? I can't take this guy's nagging, and I sell, then you over lo sachmod. The question is, I know, but you got to let me say the shiur. No, we'll talk about a guy in a few minutes. Okay, what's your question? Later. Let's talk about later, okay? We're going to get to it. All these questions will be addressed later, okay? Now, Yehuda brought up a beautiful point. What happens? You're in school, right? To go down the block—let's say you're in yeshiva—to go down two blocks to pick up the soda, I have to walk. The guy has the soda, and I badger him to sell you the soda. Do I want this soda? No, I want a soda. I just don't want to go down the block to get it. Acharonim say that this, and I think that's the halacha, that that's not lo sachmod. Why? Because I don't want this particular—I want a soda. The question is who's going to go down the block, either me or you, to buy the soda. Mimeila, that's not the issur of lo sachmod. Where would be lo sachmod is where it's not available. For example, I can't get the same quality of the object, or the location is very far away, or the price—it's too expensive. And I bother you here now for this object. That's lo sachmod. Ah, he's able to go and get it somewhere else, right? No, it's called, I want this object because I can't get this object for this price, in this location, with this quality. So then I want the object. You see the difference? If I'm able to get this somewhere else, it's readily available in a different location, not very far away, two blocks, so go the two blocks. It's just about saving two blocks. Then I'm not being chomed this object. Is there any reason why the heat is on? Yeah, because it's winter. It's winter. The window open is making cold in this tiny room. I hear. Okay. Now, there's a whole question, Acharonim, rabosai, if there's an issur lo sachmod when I want somebody's money. So if I come and I badger a person, if I come and I force a person to give you money, every money collector goes through this, right? You force a guy to give you money. So why aren't you over lo sachmod? I want his money.

And not only I want it, I made plans to get it, and not only I made plans to get it, I'm bothering you to get it. So the truth is, many Acharonim say that this is lo sachmod. I personally have many raayos that it's not, because money is not pshat, I want your money, I want the money in your pocket. I want money. Beis re'echa, eishes re'echa, it's something specific. Now, v'chol asher l're'echa can mean anything, or maybe it means like beis re'echa and eishes re'echa. Money is not something, this money. When I ask you for money, I'm not asking you, give me the hundred dollars in your pocket. I'm asking for money. I understand the question, am I over lo sachmod? If I come and I ask you for money, and I bother you that you should give me the money, you know, every money collector would be over lo sachmod, you know that? The only thing is maybe a money collector collects for somebody else. Remember we said that if you collect for somebody else, you're not over lo sachmod. But if you collect it for yourself, unless you say again, the mitzvah. Remember we spoke about the donor, the mitzvah, right, maybe, maybe if it's the mitzvah. So you're not being, you're not being maskim. You're not giving in to the guy because he's bothering you, because it's a mitzvah. It's all beautiful. But I think anyway, it's not sis'aveh beis re'echa. By money, because it's not specific. If I ask for something specific, and we'll soon show you how this is relevant. If I ask something for a gift, maybe that's also. If I bother you, give me a birthday gift. Are you going to give me a birthday gift? Are you going to give me—are you going to give me a birthday? Come on, my birthday's coming up. So, you have a lo sachmod? No, because you didn't have something specific. You want a gift. Money is, I want your hundred—this hundred-dollar bill. It's the same thing, maybe. I believe in both cases, you're not over lo sachmod. The Ben Ish Chai, in Sefer Rav Brachos, says this yesod, and I think someone said it very nicely. If I want a, and not specific, Moishe, you said it, right? If I want a car, not the car, then I'm not over lo sachmod. Lo sachmod has to be a specific object, okay? I walk in and I say, I like this guy's car, that one. If I say I want a car like that guy, or even if I go to a person and say, I want a car from you, and I didn't say which one specific, or like I'm telling you maybe with money it's the same thing. I want your specific hundred—no, I want money. Maybe, maybe, and probably, and this is what the Ben Ish Chai wants to mechadesh, that what? I'm not over lo sachmod. Right, so that's the— but the question, what do you do with the chol asher l'reecha? The problem is, what do you do with chol asher l'reecha? That's the—how do you define v'chol asher l'reecha? Is it like eishes reecha? Is it like beis reecha? Or v'chol means anything that that person owns? Okay, so the pesukim in Chumash here is a different time. The Chumash here is a different time. Otherwise we're going to get bogged into the Chumash. This is not a Chumash shiur. This is a halacha shiur l'maaseh, and that is anything that that person owns, and you— Desire that object, and you go out and you try to obtain that object, forcefully, like we spoke, whatever forcefully means, you're over lo sachmod. Could a woman force her neighbor to give her a recipe? You gotta give me this recipe. You gotta give me—oh, I'm telling you, I won't be your friend if you don't give me this recipe. No? She's doing it for herself. She's doing it for herself too. First of all, she's doing it because she's also gonna eat from it. It's a compliment. It's a compliment's not for yourself. Okay, come on, come on, this is for her. You can't ask me questions like this. She's cooking for her husband, for guests. It's organization type of thing. Could you carry them out? I don't know what they're talking about. What are you bothering me, huh? I see you trained your wife real good.

She only cooks for you and for not for herself, and it's not about her cooking. Okay, the bottom line, rabosai, the bottom line, the bottom line, the bottom line. L'maaseh, if the recipe is for sale, if she's a cook, or she makes recipes, or she has a recipe book, it's not. It's not. Asur. If it's for sale? That's right. Why is asur? Not if the recipe is for sale. If she usually sells recipes, and she's telling, I don't want to give you this recipe, yover loisachmeid. But if not, it's just a knowledge. It's not something tangible. The acharonim, the poskim that talk about when a person can't define a tangible thing that he's being chomed, it's just a wisdom. Can I be chomed? I wish that he would teach me how to swim, so I'm chomed now. I badger a guy, teach me how to swim. I'm over loisachmeid. He has the ability to swim, and I'm bothering him to swim, that he should teach me. If he's a teacher of swimming, then it'll be a problem. Maybe, maybe. Problem with the swimming is I don't know how to define the act, you know, the object. It's a little bit hard because it's the teaching, not the... By a recipe, it's that paper. So that's what I'm saying. Again, that's the whole point. If I could come and say, the book that you have that teaches how to swim, that would be lo tachmod. Just the chochmah, the knowledge of how to swim. That's what I'm telling you. That's what I'm answering you. So again, so in case... Exactly. You can't force him. Ask him once. If it's something that he sells—now, the swimming, I don't know, because the swimming, it has to be something tangible. By a recipe, it's something you put in a book, not just a, what do you call that, a chochmah, a wisdom. I'm showing you again and again how it's practical. Lo sachmod. People don't even know what it is to even—tell me, anybody here would think twice about, Lo sachmod, I'm asking my friend how to swim? It's a problem? Yeah. Why not? He doesn't want to do it. You bother him. You have something that he has and you want. Okay. How about many times, and you brought this up, it's this person's not using it. It's in his garage. He's not—so I walk over to the guy and I say, Listen, you're not using it anyway. What do you have from it? Sell it to me. No, I don't want it. It has sentimental value. Yeah, but you have nothing from it. It's just rotting in your garage, right? So are you allowed to bother the guy to sell it to you? Now, if it's true that you mean his toivah, so you're not doing it because you are desiring it. You really think it's good for him to sell it, which you told me, you asked me this. So that would be mutar. The question is, do you really believe that? Do you really believe you're such a tzaddik to bother another guy to sell it because of him and not you? You know what you really need? You need it should be fifty-fifty plus that you mean him and not you. And if not, it's a safek de'oraisa that you mean you and not him. You're over one of the Aseres HaDibros. I wouldn't take that chance, because I know people. When people bother you, I mean you're good, I mean you're toivah. Mameivin yavin, right? The rest, you'll finish yourself, right? You got it? So when I buy, it's good for you to sell. It's good. It's very good for you, you know. For some reason, this guy knows what's good for that guy. Only you know. Nobody else knows it. Oh, you also need it. Oh, no, but I mean only l'shem shamayim. Really? You might be over on aseres hadibros, you know. You might be over one of the aseres hadibros. That what? Are you with me? Are you with me? You understand what I want? What's wrong? You're tired? Okay. Can I go and force the boss to take a job from somebody and give it to me? It's lo sachmod. I want this guy's position. I'm going and I'm thinking how to get it. I went to the boss, and I'm forcing. Unless maybe forcing is only the person himself. What? Huh? I mean, does I have to— no, I don't know. Why is that forcing him? Anybody, any— unless it's not something tangible. Many acharonim want to say that it's not lo sachmod, not something tangible. Money's tangible. What do you mean? That's the other way to look at it. The job is tangible. You're right, because the money that comes from it is tangible.

I would say it's lo sachmod. No! Because that guy doesn't want. You're asking the boss. The guy doesn't want you to ask the boss. There's no one time. By the guy, it's one time. Tells you no, so you could leave. Here's not. Now, if it's a goy, we'll talk about that. If it's a goy, theoretically it's not lo sachmod. The only thing is, I don't know, it's really not a very yosherdike, it's not a very— I mean, you're backstabbing people, and it's really not nice, right, to go behind the guy's back. What happens if he finds out, the goy? It's chilul Hashem. But you're not over lo sachmod. The shiur is lo sachmod, and I got to tell you the truth, that if you had a boss that has employees, goyim, and you want the goy's job, you would not be over lo sachmod if you went to try to get that job. Now, can I pressure somebody to buy something? I want your money, and I'm pressuring you because I want you— ah, if you hold money is a problem, huh? He's currently buying from somebody else. I want him to buy, instead of buying his pen from this guy, he should sell— Okay, that's if. What happens if not? What happens if I try to convince, you know, it's good for you, come on, let's go, go buy my car. Come on, come on, come on, go buy my car. So if you hold that money is lo sachmod, then it might be. Now, the only thing you could come and say is it's business. You see, you have to understand that there's a fine line between normal transaction of business. Ein lo sachmut. To come and convince a guy, buy it, buy it, buy it. Now, if it's something that you're on the market of selling, maybe even that's better, more business. But what about if it's not on the market? It's time you go over to your neighbor and you say, Buy and buy and buy, and you pressure him. I don't know. It's not so simple, you understand? Because what I'm doing is, I want your cash. If you hold cash is a problem, right? Remember we spoke, it could be it's a problem. So then I'm being choimed his money, and I'm forcing him to buy my object to give me his money. Now, I'll tell you the truth. Not really. Now, but I just want to tell you one ha'arah. If you force somebody to buy something, even if you're not over lo sachmod, you're still over chamas. You're not getting away from the geneivah part of it. To force somebody is not permitted. You're not allowed to force anybody to give you money. That's the reason why you're not allowed to gamble, because even if the guy went into the gamble, but he didn't expect to lose, and now you're forcing him to give. Why? Because he lost the bet. So it's chamas. It's a type of stealing. So you got to be careful anyway by pressuring somebody to buy. What happens if the person is only maskim because he's ashamed? People do it. People do it all the time. Come on, let's go, let's go, buy it, buy it. The guy is ashamed, says, you know, or he wants to get you off his back. He says, You know what? I can't. Which is a big sugya called taluy v'zabin. It's a very big sugya. If you force a guy, it's a very big—you're touching on a different problem of lo sigzol. Now I want to tell you a very big chiddush. A goy has lo sachmod. You know that? You don't have lo sachmod on a goy's object, but a goy has lo sachmod on your object and on any goy's object. It's a tremendous chiddush. There's an issur of lo sachmod even for a goy. A goy is—it's not one of the sheva mitzvos Bnei Noach. Maybe it's in gezeilah a little bit. Oid chazon lamoed, we'll discuss this. Now, how about forcing a person to sell before he wanted to sell? He, in a year from now, he was going to sell, right? And what do you do? You badger him and push him to sell it when? Earlier. So if it's a private person, not allowed to do it. He wasn't ready to sell it to you now. So you're chomed, and you pushed him to sell it. You're not allowed to do it. You're not allowed. Now the question is, if he's a socher, if he's a businessman and he has inventory, he's going to sell it anyway, so he's just not—he's lazy, so to speak, to sell it. Are you allowed to badger him to sell it early? Halacha is you could.

Two people are in business, shutfin. Each guy has half. Could one guy force the other person to sell his part of the business? Happens all the time. Lo sachmod. It's really lo sachmod. I want his part, and if I ask him once, it's fine, but otherwise, if I convince... I have one heter, and you know what my heter would be? What happens if the business is failing anyway, so the business has to be sold? Then it's like what? Oimed limechirah. When it's supposed to be sold, right? When it's supposed to be sold, what happens? Then there's no problem of lo tachmod. So in a business, where the business is going to have to be sold because it's failing, then one partner could turn to the other partner and say, Sell, and push him to sell to you his part of the business. Can I walk over to somebody and give him an outrageous price for his house? I come and I tell him, I say to him, Listen, I'll give you a million dollars for this house. It's only worth five hundred thousand. Not forcing one time. Can I walk over to him one time with an offer? You say, Yeah? No. You're forcing him to sell because you're giving him such a high price. You're not... wow. Yeah, you see? Chiddush. People don't know this. It happens all the time. People go, You hear? You hear? But she's happily accepted. She's happy. No, that's the whole idea. She would never sell it, but because you—yeah, yeah, that we had two great questions, business questions. Yeah, question number one: you have partners. One partner turns to the other and says, Sell me your half of the business. Yeah? Sell me your—no, sell me your half of the business. Are you allowed to do that? So one time you're allowed to ask, we spoke, but if you come and you push the guy, you're not allowed to do it. You're forcing him to sell what he doesn't want. Unless what? If the business is falling anyway. See, it's a mechirah, then you could push him, and you could even tell him no matter what price you want to offer him, it doesn't make a difference. Okay, could you offer somebody an outrageous price on his house? It's klar in the poskim. It's klar that it's aser because you're forcing him to sell. He's going to say, Listen, I can't say no to such a price. Okay. Can I do business tactics? Maybe that's the point of the shiur. I want the guy to come back to kolel. Could you, in business, do business tactics to force a guy to accept a certain price? To me, I was thinking about this when I was typing this up. To me, like offering a million dollars for a half-a-million-dollar house, I don't think that's an outrageous price. I think that's just— No, but the guy can't say no to your offer. He has no interest of selling. But you know what his wife is telling him? What, are you nuts? Whatever it is, if it is a price that the guy can't say no to, even though he really didn't want to sell it, the poiskim say that's an issur lo sachmod. Now let me go further. What happens if you do business tactics to force a price? Everyone does it, huh? So I'll tell you, like my Rebbe Reb Elsky used to say, that everyone has the same rav. You know what his name is? Everyone does it. That's the name of the rav: Everyone does it. Why everyone does it? Rather this is okay. Why? Because it's business. It's not lo sachmod. It's for sale anyway, and manipulation of the price, okay. You know, a person goes into a shidduch. There's a lot of negotiations. Are you allowed to force? Give me this, give me... You give my son this, you give my... Huh? The guy wasn't holding by it, but you're pushing him. He has no choice. He wants the shidduch.

He doesn't want to lose the shidduch. He's willing to say, Okay, I'll give a house. Okay, you think I want to give a house? You think I want to give a car? So first of all, lo sachmod is maybe on one, on a specific. The father say, I want your house. Maybe sometimes it happens. The father, the kallah, say, Listen, I want them to live in your... give them the house you have. That might be. Why is it maybe mutar? The parents who are busy with this are doing it for the children. So if it's not for you, remember we said, what is it? It's not lo sachmod. And the other thing I would tell you is it could be business negotiations. Shidduch is tenaim. Business, in business there's no problem, right? I don't know how to say it in a very... they're up for sale. I mean, it is what it is. Huh? I'm not telling you it's nice to take advantage of people, but the question is, are you over lo sachmod? That's the question. Because what I'm doing is I want a certain house, a certain leichter, or a certain, I don't know, car, or a certain... right? So since maybe it's not specific, but what happens if it is specific? Listen, I know you have a car. Give the kids the car. Unless you say this, that since you're asking for the kids and not for you, it's not a problem. Or, right, it's part of the business negotiations. How about after the shidduch, the tenaim, meaning it was already done, the shidduch. Now whatever you ask for, you're going to get, right? Why? Nobody wants to break a shidduch. So is that mutter to say, you got to give leichters. I want the grandmother's candlesticks. I want you give... So again, if it's specific, yeah. Now, it's definitely not menshlach. It's definitely not the right thing to do. But it's a gift. Remember we spoke that if you ask for a specific gift, the Ben Ish Chai holds it's a gift and not a problem. Remember? The gift, the concept of gift. Okay. How about the chosson and kallah themselves to nag the in-laws to give them something? We want this. It's aser. Now I have a chiddush, a shaila that I see all the time and I don't know what the heter is. What heter do children have to come into their parents' house and say, You see that thing over there, that vase, that this, that coat, that this? You know how many daughters say, Give me the coat. Give me your coat. They ask the mother, Give me your coat. They want it, huh? Once. You mean your houses, if you ask more than once, you get a ... Okay, so you got to come to our house. In our house, they nag the parents, Give it to me. Why don't you give it to me? I honestly don't know what—it's done. Everybody. You ever see someone say that kids don't nag their parents for things? If it's money—it's money. Again, then you have the heter. It's not specific. I don't know if you want—you want the parents' money. You don't care if it's the parents; you want money. Yeah, so that's going back to the old child is money an issue. Okay, we got that. Some acharonim say that it's an issue, and hachanami, if you come to your father, I want you to give me five hundred dollars, according to many poskim, if you say it once, good. If you say it more than once, you're in trouble. I don't know. Honestly, I don't know what the heter is. I went through the sugya many times. Mah heter? Lo yodea. I don't know. I really don't know what the heter is. You want something. You want something specific, especially if it's an object in the house. You come and you badger more than once, you're over lo sachmod. Okay. How about forcing someone to rent you a house? You're not asking to give. You're asking he should what? Nu? Rent. So the truth is, sechirus is a kinyan. I would say you're not allowed to do it. If, let's say, I want a specific apartment, and I badger the owner, so I can ask once, but more than that, I can't bother him. He should be... he's not holding by renting it. Now, if it's up for rent anyway, right, could I ask to be the one that you rent it to? That you could do. You see? Doesn't make a difference. Sechirus is a kinyan. Lending. Now, I'll tell you the emes. Most acharonim say you're not allowed to do even lending, but I think lending should be mutar, because milveh lo yotza...

Especially by money. So it's not a kinyan, and it's still yours, especially money, right? But let's say it's not money. Milvah l'hotza'ah, you have to go through the sugya, milvah l'hotza'ah, properly. The bottom line is maybe. Maybe, and could be, you should be matir what? To force somebody to lend. To rent? No, to rent, okay. Can I force a shidduch? You walk over to a guy, give him a shidduch. All the shadchanim do it. Not for himself. He wants the shidduch for himself? The money is not the issue. Remember that again, the issue is not even the money. You chaymed the girl. The answer is it's not for him. But again, when—what? But he wants this girl. If the shadchan wants it for himself, you got a problem. Let's say a guy, parents, they walk out, I want your daughter, and they send more than once people to him. You send two shadchanim, right? Why are you not over lo sachmod? I want this, I want it, I'm trying to get it. The answer is probably because nobody owns the girl. That's the real truth. No, no, that's—I knew, you know something, I knew this was going to come up. The father owns the girl. All right, let's get back to our century, all right? Let's talk l'maaseh. The father doesn't own any girl, and she's older already. All right. How about the boy himself? Could he go over and say, I want this girl? Or to the girl herself. It's a mitzvah. Interesting. Maybe mitzvah, huh? But why don't they one time on this over here? One time, yeah, sure. Okay. Let me tell you another chiddush that I have, you hear? What happens — halacha is mutar, halacha is mutar — what happens, hear, rabosai, what happens if I have an investment home? I have a home just I bought for investment, and my friend knows that. Could he walk over and say, you know what, here, take a big sum of money, sell me the house? Now, if he's up for sale anyway, he could do it, right? No problem. What happens if it's not really up for sale? You know, investment homes, people use and use, and then one day they decide they'll get rid of it. So I would say like this: if you come and offer a big amount of money, it's mutar. You know why? Because that's really why the guy bought it in the first place, that in case someone pops up with the big — it's mutar. But to nag him to sell it to you, not mutar, even an investment home. Shouldn't be mutar. People do it all the time. They say, Ah, it's only a second house, an investment, in the mountains, etc. It was bought to be sold when he wants, for the right price that he wants. If, in case, you offer him a big price, then you can do it. Even though, are you allowed in general to offer a big price on a house? No. But if you come and you nag him, you're over lo sachmod. Now, two more cases, and then we'll daven Maariv, okay. Could a broker, could a broker, could a broker go— And bother somebody to sell his house. Ah, if he's doing it for somebody else, it's mutar. So he's saying, you know what, that house, if I could get that house on the market, you're allowed to do it. But to you send the broker to bother somebody to sell a house, asur. Unless what? Unless he's a guy. If the person that the house owner is a guy, there's no lo sachmod on a guy, beis re'echa. So if you want a guyish house, could you send the shliach broker? Yes. If you send the broker to ask once, is it okay once? Always. But maybe a broker, that's part of a broker. It's more than... And who knows that a broker doesn't know how to ask once? I don't know. That's a pashut. Can I send the broker? You know who asked me this question? You did. You forgot you asked me this in the beginning of the shiur. Could you send the broker over to somebody? You hear? And the answer is probably not. Unless... unless, nu? It's a goy. It's already on the market, unless it's a goy. Can an honorable, chashuv person ask for tzedakah from somebody? The guy can't say no.

You're forcing him. 100%. Yehuda, I love you. So I'll tell you the problem. The problem is you're forcing him. The heter might be, first of all, it's money. Remember we spoke about money, right? And the other issue might be that he's doing it for something usually, not asking for himself. Yeah, but you don't put the person on the spot, so he's not... What you might be over is chamas, unless you think that it's for a mitzvah. That for a mitzvah... Even a mitzvah. Why do you have to put the person on the spot? Why? For what mitzvah? Exactly. It's exactly the case I'm talking about. Are you over lo sachmod in such a case? No, it's a mitzvah. The answer is, yeah, mitzvah, this, that, it's money, it's this, it's that. Yes, probably not lo sachmod, but it's a good question. Money, I keep on explaining to you, I don't want a specific object. I don't want this. I want money. Money is meant to give and sell and take and go and come and then... Oh, now you're asking on the Chumash tomorrow. Tomorrow you're asking a nice question: how come the Chumash starts, just say... You've just experienced another Torah class, brought to you by TorahAnytime.com.