Children at Risk: Building Self-Worth, Recognizing Every Mitzvah, and the Path to True Anavah

Transcript

This Torah class is brought to you by TorahAnytime.com. As per request, we've been asked to speak about a topic relevant, extremely relevant and quite difficult: modern-day times. And that is what we find, kids at risk. Unfortunately, it's already been given a name. Amal was a problem. Today it's that big of a problem that it already has a, hamechuneh shem, kids at risk. A lot of times people, when they hear kids at risk, they think it's not נוגע to them at all. Maybe in their immediate family, they don't see it yet or hear of it. But the truth is, it exists more often and more common than we'd like to admit. And if we try to analyze the underlying reason for the problem, we'll see that it's נוגע to everybody. And it's possibly a good advice to heed the warning signs, and even before that, to take the lessons that are needed to combat, combat this problem, that we shouldn't have to come on, chas v'shalom. Issues and problems of tzar gidul banim, tzar gidul banos. And the truth is, people don't realize that kids at risk turn into teens at risk. Teens at risk, they're all over in the shul as grown-ups. Don't think they haven't had—there's a change. So they're grown-ups at risk. Maybe they hide it better. Maybe socially they figured out how to cover it. But at the underlying problem and its roots are by many of the grown-ups as well, if you're honest to admit it, if you're honest to admit it. So let's discuss. Of course, it would take much more than one shiur, and more than the half hour, forty minutes allotted to the shiur, to combat and to discuss this major issue. And I'm sure you've read a lot about it. I'd like to bring up one point, one point, and that is the importance of self-esteem. How important it is, what it is, and what it's not, and what we think it is, and mistakenly, because of that, we push away the proper self-esteem that's necessary. And as we'll continue with the shiur, we'll bring out— That possibly self-esteem and the lack of it is at the root cause of a lot of this trouble that we have today. I want to begin with the Mishnah, rabosai. The Mishnah says, Al tihyeh rasha bifnei atzmecha. It's a Mishnah in Avos, perek beis, Mishnah yud-gimmel, the end. You shouldn't be a rasha in your own eyes, bifnei atzmecha. What does it mean? So the Rav brings three pshatim. The first pshat, a little bit difficult to fit back into the words. He says, Al ta'aseh davar shehayom u'lemachar tachshi es atzmecha bo. A person has to look and see that if he does this, it's going to lead him down a slippery road where he'll be a rasha. You start with a small thing and you say, Nu, vos iz azoi geferlach? Small things lead to big things, and sometimes you can't stop it. You're on the wrong track. And that's what the Mishnah, according to the Rav, in the first pshat, Al ta'aseh davar shehayom u'lemachar tachshi es atzmecha bo. Don't do something that today or tomorrow will bring you—

But, you know, eventually you'll go bad from it. And then the Rav brings a third pshat, and I skipped the second pshat, which he brings from the Rambam, because I want to focus on that pshat. V'ani shamati — third pshat. V'ani shamati, I heard, al tira rasha b'davar zeh shetifrosh min hatzibur v'ta'amei bifnei atzmecha. You perish min hatzibur, and you are alone. You're a loner. And again, what is it? How does it fit back into the Mishnah? Maybe it's bifnei atzmecha. The rasha means that he's not with the tzibur; he's bifnei atzmecha, he's alone. I'd like to focus on the middle pshat of the Rav. He brings the Rambam. Yeah, I'm maskim. I'm maskim 100%, but I don't need a Mishnah for that, and it doesn't have to be a diyuk in a Mishnah. ... You're right. And if I wanted to say a pshat and learn up the whole Mishnah with all the mefarshim, I'd probably say your pshat and handle it. But I'm trying to get to the middle pshat, because the middle pshat is negea l'inyaneinu. What's negea l'inyaneinu? ... Okay, I'm maskim to your pshat, that a person who is poresh min hatzibur, the Rambam says, is one of the klalim that you're a kofer b'ikar, and moneh mimenu — the Chovos HaLevavos, which moneh mimenu teshuvah; you can't even do teshuvah. ... Maskim. 100%. Okay, now let's get back to the Rambam. Maskim. Let's get back to the Rambam. Zogt the Rambam, the Rambam peirush al tihyeh rasha b'einecha. Kilaymar, loy tachzik atzmecha k'rasha. You shouldn't look at yourself in such a way that you're a rasha. Don't look down at yourself. Why? Shemitoch kach atah yotzei litarves ra'ah legamrei. So, פירוש הרמבם. When people start having a view of themselves, a low, a view which is not that they're chashuv or that they're tzaddik, starts looking at himself that he's a rasha. Eventually, לסוף, הלשון הרמבם, לסוף, from this, אתה יוצא לתרבות רעה לגמרי. So here we have the Rambam telling us clearly one of the underlying reasons that people go off, it's how they view themselves. שתיתכלן דמשנה, אל תהי רשע בפני עצמך. I saw a meiredige zach in the Rambam al Shakka. The Rambam al Shakka says, let's look at the beginning of the Mishnah. The Mishnah says, Al taas tefilascha keva, ela rachamim, b'tachanunim, lifnei hamakom, baruch hu, shene'emar, ki chanun v'rachum hu, erech apayim v'rav chesed v'nicham al hara. Davka, mitkavenah nitzta mechkumin shelo. That's the way the Rav explains keva. He goes to shul because he has to, like everybody else. Everyone has to go to yeshiva, right? I have to go to yeshiva. I have to go to daven. That's keva. Can't do it that way. You have to do tachnunim. You have to want to come to daven. So, the Rambam al Shakka, so how is this the haschalah of the next part of the Mishnah, Al tehi rasha bifnei atzmecha? Why is this the hakdamah? What is the kesher? What is the connection between these two things? Says the Maharam Shik that if a person doesn't realize and understand that he is not a rasha, that he's a tzaddik, who knows how good to mensh, who knows the Ribono Shel Olam will deine tefillos, then he'll make tefillos a keva. You force him to come, he'll come. There's a lot of ways how a person could be forced. A person could be forced because his mother and father tell him to do it. A person could be forced because his rebbe forces him to come. Or socially, when you're older and you don't have the mother and the father and the rebbe, meinisht, that older people don't have this thing called social pressure and chiyuves, stigma. I see everyone has a different word for the same problem. Obviously it's a common problem. Yed eine legt tzuhar. ... in Litte, ... Yed eine legt tzuhar. You know, everybody ... So the same thing here too. I see everybody has their word to explain the problem, but the Maharam Shik is saying that it's not only in ... it's in tefillah. It goes into the root of tefillah. Unfortunately, we...

Find that bachrim, people don't have a geshmak in davening. They don't. They don't have. Yeah, you're right. Life trains you, and you get older, and nisyonos and all the difficulties, they teach you how to daven. But in the youth, you don't hear it. It's very possible the underlying reason is because you're not machshiv the person, the bachur, the child is not taught to be machshiv davening. Davening tefillah. You know what your tefillah could do? The Beis was, tefillah can uplift. The Beis was his main to daven to the Ribono Shel Olam. He doesn't look at his tefillah as something that's going to change or do something. Who am I? What am I? And that's what the Rambam, l'shitas, is saying pshat in the Mishnah. The Mishnah is telling us, Al tehi rasha bifnei atzmecha. In order it shouldn't be, Tefilascha keva, ela rachamim v'tachanunim. So here we have a Rambam that says that if a person has low self-esteem, thinks of himself as a rasha, l'sof yeitzei l'tarbus ra. The Rambam, l'shitas, is telling us that it takes root in the way we daven. Because I mentioned, tacht, nu, ... as a davening shayches is vos. A person has to know the erech of who he is and what he does. Now I want to tell you something interesting. Shaul HaMelech was great, and at the same time, he felt terribly that they took away the malucha from him. This says in the pasuk, Kara Hashem malchuscha mimcha. The Ribono Shel Olam ripped away the malchus from you. So we read the story in Tanach that he left over Agag, he left over the beheimos in the milchama of Amalek. Shmuel actually gives him a very strong mussar shmooze, and he tells him that he's taking away the malchus. And that is, Im katan atah b'einecha, roshei alfei Yisrael atah. Im katan atah b'einecha, what does that mean? He was small in his own eyes. He didn't understand. He didn't fully grasp. It was given—who was he? Im katan atah b'einecha, if you're small, you have to know, Roshei alfei Yisrael, you're the head of Klal Yisrael. The Radak learns that this is only by a melech. It was a din in the malchus that Shaul HaMelech had to know his value, otherwise he can't be a melech. Afarshteit nish ver er is, kein melech kenst nisht zayn. You can't be a melech. A melech has to know who he is, and he has to lead with security of his position, of his gadlus, of who he is. I saw Rav Shach, in one of the shmuzen, gave a shmooze that it refers to all Roshei alfei Yisrael, which means all Bnei Torah. Anyone who stands out as a ben Torah has this dictum that he can't be katan b'einecha. You can't look at yourself and view yourself. Ver bin ich, vos bin ich? You have to have pride. You have to realize who you are. And you have to be proud of who you are. Azoy flekt Rav Shach zatzal, look at all his shmuzen, ben Torah, understand what it means to be a ben Torah. Ligyonei shel melech. I look further and I find the Rosh Yeshiva, Reb Aharon, says that actually this refers not only to a ben Torah, but to every Yid. Every Yid must view himself with the proper harocha, who he is, voser iz. Nobody's a nothing. There's no such thing. Look at yourself and realize how great you are. Rav Shach, on the pasuk in Hoshea, Lo eesech harain api, lo ashuv l'shaches Ephraim. The context is the Klal Yisrael is doing aveiros. But the Ribono Shel Olam says, Teisheya nevuah, lo eesech harain api. I will not see through my anger. Lo ashuv l'shaches. I won't destroy. Why? Ki Kel anochi, because I am a G-d. Ich bin G-t. V'lo ish b'kirbecha kadosh.

It's not within you. B'kirbecha kadosh, helekait. The Gemara in Taanis explains, אמר רבי אלעזר, לעולם ימוד אדם עצמו כאילו קדוש שרוי בתוך מעיו, that a person must always view himself. Yimod adam, a person must measure himself. In English we would call it evaluate. Taanis, that's the key word. Needs an evaluation. Ever see a teacher, first thing they tell you, needs an evaluation. So tell him good? I'm asking. The Gemara tells me how to evaluate a Yiddishe kind. How do you evaluate a Yiddishe kind? And the answer is, לעולם ימוד אדם עצמו כאילו קדוש שרוי בתוך מעיו, שנאמר, this pasuk, בקרבך קדוש ולא אבוא בעיר. הרי דהקדושה בקרבו, the Ribono Shel Olam is in him. So right away you have to view yourself. The Ramban continues in that Shmuis, and he says, צריך להכיר גם כן כי הקדוש אשר בקרבו הוא עיקרו והוא נצחיותו ונשמתו. That's what the person's essence and his neshama is. It's kadosh. It's Kel anochi b'kirbo. The other rab, העניינים התלויים בנפשו, הרכיניות הגופניות הם רק לשמש לרוחני. The external is only an external. ואינו עצמו. It's not who he is. וכל כמה שיעקב יבין את דרגתו, and as much as he recognizes his level. Who he is, b'vchinas, Banim atem Hashem Elokeichem, v'chi am kadosh, yakir es atzmuso b'emes, v'zechorim l'maalah. So every person has to understand, v'er ich bin. So, rabosai, we have over here a big yesod. Not only by Shaul HaMelech, but everyone, everyone must understand, im katan atah b'einecha. You're small, you have a small kuk of zich. It's not right. Roshi alfei. You know who you are. Ad bista b'nteireh, or even if you're from a Yid, a Elchi Yid, vos redst? Meiredik. Huh? How do you look? Lo olam yimod. Evaluate yourself. Let me tell you over a meirediker Ksav Sofer. The Ksav Sofer, in Parshas Tzav, Zos Toras ha'olah, whoever is osek b'Toras olah, ki'ilu hikriv olah. He brings a kashya. Pasuk says, Lev nishbar v'nitkeh, Elokim lo sivzeh. What's the beginning of that pasuk that everybody knows? Zivchei Elokim ruach nishbarah. A broken heart is a zevach Elokim; it's a korban. Lev nishbar v'nitkeh, Elokim lo sivzeh, a fracture. It's the chastir in the pesukim. On one hand you're telling me that's ki'ilu hikriv kol hakorbanos, like the Gemara says, whoever is— Broken. It's as if he was makabel the kabanos. And then you finish off, Elokim lo sivzah, ki lo... Hashem doesn't overlook it. Let me overlook? V'katel l'chatchila. How do you read the pasuk? Zivchei Elokim ruach nishbarah. And the Gemara, Sanhedrin mem-gimmel amud beis, says, Gedolah ... ruach lifnei HaKadosh Baruch Hu, ki'ilu hikriv kol hakorbanos. So that's the ultimate. And then it says, Lev nishbar v'nitka... Elokim lo sivzah. No. Hashem won't overlook it. So he says a very sharp vort. He says sometimes a person's anav, it's gevaldik. But then when it comes to ruchniyusdike zach, he doesn't want to get involved because he's an anav. Machanah machavos, a humble person. Elokim lo sivzah. It's all very good. Zayn anav is gevaldik, but don't, so to speak, let people and things go by the wayside if it's bizayon of the Ribono Shel Olam. Lev nishbar v'nitka is good, but Elokim — zogt the pasuk — Elokim...

Loy sivza. Mi dachtzecha beisai, efsher k'mezogar, pashte taitshn the pasuk. A person, yes, needs to be humble, and it's tremendous to be broken. But there's still a Elokim loy sivza. You always have to remember that you're still a tzelem Elokim. You're still a chelek Elokim mimaal. There's still a Elokim b'kirbi. You're shaking his head, so a megedike vort, Rabosai. Thank you for the haskamah. It's a megedike vort here. By the way, that was part of the shmooze. I'll tell you how it's part of the shmooze. My uncle once told me, a guy that was here, my uncle Reb Chaim Walkin was here from Eretz Yisrael, and he said a shmooze in Beis Medrash Gavoha, and we went to Reb Meir Kuttler's home before the shmooze. So he tells Reb Meir, a maaseh. What's the maaseh? After Rav Shach said his famous drashah in Yom HaUmah, mamash it was a drashah that the whole world carried, and it's ketumult, mamash a harash. The next day, my uncle Reb Chaim's shlita was by Rav Shach, and he tells Rav Shach, a shiva megedike drashah, echt megedik. So he turns to Rav Shach, Taka zei? Geilem a tanoge hat? Geilem taka anoge hat? So my uncle together with my uncle finished off the story: everyone needs a pat on the back. Everyone needs a haskamah, a good vort, a yasher koach. You know, for years I've always thought to myself... Famous question. The Kohen, he gives a bracha, levarech es ami Yisrael b'ahavah. Eh? Metzivanu, he's commanded. Yet when he finishes, git bentched maya shekoach. Well, now, l'fregn the kasha: vos yasher koach? Es kumt a yasher koach on tefillin. For a person—imagine a guy walks over to another, Ah, I'm gonna put on tefillin. Yasher koach, yasher koach, yasher koach. Thanked him. Vos? It's a mitzvah. You have to do it. So the truth is, we give a yasher koach by birchas haTorah, right? When a guy gets an aliyah, git a yasher koach, yeah? So that doesn't bother me that much. Why? Because, mibaal, it's a bracha that he's being motzi the tzibbur. And the truth is, you could have gotten the aliyah, right? So he did it for you. Nu. So mimeila, a metut yedn's—you're doing his mitzvah, and you thank the guy for doing and helping you in the mitzvah. But here it's his mitzvah. The Kohen's is a mitzvah. Vos yasher koach from them? So the famous teretz is the b'ahavah, that they're giving him a yasher koach, v'legen tzu a special ahavah, which is part and parcel, a requirement. He needs to shtel tzu ahavah, so you give him a yasher koach for the ahavah. I don't really like the teretz. No, no. Nasi—next year, you're gonna start giving the shaliach yourself. And there's also part of the shmuyes, building up your confidence, I say. Choirev, v'tzivanu levarech es ami Yisrael, unless you put a slash, b'ahavah. Maybe the tzivanu stops before the word b'ahavah. So I never really liked this teretz. Got blacked. I hear it. Everybody says it. You know what the real taivah is, chaversai? Afilu asiyan mitzvah. And afilu, I want you to know, the Kohen wants to do it more than you can imagine that you want to get it. I always tell people, not jealous of much in life. The one thing I'm jealous of, when Kohanim get up to duchen, that I'm not a Kohen. I'm not a Kohen. I wish I was a Kohen. I wish I had the zechus. Every time a Kohen duchens, and I once told my Rebbe, Rav Pam, I was a Kohen. I said, Rebbe, I'm jealous. He said, Jealous? I said, Yeah. I said, What are you jealous about? I said, I'm jealous of you, Rebbe. He said, What are you jealous about? I said, When the Rebbe gets up to say, Levarech es amo Yisrael b'ahavah, I'm jealous that I don't have that opportunity. So he told me, I'm meira dike vort. He says, Could be you don't have the vetzivanu levarech es amo Yisrael b'ahavah in the shul, but kest doch benching Yidden, un kest doch vaisen ahavah tzu Yidden. He says, There's other ways how you could be mashpia.

This kinah that you have. Do I like the teretz? It's good enough for me, because my rebbe said it to me. But either way, rabbeisai, you hear? What do you see? That the kohen wants to do it, and he needs to do it, and it's a chiyuv. Yet, a yashar koach daf migeben, oder val du darf zayn a makir tov. A lot of times we think that people who have to do for us don't deserve a thank you for doing it. It's his job, and muz es ton. So we answered that. We said that could be the retzivanu is also the ahavah. So then what's the teretz? The Vil says, Retzivanu on the brachah, b'ahavah hi lei. I don't know if that's true. I mean, we say the brachah, Retzivanu ... b'ahavah. The nusach habrachah nit azoi. It's mashma the retzivanu is b'ahavah. And the teretz is, afilu azel daf doesn't mean that you have to not be makir tov. Amol, I mentioned, my mother daf mi makir tzapper. She has to. I mean, that's it. Yiddish folk men zogen a nustach. I know my zeide used to use it all the time. Bist a mamen mamkech. That's what a mamme does. Bist a mamen mamkech. Okay, that's what a mother does. Yeah, that's what she has to think. But you have to think, ah, gei bakuk vos di mamme tut far mir, even though it's her responsibility. Okay. And the other teretz is, afilu a mensch vos hot a tzivui. And even a person who wants to give the brachah b'ahavah needs a yashar koach. Even Moshe Rabbeinu. Was told, Yashar koach sheshibarta. Even Moshe Rabbeinu was given a yashar koach, yashar koach sheshibarta. Good getan, richtige getan. Positive reinforcement. Now, rabosai, this is what I think is the pshat, Elokim lo siba. You know, there's an interesting Rambam. The Rambam says that a person needs to view himself ki'ilu he's chatzi chayiv and chatzi zakai, or the other way around, chatzi zakai, chatzi chayiv. Asah mitzvah achas, hichriah hu v'es kol ha'olam ito. What is that Rambam? Rambam is saying how a person should look at every act, how important it is. We don't have a proper perspective of even when a ma'aseh mitzvah is hacharachah, chashivus, a goodanah mitzvah. Do you know that the Mishnah says they would get up for the people who bring bikurim? Why? Al kavod, for osei mitzvah. Why? I thought about it for a very long time. Vos vil men do? You know what the mitzvah of bikurim is? Beautiful. It's a beautiful mitzvah. Brengt bikurim, a dank dem Ribono Shel Olam, darf noch shteyn far em, es kumt a dank. On the teretz is chashivus l'osei mitzvah. A person has to recognize the mitzvah, and another, he looks at him and goes, Es is mit a mitzvah. Shteil far em, shteil far em. You know, at every chasan, I sit, and it's every chasan the same story. Ya get up for the chasan, na get up for the... Ya get up for the... na get up for the kallah. Should you, should you? There's no mekor. There is no mekor. It's taka true. There's no mekor to get up for a chasan when he does. I found the closest is Yerushalmi that says we get up. For a person who's koiver a meis, he's carrying the meis. There's a— no parallel, Rabbi, sorry. The second thing that it says over there is, when you bring a baby to the bris, you get up for the kvater. To Yerushalmi. That's from the Dorim, saw it years ago. Okay. One thing it doesn't say there is the chassan. Straighten the chassan. So the emes is, Reb Yaakov did get up for the chassan. He got up when the chassan walked in. Reb Moshe, bedavka, didn't get up. This I heard from Reb Belsky. Reb Belsky told me that Reb Yaakov, Reb Moshe nisht, paskened. He was choshesh that it was a Reform custom. The other teretz that the Velt says, nu, yidalach, chasan domeh l'melech, yeah? So you have a big promise, you should be standing for seven straight days. According to this, on the way back, and every time he passes by you, you should get up. It's mashma, epes a geitzim chupah, shteit benuf, yeah? So the other reason, which is grad not brought anywhere, it has to—

to do with the bikurim, that they get up for the bikurim. Agav, rabosai, there's a mefurasha Zohar that you're supposed to stand by a chuppah. Okay, the clock, and that's the answer to your question. We'll answer you afterwards. Come. L'maaseh, you're supposed to stand by a chuppah. Rabbi Savitz has a beautiful sefer, Yismach Lev, it's a classic sefer today. So he says that he asked Rav Chaim Kanievsky, how can we not stand by chuppah in America? America, machnin seats, with rows. So Rav Chaim said, could be the pshat is that they're far away from the chuppah. It's only those that are around the chuppah. But to stand by the chuppah is a zoyer. To stand up for the chassan on the way to the chuppah is a photographer's. No, no, I'm just kidding. Al kol panim, whatever it is, there's very shayach in the koiches for it. But the mekor, if anything, is that they go to do a mitzvah. What do you see from here? Yeshivus. Not vayzen, to show chashivus. Okay, you're taking your son to the chuppah. It's a mitzvah, you're a zeicher. Stand up. I don't know if it's for the chassan or the chassan's parents, whatever it is, it's to show respect here, to show chashivus. Okay, I want to tell you a story, rabosai. A few weeks ago, I met someone that was doing a tremendous chesed with an organization for cholim. Mamash a ... bachur, a bachur, he was a ... doing a tremendous chesed. Spent the whole day being mesameach a choleh, a gantze maaseh. Pulled him over, I tell him, Where do you learn this, that? ... avot, avot, one word to another led to a discussion. Are you happy? Maybe because I was preparing the shmues, I knew already I need to find some material. Al kol panim, mechamem frekt, Are you happy? So the answer, of course, is not really. I said, And how many people, friends of yours, are in this? He says, You'll be surprised, almost all of them. I said, Why are you not happy? So he starts telling me that he's in yeshiva, and the yeshiva sheighta them, and the kvitchta them. He misses a shachris, he misses a mincha. He comes, he goes, mevart fornei yeshiva, tzatzveiti yeshiva. He doesn't feel anything. He doesn't feel anything. He feels very unhappy. So I tell him, Wait a second. Can I tell you a story? I said, I was sitting here watching you for the last two hours, and I was mekaneh you, a kinah which is unbelievable. I was sitting here being mekaneh you. Here I sit and learn all day. Where do I get the opportunity to do what you're doing? He goes, What? I go, Yeah. Do you understand what you're doing? Do you understand the mitzvah? Do you understand they'll do bus that you gave up a day to do this, and you chap? And he was like catching his, yeah. And we had a whole discussion that he has to appreciate his ma'alos and who he is and the mitzvos he does and the davening that he does. Don't let anyone put you down. You're right, guidance is guidance, but don't let anyone put you down. I wasn't sure if it hit the target where it was supposed to go. I wasn't sure. He was a bachur. He didn't express much. After the conversation, he left. And I thought, you know, maybe I shouldn't have went there. It wasn't my business. It wasn't my business. ... When we left the place, he was waiting outside. So as I passed, I said goodbye to him. He says, No, I was waiting for you. ... Gave me a hug. He says, Thank you very much. I had who to talk to finally. Someone listened to what I had to say. Maiseh shehayah. It happened exactly two weeks ago, two weeks ago Sunday. Maiseh shehayah. Gave me a hug. Someone listened to what's going on inside me. Someone gave me to feel that I know what I'm talking about, my hargashah, my hargashah. Rabosai, a Yid is a olam of chesed and mitzvahs. It has to be recognized. You have to recognize what it is. And that's what the Rambam is saying: 'Asah mitzvah achas, hichria es kol ha'olam.' If a person would know that he does one mitzvah, it changes the whole world. Could you imagine how people would follow through their day doing mitzvahs and learning?

You know, a blatt Gemara, an amud, an hour of learning, whatever it is, it's meiredik. If a person has low self-esteem, it just goes further and further away. If you build up the self-esteem, it gets better. I know my zeide used to tell me over that the koach of the Alter was in this nekudah, to build up the self-esteem of a bachur. He should realize his harachah, his chashivus, who he is, vaser is. My zeide used to tell us a story that over there there was once a prospective father-in-law that came to yeshiva to look for a chosson for his daughter. I guess the shidduchim crisis hasn't changed. It's been around for quite a while in the yeshivas. So he came zuchen, far, far. Yeah? So he asked the Alter for a bachur. Chazan kind. The Alter had a custom that he would take a bachur and give him a name, lefi his koiches. That bachur is a rashba, a Rashba. So he was telling the future prospect, Take this guy, he's a Rashba. The father wasn't that impressed. A Rashba? Not impressed. What happened? He said, Okay, I'll give you somebody else. Looks around. Aritva, a Ritva, mamish a Ritva. No response. A Tosafos Rid. He went through. So the Alter said, What's wrong? He says, These are shidduchim are too expensive for me. Efshar shtap a chosson for me? Efshar shtap a chosson for me? Who's going to be able to... Take for these mashaim. What's the limud of the maaseh? Take a bochur. A nander zogt, er iz der Rosh Yeshiva, vos macht zich tzones fun der Rosh Yeshiva. Azoi ret men vegn a bochur in yeshiva, that he's a Rosh Yeshiva. It's a joke. Not a joke, I'm saying. Not a joke. To learn how to talk to a bochur, to learn how to talk to an atzveiter, that he should realize, mimachshiv his maila. The Chovos HaLevavos, Shaar HaKniyah, perek beis, zogt the Chovos HaLevavos, very important yesod, Shaar HaKniyah, perek beis. People think that if a person holds of himself and he has self-esteem, that's gaivah. He's a haughty guy. The Chovos HaLevavos, shreit, chayiv v'kayam. It's not true. Before you can even work on anavah, you have to first work on harachas atzmi, self-esteem. He says that a person, if he has anavah without having self-esteem, it's because he has no self-esteem. He says it's a nar, it's a tipshus. He calls it a very sharp loshon. Hu dalus hanefesh means a mensh is a shvache mensh. First he says, the Chovos HaLevavos, darf men farshteyn yon maila, he, aval hakniyah asher tihyeh achar roimemus hanefesh v'hisnaso mishtatef im habeheimos b'midos hamegunos v'gavuso midamos b'midos pchusos bnei adam. Du bist a poches, bist a cha ben Yisrael, bist a Yid. Now that you understand that, that could lead to true anavah. I say, anavah before reaching the first stage of understanding. Chashivus alavus, rabosai. There, bitul is the number one key before anything. And then you can start saying, What's my chashivus? We can work on it at a different time. You know, rabosai, I want to tell you over an interesting nekudah, and with this we'll end. I believe strongly that if we reinforce our children, by teens, by our friends, they're positive, and everyone walks around with the proper harachah and respect for himself, he'll respect others. And not only will he respect others, that will give him a chashivus to doing Torah, mitzvahs, davening. If everything is nothing because it begins by saying everyone is nothing, that's where the breakdown is.

is not, and the person thinks, Ich bin garnisht. So, whatever I do is garnisht. I learn, I don't learn. And I'd like to end with this nekudah, rabosai, to think about it. Till today we suffer from the meraglim. What were the meraglim? What were they? And I thank you again for shaking here, because it means a lot to me, the shmooze. This yesod is very strong by me. I think it's, im ezakah chaim vamaves talui bazeh. Life and death about an individual is talui if he has and he feels his own respect and self-worth. If not, nothing, nothing could come from anybody. It's impossible. Where did the meraglim go wrong? And I could tell you Torah from tomorrow, Midrashim, Rambams, I could do that. But there's something which is so apparent and it's so obvious, and it comes boilet, right from—it says clearly in the pesukim, Ki moasu b'eretz avosa, moasu. Their children, Shashaboy, I think it's pasuk lamed gimmel, I have the pasuk in front of me, B'eretz asher maasu, maasu. They were moas in Eretz Yisrael. Where were they moas in Eretz Yisrael? They came back and said bad things about it, right? On the other hand, we find that there was a pesuk lashon hara, right? The first Rashi. Rashi says that resha'im halalu rov v'lo lakchu mussar from Miriam. They should have taken the mussar from Miriam. So all the meforshim ask, but Miriam spoke against an adam, spoke against a person. They spoke against Eretz avonim. It's— the Ramban, they all talk about this kasha. Spoke about the land. He didn't speak about a person. Is there a klal, an issur lashon hara on a land? So l'chaira you see there's an issur lashon hara in Eretz Yisrael. So the meforshim want to say that it's the lashon hara on the eibishter, ki chazak hu mimenu. They said mimenu, from us, and meaning the Eibishter, the Gemara says. So really it was lashon hara on the Eibishter. And that's the reshaim, aruru, v'lo yelakchu musar. There's a lot of Torah about it. There's a lot of Torah about this. You know, rabosai, lomir fataitchen. What did Miriam do wrong? The Rambam discusses this question. The Rambam, in the end of Hilchos Tzaraas, says she didn't mean bad and she didn't say bad, ela hishvasa oso l'shaar haneviim. She considered him, nu, he's no different than any other navi. Nu. She undermined his true harachah, his true value, his true chashivus. Madua lo yireisem l'daber b'avdi Moshe? It wasn't what she said. It was how do you undermine something so great and not machshiv the harachah of it? They came back and they saw an Eretz, land, which was so good. They undermined it. Nu, nu, nu, nu, nu, nu. Everything was nu, nu, nu, and then, miken fataitchen lera. Reshaim, aruru, v'lo yelakchu musar. What was the musar? How do you undermine something which is so great? And that's what the pasuk means, ma'asu. They were mamash. They took something beautiful, and as a matter of fact, what did they say? Tovah ha'aretz, me'od, me'od. What's the double lashon, rabosai? You know, when a kid comes home from school, he has one star, two stars, three stars, yeah? So this is a two-star hotel, a two-star Eretz Yisroel, yeah? Tovah ha'aretz, me'od, me'od. What's the me'od, me'od? Was this was me'od, me'od? You know what they say? A lot of times, something is good because it's good for us. It doesn't have to mean necessarily it's so good. It's called a good talent. Medicine's a good talent. And then you have the other way around, things which are very delicious for us. This is a good for us, right? It's not the best thing for us to have, but it's wonderful, it's delicious, right? Sometimes it's good ruchniyus, but the gashmiyus is not good. But sometimes good gashmiyus, the ruchniyus is nisht gut, right? That's where a person could come and say, but. Like it says, HaGomel chasadim tovim, chasadim and not tovim. Torah says there are chasadim which, if to bite the bullet, is good for us. So we ask chasadim tovim, that we should appreciate and enjoy those chasadim as well. Tovah ha'aretz, me'od, me'od. You need to look and see.

Everything about it is good. What's wrong? It's good. It's good, good across the board, it's good. Everything is good. All of it is good. It's all perfect. Because then when you start taking beautiful things and start undermining it, and this I end, eizeh mechubad? Hamechabed es habriyos. What does that mean, eizeh mechubad? That he himself is a mechubad, right? Habeisei taitch, what's eizeh mechubad? Eizeh mechubad? You yourself. So the Medrash Shmuel explains that a person who be'etzem is a mechubad will be mechabed acheirim. If a person is a siman, because he understands and appreciates. If you're a person that doesn't appreciate, and therefore you're not a mechubad, you're not going to be mechabed other people. It's a ... rabosai. Eizeh mechubad? Who is a mechubad? Hamechabed es habriyos. He's mechabed others. And a person can't be marich because he himself doesn't know what kavod is. I just want to end like this, rabosai. I really, when I say I end this time, I'm really ending. Were the meraglim tzaddikim when they started? Yes. Is that what the pasuk tells us? Kulam ... no? Anashim. Why doesn't the pasuk say, kulam tzaddikim? I don't know. Kol anashim shebamidbar chashuvim. What? Anashim is what? Tzaddikim or chashuvim. They were picked because they were anashim, men of stature. They had chashivus, because their job was to come and see chashivus. They were sent to see from a kuk of kulam anashim Eretz Yisroel. Stature, the chashivus of something. What is adam? What is anashim? And they were sent for this, and they came back, Vaniyeh b'eineinu kachagavim. Like a little merash, I know. Mitgashikt kulam anashim, giants, men of stature, men of Eretz Yisroel, and they would bring out feelings and things about Eretz Yisroel chashuv, vas mitzach gemacht bilik. They made themselves cheap. Vchein hayinu b'eineinu. Hagraisa mensh macht zach klein. Hagra, a mensh is not supposed to do that. Hagra, muz zen. Years ago, an uncle of Reb Chaim Stein told me a maise. I said to him, Tell me a maise that's not printed anywhere. He said to me, I'll tell you a maise. I once walked into my zeide's office in Cleveland, and he was sitting, and we turned around and we noticed that the garbage pail was full of the papers that were cleaned up. Some dozoret, the cleaning lady must have come and just threw everything in the garbage, you know, to clean the desk. One of the things was a pamphlet from a yeshiva. And the pamphlet had a picture of all the kids of the yeshiva. You know, like these pamphlets, brochures that they put out. Reb Chaim saw it in the garbage. He said, Vos? Yehdishe kinder, kedushah, balainted shemes, vif afn dos aroystgeklapt, vif afn dos aroys... a leynten shemes balainted. That's how a person of stature, when he sees a picture of children, he doesn't see kinder. He doesn't see... with water guns and bubble gums. Azoyt nisht. Az di tzoyim kedoshim, kadosh, shari b'kirboi. It's balainted in genizah rabbisai. A Yid is kadosh, a kind is, a mensch is. A person has to know his own erech. And when he understands that, he'll daven with kavanah and learn with kavanah. You've just experienced another Torah class, brought to you by TorahAnytime.com.