Chayei Sarah: Eliezer’s Shidduch, Constant Tefillah, and the Work of Sustaining a Marriage

Transcript

This Torah class is brought to you by TorahAnytime.com. This week's parsha, Parshas Chayei Sarah, we have the story of Yitzchak's shidduch. Eliezer, the shadchan, quote unquote, shadchan, he's sent to find the shidduch for Yitzchak. I'd like to be me'ayein, to analyze the parsha a little bit, the lessons that can be taken from this parsha about shidduchim. There's so much talk about shidduchim and how to get the shidduch, get the shidduch. I think there's a lot to be said and a lot that needs to be spoken about, that once you get the shidduch, you keep the shidduch. That's very little people talk about. They talk about the shidduchim crisis, and what is the shidduchim crisis? How hard it is to find the shidduch, bachrim, older girls, shidduchim, parshas ha-shidduchim. I think that there are lessons from the parsha of Eliezer finding the shidduch for Yitzchak that's not only lessons in being masig. Getting the shidduch, but also kiyum, to be able to keep a shidduch. Sometimes people find the shidduch, but it doesn't last. Unfortunately, issues come up, which make friction, which make tension, which make problems, and then the shidduch mitpareid. And this is not only before the shidduch, before the chasunah, even during the marriage. I guess we could call it, how do we keep a shidduch alive? Many have spoken, and many articles have been written about how to get the shidduch. Today we're going to speak about the lessons of how to keep the shidduch that you got. And I believe this is also, also in the parsha of Eliezer that went to be shadchan, to be the shadchan, to find the shidduch for Yitzchak. I want to begin with an interesting medrash. We find that Besuel, Lavan, they were very, very far from having emunah, to believe in Hashem. They were tremendous ovdei avodah zarah. They were tremendous ovdei avodah zarah. Yet, when it comes l'maaseh, after Eliezer gives them the whole story, They say, מהשם יצא הדבר. ויען לבן ובתואל, perek chaf-daled, pasuk nun, ויען לבן ובתואל ויאמרו, מהשם יצא הדבר, לא נוכל דבר אליך רע או טוב. Can't speak not bad, not good, מהשם. So even a Lavan, a Besuel. Now why do I say Lavan and Besuel? Because the pasuk says Lavan before Besuel, so I quote the pasuk. Lavan was a chutzef, spoke before his father. ויען לבן ובתואל, מהשם יצא הדבר, מהשם יצא. Here they became mamish emunah, emunah Yidden, emunah mention, yeah, unbelievable. And you have to say that it was so apparent, it was so clear, it was so barur, מהשם יצא הדבר, that even these apikorsim, these kofrim, these heretics who didn't believe in Hashem said, Hashem...

Yotza hadavar. The truth, and this is brought already in all the mefarshim and all the sefarim, shidduchim work that way. Shidduchim, there's never an explanation of how and why. It works. Two people get together. Yeah, you would never even imagine that this is a shidduch. I know a lot of people sit there at the Shabbos table, for example, and they say, This is a good shidduch for this guy. They're busy being Hashem, matchmakers. This is... How do they know? How do you ever know? You know what's going on in this guy's heart. You know what's going on in this girl's mind. They think they can put together. HaKadosh Baruch Hu, the Ribono Shel Olam, knows how to put shidduchim together, to the point that sometimes you say to yourself, I never would have thought of something like this, and it works. Hashem yotza hadavar. That even someone who finds any excuse to say it's not Hashem, by shidduchim has to come out and say, You know what? This is definitely from Hashem. For this to work, and for this to happen, Hashem yotza hadavar. That's how shidduchim—there's so much siyata dishmaya. Hashem yotza hadavar. Hashem yotza hadavar. There's a beautiful medrash, rabosai, that I'd like to begin the shiur with. Hashem yotza hadavar, says the Medrash, meheichan yatza? The thing came out from Hashem. From where? You think it's a figment of speech, right? Hashem, yatza, came out, which means it happened, right? The Medrash says, no, no, no. Yatza mi'eifo? Where did it come from? You hear the question? Hashem yotza hadavar. Yatza? Meheichan yatza? Where did it come out from? Says the Medrash, Rabbi Yehoshua ben Nechemya b'shem Rabbi Chanina bar Yitzchak, meHar Hamoriah yatza. Yeah, the Midrash. Where did it come from? It came from Har Hamoriah. But what does that mean? Mah pshat? Mah kavana? What does it mean, Hashem yatza? Me'eifo yatza meHar Hamoriah? Again, you think that's the last opinion, the last pshat? No. Rabbanan argue. Rabbanan say, no, no, no, no, no, no, not from Har Hamoriah. Heichan yatza? V'tehi ishah l'ven adonecha, ka'asher diber Hashem. Interesting. Here it says, Hashem yatza hadavar, so it's not even going on Hashem yatza hadavar, Har Hamoriah, but rather it's going on the pasuk that says, V'tehi ishah, that she should be a wife, l'ven adonecha, which is the next pasuk. Hinei Rivka lefanecha, kach v'leich. U'sehi ishah. So what, it's from the next pasuk? Hashem yatza hadavar. It came out. It came out from the next thing, that he, he, that he, Lavan and Besuel said, Hinei Rivka lefanecha, kach v'leich, u'sehi ishah l'ven adonecha. So this is kasher diber Hashem. That's where it came from. Nu, rabosai, nu zog, pshat, nu. Unbelievable. What does this medrash mean? Again, let's repeat the question. It's such a strong question. Hashem yatza hadavar. So Lavan and Besuel are saying it's from Hashem. And we explain, of course it's from Hashem, because shidduchim don't make sense. You see yad Hashem, siyata dishmaya. So the question is, what does it mean, Hashem yatza hadavar? So one pshat is it's yatza hadavar mehaAkeidah. Second pshat, Hashem yatza hadavar is from the next pasuk, hinei Rivka...

Lefanecha kach, v'leich... Kashya! Diber Hashem. It came from here. What do you mean it came from—what does that mean, it came from here? He's saying it came out. Where did it come out from? From the next thing he said, Hashem. That what? That's kashya, Diber Hashem. A perplexing medrash, rabosai. You see, it's shver. It's very difficult to understand pshat in this medrash. You hear the kasha? No? You hear the kasha? It's not a meirdike kasha. Shidduch. Hashem yatza hadavar. Make—right? It's obvious that it's from Hashem. No, no, no. Yatza, yatza. Where did it come from? What's your kasha? What's so difficult? What did he say that needs to be explained? Hashem yatza hadavar. The shidduch came from—great, perfect, it's from Hashem. No, no, no. Where exactly did it come from? Figment of speech, no? Isn't that the way you talk? When something happens, it's yatza. No, from where did it come from? So one Tanna says it came from Har HaMoriah, Moriah, the Akeidah. And the second one says, where did it come from? From the next pasuk, the next pasuk, where Lavan and Besuel say, Take her, and it will be an ishah l'adonecha, k'asher diber Hashem. What does it mean? And what's the question? So I'll tell you, rabosai. What I think the pshat is. What does it mean, the Har HaMoriah? Har HaMoriah, we know that by the Akeidah, Avraham Avinu was told that the shidduch of Yitzchak was born. The shidduch of Yitzchak was born. So, meHar HaMoriah means that it was already planned by Har HaMoriah. The wheels for the shidduch were set in motion already. The wheels were set in motion from Har HaMoriah. When did it finalize? It finalized when they said, Kach v'leich, right? Hinei Rivkah lefanecha, kach v'leich. Okay, go. The question is, by a shidduch, do we go after the beginning, when it starts, or do we go after the end, when it finally happens? Yeah? You like pshat? Do we go after the haschalah? Do we go after the beginning? The beginning was Har HaMoriah. It was put into... Now, there's a very famous question: isn't it arbaim yom kodem yetziras havlad? So it's actually, what, forty days before. So why does it say meHar HaMoriah it started? Mefarshim explain that Yitzchak changed by the Akeidah. The Yitzchak that was born Yitzchak became a whole different entity, a whole different mahus. And he needed a whole different wife now. Mahara Moriah, ki'ilu he was reborn in Akedah. And now there was another hachraza, another decision that was sent down here is the shidduch. That's what the mefarshim explain, b'kitzur, b'kitzur. Even though normally the shidduch is muchraz arba'im yom kodem yetziras havlad, but since Har HaMoriah, Yitzchok went through a complete change, he needed a different shidduch. And therefore what? On Har HaMoriah, Hashem gave the hachraza, Rivka's born, your shidduch is here. Okay? Does a shidduch become completed with the hachraza? Or does the shidduch become completed when the eibishter, when the Eibishter, when the Ribono Shel Olam has it come lemaaseh? When does a shidduch consider yatza hadavar?

You know, tell me. The Rabbeinu Shalom says, bas ploni l'ploni. The Rabbeinu Shalom says the zivug, the shidduch, it's out there. Is that the sof davar? You know, there's a very famous rule, ishav mishum chitzav. What does ishav mishum chitzav mean? When you throw an arrow, since it'll result at the conclusion where the arrow goes to, so when I shot it, we look at it as if it's finished already. Tell me, if the Rabbeinu Shalom's machria is bas ploni l'ploni, does that mean that it'll definitely be? No. You still need to be zoche to get that shidduch. The question of the medrash is yatza. How does a shidduch work? How is it yatza hadavar? Is it meharah moriah, when Hashem said that the two people, here they are and they're ready to get married, they're a zivug, they're a shidduch? Or it is kach valech, that's when the shidduch results. You hear the question? MeHashem yatza hadavar, meHashem yatza hadavar. When is it yatza hadavar? Is it meharah moriah, when Hashem says, for example, bas ploni l'ploni? Or no, you know when it ends? It ends when it becomes, break the plate, mazal tov. Mefarshim tell us. That a person could have a zivug bas ploni l'ploni and lose it, and lose it. Someone once came to the Steipler, Kadosh Elyon, the Steipler, and said, Morenu, I went on shidduchim for so many years and I don't find my shidduch. I thought there's a bas ploni l'ploni. Every person has his destiny. And what did the Steipler answer him? You lost her. You lost her. Just because bas ploni l'ploni, you didn't take her. Could be you went out with her, and because of cheshbonot lo tehorot, cheshbonot lo amitiyim, cheshbonot shel shtut, you didn't go out, you didn't take up the shidduch. So you lost your bas ploni l'ploni. Just because Hashem says your zivug is noiled, doesn't mean yatza hadavar. When is it yatza hadavar? Hinei Rivkah lefanecha, kach v'lech. That's the question. Meheichan yatza? Hapshat b'medrash, rabosai, here come, rabosai, בוא נלמד דברי חזל. נו, מתי? מתי השידוך נעשית? When is the shidduch? Is it when the shamayim say, This is your shidduch, which is Har HaMoriah? Or is the shidduch kach v'lech? You know what the nafka mina is? I'll tell you very simple what the nafka mina is. A lot of times... The Rabbeinu Shleilam, you hear? You hear? It's meiradik. Soon you'll see how this applies. A lot of times, yeah, in the beginning of a shiur, people think, What does he want? What is— Soon you'll see. I want you to change your lives, yeah. I want to show you how to live your life. There's a tremendous lesson in life from this Chazal. There's no such a thing as a given. In English they call it, You have it in the bag. People think they have it in the bag. I know people, and this is what I started with, they think once they got the girl, they got engaged, all right. Ah, it just begins now. I'll let you in on a little secret. You know what I think? I think till you get the girl, it's mazel. Once you get the girl, and once you get the shidduch, now begins the real work to keep the shidduch. You hear? Meiseh, you hear? People think they get married, that's it. Now they're married. It's only then it begins the work. And now you'll soon see how I fit it back.

Back into the Medrash, v'heichon yatza. My Rebbe Reb Belsky, zecher tzaddik livracha, used to say over something very interesting in the name of Reb Shlomo Zalman Orbach. He said, it's interesting, Eliezer, Eliezer, he had kfitzas haderech. To the shidduch he had kfitzas haderech. Yet, he starts to daven, Hakrena lefanai hayom, Hashem, please give me the right shidduch. Yeah, but the Eibishter already gave him kfitzas haderech. He sees, and we're going to learn this inside in the parsha, he sees things are moving in the right direction. Why the davening? Why did he have to daven? So my Rebbe Reb Belsky, zecher tzaddik livracha, Reb Shlomo Zalman Orbach, zecher tzaddik livracha, he says that Yehuda was the fourth child. Hapaam odeh es Hashem. I praise the Eibishter that I got my fourth child. Vata'amod miledes. She stopped having children. Chazal say, why did she stop having children? She did good. Vata'amod miledes. Why? Because Hapaam odeh es Hashem. And the answer is, odeh es Hashem. But what about davening for further? A lot of times people, they're very happy and they say, I thank You, Hashem. Yeah, but you have to continuously davening for more hatzlacha and more bracha and more siyata dishmaya. You know what was wrong? Hapaam odeh es Hashem. Lama lo lamshich lhitpalel? Sometimes we sit back, we got what we wanted. No. Now we need what? Tefillah to keep what we got. And he would quote the pasuk, the tefillah that we say: Ad heina azarunu Rachamecha, v'lo azavunu chasadecha, v'al titcheinu Hashem Elokeinu lanetzach. Yeah? Ad heina azarunu Rachamecha. You saved us and helped us till now, huh? But what do we ask Hashem? What do we ask the Ribono Shel Olam? Al titcheinu... You need siyata dishmaya to keep what you got. Rabosai, it's a tremendous lesson in life. People will daven strong to get something, but then they forget to daven that it should stay and they should have it and keep it. Hapaam odeh es Hashem. Now I thank Hashem. She should have davened for what? To continue. She didn't daven to continue, so she didn't. That's it. Vatamod miledes. The bracha—it's not enough to what? To get the bracha, nu? You have to daven to the Eibishter you should keep the bracha that you got. Yes! Kfitzas haderech, yes! But you don't stop davening just because Hashem shows you that things are moving in the right direction. And I'll soon show you how this is so muchach, this is so clear. In the parsha itself, if you take a look, what happens? He has the kefitzas haderech, and then he begins davening, right? It says in the pasuk, Vayomer Hashem Elokei... Vayomer Hashem Elokei Adoni Avraham, hakrei na lefanai hayom ba'asei chesed im adoni Avraham. Yeah? Tell me, was the siman there? The simanim was there. He said clearly, the girl that comes and gives me the drink, then... Was he happy with that? No. He should have right away said, That's it, the shidduch is done. Yeah? Vayehi hu terem kila ledaber, and not only that, the Brisker Rav says something so beautiful. He had kefitzas haderech, right? Hakrei na lefanai hayom. If you notice, everything had to be fast. Terem kila ledaber, as soon as he finished speaking, Rivka comes. What happens? Vayaratz ha'eved likrasah, he runs to her. Vatomer, vatimaher, vatored kad al yadah. Quick.

Pasuk chaf. Vatimaher vataar kadel hashoikes. Fast, fast, fast, fast, fast. Why does everything have to be in the... You know, you guys, you guys wouldn't have handled this. You need the slow motion, right? Shiur starts at 10, I show up at 10:30, right? Too fast, right? No, I shouldn't say that. Can't throw in a little mussar into you guys, no? Vatimaher, fast, fast, fast. Why? Why? Why is everything on the clock? Guys would have fainted already. Clock? What clock? What clock? What are you talking about? Nu, Moshe levazakste pshat. You hear the kasha? Everything... Hayaratz, he's running and he's coming in and... What's the... Take it, relax, take it easy, and if we'll be one minute later... Says HaRav miBrisk, yafeh meod. Hakreino lefanai hayoin. Everything had to be today. He came, was right before shkia. Part of the siman was that everything was going to happen that day. Hakreino lefanai, tzisa haderech. It's all the same. Beautiful, huh? Vatimaher, vayaratz. Quick, quick, quick, quick, because that's going to be the siman. Tell me something. After such a siman, and everything's happening exactly, it's moving quickly. You ever see a shidduch? Yiddish... ain't tzvei... A shidduch... it happens out of nowhere, yeah? Coming, going, shidduch, a shidduch. He's still not happy. Says in the pasuk, Vaish mishtaeh lo. After all this... No. He's not convinced yet. He's still mishtoyelah, nervous. Nach Yisadas! Chay yatzliach, Hashem darkei. Rashi, Rashi says, mishtoyeh? What is mishtoyeh? Mishtoimeim u'mizbahel. He was wondering. He was also tzatumel, mizbahel. He was tzatumel, mizbahel. Al shero dvarav kerovim latzliach. He doesn't see. It's close. It's coming out of a mahalach. I know people that go on dates for months at a time. You ask them, What's going on? It's getting there. It's getting there. It's getting there. What's getting there? I don't see. What? All right, I don't want to get involved into the shidduchim scene, all right? But what do you have over here? Ah, kerovim, but it's not close. It's not sure yet, because now I have to find out who she is. What do you need to find out? He says, Rashi. Rashi says, I have to find out what family she comes from. What kind of family? What? Hashem is showing you this. Hashem is telling you this is it. Could you have more of a siman than this? Here, I make a siman like this. In the next minute, rabosai, come, you know what? Let's write a script. In the next minute, the shidduch is going to show up at the door with a box in her hand full of candies as a present. You couldn't write a better story than this, right? V'hu terem kila ledaber. He didn't finish talking. And Rivka shows up, and the siman. So, and you still have a question if it's in the shidduch? You gotta be kidding me. Yeah, yeah, right. What? Nu. Brisker Rav says, You like the kasha? Brisker Rav says, Mikan, from here we learn out, shidduchim lo osim im simanim. No simanim. Yeah. Shidduch has to be with bedikot, chakirot, שזה נכון. No simanim. I remember years ago, a talmid of mine came to me, and he said to me that he was on a shidduch, and the girl took out a piece of paper and she showed her that, lefi hagematriot, his name and her name and the family's name. I said, Tishkach mi zeh, tazov. It's not for you.

Cheshbon is because of the gematriot. Leave it alone. If she comes and tells you it's a matim to write shidduch, but she's telling me because the sheimos are matim, al pi Kabbalah, leave it alone. This is the same thing here too. Now, you want to know for the sheva brachos, I told him, maybe that's a good idea. Keep all the cheshbonot, and by the sheva brachos you'll get up and say her name and your name and the Eibishter's name, and together is gematria yud-kei-vav-kei. Wonderful, okay? You'll get up and you'll say that the gematria of the shem Hashem is 26, and that's also the same gematria as the shem Hashem. Wonderful, yeah? Huh? Twenty, huh? Yeah, that Sarah's gematria is Sarah. Wonderful, yeah? Good. Get up at the sheva brachos and say Chaim is gematria Chaim. Nifla. Wonderful. Good, okay. ... to make a shidduch for this, meh. And that's what the Brisker Rav is saying: Im kol ha-simanim, im kol ha-simanim, im kol ha-simanim. You still don't know if that's the shidduch. Maybe you can עוד להמשיך נקודה. You know, like I said, for a shidduch to take place, it has to be siyata dishmaya every step of the way. You can have siyata dishmaya three-quarters of the way, and then all of a sudden the siyata dishmaya stops. Maybe Eliezer is thinking, kfitzas haderech. סייעתא דשמיא. סימן, סייעתא דשמיא. ועדיין לא מוכח שיש גמר פה. עד שזה נגמר, עדיין לא נגמר, וחייבים להתפלל, חייבים להסתכל לבורא עולם לסייעתא דשמיא. האיש משתוה, מכריש, רואה שזה קרוב להצליח, רואה. אבל עדיין אני לא יכול להגיד גמר הסיפור. אדם צריך, יהיה, רבותיי, listen carefully. A lot of people think, yeah, it's probably gonna happen. There's no such a thing as probably gonna happen. There's no such thing. A person needs, a person needs סייעתא דשמיא עד הסוף, עד הסוף סייעתא דשמיא, עד הסוף, יהיה. Oh, that's what we're gonna talk about. You see? Now he sees what the shiur is about, yeah? תשמור, רבותיי. You listening? You know, it's interesting. Later on we find that even after he asks her, yeah, Who are you? and he sees who she is, and he gives her beka, the gold and the silver, it's still not finished. Still not finished. Find later he asks Lavan and Besuel, Nu, are you willing? Are you willing? וַאֲתֶם יֵשְׁכֶם אֹתִי חֶסֶד וֶאֱמֶת, וְהַגִּידוּ לִי. Tell me. וְאִם לֹא אַגִּידוּ לִי, וְאֶפְנֶה עַל יָמִין אוֹ עַל שְׂמֹאול. But he still has a hava amina, sheze lo nigmar ha-sipur. Hu chashav shez adayin yesh she'eilah po. אין פה שאלה. What does it say in the pasuk? I'm not gonna eat till... Yeah, I'm not gonna eat till what? Till יִגְמַר הַדָּבָר, right? We tell him, Go eat. Yeah, she says, I'm not gonna eat. Yeah, not gonna eat. Here, lashon of the pasuk. Nu. וַיּוּשָׂם לְפָנָיו לֶאֱכֹל, וַיֹּאמֶר לֹא אֹכַל עַד אִם דִּבַּרְתִּי דְבָרָי. Yeah, עַד אֲשֶׁר דִּבַּרְתִּי דְבָרָי. Why? And the answer is because we're still not finished yet. Still not finished. Still not finished. והיה צריך להגיד, מזל טוב, HaKadosh Baruch Hu, He gave me the shidduch, it's finished. Nu, meigeh, nu, you're end, אתם שומעים? No, no l'chaim. We're not doing a l'chaim till...

Till I'm finished, and I have to ask permission, and she has to say, Kach v'leich, okay. And that's what the Medrash is saying: me'eifo yatza hadavar. When they said, Kach v'leich, כאשר דיבר ה', אז יצא הדבר, not after the sivanim. After what שאמרו לך, נו. The pasuk says not like that. The pasuk says, me'eifo yatza hadavar, when they said, Kach v'leich. That's what you see. That's what the Medrash means. The Medrash is trying to say, when they said, Hinei Rivkah lefanecha, kach v'leich, ושים אשה לבן אדונך, נגמר הסיפור. עכשיו זה הגמרא. אם כל הסימנים, אם כל הבדיקות, אם כל, אם כל, עדיין לא ברור. I have a question for you. You know what bothered me all my life? Did he know that Rivka was the bas Ploni leploni? Yes. Maybe. If you look at Rashi, Rashi brings down that Avraham was told by Har HaMoriah that the shidduch of Yitzchak נולד. But does it say the shidduch of Yitzchak, or does it say what? That Rivka was נולד. It says clearly Rivka was נולד. Now, could be what Chazal mean, he didn't know her name, but it happens to be Rivka. Or maybe he knew that it was even Rivka. Nu, rabosai, I didn't make this up. It's a Rashi, rabosai, Rashi mefurash, Chazal mefurash. נתבשר לו. שרבקה נולדת, זיווג של יצחק. לא סתם שהזיווג נולד, אלא גם השם שלה היה לכתובת, yeah? Imagine I give you a piece of paper, and I tell you, Rivka נולד, yeah? The minute he hears her name, bas mia, finished, done. Shidduch finished, yeah? Could you have more than that? And the Torah says, you can know that the shidduch is destined. You can know her name. You can have all the simanim in the world. עדיין לא מהשם יצא הדבר. Moshe, you hear what I'm telling you? Moshe. רבותיי, עוד פעם, ואחר כך נראה איפה מצאתי את הנקודה הזו. You ready? Okay. When could a person say, Okay, I found my shidduch? People say, Oh, they're going and they're... I think I found my shidduch, רבותיי, to the last second. You don't have the Hashem יצא הדבר. Hashem puts a stamp that it's נגמר, עד שזה נגמר. ללמד, to teach you, להתפלל. You have to daven. You need siyata d'shmaya, because one thing could go wrong, that's going to take away what? The bashert, the shidduch. Don't take anything for granted. In life, people take things for granted. I have a house. Tell you a story. נו, מגיע לכם סיפור. בוא נספר לכם סיפור יפה מאוד, okay? המלאך הצדיק, רבי אליה לופיאן, צדיק, רבי אליה לופיאן. כתוב עליו, it says on him, שזכה לגילוי אליהו הנביא. You know that? In the hakdamah to the sefer Lev Eliyahu, it brings a story, שאליהו... לופיאן זכה לגילוי אליהו. Maybe that's why he was called Eliyahu, could be. השם של אדם מורה על האדם עצמו. מה הסיפור? פה, you deserve, מגיע לכם סיפור, yeah? Yeah? Good story? שמעתם מהתורה? More story. Good. רבי אליה לופיאן, בצעירותו, in his younger years, his wife was sick. The doctors were no ash. They said there's no hope. He went outside of the house because he didn't want to be in the house.

She passed away. He didn't want—he couldn't, couldn't take it, couldn't be there. So he left the house and he started walking outside. All of a sudden, an older person comes over to him and tells him, Why you so... you look like something's bothering you. What's bothering you? So he tells him, My wife, the doctors say there's no hope. He says, Don't listen. I have a good advice. You see the forest over there? In the forest, there's a tree with a certain type of a herb. Take that herb, crush it up, cook it, make from it a medicine, a syrup, and give it to your wife and she'll get better. No. He went to get the herb. Took a minute. By the time he came back, the guy was gone. The guy was gone. He ran into the house. He made the tea from it. He gave it to her, and she got refuah shleimah. She got refuah shleimah. He wanted to thank this older person. He wanted to thank the older person. He was gone. Who was this older person? It was Eliyahu Hanavi. Now the question is, how do we know that? How did we know that's Eliyahu Hanavi? Years, years after this story, the son of Reb Elia Lopian went to the Beis Yisrael, the Ger Rebbe, and said, My father is old, and he's already starting to not feel well. He was in his nineties, Reb Elia Lopian. He wants a bracha from the Ger Rebbe, l'refuah, l'arichat yamim. So the Ger Rebbe said, He needs a bracha from me? Adam shezacha b'tziluto, l'giluy Eliyahu, mi ani sheyiten lo bracha? Adam shezacha? He was zocheh to giluy Eliyahu. He's coming to me for a bracha? He doesn't need my brachos. Reb Shlomo Schwadron used to ask, And how did the Ger Rebbe know this? How did he know that Eliyahu Hanavi came to Reb Elia Lopian? And the answer is, he didn't only take one step. Eliyahu Hanavi, when he used to come, he used to make a few stops, right? So he stopped by the Ger Rebbe also, מסתמא. That's how he knew, that's what, that there was giluy Eliyahu. So Reb Elia Lopian, Adam shezacha l'giluy Eliyahu, ma asi po? Bones hapelech hasipur. Pachu bayeshiva, wanted to leave the yeshiva. What? Cheshbonot, you know, like the keilah shelachem. Hamon, mamon, mamon, mamon. You have to make money, you have to make money, money, money, money. No yeshiva. Okay. So Reb Elia Lopian asked the bachur, Why you so... you have to leave the yeshiva to make money? He says, Rebbe, it's very simple, because, b'ezras Hashem, I hope to get married. And when you get married, you need money, right? Reb Eliyahu stops him. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What'd you say? You hope to get married? Who said you're gonna get married? Who tells you you're getting married? How do you know you're getting married? The guy gets scared. Do you see something that I don't see? Are you giving me a klalah? He says, No, chas v'shalom. So he says, But who tells you you're gonna get married? He says, What do you mean? HaKadosh Baruch Hu is kind, the Baal chesed, u'mezaveg zivugim. He prepares for every person his zivug. Aha, okay, I hear, okay. So that's why you think you're gonna get married, okay. Continue. He says, Well, if I get married, then I'll have a child. I have to make money, right? Child? Who tells you you're gonna have a child? How do you know you're gonna have children? That's it. That's it. He can't take it anymore. HaRebbe mekalel oti. HaRebbe mekalel oti. Eize klalah? He says, HaKadosh Baruch Hu is a Rachman, noten zivug, noten banim. He gives children. Okay, tamshich. I'm gonna have children, they're gonna grow up.

They’re gonna have to go to school. I have to pay for the school, right? How do you know they’re gonna grow up? How do you know this? Maybe they won’t live. How do you know? That’s it, he can’t take it. This is unbelievable. What’s he saying to me? You ever heard this maaseh? You ever heard a beautiful story? Yeah? So far you don’t like it, I know that. I don’t blame you. Wait till you see the beauty of the story. So, the person says, Rabbi, אני לא מבין את הקו של הדיבור שלכם. I don’t understand what you’re talking about. הקב״ה נותן זיווגים, נותן בנים, נותן חיים. אחר כך אני צריך בית? I need a house, right? How am I going to pay for the house? So again, I have to go make money. מי אומר לך שאתה תחיה? מי אמר לך? יש לך... Who said you’re going to live? Maybe you’re going to die. You need a house. Who said you need a house? What’s going on here? איזה דיבורים? הקב״ה נותן. Rabbi Eliezer Piyan said to him, שהקב״ה נותן — שהוא נותן זיווג, שהוא נותן בנים, שהוא נותן חיים, שהוא נותן בית — זה אתה כן מאמין. שהוא נותן ממון, פרנסה, זה אתה לא מאמין. זה אתה לבד צריך לעשות. אתה מאמין — זיווג. אתה... יפה מאוד, beautiful story, אה? That HaKadosh Baruch Hu gives zivug. That HaKadosh Baruch Hu gives children. That HaKadosh Baruch Hu gives life. That HaKadosh Baruch Hu gives house. Everything HaKadosh Baruch Hu gives. הדבר היחיד שהקב״ה לא נותן זה מה? פרנסה על השולחן — זה לא נותן. זה אתה בעצמך, you yourself. I have to come and lidok al zeh. What's the lesson, my baisai? A person thinks he gets married, yeah, it's just beginning now that you need siyata dishmaya, shekadosh baruch hu yiten. It's shlav harishon shel tzarich, that he's a nitzrach laKadosh Baruch Hu. You're a nitzrach laKadosh Baruch Hu. MaHashem yatza hadavar, עד שזה ייגמר, צריכים לדעת, אין פתוח, וצריכים סייעתא דשמיא. You have to daven and daven and daven and daven and daven, שהקב״ה יעזור, that Kadosh Baruch Hu should help. I want to show you something interesting. You ready? I think with this we can answer an unbelievable question. Eliezer says, אם כל הסיפור יהיה כמו שביקשתי, הנערה תגיד שהיא גמורה לשתות, עושה הוכחה לעבדך ליצחק. What does הוכחה mean? Nu, Moshe, what does it mean? Proof. The Targum says, what does הוכחה mean? Targum Yonason: יָתָא זִמְתָּא בְּמָזָלָא, with mazel. You prepare with mazel. Tell me something, shidduchim is mazel? Ooh, that's a good question. The Rambam in Shmoneh Perakim, perek ches, the Rambam says shidduchim is not mazel. Shidduch is ma'aseh. You have to work hard for shidduch. Why? Shidduch is a mitzvah, and every mitzvah is ma'aseh. It's bechirah. It's ma'aseh. You've got to work on it. What does that mean? Mazal, mazal, every mazal, the Eibishter, what mazal? It's hard work. So which one is it? You know, you come to a chasan, what do you say? Mazal tov! Yeah? I always wondered, what's mazal tov? What do you mean? Ay, ein mazal l'Yisrael. Very touching topic here, because some people live their whole life with mazal. Besides that the wife is called mazal. We don't have it so much by the Ashkenazi, but the wife is called mazal. But it's a good lesson, yeah? A person, his wife is mazal. You should think that she's a mazal tov. She's taka mazal, yeah? So which one is it? Is it mazal? So let's learn a Gemara. The Gemara in Sotah, that daled says, zivug rishon is b'mazal. Zivug sheini is talui b'ma'aseh. So what does that mean? So some want to say, first marriage, second marriage, right? First marriage, mazal. Second marriage...

Of course, the question is, Ein mazal l'Yisrael. There's no mazal l'Yisrael. So there's a very interesting Meiri. The Meiri says, Ein mazal l'Yisrael. It's the end of Mesechtes Chagigah. Only mazal. But we, with maaseh, could change the mazal. With tefillah, for example. Goyim is mazal. Jews, ein mazal l'Yisrael. We could manipulate the mazal, all right? Zechus, tefillah, we could change. But of course, basically there's mazal, which really answers the question. Yes, a shidduch is mazal, and yes, a shidduch is what? Is maaseh, right? Because a person with his maasim could change the mazal. My grandfather, zatzal, used to bring a beautiful Teshuvas Beis Hillel. It says that this whole Gemara is only in Eretz Yisrael. In Eretz Yisrael, shidduch is al pi mazal. In Chutz La'aretz, even shidduch, even the first one is al pi maaseh. And he brings a very nice raya. What's his proof? It's brought in Teshuvas Beis Hillel, it's brought, and he brought a proof from this. Why? It says, Eileh toldos Yaakov, Yosef. Yosef is the child of Yaakov. Tell me, Yaakov only had one child, Yosef? So the Medrash, Rashi brings it. It's not just that he had one child. They were so alike. Shekol ma she'ira l'zeh, ira l'zeh, right? There was so much. That's Eileh toldos Yaakov. The son of Yaakov was who? Yosef, because whatever happened to Yaakov happened to Yosef. Rashi says Yaakov his brother hated him, Yosef his brothers hated him. But you look at the Medrash, the Medrash gives a whole list of things that Yaakov and Yosef were the same. And one of them is, Zenasa isha michutz laaretz. I'm sorry, Zenasa isha tzadeket, excuse me, I made a mistake. Zenasa isha tzadeket. Zenasa isha tzadeket. Okay, I'm sorry, I made a mistake again. I apologize. So many things going on in my head, I sometimes don't remember the exact point I was trying to bring up. Okay, I apologize. Zenasa isha michutz laaretz, v'zenasa isha. They both married women from outside Eretz Yisrael. Ask my grandfather, tell me that makes two people alike? You're the same as him because you both married women from New York City? That makes two people? He and him are the same because they both married people from the same town. So what? Therefore what? You know how big chutz laaretz is? Says my grandfather, what does it mean? It's not that they married from chutz laaretz, it's who they married in chutz laaretz. They both married tzadeket, imaot shel Klal Yisrael, right? Yosef also had shvatim. So his wife Asnas was what? That was one of the mothers. And in Eretz Yisrael, the shidduch is al pi. But in Chutz La'aretz, the shidduch is al pi maaseh. So that's what's so special about that, you see? It's who they married in Chutz La'aretz, even though it's totally al pi maaseh. And my grandfather says, I'll prove it to you. The Gemara says that in Eretz Yisrael they had a very nice custom, a special song that they sang in Eretz Yisrael. You know the song? Under the chuppah, they sang a song: Matza o motzei? Matza, ishah matza tov, motzei ani eshah mar mimaves, which means they would ask the chatan in song, Is she a good wife, or is she mar mimaves? Your life's over. Asked my grandfather, Why b'marava, why only in Eretz Yisrael did they sing this song? Beautiful. You like my grandfather's Torah? Beautiful, ah? Ah? Because only in Eretz Yisrael it's al pi mazal. In Chutz La'aretz, al pi maaseh. You know the chatan, you know the kallah, you know the kallah, you know the chatan. In Eretz Yisrael it's totally al pi mazal. Okay, so we have over here this shidduch. Now where is this shidduch?

This shidduch in Eretz Yisrael can't be. Why? Because Yitzchok was not allowed to come there, right? That was the whole thing. So obviously Yitzchok was in Eretz Yisrael, and this is what? In Chutz Laaretz. Ooh, it's talui al pi maaseh, not mazal. So what do we do? It's a little bit of a problem. The Targum Yonason says that it's mazal. How could it be mazal? How could it be mazal? And especially the Rambam says the shidduch is maaseh; it's bechirat, it depends on the person's behavior. So I saw something very nice in Sefer Chacham Vadaat. He brings from the Arizal. The Arizal explains to the Gemara, zivug rishon and sheini doesn't mean first marriage, second marriage. Rishon means the original shidduch that was destined for the person. In English we would call it, for lack of a better word, soulmate. They were split from one. That's called zivug rishon. That's al pi mazal. That's bas ploni l'ploni. Okay. Then there's something called zivug sheini, which means you didn't get your bas ploni l'ploni. You found the shidduch, and it could even be rishon. Yeah, it could even be rishon, but it's not your bas ploni l'ploni, yeah? No, you with me? What's on the phone? Tell me, your shidduch's on the phone? What's on the phone? The weather, please leave the weather alone. My gosh. It's cold. Hear the question here. There's a beautiful Arizal. You hear that Arizal? You didn't hear it? Zivug rishon is what? It's the zivug rishon, your zivug which was supposed to be destined for you, bas ploni l'ploni, your soulmate, your neshama, one neshama. Sometimes a person not zoche to that. So he ends up marrying someone, even if it's his first marriage, but it's not his intended. Sometimes you lose it. Sometimes you blow it. Sometimes you blow it. Says Rav Sternbach, could be that's the pshat. Oso hochachta, zivug, mazal. That's what the targum means, mazal. Why? Because Avraham Avinu was chesed. Yitzchak was gevurah. What kind of a wife did he need, eizer k'negdo? He needed chesed. So oso hochachta, huh? Mazal. That's where the mazal comes in. Oh, yafeh meod, yafeh meod. What does the Rambam mean, lefi ma'asav? The Rambam is saying if you don't get the shidduch, which most people don't, like the Arizal says, they don't get their bas ploni l'ploni, they find their shidduch, then you got to be ma'aseh, you got to work hard, not easy. Then it's not always matching eizer k'negdo, and that's going to be talui lefi ma'asav. Rabosai, li nirah b'einei Hashem Yisbarach, a whole different pshat. According to everything we just spoke about, is it mazal or is it ma'aseh? And what's the answer? It's both. Okay, Moshe, I think it's emet la'amito. You ready? It's mazal to get it. It's ma'aseh to keep it. Nice. It's emet la'amito. Borei Olam, thank you for giving me the zechut to say Torah emet. I think it's Torah emes. Also, chachta, mazal. But now you have to be able to keep what you got b'mazal. You have to be — that's ma'aseh. It's hard work, rabosai. It's not easy. Takes a lot of work. I want to show you something interesting, okay? We'll end in a moment or two. You notice, it says something very strange, very strange. Vayan Lavan u'Besuel vayomru, me'Hashem yatza hadavar, lo nuchal daber eilecha ra o tov. Ra o tov. So it's a very good question. Bishlama, you don't want to speak ra, okay. Why not speak tov? What's wrong if you speak tov? You can't speak anything not bad, not good. Speak good. What's wrong if you speak good? So I always say the pshat is—

That lovonim sus trumit. They're such evil people. You're better off they don't even speak good either. What he was saying was, I'm not going to say anything, and I'll tell you the truth, I was thinking even better, sharper. You know what he was saying? Good don't expect me to say, as long as I don't say bad. ... It's already something. Lo nuchal daber eilecha ra o tov. So either the pshat is that when a rasha says tov, nothing good can come out of it, or maybe ra v'tov means what? Nu, lo nuchal daber eilecha ra v'tov? Tov? Tov vadai lo nakit. Pachot shelo nedaber. But that's the point. Tov al hashiduch. Lo nedaber, tov. I want to show you an interesting Chasam Sofer. Sofer says a chiddush nifla. You ready? You know it says, Oisah hoichachta. What does the word oisah hoichachta mean? Okay, so משה, I'm going to let you read the Rashi. I see you falling asleep. You're falling asleep. All right, so I'll let you read the Rashi. It says like this. It says the pasuk this here, oisah hoichachta. Says Rashi, ראויה לו שתהא גומלת חסדים. Read the lashon of the Rashi. Read it. ראויה לו... Ruya hi loi? Yeah. V'kedai hi likaneis b'veto shel Avraham, v'lashon hochachah bireret. Birarto. Okay. So what does he mean, hoichachta, yeah? What is the translation of hoichachta? Oh, it's a taytsh like this, you hear? Ruya hi loi. What's loi? For Yitzchak. Why? Because Yitzchak was din. What's the opposite of din? Ruya hi loi. The eizeh kenegdo. Oisa hoichachta, it had to match perfectly. It had to match perfectly. Oisa hoichachta, ruya hi loi. And also, u'kedai hi — it's an extra thing — u'kedai hi likaneis l'beiso, she fits into the family. She's a perfect match for Yitzchak, yeah? Okay, because she's chesed. So the Chasam Sofer says, whenever you speak good about the shidduch, what are you going to say, good things about Rivka? Maybe that's not very good for Yitzchak. He says like this. He says, what's the — yeah, he says like this here: Lachein yarei Lavan ledaber al Rivka tov. He was afraid to say anything good. You know why? Ki ulai lefi middosav shel Yitzchak, l'ra yachashev lo. Maybe it's not even good for Yitzchak. She has this ma'alah. She has this maalah, yeah? But maybe this maalah is not good for Yitzchak. Maybe it's not what Yitzchak needs. He was trying to say, I'm not going to say anything. Hashem yatza davar. If Hashem wants the shidduch to be, it's obviously a good thing. I myself, I'm not going to speak about it, because who knows? Who knows what the point of the shidduch is? I learned a tremendous thing from this. You know what I learned from this? In every shidduch, there's not tov and there's no ra. There's no such thing as tov or ra in a shidduch. You know what a shidduch is? It's what you make of it. Every situation in a shidduch is what the person makes of the shidduch. Emes. Yeah? When a person goes into a shidduch, every day he has to make tov out of it. It's not ra, and it's not tov. There's no such thing as ra and tov. It's eizeh k'negdo. It's eizeh k'negdo. This is the avodah. It's every day that it should be mekayem. I see the oilam is tired. I see the oilam is tired. I'm not tired, because I didn't, baruch Hashem, I didn't, you know, I don't have to wake up, you know, four o'clock in the morning.

To calm me, I don't have a problem. Okay, no problem. I'll tell you a nice story and we'll end, all right? Did you understand what we said over from some sefer? Some sefer is saying is, she didn't want to say toiv. Why? Because toiv for one person is not necessarily toiv for the other person. So I'm not going to say anything. Why? Hashem ya'atzat davar. The Eibishter knows how it's going to work out. That's what I think. What's the pshat? In life, it's what we make of it, the eizer kenegdo. Every situation in a marriage, it takes work to make it work. Sometimes the toiv can be ra also. Sometimes the ra can be toiv. It all depends on what you do with it. That's the work. That's the avodah, and that's where the siyata dishmaya comes in. I'll end off with one story, and then we'll say goodbye, okay? One story, okay? Seder. All right, listen, saying good. Okay, here's the story. Ready, the story? They say over, they say over, they say over a story like this. Reb Chaim Brisker and Reb Shimon Shkop were the two giants of iyun, of understanding Gemara. And they had an argument that when a person gets engaged, so he makes a maaseh of kiddushin. But that's now. What about in a minute from now? What about two minutes in? What happens in three? What happens continuously? What happens? So Reb Chaim Brisker said, you don't need. As long as you start, you made one minute of kiddushin, it's good enough to continue the marriage. Reb Shimon, Reb Shimon said, no. I look at it that the act of kiddushin is a continuous thing, that every minute, kiddushin, kiddushin. You ever see when you press a button, right? So sometimes you press a button, you take your finger off, okay, so then it goes—what do you call that? What's the expression when—autopilot. Autopilot. And then there's a time where you put your finger, you got to press it till, right? Reb Chaim learned it's autopilot. In the yeshivas they would kill me for saying it this way, but all right, I have to make a yeshiva understand it, right? It's autopilot, right? Reb Shimon said it's my finger on the button, the kiddushin every minute. Reb Chaim said, in that case, Reb Shimon, I have to wish you mazel tov, because you just got engaged again. According to the way you understand kiddushin, every minute you're getting engaged. Mazel tov. You know how I would tell you? Mazel tov is the first minute. Afterwards, there's no mazel tov. It's maaseh. It's maaseh. Now you got to put work. It takes work to get it done. This, rabosai, is the lesson that we learned from over here, okay. You've just experienced another Torah class brought to you by TorahAnytime.com.