Parashas Chukas: Miriam, the Be'er, and Hakaras Hatov

Topics

• Parashas Chukas and the Petirah of Miriam
• Why is Miriam’s petirah placed here?
• Why Parah Adumah?
• The absence of water after Miriam’s death
• The Be'er in Miriam's Merit
• Chazal’s Answer
• A Bigger Question
• Miriam Was Not Mispated
• Why Was There No Hesped?
• Possible Explanations and a Difficulty
• Miriam’s Death and the Questions It Raises
• The Questions We Need to Address
• A Mahalach to Begin
• Man, the Anan, and the Be’er
• Why the Be’er Is B’schus Miriam
• The Gemara About Avraham Avinu
• חֶסֶד הַמַּיִם וּמִרְיָם
• כָּבוֹד לְבַעַל חֶסֶד וּצְרִיכַת תְּפִלָּה
• Rain, Davening, and Hakaras Hatov
• The Be’er and Miriam
• Chesed as Essence
• Hakaras Hatov and Shirah
• Avraham and Miriam
• Miriam, the Be’er, and Hakaras Hatov
• Two Inyanim in a Hesped
• The Chesed Done for Miriam
• Chesed of Miriam and the Response of Moshe and Aharon
• The Midrash on the People Coming for Water
• The Meaning of “Miyad”
• Hakaras HaTov and Demanding What Is Owed
• Parah Adumah and the Loss of What Was Given
• The Apikairis of Not Appreciating Torah Leaders
• Mey Merivah and Appreciating What Was Lost
• Appreciation for Miriam
• A peshat in the merivah
• Moshe, Miriam, and the Corruption of Hakaras HaTov
• The Eigel and the Meraglim
• Avraham Avinu's Shidduch for Yitzchak
• Hashkafos, Middos, and the Limits of Repair
• Chukas, Mei Merivah, and Appreciation
• Manhigim Are Chesed
• Kapara, Hakaras Hatov, and Chesed

Transcript

# Parashas Chukas and the Petirah of Miriam

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Parashas Chukas begins with Parah Adumah, the halachos of Parah Adumah: “Zos chukas haTorah.” After the parashah of Parah Adumah comes the section of Misas Miriam, in perek chof. Directly after the parashah of Parah Adumah: “Vayavo’u Bnei Yisrael kol ha’edah midbar Tzin b’chodesh harishon, vayeshev ha’am b’Kadesh; vatamas sham Miriam, vatikaver sham.” Miriam passes away, and she is buried there.

Lema’aseh, the be’er, the water in the midbar, was in the zechus of Miriam, as we are soon going to learn and elaborate. Now that she passed away, there was no water. So they come to complain to Moshe and Aharon, which leads to the Mei Merivah, the story of Mei Merivah, where Moshe and Aharon hit the rock. Because of that, there was a gezeirah on Moshe and Aharon that they cannot go into Eretz Yisrael. In this parashah we also have Aharon’s petirah. So Miriam is niftar in this parashah, and Aharon is niftar also in this parashah.

## Why is Miriam’s petirah placed here?

What is the significance of the petirah of Miriam in this parashah? Why does the Torah bring the story of Miriam’s petirah here? Chazal already point out the significance and the kesher hadvarim. They say that just like Parah Adumah is mechaper, it is a kapparah, so too misas tzaddikim is also a kapparah. Misas tzaddikim atones; it is a kapparah for Klal Yisrael. That is the smichus and the kesher hadvarim between the beginning of the parashah, Parah Adumah, and misas Miriam, where Miriam is niftar and buried there.

There are a few questions that have to be asked. First of all, why is this taught by Miriam? If you want to teach us that misas tzaddikim is mechaper, why only Miriam? Why can’t we learn this also by Aharon, by Moshe? Maybe Miriam is the first one to be niftar, and since she is before Aharon, the limud is taught to us by Miriam. That is the simple pshat. The mefarshim, though, ask this as a question: why specifically by Miriam, and what is the significance that it is by Miriam that we are taught this lesson that misas tzaddikim is mechaper?

## Why Parah Adumah?

There is another shaylah that needs to be asked: why only Parah Adumah? Parah Adumah, we know, is metaher; it cleanses. But all korbanos are mechaper. So we should have had the story of misas Miriam brought in Vayikra. Why is it taught to us through the korban of Parah Adumah? Every korban is mechaper. It would seem that Parah Adumah was chosen to be the mashal of misas tzaddikim mechaper. Why? What is the connection, the kesher, between Parah Adumah and misas tzaddikim?

## The absence of water after Miriam’s death

I would like to ask a few more questions. When we start delving into the parashah and the story of misas Miriam, Chazal tell us that Miriam was niftar there, “vatikaver sham,” and “lo hayah mayim la’eidah” — there was no water. Why was there no water? Because the be’er was b’zechus Miriam. That is the famous Chazal: the be’er was b’zechus Miriam.

# The Be'er in Miriam's Merit

It was Miriam, and the man was b’zechus Moshe, and the Anan was b’zechus Aharon. So now that Miriam was taken away, the be’er was taken away. We lost the be’er.

Chazal tell us, though, that it returned immediately, b’zechus Moshe and Aharon. They did not go without water all those years until they came to Eretz Yisrael. So how did they have water in the interim? It stopped because Miriam left, but then it resumed, it restarted itself, b’zechus Moshe and Aharon.

So why the stop? Let it be continuous. Moshe and Aharon were there. They didn’t go anywhere; nothing changed. Why is it that when Miriam passed away, all of a sudden it stops and then has to restart itself, b’zechus Moshe and Aharon? To give you an example: when you have a blackout and you have a generator, the generator kicks in right away. There is almost no split second of lack of electricity, unless the generator is broken. Well, Moshe and Aharon’s z’chus should have kicked in right away. Why did it have to be a stop and then a restart? Miriam and Aharon were there.

# Chazal’s Answer

Chazal already addressed this question. Chazal, and the Yalkut Shimoni, say that it was on purpose. The Ribbono Shel Olam wanted it to stop so that they should recognize and understand that it was b’zechus Miriam. And once they realized that it was b’zechus Miriam, they would be maspid her properly.

When something is consistently given to us, we take it for granted. We do not appreciate the thing, nor the person who gave us that thing. When it is taken away, all of a sudden you start to realize that you are missing something. You begin to understand that you had something, and it was taken away from you.

The kashe, ba’alei, is: why would they not appreciate Miriam? It is the grace of tzedekus. You had to take away the be’er to start eulogizing and being maspid Miriam properly.

# A Bigger Question

I’ll tell you an even bigger kashe. Look at the pasuk: they never eulogized her. They never were maspid. “Va’tamas sham Miriam, va’tikaver sham.” There is no hesped. Aharon, later on in the parashah, when Aharon is niftar, when Aharon is taken away from Klal Yisrael, there is a tremendous hesped: “Va’yivku es Aharon shloshim yom.” For thirty days there was a hesped. What happened to the hesped of Miriam?

The Yalkut Shimoni says that that is the whole reason the be’er was taken away, in order that they should be maspid her. But they weren’t. We do not even find that they were maspid her. And why would they not want to be maspid her? Why not? Only because of the chus of the be’er? Unless perhaps, avad, that she was a tremendous tzadekes. She was a tremendous tzadekes. But they would not be maspid for the be’er? You are right, they would be maspid. Tzadekes—she was unbelievable, Miriam. She was a neviah. She was one of the nevi’os. She was the mother of Klal Yisrael. But for the be’er—Miriam needed that they should say a hesped about her, about the be’er, the chus, the be’er.

Why? Why is it not enough just to be maspid Miriam? We had to make sure that the hesped of Miriam was about the be’er.

# Miriam Was Not Mispated

And strangely enough, they were not maspid her. The Kli Yakar goes so far as to say that the reason they lost the water when Miriam was niftar was because they were not maspid her; it was an onesh, a punishment for not being maspid her. That means this led to the story of Mei Merivah, which led to the story that Moshe and Aharon were not going to go into Eretz Yisrael, says the Kli Yakar, because they were not maspid her. It is the hemshech ha-pesukim.

The pasuk says, “Vatamat sham Miriam, vatikaver sham.” You know what the pasuk is being medayek? That is all that happened: she died, she was buried, and that was it. “V’lo hayah mayim la’eidah” — and there was no water. It is a continuation, a hemshech. As an onesh, I thought the whole reason they took away the be’er was so they should be maspid her. I guess it did not work; I guess it did not help. You have to say that that is the pshat in the pasuk, according to the Kli Yakar, and because of that they received an onesh.

# Why Was There No Hesped?

Why would they not be maspid her? So, like I said, the be’er, you take for granted. Yes, but I mean, everything else about Miriam — why could they not stop being maspid her? And why was it specifically the be’er that had to bring out Miriam? It seems that without the be’er, the hesped would not be a full hesped. It would not be the proper hesped. You are right, of course, it is one of the middos that she had, but it seems there is more here: that Miriam’s hesped had to be through the be’er. Why? Why is that? And why were they talking about being maspid her? And why were they maspid Aharon and Moshe and not her? Moshe also, the Kli Yakar points out, “Va’yivku kol Beis Yisrael” — they cried for him.

# Possible Explanations and a Difficulty

So I saw two mahalchim, and I humbly do not think either of the two mahalchim speaks to me. I saw one mahalach: because she spoke lashon hara against Moshe, the people had disrespect for her. As far as mekoros I saw quoted, meforshim say that they did not have reverence for her after she spoke against Moshe Rabbeinu; that blackened her reputation, darkened it, put a spot, a stain on her reputation, and therefore Klal Yisrael did not want to be maspid her.

It is a little strange to understand that, because originally when she spoke the lashon hara, it was Klal Yisrael who came to her defense. They did not travel; they said, “We are not moving until Miriam gets better.” So they were the first ones to stand up for her respect, for her honor. So how come all of a sudden, now that she passes away, this becomes an issue? This becomes a reason for them to lose reverence for her? It is a shtickel kashya.

Unless you say that originally everyone gets strong to protest honor, but then as time weans, as time goes on, people start talking: she spoke lashon hara. Do not forget, “Zachor es asher asah Hashem Elokecha leMiriam” — I tell you to remember what she did. You have to remember what Miriam did. So if you remember what Miriam did, and if we look at the Rambam, the Rambam says that she spoke against her brother, then if you keep on teaching everyone that Miriam spoke lashon hara, maybe it has an effect on her reputation.

It is hard to believe, hard to accept, that the mitzvah in the Torah, by zachor, would bring out a bizayon for her at the end. It is hard to accept that. But I know there are many mefarshim — it is a Chumash shiur, I have to tell you — that many mefarshim learn that the reason why she was not nispatkah kehalachah was because this was lurking in her reputation, in her history, that she spoke lashon hara against Moshe Rabbeinu. And I have a hard time accepting it. I have a hard time to mekabel it.

I saw my uncle, Rabbi Zalman Sirotkin, in his sefer, the father of Zalman, said...

# Miriam’s Death and the Questions It Raises

She was old, and she passed away. *Tomasham Miriam*—do not say, which really beckons an answer to the kashya l’cha’irah. Bishleim Aharon was niftar in the Midbar, at Mei Merivah, *l’yan l’yan tem*; bishleim Moshe also, at Mei Merivah. But why Miriam? What did Miriam do that she was not allowed to go to Eretz Yisrael? What did Miriam do?

It is a nice aruh, a beautiful aruh. So perhaps, like Reb Zalman Sorotzkin in the sefer, the mahalach is very simple: maybe she was old. It was time for her to be niftar; it does not have to mean that she was punished. She was getting old. If you look at the Midrashim, they say that most people did not even live the amount of time she lived. She lived far beyond what regular people live. She was very old, and she was niftar.

Did Miriam not deserve, in arichas yamim, to go into Eretz Yisrael? I do not know. Again, the second answer—I know it is my fetter, and I humbly bow my head in reverence to him—but I do not understand the teretz either. There has to be something more here. Why was Miriam niftar here? Even the loshon of the pasuk, “Vatomos sham Miriam,” seems to indicate that something was there, that she had to die there. “Vatikaver sham” — she was buried there. What is “Vatomos sham Miriam”? What is “Vatomos sham Miriam”? It seems that it was part of a bigger plan, that she had to die in Kadesh, for a reason.

Kach nir’eh ani yisda’ti, to begin this shiur. So, rabosai, let us make a one-minute chazara, so to speak, of the she’eilos we are addressing.

## The Questions We Need to Address

The first she’eilah we are going to address is this: we know that Miriam and Aharon were niftar in this parashah. Yet the Torah places Miriam next to Parashas Parah Adumah, to teach that misas tzaddikim is mechaper. So why only Miriam? Why is it taught by Miriam and not by Aharon and Moshe? Misas tzaddikim is a kaparah, yes—but Moshe could have learned the same thing from Aharon, and he could have taught it to us by Moshe too.

A second kashya: why Parah Adumah? Every korban is a kaparah. So we should have had a story of misas tzaddikim next to other korbanos, in Parashas Vayikra.

There is also a she’eilah: why does it stop? The be’er stopped when Miriam passed away because the be’er was b’schus Miriam. It comes back because of Moshe and Aharon, so let it continue to flow. Why the stop, which led to the whole story of Mei Merivah? Let the zechus of Moshe and Aharon keep it going.

We spoke out from the Yalkut Shemini that it was done on purpose: it should stop, in order that they should realize that the be’er was b’schus Miriam. Why would they be maspid anyway? To make a hesped, it seems that the Miriam, the essence of Miriam, was the be’er. The hesped of Miriam had to be understanding the be’er.

And lema’aseh, why were they not maspid? It says clearly they were only maspid Moshe and Aharon. Why were they not maspid? Why not? Were they not maspid a woman? Maybe the ladies felt you cannot make a hesped by robbing a lady. I do not know. The mefarshim do not answer that.

The Kli Yakar asks the kashya, and he says it was even a punishment: the water stopped because they were not maspid her, “ka’hal lochem.” Why is it that Miriam is lifted here now, and she did not make it to Eretz Yisrael? She never did a chet that was goirem a gezeirah that she should not go into Eretz Yisrael.

## A Mahalach to Begin

Rabosai, let me discuss with you a mahalach that I have. There is a Chazal that needs to be addressed. We always understand that the be’er is b’schus Miriam. First of all, why? Why is the be’er b’schus Miriam?

# Man, the Anan, and the Be’er

So let us understand: why is the man b’schus Moshe, and why is the Anan b’schus Aharon? I have a simple answer. Chazal tell us that man is, so to speak, the sustenance for those who are oseik baTorah. Moshe Rabbeinu is the semel haTorah; he is the symbol of Torah. And man, which is for those who are lomdei Torah, is b’schus Moshe Rabbeinu.

The Anan, we know, is the kapparah. “Ki ba’anan eira’eh al hakapores.” The covering, Hashem hovers over the Beis HaMikdash. The Torah was ba’anan; it had to do with cloud. Aharon was the kohen.

# Why the Be’er Is B’schus Miriam

So why is the be’er b’schus Miriam? There is an interesting Tzivchei Chachamim. The Tzivchei Chachamim says it is because she did a tremendous zechus by the water. She stood by the river and watched over Moshe. By the waters, the zechus of the chesed that she did — so the be’er is b’schus Miriam. The water is b’schus Miriam.

You have to understand: Moshe Rabbeinu was taken out of the water. That water about Moshe Rabbeinu is all Miriam. That is why the be’er is b’schus Miriam.

# The Gemara About Avraham Avinu

What do we do with this Gemara? The Gemara says that the actions of Avraham Avinu, when the malachim came to him, the actions that he did that day gave us the man, the be’er, and the Anan to protect us. The Gemara says that because of three actions, three deeds that Avraham Avinu did, we were zocheh to three things. In the schar that he gave chemah and chalav — he gave what to eat, milk, food — we were zocheh to the man. Avraham Avinu, as a waiter, was the quintessential waiter. He stood over them to feed them, to give them.

In the schar that he gave them a little water, we were zocheh to the be’er of Miriam. Wait a second — I thought it was b’schus Miriam. So make up your mind: is it in the schus of Avraham, or is it in the schus of Miriam? Is it in the schus of Moshe that we have man, or is it in the schus of Avraham? Which one is it? Here it seems like it is in the schus of Avraham.

We know that the be’er is b’schus Miriam. As a matter of fact, it is even called be’erah shel Miriam. If you notice, it is interesting: the Gemara, when it says zachu leman, it does not say man shel Moshe Rabbeinu. In the schar of the Anan, it does not mention Aharon. Now that is not such a big kashya, because it was not called the Anan of Aharon. It was not called the man of Moshe. Maybe b’schus Moshe we have the man, and b’schus Aharon we had the Anan. But the be’er was called be’erah shel Miriam, and that itself needs a good ha’arachah. Why? Why was the be’er called that? It should be called the be’er in the schus of Miriam. No, it is more than that: it is the be’er of Miriam. Why? Why?

So the first question is: how can we say it is in the schus of Miriam, when here in the Gemara it seems to be in the schus of Avraham? And why is it that by the man it is man b’schus Moshe, and by the Anan it is b’schus Aharon?

# חֶסֶד הַמַּיִם וּמִרְיָם

אָנֹכִי בִּזְכוּת מֹשֶׁה. הַבְּאֵר נִקְרֵאת בְּאֵרָה שֶׁל מִרְיָם. רַבִּי, אֶתֵּן לְךָ מַה שֶּׁאֲנִי חוֹשֵׁב שֶׁהַבֵּאוּר הוּא.

מַיִם בִּכְלָל הֵם חֶסֶד. אִם תִּתְבּוֹנֵן בְּעִנְיַן הַגֶּשֶׁם, זֶה נִקְרָא גִּשְׁמֵי בְּרָכָה — חֶסֶד. “לְחַלֵּק לְחַיִּים בְּחֶסֶד.” מַה אֲנַחְנוּ אוֹמְרִים? “מַשִּׁיב הָרוּחַ וּמוֹרִיד הַגֶּשֶׁם.” זֶה חֶסֶד. וְאֶפְשָׁר לְהַאֲרִיךְ בָּזֶה, אֲבָל אֵין צֹרֶךְ, כִּי זֶה יָדוּעַ. הַמַּיִם הֵם עִנְיַן שֶׁל חֶסֶד. שִׂמְחַת בֵּית הַשּׁוֹאֵבָה הִיא כֻּלָּהּ חֶסֶד, חֶסֶד, חֶסֶד. מַיִם הֵם חֶסֶד. יֵשׁ גַּם דִּין, אֲבָל בְּרֹב הַדְּבָרִים שֶׁנִּדּוֹן לַשִּׁיעוּר — חֶסֶד.

מִרְיָם יִצְגָה חֶסֶד. מֹשֶׁה רַבֵּינוּ הָיָה תּוֹרָה, אַהֲרֹן הַכֹּהֵן הָיָה עֲבוֹדָה, וּמִרְיָם הָיְתָה עַמּוּד הַחֶסֶד. שְׁלֹשָׁה עַמּוּדִים. יֵשׁ סִבָּה לָמָּה יֵשׁ שְׁלֹשָׁה. כְּשֶׁיָּצְאוּ יִשְׂרָאֵל מִמִּצְרַיִם נִתְּנוּ לָהֶם שְׁלֹשָׁה רוֹעִים, וְיֵשׁ סִבָּה לָזֶה. וְאֵין צָרִיךְ לִהְיוֹת מְקוּבָּל גָּדוֹל כְּדֵי לְהָבִין אֶת זֶה בִּפְשִׁיטוּת. מֹשֶׁה הָיָה עַמּוּד הַתּוֹרָה, אַהֲרֹן הָיָה עַמּוּד הָעֲבוֹדָה, וּמִרְיָם הָיְתָה עַמּוּד הַחֶסֶד.

וְאַל תִּשְׁכַּח שֶׁמִּרְיָם מַגִּיעָה עַד הַזְּמַן שֶׁמִּרְיָם טִפְּלָה בַּיְּלָדִים בְּמִצְרַיִם — שִׁפְרָה וּפוּעָה. הַחֶסֶד שֶׁעָשְׂתָה עִם כְּלַל יִשְׂרָאֵל — אֵין לְתָאֵר. הִיא הָיְתָה מַמָּשׁ אֵם לְכְלַל יִשְׂרָאֵל. וּבֶאֱמֶת, אִלְמָלֵא מִרְיָם לֹא הָיָה כְּלַל יִשְׂרָאֵל, כִּי הוֹרָיו שֶׁל מֹשֶׁה, עַמְרָם, פֵּרְשׁוּ. מִרְיָם שִׁכְנְעָה שֶׁיָּשׁוּבוּ וְיִקְחוּ זֶה זֶה. הִיא הָיְתָה הַמֹּשֶׁה שֶׁל כְּלַל יִשְׂרָאֵל. הַכֹּל סָבוּב עַל חֶסֶד — הַחֶסֶד, הָעַמּוּד, שֹׁרֶשׁ הַחֶסֶד הָיָה מִרְיָם. הַבְּאֵר הִיא חֶסֶד. מַיִם הֵם חֶסֶד. וְזֶה מַה שֶּׁהַפָּסוּק אוֹמֵר: בִּזְכוּת שֶׁטִּפְּלָה בְּמֹשֶׁה מִן הַמַּיִם, הַחֶסֶד הַזֶּה הֵבִיא אֶת הַבְּאֵר. וְהַבְּאֵר עַצְמָהּ הָיְתָה בְּאֵר שֶׁל חֶסֶד.

# כָּבוֹד לְבַעַל חֶסֶד וּצְרִיכַת תְּפִלָּה

אַתָּה יוֹדֵעַ, רַבִּי יִשְׂרָאֵל, תּוֹרָה — תּוֹרָה הִיא דָּבָר שֶׁמְּכַבְּדִים אוֹתוֹ. צָרִיךְ יִרְאָה וְכָבוֹד לַתּוֹרָה. חֶסֶד אֵינוֹ עִנְיַן שֶׁל יִרְאָה. חָשַׁבְתִּי עַל זֶה זְמַן רַב. אֲפִלּוּ בַּעַל חֶסֶד — הַאִם יֵשׁ חִיּוּב כָּבוֹד לְבַעַל חֶסֶד? אֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ. מִי שֶׁעוֹסֵק יוֹמָם וָלַיְלָה בַּחֶסֶד. וְכֵן, בְּוַדַּאי יְכַבְּדוּ אוֹתוֹ בִּסְעוּדוֹת הַכָּבוֹד, אֲבָל זֶה יָכוֹל לִהְיוֹת גַּם מִצַּד אַחֵר — כִּי רוֹצִים יוֹתֵר חֶסֶד מִמֶּנּוּ. אוּלַי אֲנִי חָרִיף יוֹתֵר מִדַּי. אֲנִי מִצְטַעֵר. אֲנִי אוֹמֵר אֶת הַדְּבָרִים כְּמוֹ שֶׁהֵם, רַבִּי יִשְׂרָאֵל. לִפְעָמִים מַעֲמִידִים בַּעַל חֶסֶד עַל פֶּדֶסְטָל, וְזֶה רַק מִפְּנֵי הַחֶסֶד שֶׁהוּא עוֹשֶׂה, כְּדֵי שֶׁיָּמְשִׁיךְ. אֲבָל לֹא נִהְיֶה צִינִיִּים כָּל כָּךְ וְנֹאמַר: זֶהוּ הַחֲשִׁיבוּת שֶׁל כִּבּוּד בַּעַל חֶסֶד.

כְּדֵי שֶׁהַחֶסֶד יִמְשַׁךְ, צָרִיךְ אֶת הַדָּבָר הָאֶחָד שֶׁנִּצְרָךְ לְגֶשֶׁם — תְּפִלָּה. צָרִיךְ לְהִתְפַּלֵּל עַל הַגֶּשֶׁם. “וְאָדָם אַיִן לַעֲבֹד אֶת הָאֲדָמָה.” וְחֲזַ”ל אוֹמְרִים: מַה זֶּה אוֹמֵר? לֹא הָיוּ עֲדַיִן אֲנָשִׁים בָּעוֹלָם. לִפְנֵי שֶׁאָדָם הָרִאשׁוֹן בָּא לָעוֹלָם, לֹא הָיוּ אֲנָשִׁים שֶׁיִּתְפַּלְּלוּ. כְּדֵי...

# Rain, Davening, and Hakaras Hatov

To get rain. Why rain more than anything else? Specifically, it cannot be rain without davening. The answer is that it needs hakaras hatov; it needs appreciation. One has to realize clearly that it is chesed of the Ribbono Shel Olam. I think this can really answer a lot of the kashas.

# The Be’er and Miriam

Be’er ha’sho Miriam is not just the be’er b’schus Miriam. The be’er represents what Miriam was. The man was for the people who learn. The anan was the avodah that Aharon HaKohen did in the Beis HaMikdash. The be’er is Miriam because it is chesed. Miriam, be’er—Miriam is chesed. The be’er represents chesed; it symbolizes chesed.

# Chesed as Essence

There is a very nice pshat from the Rosh Yeshiva Rabbanin, zt”l, on the pasuk, *goymol nafsho ish chesed*. What does it mean, *goymol nafsho ish chesed*? What does it mean to be an *ish chesed*? The Rosh Yeshiva Rabbanin explains.

We find by David HaMelech that he says, *va’ani tefillah*. What do you mean, *ani tefillah*? When you open up David HaMelech, you find words of the siddur in there. What does that mean, *va’ani tefillah*?

The pshat is that he was so absorbed in tefillah, so constantly in tefillah, that he is called tefillah. He is called tefillah. The Rosh Yeshiva Rabbanin touches it a little differently: it became his essence. It is not a person who is mispallel. It is not *va’ani mispallel*. *Va’ani tefillah* means that tefillah becomes who I am.

*Goymol nafsho ish chesed*—this is not an *ish osseh chesed*. It is who you are. Chesed becomes the essence of the person. Miriam’s essence was chesed. The be’er was Miriam. It is called be’er ha’sho Miriam.

# Hakaras Hatov and Shirah

In order to have from that chesed, the Ribbono Shel Olam wants hakaras hatov. The Ribbono Shel Olam is mechayev that a Yid should be makir tov. In this parashah we have something called Shiras HaBe’er: *Ali be’er, anulah; be’er chafaruha sarim, karuhu nedivei am.* It is something that is given to us by *chafaruha sarim*. Sarim—Moshe and Aharon, *nedivei am*. What is *nedivei am*? Those who give for Klal Yisrael, nedivus. Nedivus means that they are menadev, they give with all their heart.

That is be’er. The be’er represents a full flow of chesed, selfless giving to others. And in order for that to happen, it must come through hakaras hatov. It must come through hakaras hatov. Shira, song, is appreciation. Just like a nes: a nes is so that there should be shira, there should be appreciation. Every time a person makes a nes, what does he want? They should hallel, they should appreciate, they should thank. The be’er was about: I give you so that you should thank, you should appreciate.

# Avraham and Miriam

Now we can go back and understand all the teirutzim and all the kashas that we just mentioned. I asked you a simple question: is it b’schus Miriam, or is it b’schus Avraham? The Gemara and the Torah are that who instilled this chesed in Klal Yisrael? Avraham. That is the pshat in *yukach na matayim*, the giving, the selfless being a giver. That comes from Avraham. So Miriam is the descendant. It is *rachmanim, bayshanim, gomlei chasadim*, and the genes from Avraham Avinu. So both are true.

# Miriam, the Be’er, and Hakaras Hatov

Avram instilled it, and Miriam brought it out, and that is the zechus of the Be’er. With this, we can explain why Miriam died there. I asked you a kashya: why did Miriam die? Why didn’t she go into Eretz Yisrael? What did she do?

The answer is that it was done on purpose, with a plan, that she should die there, because the Ribbono Shel Olam was testing Klal Yisrael’s hakaras hatov. That is what the Midrash means. The Midrash is saying that the Ribbono Shel Olam took away the Be’er to see whether they would be maspid her properly, to see whether they appreciated the Be’er, whether they understood what they had and how fortunate they were to have it. That is what Chazal are saying. Chazal are saying that, in the ultimate wisdom of the Ribbono Shel Olam, Miriam died in Kadesh. Miriam had to die in order to see what would be with Mei Merivah. Would they come and fight? What is merivah? There was a lack of hakaras hatov.

If you look carefully at the words of Chazal, it is very meduyak. Chazal say that as soon as Miriam passed away, the Be’er went away. Why? So I asked you a kashya: what do you mean? Without this, they would not know she was a tzadekes? What is the issue? The teretz is that it was not enough to say she was a tzadekes. They had to say that she was the Be’er. The point of the hesped was not only to bring out her greatness, but to be goymel chesed.

## Two Inyanim in a Hesped

There are two inyanim in a hesped. There is a hesped to bring out the greatness of the person, to discuss how great the person was. And there is also a chesed. What is chesed sheleimah? By death. There is an opportunity for people to do chesed, true chesed, chesed sheleimah. Because Miriam was chesed. And what did Miriam give to the generation? What hashpa’ah ruchnis did Miriam give? She gave chesed. So we want to see whether it took hold. We will take away the Be’er, and we will see whether they come to do chesed, to realize that this is the middah of chesed. It is not about the hesped. It is about the gemilas chasadim.

## The Chesed Done for Miriam

Let us go one step further in that chesed. Miriam passes away, so who took care of Miriam? Who did the chesed for Miriam? The Midrash says it was Moshe and Aharon. But Moshe was in the yeshiva; he was the gadol hador. Why did Moshe stop learning? The Chasam Sofer talks about it. Moshe stopped learning, and there was a bitul Torah. Aharon was a kohen. He is not mitamei to his sister. She was married. The Kohen Gadol is only mitamei to an unmarried sister. She was a married woman. And yet they were oskim in her kevurah. They did the taharah. They stayed with her.

Why? I am not going to get into the halachic ramifications or what the pshat is in halachah. But in hashkafah and drush, this is the pshat. They were gomel chesed with her. They owed her. Miriam’s petirah was supposed to be a lesson. It was supposed to be a mussar shmuess, and it is me’orer, it is manhig.

# Chesed of Miriam and the Response of Moshe and Aharon

For chesed, because she was the ultimate, the quintessential baalas chesed for Klal Yisrael. In return, Moshe and Aharon were oisik; they themselves did everything for her kevurah from beginning to end. That is the pshat in this Chazal.

## The Midrash on the People Coming for Water

Let us go one more line in this Chazal, one more part of the Chazal, which is also meduyak and, according to what we are speaking, says the Midrash: “V’Yisrael mevakshim mayim, ve’ein otsin” — they need water right away. People need to drink; they are thirsty, they need water. “Miyad niskansu aleihem” — immediately they came upon them. So they go right away to Moshe and Aharon.

“Kivachir osam bo’in” — when they see the people coming, Moshe and Aharon, what do you think they are coming for? The people? Aharon was a very big baal chesed on Klal Yisrael. He sees them coming in herds; they are coming to protest, but Aharon does not see it. What does Aharon see? Something else. What does Aharon see? “Yitzchak v’Yaakov heim goyim l’chassad, bnei goyim l’chassadim” — they are people of chesed, the children of people of chesed. Mistama, they are coming to be menachem avel. They are coming to make a chesed on Miriam, chesed der balai chesed, Klal Yisrael. They are coming to make trouble? In such a moment? They are coming, says Aharon, mistama, to chesed. They are going to be menachem avel; they are coming to be part of the loss, the tear of Miriam. And because they are “bnei goyim l’chassadim,” which was the whole Miriam and the whole be’er, it was supposed to have a positive effect. And Aharon says, of course they are coming now, and that is what they are here for.

Moshe, however, was a big manik. He says, it does not sound like that. You do not see the different types of groupings. This grouping does not sound right; something is fishy here. I see something not good here. I see they are not coming. Why? Because if they came for good, they would be the rashonim. The bigger, the older here was the other way around: the rabble-rousers and all the vildachai, they are all coming and running. So he caught right away that nothing good can come from this.

## The Meaning of “Miyad”

What is “miyad”? The simple pshat is miyad because he spoke like this, so they found, “What are you talking against us?” What is “miyad,” right away? What is the Chazal “miyad”? Well, maybe you could say “miyad” by “vayarev ha’am im Moshe” — miyad can mean as a result of miyad, which means instead of being gomlei chassadim, what was their response? Because they were not gomlei chassadim. Instead of looking at Miriam, who is not here, and thinking about her, why do you not feel, maybe, for hakaras hatov, not to bother him at this moment? Someone is sitting shivah; how many people have common sense and say, I cannot bother him now, he is in the middle of his aveilus, he is in the middle of mourning. Right away, miyad.

What is miyad? How could you do it, right? Give them a chance to overcome their greed? No. Why? Because if you lack hakaras hatov, if you do not appreciate, then you can do the chutzpah to Moshe and Aharon as well, even in such a moment, because it is me, I demand it, I deserve it, it is mine. When you feel alts kumtir, everything is mine, what do you mean, I want it?

# Hakaras HaTov and Demanding What Is Owed

I want water now! When you have that attitude—that it is not given to you, that you have to be appreciative, that you have to thank for things—and instead you feel outskirted and demand everything, you can walk over to someone in the middle of the levayah of his father and start telling him, “Listen, you owe me money, you owe me something.” That is meyad. With a lack of understanding of hakaras ha-tov, this is the next step. Meyad etichud, moyshenar nasidim sheva. What are you bothering them for? What do you want? “This is what it is. I want. It’s mine. I want water.”

# Parah Adumah and the Loss of What Was Given

And this, rabbeisai, I think we can answer. That is the matanah of Hashem. The Eibershter was testing them. What is the parashah of Parah Adumah? Parah Adumah is tovah ha’eim v’tiknei achah harabas. Tovah ha’eim v’tiknei achah harabas. I saw in the Klei Yakar a beautiful word. It does not say it by all korbanos. Remember, we asked the question: it should say misa tzaddikim is mechaper. Look at korbanos. No, it is Parah Adumah. Why? He says Parah Adumah is tovah ha’eim v’tiknei achah harabas. It comes to clean up and to do. The eim, the mother, comes. Miriam is the mother, says the Klei Yakar, and she was there to be there for you, to clean for you, to do for you. And when you understand that, and you understand that you lost that, that is called mechaper. The kapparah comes from appreciating what you missed or what you are losing.

# The Apikairis of Not Appreciating Torah Leaders

When you have a tzaddik and you realize that the tzaddik does for you, and what the tzaddik gives you. The Gemara says: do you know what an apikairis is? A person who walks around saying, “Ma ani l’oni chachamim? What do I have from him?” He says a nice shiur, he says a nice drashah, so what? He answers my shailah, so what? Big deal. Big deal. The Gemara says that is an apikairis. What is called an apikairis? Why is it an apikairis? How did he become an apikairis because of that? It is a mefurashah Gemara, rabbi. So you hear the Gemara: the Gemara says what is called an apikairis. Today we throw around the word apikairis. To learn what is really called an apikairis—unfortunately, rabbeisai, we are all in danger of this. People do not realize that some of the things they say are apikairis, and they have disrespect and lack of appreciation for rabbonim and roshei yeshivos and rabbeim and mechanchim.

“Ma ani l’rabbonim” is not apikairis. Why? Because the rabbi, as well as the rav and the rosh yeshivah and the manhig, he is there for you. He is there to help you. He is there to clean up after you. If I could say it sharply, he is there to clean up after you. So to come and say, “What do I have from him?”—you are a kofui tov, and then a kofui tov, then an apikairis.

# Mey Merivah and Appreciating What Was Lost

Mey merivah means they fought, rovu al Hashem. Chazal are medayek in the pasuk. The pasuk says, what is mey merivah? She rovu—Moshe Rabbeinu tells me, you fought with Hashem. They fought with Hashem? How did they fight with Hashem over the water? The Torah says you lacked understanding and appreciation. Hashem gave you until now water with chesed. Chesed. What don’t you understand?

Misas tzaddikim is mechaper. It is brought down in the Noda BiYehudah, who speaks about it? Because when you come and you listen and you appreciate that you lost the tzaddik and the generation is different because of it, it means I appreciate what I had and I understand the loss that I do not have it anymore. The Eibershter took away the be’er. The Eibershter wanted them to understand what you had and what you lost. I asked you a question: let it continue. Let it continue with the zechus of Moshe Nachar. No, no—they had to understand that they lost it, and now that they are getting it back, they are getting it back with the zechus of Moshe Nachar. You need to understand that when it is given to you, it is not given. Nothing is given. It is earned. It is a chesed. It is a zechus that the Eibershter is giving you, and when you have...

# Appreciation for Miriam

With this, we can perhaps understand why they were not maspid Miriam ka’halachah. As I said, chesed needs to be understood in order to be appreciated. You cannot tell somebody to appreciate it. Either he does or he doesn’t. You can come and say, yes, everyone is saying yes, because it is a beautiful word. You can come and say kavod. I tell you, okay, you believe in standing up; you believe there is a locus of kavod. But how are you supposed to act in honor? Avodah, the kohen, the Torah could tell me how to respect him. Please say, I feel he is the first one to be mevarech; he benches; he gets the first aliyah. How about the ba’al chesed? It doesn’t say anywhere how you are supposed to treat the ba’al chesed. It doesn’t say it anywhere. And the Torah says this because you cannot be told certain things. Either you understand or you do not understand.

I say this to explain the lashon of the pasuk, and that was a new thing. When divas fasta and nishdah, this health and kids organ—let me explain to you, with that, I am sure all of you are fluent in Yiddish here, so I do not have to explain it, but I will do it anyway. Those that understand do not have to be explained, and those that do not understand, all the talking will never help.

Miriam had to be appreciated. It was where Klal Yisrael was holding. It was a test to see: did they understand and appreciate all the chesed they had from Miriam? Did they realize that Miriam took care of them? Tava, aimed at the can air, poor Shifra from the beginning—either from the beginning, she was always gohar with Klal Yisrael. She brought up Klal Yisrael. Do you appreciate it? The parashah was testing Klal Yisrael: do you appreciate it? And it cannot come because I told you what to do. It cannot be that I am telling you how to behave. It is a test where you are holding.

At the first taste, they were not holding. They were going like I saw them. What do you mean Klal Yisrael doesn’t understand? Of course. It didn’t even dawn on him that the issue was the water; the issue was Miriam. The issue was showing chesed, appreciation, respect, hakaras hatov to Miriam. Moshe is saying, no, that is not what it is. And this caused me merivah, and possibly maybe that is why Moshe and Aharon ultimately, through this, were nigzar that they should not go into Eretz Yisrael. You do not appreciate Miriam, we are going to take away Moshe and Aharon? I was thinking about it: the lack of appreciation for Miriam, that is linas, but Klal Yisrael did not appreciate be’er Miriam. The Ribbono shel Olam says, you do not see the shirah on the be’er; you do not appreciate and be masked with Miriam ka’halachah. This is going to ultimately lead to a gezeirah that I am going to take away Aharon, I am going to take away Moshe. Why is it? I was thinking from the same story, both Moshe and Aharon. We should lose both Moshe and Aharon and attribute it here, now, because of this.

# A peshat in the merivah

With this, I think we can say a peshat in the merivah, and with this I will end. There is a whole shiloh what Aharon should have done wrong. What did he do wrong? By the rock, he hit the rock. He was supposed to talk to the rock, and then—shot them and shot them from the Rishon. I am not crying. The Rambam in Moreh Nevuchim says, you know what he did wrong? Shimon, I made him. Listen, Shimon, listen, I made him. Those that are rebellious, he should have spoken that way, okay?

But it is interesting: why here, now, all of a sudden, did Moshe get angry to say, Shimon, like if this was the first time they were not behaving? Tell me, they did not complain about Mitzrayim, about food, about meat, and they complained every step of the way. Why were they called meridim? And the answer is: how could you complain instead of being appreciative and showing respect to Miriam? Now you are a merid.

# Moshe, Miriam, and the Corruption of Hakaras HaTov

Moshe saw a corruption that he had not seen before. People need food, all right, they need food. But at the same time, you should be in the hospital of Miriam. Where is your derech eretz? Where is your kavod? Where is your appreciation for the hayrim and the mayrim? "Achatanu lefanecha b'zulzul hayrim and mayrim."

What does mayrim mean? Those whom you should have respect for. "Shimonah mayrim," those against whom you are rebellious.

If Miriam cannot bring out in you softness and humility, this is not the right time to make stories. Moshe Rabbeinu said, I can't. You could be in the midbar, you could come from Har Tair and make an eigel even.

# The Eigel and the Meraglim

Something interesting—I spoke about this many times, I think I mentioned it here in this shiur. Moshe Rabbeinu davened for Klal Yisrael after the eigel. He did not daven for them after the meraglim, and that caused the greatest destruction in Klal Yisrael until today. Until today we suffer every time, right? Churban HaBayis is b'cheir shel doros, forever and ever, because of the meraglim.

Why did Moshe Rabbeinu daven that they should do teshuvah? Just like by the eigel. And you know what the teretz is, I think it's very poshut. From the eigel you can come back. Do teshuvah; avodah zarah, come back. Meraglim is a hashchasas hakaras ha'tov. The Eibershter is doing so many favors for you. Everything the Eibershter did in Eretz Yisrael was l'tovah, and they saw it l'ra. "Eretz tovah"—"Eretz tovah," Kalev says. How did you come back and say the worst things about Eretz Yisrael?

The teretz is: if good to you is bad, I can't daven for you. There's nothing to talk about. When somebody is corrupted in mushkas and hakaras ha'tov, in seeing good and appreciating good, there's nothing you can do with this. This becomes an aveirah that you can't come back from.

# Avraham Avinu's Shidduch for Yitzchak

The Ran in the drashos explains: Avraham Avinu wanted a shidduch for Yitzchak—go to my family. There it's good, but don't take the Bnei Canaan. Tell me, what was so good about Avraham Avinu's family? Can you tell me what was so good? Lavan and Besuel were unbelievable ovdei avodah zarah. There wasn't a corner in the house. Yaakov Avinu leaves; Rachel has to steal the terafim. Lavan runs after him—he's going to kill his whole family over the terafim. That's a good shidduch?

Imagine you read a shidduch: I have a good shidduch for you. The father is a tremendous baal avodah zarah. Unbelievable. You want to hear more ma'alos? I'll tell you more ma'alos. Lavan—let's check the brothers. Whenever you do a shidduch, let's check the brothers. Let me tell you, such a shidduch would never pass anybody's radar.

Lavan, the biggest ganav, the biggest liar that ever lived. Lavan HaArami—he was called Lavan. Can you imagine, that's his second name: Lavan the gangster. Do you know that Lavan was the biggest liar that ever lived, to the point that Chazal say he was actually black? Lavan was black. Why do you walk around saying he was white? There are people like that. I won't elaborate on it. There are people who are white, and I know the other way around too—other people are white and walk around black. I'm sure going to melt, yes.

He was called Lavan. He was black and he was called Lavan. Why? Because he was such a crazy, pathological liar. And this is the shidduch that Avraham Avinu wants. That's what he wants. This is good for me. This is perfect. Canaan? Oh no, Canaan—don't go near Canaan. Why? So the Ran explains: avodah zarah. It's not in the middos. It's okay, it's a harvest.

# Hashkafos, Middos, and the Limits of Repair

Yes, yes—hashkafos that are no good. At the end of the day, he wasn’t a bad guy. He didn’t have hashkafos and middos to the point that whatever it is, you can fix it. You could take the daughters from these people and make something, make a mensch out of them. But a benan, which is mushchis and middos, there’s no hope. There’s no hope, yes? When the middos are corrupt, there’s nothing you can do.

Even Lavan had a moment, a soft spot, every now and then. Take it out, you hear? It’s interesting: even the bracha that we give a kallah under the chuppah—whose bracha is it? It’s Lavan’s bracha. We say, “not to allow for a vov,” right? Could you imagine someone asks you, “Whose bracha is this?” It’s a beautiful bracha. Well, you don’t know it’s Lavan the gangster; it’s his bracha. I’m quoting Lavan. Quotable quotes from Lavan. Far from talking about it, but the point being: at certain times, a softness comes out, a moment of truth comes out. But if you’re a mushchis and a kares atoyef, there is no hope. There is no moment of emes, no moment of good. It’s bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

# Chukas, Mei Merivah, and Appreciation

Maasei le’eidah hara’ah hazos. The Ribbono Shel Olam put a stamp on them. He put a stamp on the meraglim; it’s done. Akof le’etoyef, you’re done. The Ribbono Shel Olam is testing Klal Yisrael here. Here, I’m cleaning you from the ego. Chukas. I’m cleaning you from the ego. I’m giving you a kapparah, a tova ye’eim v’tekanecha. Chukas means I’m cleaning you from the ego. Let Me test you in a kares atoyef, in the middos. That’s the kesher, Ribbono Shel Olam. I believe in the parashah; it’s a beautiful word. Do you hear, Ribbono Shel Olam? Merdik. Chukas is ego. I’ll clean you with that, no problem. I’ll give you a kapparah for that; we can clean you up on that. Tova ye’eim v’tekanecha achar habas.

Now let’s see. Miriam passes away. Let’s see her kares atoyef. Do you start right away crying that you don’t have water? Are you disrespectful to Miriam and not be ma’aseh perik halachah? Do you start fighting with Moshe Rabbeinu while he’s sitting shivah, busy mourning for his sister? This is called Mei Merivah. And if you don’t appreciate, I’m going to take Moshe and Aharon also away from you. I’m going to take Moshe and Aharon away from you too. You need to appreciate.

Mayim is parnassah, rabosai. Geshem is parnassah. Oden ma’ayin lavenes hadamah. If you don’t appreciate what the Ribbono Shel Olam gives you, the Ribbono Shel Olam says, I’ll take away even what I already gave you. If you don’t appreciate what I have given, you don’t appreciate what I give, I’m going to take away what I’ve already given you in the past too. That’s the taich.

Misas tzaddikim is mechaper, because what is misas tzaddikim? You start mourning the loss. Oh, that means you start appreciating. The Ribbono Shel Olam gave us a manhig. I remember my Rebbe, Rebelski, he used to say something very profound that had an effect on me. Rebelski used to say that the Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Moshe and Rabbi Yankif, were gedolim which did not fit the generation. They were way bigger than the generation they lived in. These were gedolim that could have been in the time of Rabbi Akiva Eiger. That’s what he used to say.

As a matter of fact, when Michal Feinstein, the nephew of Rabbi Moshe, said these words by the hesped of Rabbi Moshe in Eretz Yisrael, he said: Rabbi Moshe, my uncle Rabbi Moshe, would have been a gadol in the times of Rabbi Akiva Eiger. Even in the times of Rabbi Akiva Eiger, he would have been the great Rabbi Moshe. Rebelski used to say they didn’t even belong to the generation. They were a misfit, a mismatch. Nobody was even close to them. Yet we know, dor dor v’dorshav, dor dor u’manhigav—every dor has a manhig. And this was somewhat beyond us, greater than us.

He said it was a chesed of Yehoshua after the war. That’s what he used to say. After the war, after World War II, we had to come to rebuild Klal Yisrael. So Rabbi Moshe did us a chesed. He gave us leaders, leaders that would be able to...

# Manhigim Are Chesed

Manhigim are chesed: who your Rav is, who your Rebbe is, and who your yeshiva is. It is a chesed that the Eibishter and the Rabbi give you. He is giving you people to guide you, to help you.

And if you do not have appreciation for it, if you do not have appreciation for it, that is misas tzaddikim as mechaper. Misas tzaddikim is mechaper when you take and appreciate what you lost, meaning you understood what you had. Because if you do not understand what you had, you cannot appreciate and feel bad that you lost it. But Bar Yishlon wants, and that is the mechaper. That is where kapara comes from.

# Kapara, Hakaras Hatov, and Chesed

Chukas. There is a kapara for the eigel. There is. Chukas. Hakaras hatov is part of that kapara, recognizing that the Rebbe Yishloelam’s chesed is to be mechaper to you. Haniyim Kippur, and with this I will end, rabboisai.

We talk so much about the Rebbe Yishloelam’s chesed. Rav chesed marbeh. No, rabboisai, finish it with me: rav chesed marbeh lisloach. The mechila itself is chesed. The mechila itself is chesed. The mechila itself. And if you do not appreciate the chesed of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, then there is no kapara either. There cannot be kapara. There cannot be. So misas tzaddikim, the appreciation, brings kapara.

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