Vayeira: Sending Away Yishmael—Avraham’s Hardest Chinuch Test and a Father’s Unconditional Love

Transcript

This Torah class is brought to you by TorahAnytime.com. This week's parsha, Parshas Vayeira, we have the last of the ten nisyonos shenisnaseh Avraham Avinu. We read in this week's parsha, Vayeira, we have the akeidah at the end, which of course is the last of the ten nisyonos, the ten tests. In the middle of the parsha, we read the test that HaKadosh Baruch Hu is metzaveh. He commands Avraham Avinu, Garesh es ha'amah hazos v'es bnah. That Avraham Avinu is commanded to send out of his house, garesh, to send out of his house, ha'amah hazos, Hagar, his wife, v'es bnah Yishmael. There's an interesting perek in Rabbelezer which caught my eye. In Pirkei d'Rabbi Eliezer, perek lamed, Pirkei d'Rabbi Eliezer says that the hardest test that Avraham had to go through was this test of Garesh es ha'amah hazos v'es bnah. From all the tests that Avraham was challenged, the one that was the most difficult was this one. Goreish es ha'ama hazos v'es b'nah. He says, you look at the pasuk, says the Pirkei d'Rabbi Eliezer, it says clearly, Vayeira hadavar me'od b'einei Avraham al odos b'no. Perek chaf alef, pasuk yud alef, Vayeira hadavar me'od b'einei Avraham. It was hard for him. It was bad in his eyes. Literal translation: it was bad in his eyes. It was difficult for him, al odos b'no. Says Pirkei d'Rabbi Eliezer, so you see from here, from this pasuk, that this is the one that was the difficult one from all of them. Because nowhere does it say that this pasuk, nowhere does it say by the other tests, Vayeira hadavar me'od b'einei Avraham. It says it only over here. Why is this the most difficult of tests? I would say the Akedah, that he had to take Yitzchak, his bincha, es yechidcha asher ahavta, and with his own hand he had to go and shecht him, he had to slaughter him. That's a much greater difficult task for a father. Why is it, Vayeira hadavar, that the most difficult one was this one, Gareish es haamah hazos v'es b'nah? Tremendous question. When I saw the pirush, Reb Eliezer caught my eye. The Torah tells us that this test, this is the most difficult one. Vayeira hadavar bein Avraham—only over here it says. It doesn't say that when he was told to shecht his son, Vayeira hadavar. No, the opposite. It says that Vayashkeim Avraham baboker, he went, excitingly, so to speak, and he went to shecht his son. Even though the truth is the Medrash tells us that while Avraham was doing the akeidah, his eyes were dripping from tears. The tears were flowing. Yet still, we don't find Vayeira hadavar only over here by this test. Why? Now what is the test of Gareish es haamah hazos v'es b'nah? It's a machlokes rishonim.

The Rishonim argue over there on the Mishnah in Avos, Perek K, was it two tzivuyim and two tests? Goreish es ha'amah, the es beno. Two. Maybe it was two separate mitzvahs, two separate tests. Goreish es ha'amah was one, v'es beno, another test, another command. Or was it one? Many Rishonim say that it was two separate tests, and vayeira hadavar me'od b'einei Avraham was not on sending out Hagar, not sending away Hagar, but it was only al odos bnai that he had to send out Yishmael. Hagar, nu. Rabbanim is like this: Hagar, okay, Hagar, all right. The difficulty over here was al odos bnai, to send out his son. Why? Why is this the difficulty, maybe even more than the Akeidah? How do we understand this? Goreish es haben is more nisayon, it's more test than doing the Akeidah. I'd like to begin with an Eben Ezra. And im yirtzeh Hashem, as the shiur continues, we can speak about chinuch, the obligation, the challenge, the art of chinuch, responsibility of a father to a child. And as we talk, we'll learn that this was the test of goresh es haamah hazos v'es b'nah, Avram the father, how he deals with a Yishmael. That was the nisayon, the test. Hear, Rabosai, is everyone with me? You hear what we want? We're trying to understand what this test was, and why is this test the test of all tests, the challenge of all challenges. Vayeira hadavar was difficult to him. Now Rashi learns that vayeira hadavar could also mean that he felt bad that his son went off the derech. Sheyatza l'tarbus ra. He felt very bad that his son wasn't following in his ways. He wasn't a religious, frum Yid. And many mefarshim say that what was bothering him wasn't that he wasn't till now, but what was bothering him [was] that he has to send him out, and now who knows what's going to be with him. Sheyatza l'tarbus ra could mean ad achshav, till now he went off. Or maybe it means sheyatza l'tarbus ra, now that he has to send him out, who knows what's going to be with him in the street, so to speak. He's not at home anymore. He's not under the protection of his father. Baruch Hu, mistovev barchuvot, tiftacher. That's yatza l'ta'armito. But Rashi actually says that the simple pshat is, u'pshuto al she'amru lo l'shalchecha. Actual tzivui, that he had to send them out, that was the difficult part. And like Pirkei d'Rabbi Eliezer says, no, that that was the challenge of all challenges, the difficult of all difficulties. Obviously, from the words of the perek, even more than the Akeidah. Why? Why is it more than the Akeidah? You know, rabosai, I grew up hearing my grandparents saying over a memra, called the saying, a memra. What was the memra? They used to say, Kleine kinder, kleine problemen. Greise kinder, greise problemen. You know what that means? I didn't think so. It's Yiddish. I thought you know Yiddish. You don't know Yiddish? Banim ketanim, ba'ayot ketanot. Banim gedolim, ba'ayot gedolim. Or gedolot. Forgive me if it's zacher nekeivah. I got it right on the zachar nekeivah.

A lot. Okay, you see? See? Same way you don't know Yiddish, I don't know Hebrew. All right. Fear. It's all fear. Good? ... Chinuch, rabosai, is difficult. It's a tremendous challenge. It's an art. And it's a test, a test of the parents. This nisayon was a nisayon of a father, how he deals with his son. A son that's difficult, a son that's problematic. He's being told to send the son out of the house. You know, today, unfortunately, we deal with kids at risk. And parents are overwhelmed, bewildered. How do you deal with such a child? They need guidance. ... They knock their heads against the wall. It's very difficult. A parent that goes to sleep knowing that he has a son, but he doesn't know how to deal with him. Rabosai, when you start unwrapping and uncovering the nisayon of Gareish ha'ama hazos v'es b'nah, you start to realize that this was the nisayon for Avraham Avinu. He had a son that was kids at risk. And the Ribono Shel Olam is telling him how to deal with it. And it's a difficult decision that he has to make. Maybe even more than the Akedah. So, rabosai, let's begin with an Eben Ezra. The Eben Ezra says, Rabim yitmu me'Avram eich giresh b'no. Many wonder, Avraham Avinu, aroys varfen a kind fun shtub, throw out his son? Avraham Avinu! Gam shalach banim imoi. Not only threw out the child, the child with the mother. Everyone out of my house. Kulam yeitzu. Zarak otam, lo rak shalach otam, giresh otam, zarak otam. No food. You know, he sent them out to die. At least pack them a trip for the— you know, you ever see you go on a trip, you send your family on a trip, what do you do? You pack up the trunk. Here, you know what he packed them up with? Nothing. Chemat mayim, go. Telchu bamidbar la'mut. How do you explain it? Vayeinitvas liboi. Where is the good heart of Avraham Avinu, huh? Vateima me'eilu sheyeitzu. Says the Eben Ezra, I wonder on those that wonder. I saw, Alter from Kelm, he doesn't quote this Eben Ezra, but he elaborates on this point. Avraham's whole life was kiruv rechokim. Anybody, anybody was welcome in his home. And this same person and same home is throwing out his own son? Half of a fella, alta fun kelb, hadeithai. You hear the beauty, how he brings out the point. The mekarev rechokim is merachek kerovim. Those are my words, but it's me'edik aarei, you hear? אתה שומע? You know what it is? It is a kushya. לאדם שחי, his whole life is to bring and to take, to... עכשיו מצווים אותו, מצווים אותו להיות אכזרי, לקחת לב רחום, ולהגיד לו תהיה אכזר. Rabbeim tmeiim al zeh. It's wonder. Answers the Eben Ezra, the teretz that you said: נתאמה מאלה שיתמו. I wonder on those that wonder. כי אברהם עשה ככל אשר ציווה ה'. Hashem told him. Hashem told him. ואילו היה נושא...

He couldn't even give them money. Why? Because Sarah wanted garesh. Garesh means throw them out. Not send them out. Throw them out! Throw them out means without money. Get them out of the house right now. And Hashem said, Kol asher tomar eilecha Sarah. So that's it. He had to listen. Vayishma b'kol mitzvas Hashem. If he would have given them money, if he would have given them car fare, car fare if he would have given them. When you throw a guy out, the least you could do is give him car fare. I've been thrown out many times from places. Always get car fare, something. I give you, on the way out, give you a coffee, something, I don't know. Is that a siman? You brought me the coffee, then I'm on my way out. And here what happens? Nothing. Why? Because Hashem told Avram to listen to Sarah. And Sarah said, Garesh. Out. So let's understand what's the pshat that Avram is told to do this. And the answer, of course, is because Hashem said so. Avram listens, whatever Hashem said. That's the koach of a tzaddik, that even though it's against his middos, it's against his nature, it's against his hashkafah. If that's what Hashem said, that's what He said, right? So my question to you is, so what's the big nisayon then? Nu? Hear my question? Very pashut, ma nafshach. If you come and tell me that it was impossible for Avram to do, nisayon, I got it. But if the pshat is that Avram is able to overcome everything to do what Hashem said, so then what is the nisayon? What's the test? You think this is the first time that Avram Avinu overcomes everything because Hashem said? He does whatever Hashem said. His whole life he's been doing that. The Akeidah, he shechts his son. Also Hashem said. Hashem commanded him. So what's the difference in the Akeidah? You hear my question? It's a tremendous question. You have to understand, what is the test? What was the shoresh, the root of the test? If Hashem tells him, and to us, it's tzmiah al ha-tzmiyim. Yeah, the Even Ezra learns it's a question on those that question it. What's the shaylah? What's your question? Avraham Avinu. Avraham Avinu, he listens to Hashem. So why is this a test? It's like any other part of his life that he had to go and do what Hashem said regardless. Tzei, rabosai. Let me tell you what I think the answer is. Ready? Okay. Let's define and understand why did Hashem say, Garesh es ha'ama hazos v'es b'nah. Why? Why did the Eibishter tell him to do such a drastic thing? You know, today they would have said, take him for counseling. Yeah? Take him some Ritalin. No? No? Why? Why all of a sudden do we have such a drastic, serious, drastic punishment? Why? What is this about? Garesh es ha'ama hazos v'es b'nah. So let's learn a little bit. The Ramban says pshat. Why, Garesh es ha'ama hazos v'es b'nah? Says the Ramban, because he was chayiv. This is what he was chayiv. Says the Ramban, ah, he was meired b'al Yerushah. He was fighting over the yerushah. You see, we're not clear in the Rishonim and in the Gemaras what exactly was the chet, the sin, what he did. It's not clear.

Rabban learns here. Ki omro ha'eved ha'ma'aleg al adono, chayav hu lamus o lalkoso. That's a halacha. Who was the adon? Sarah was the adon. They were making choizik of Sarah. They were making choizik, malig al Yitzchak, right? They kept on saying, Avi Melech nis'ar b'Sarah. They made a joke out of the master. Chayav. That's what the Ramban says. Ki omro ha'eved ha'ma'aleg al adono, chayav hu lamus o lalkoso. So according to the Ramban, garesh, that was the onesh that was supposed to be for the chet that he did. It was a direct onesh. This is it. This is what's supposed to be the punishment, the allotted punishment for what he did wrong. Which is the Ramban here. I don't know how many people know this, because Rashi says he did avodah zarah, and he did giluy arayos, and he was shooting arrows, he was ready to kill Yitzchak. The Ramban doesn't go with all that. V'hanachon b'einai, shehaya zeh b'yom yigamel Yitzchak. It was the day of the party of Yitzchak. V'ra'ah osoy ma'aleg al Yitzchak. He made a joke out of Yitzchak. He made a joke out of Yitzchak. What do you mean? He's your master. The rule, and the law is that if a person is malag al adoiniv, chayav hu lamus. Finished. Out of my house. You have to die. Chofetz Chaim. Chaim says that the reason why Garesh es ha'am hazos v'es b'nah is because he was a bad hashpa'ah on Yitzchak. Bad hashpa'ah. You look at the Medrash. The Medrash says clearly that it was more about Yitzchak than it was about Yishmael. Simply you say that Yishmael needed to get punished, right? No. Yishmael didn't need such a drastic punishment, but he had to get out of the house. He had to get him out. Why? Because Yitzchak. He was a bad influence on Yitzchak. Many Gedolei Yisroel use this as a guide. When we throw people out of a yeshiva, are you allowed to throw someone out of yeshiva? The Chazon Ish said that in order to throw a person out of yeshiva, you need a beis din of chav gimel, of 23 dayanim. Because just like mita, just like when you kill somebody, there has to be a psak of a beis din of chav gimel, throwing someone out of yeshiva is mita. You're killing him. You need a beis... and we don't have it. You have a beis din shel chav gimel every time you throw a kid out of yeshiva? Chazon Ish said this. You're not allowed to throw a child out of yeshiva unless you get the psak of a beis din shel chav gimel, kemo chiyuv mita. But, on the other hand, when a child is a bad influence on the rest of the children in the class, then you have to send them away. It's not about a punishment for the person, for the child, but rather what is it? It's to save the others from a bad influence. And this is what we learn, according to many, here in Yishmael. The drastic garesh was because of bad influence on Yishmael. He lo yirash. Ben ha'amah hazos im beni Yitzchak. It won't go together. Yitzchak cannot be Yitzchak, and he cannot inherit the beautiful, illustrious heritage that Avraham is going to give him if he has what? The ben ha'amah on his side. Bad influence, bad chavrusa. He's got to go. I saw an interesting... I'm sorry, I saw an interesting medrash, excuse me, I saw an interesting medrash, and I want to be magdim to this medrash a very interesting pshat on a pasuk. The medrash will open up to us a much deeper understanding of what...

Yishmael did, and that why Avram had to respond the way he did. You know, in the parashah we find that before Hashem punishes Sdom, He says, I have to tell Avram about it. Why do I have to tell Avram about it? Yadati l'maan asher yetzaveh es banav v'es beiso acharav, v'shamru derech Hashem. I need to tell Avram. What do I like Avram? What do I like about Avram? I like about Avram, ki yetzaveh es banav v'es beiso acharav, that he's going to give over to the children and to his household to continue in the derech Hashem and the derech hamitzvos. The Chasam Sofer learns that it's opposed to Chanoch. Chanoch and Noach also were big tzaddikim, but they didn't influence the generation and the people around them. Avraham Avinu influences the people around him, right? Ki l'maan asher yetzaveh es banav v'es beiso acharav. Other mefarshim learn that it's not a broad kiruv rechokim maila that Avram had, but what was his maila? Asher yetzaveh es banav — chinuch. He was a tremendous mechanech. Here, rabosai, listen carefully. What does Hashem love about Avraham Avinu? It says in the pasuk that the Eibishter says, I have to tell Avram about Sdom. Why do I have to tell him about Sdom? Because I like Avram. What do I like about Avram? I like about Avram—here, let's see the pasuk—Ha'mechaseh ani me'Avraham asher ani oseh, v'Avraham hoyoh yihyeh l'goy gadol v'atzum, v'nivrechu vo kol goyei ha'aretz. Ki yedativ, yedativ is a loshon of, I know him well, I like him, I'm close to him. What does Hashem say I'm so close to Avram? L'maan asher yetzaveh es banav v'es beiso acharav, v'shamru derech Hashem la'asos tzedakah u'mishpat. So the mefarshim say, as opposed to the rest of the tzaddikim, who they are what? Tzaddikim more for themselves. They don't go out. They don't go out. They don't go out to be mekarev others. And other mefarshim say it's not the broad kiruv rechokim that Avram did, but l'maan asher yetzaveh es banav. It's the chinuch that he gave his children. He was a tremendous mechanech, Avraham Avinu, and that's why Hashem loved him. What's so special about a mechanech? You know what's so special about a mechanech, rabosai? And this we're going to develop in the shiur. Chinuch is by example. Who you are truly will be reflected in the chinuch and how your children respond to the chinuch you give them. You know, rabosai, you can't say one thing and preach one thing and be something else. It's not going to work. You want to know who the person is. You can look at—not always. Sometimes, you know, there's a shaynes hachayim, and the children don't follow the parents. But a lot of times, in Yiddish there's an expression—I think they have it in English today also, so you guys are safe—Eplach faln nisht vayt fun boym. Apples don't fall far from the tree. They don't fall far from the tree. You know, actually, you know actually where this comes from? It's a Gemara. It's a mefurasha Gemara. The Gemara says that Klal Yisrael is like an apple. It's a Gemara in Shabbos. Klal Yisrael is an apple. Did you know that? When you say the word apple, they think you're referring to a phone. No, rabosai, we're an apple. I got it right? I hope I don't sound too stupid. The apples on phones today, that's Apple phone? Oh, okay. I know sometimes I say about technology and I make jokes, and then people look at me and go, What is he talking about? Okay, I got this one right. Okay, you should know, apple is you. You're an apple. I'm an apple. Why am I an apple? Gemara says, Klal Yisrael is domeh l'tapuach. Why? Because we said naaseh kodem l'nishma, and that's the maalah of an apple.

Why? Because an apple also, its leaf grows before its fruit. So, so too Klal Yisrael, said nasa kodem l'nishma. And he brings a pasuk, Ketapuach ba'atzei hayaar... Okay. You know what Tosafos asks on this? This pasuk is not going on Klal Yisrael; it's going on Hashem. Tosafos says, the little bottom, Pei Ches, the bottom Tosafos, Tosafos says it's not going on Klal Yisrael, Ketapuach ba'atzei hayaar. Anachnu Yisrael omrim al HaKadosh Baruch Hu, Ketapuach ba'atzei hayaar — that Hashem is an apple. So Tosafos, what kind of pasuk do you bring to prove that Klal Yisrael, the Jewish people, are an apple, from a pasuk that's saying that Hashem is an apple? U'nehachasam sofer. The Tosafos leaves it blank. Tosafos doesn't give an answer to it. Tosafos says it should have brought a different pasuk later on. Chasam Sofer says it's not a question. You know what the Gemara is trying to say? Since Hashem is an apple, and we are the children of Hashem, banim atem laHashem Elokeichem, we're children of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, so we're also apples, no? That's where it comes from. Apples don't fall far from the tree, no? What do you want? It's Gemara. It's Tosafos. Tosafos, no? Ah, whenever a guy tells you apples don't fall far from the tree, you know what you're supposed to say? פירוש התוספות. Tosafos mefurash. Chasam Sofer says that's the pshat. And the Gemara is trying to tell me this, that our mahalach... Kams malot shel HaKadosh Baruch Hu, sheanachnu dvekim b'avinu. We're connected to our father, and we're domeh l'avinu. Yeah? We're domeh l'avinu. We're like our father. Haben domeh la'av. Hama'alot shel ha'av nichnas. It's rooted into the children. Chinuch, rabosai, is the same thing. Ki yedativ. You know what I love about Avraham Avinu? Look at the chinuch that he gives. L'maan asher yetzaveh es banav es beiso acharav. When he says to do something, people do it. When his children hear the father say, This is the mitzvah, this is what you should do, they listen. You know why? Because they see by example that that's what the father is. It's real. It's real. He is the quintessential mechanech, the dugma for the children, the av that makes maaseh avot siman lebanim. Siman. You know, it's interesting words. Maaseh avot is a siman lebanim. What is a siman? You know what a siman is? A sign. You look at something, you go, Ooh, that's a sign. Oh, I look at it and I see, wow, I have a siman. It's a sign. Do this, do that. Maaseh avot is siman lebanim. With this, I think we could start understanding how it was difficult for Avram to deal with the Yishmael. Avraham, on one hand, is a tremendous mechanech, and he's mechanech with so much love, and he leads, and is mechanech with example. And look at Yishmael. And normally, how is he mechanech? By mimekarev. And here he has to be mechanech by what? Geresh et haamah hazos ve'es binah. You know, rabosai, don't think that the nisayon is something Avraham went through, and we don't go through it in our child raising. Maybe we don't have it in the extreme that Avraham had it, and the decision that he had to make, but we live it. Children do something wrong, or they're a bad hashpa'ah on other children. It's lessons. Nisnasah Avraham Avinu, the test of Garesh et haamah hazos ve'es binah, is supposed to be that we should learn from it. And Avraham is the mechanech. It was a challenge to him. It was a tremendous challenge to him. Ribono Shel Olam is telling him, instead of being mekarev and loving, get him out of the house. Ribono Shel Olam, but that's not—it's very difficult for me. And with this, I think we can understand something interesting. If you look at the Arachayim, the Arachayim says something.

The Chaim says, the Chaim says like this. What's the pshat? Hingareish es haama hazos ve'es b'nah, says the Rachaim HaKadosh, that the Ribono Shel Olam wanted that when he throws them out of the house, he should disown them completely. He's not my son anymore. Unbelievable, unbelievable, our Chaim. Says the Rachaim like this. I want to quote you inside, because I don't want to misread it in any way. Says the Rachaim, oh, oh, says like this. Says the Rachaim, oh, he says like this. He noticed the pasuk says, Vayeira adavim oyd bein Avram al oydos b'nai. Does it say al oydos Yishmael? No, al oydos b'nai. Says the Rachaim, Ashi chasah oisah Sarah lehahagah ka'omrah, ha'ama ve'es b'nah. You notice that what was he saying? Sarah was saying, Ha'ama ve'es b'nah. Why didn't he say, Ha'ama ve'es bincha, your son? Sarah should have said, Get rid of your son. Sarah was saying, It's not your son, it's her son. You ever notice that when people fight—how come everyone's laughing? That's not my son, it's your son. And רבי ... did something wrong. They blamed the other parent. It's your son, yeah? ובא הקדוש ברוך הוא והצדיק דברי שרה, ואמר לה: קול אשר שמע בקולה, ואל תחשבי עושה בנך. It's not your son, you hear? And that's what it says. Now that it's not my son, this is what's bothering me. על אודות בני. You tell me to throw her out of the house, I got it. Maybe. Maybe I have to send them out. But you tell me I have to send them out and say it's not my son anymore? Oh, that's very difficult. You hear, Rabosai? It's a ... So, you listening, Rabosai? You listening? He didn't just say, Send them out. Punish him. Punish him and tell him it's not his son anymore. I saw something interesting. The Chasam Sofer says a chiddush. Chasam Sofer says, What's the pshat that he was גרש את האמה, and he was, אל ירע בעיניך על הנער ועל אמתך? Don't feel bad. כל אשר תאמר אליך שרה, whatever Sarah tells you, שמע בקולה. She has ruach hakodesh. How did ruach hakodesh come into it? Listen to her. She has ruach hakodesh. So they bring from the Chasam Sofer an interesting pshat. Chasam Sofer said what was bothering Avraham? Hashem said he's no good, so what's bothering you? He's no good. What, do you want to have a bad son that does avodah zarah in your house? He was afraid, and what was bothering him, what about the grandchild? Who knows what's going to come from him? That's al oidos b'noi. It doesn't mean his son, this one Yishmael. Al oidos b'noi, his son, Yishmael's son. Yechsam sofer, Kelbig sam sofer. What was bothering him is, what about the future? Maybe he'll have a grandchild and a great-grandchild that'll do teshuva. And that's what was bothering him, because otherwise, says the Chasam Sofer, Hashem tells him he's no good. What's he so upset about to get him out of the house? And he says that's the pshat: sheyesh ruach hakodesh, and she knows that what? Nothing good will ever come from him. And if you take a look, there's midrashim that say clearly that there's no geirim that come from Yishmael. All geirim come from all nations. Eisav, you can have geirim. From Yishmael there's no geirim. No? An unbelievable chiddush. There was no hope for Yishmael. When I read this Chasam Sofer, I have to admit, I was bothered by it. It bothered me. The Chasam Sofer is learning that a father who's sending out his child, if he did aveiros, if he did avodah zarah, why does it bother him? And the only reason what bothers him is—

Because future, future generations, right, might come from him. Future generations might come from him, right? To me, I think, no. That even if it was a child that was completely off and he did avodah zarah, it's still his child. It's still his child. It's still his child. I cannot, honestly, when I learned the Chasam Sofer, I was matmia. How could the Chasam Sofer write a thing like this? Of course, I'm nothing compared to the Chasam Sofer. I'm sure the Chasam Sofer was a tremendous father and a tzaddik. But to me, I look at it the opposite, that even though, regardless of who he was, but he was still his son. That's pshat al oydos b'noi. I would have learned the pshat in the pasuk, no matter what he did, it's still your son. It's still your son. You know, we're bonim laShem. We're the children of Hashem. The Gemara says, Yisrael, since we're bonim, even if they're chatu, we're still bonim. We're still children. Paskening like Rabbi Meir that says, af al pi shechatu, we're still bonim. I think what the pasuk is saying is, at the end of the day, al oydos b'noi. I want to tell you a story. By this point, you already earned the story. Yeah? Okay. פעם traveled Eretz Yisrael. For the yeshiva, they sent me to say shiurim in different yeshivas to recruit bachurim. On my trip there, I sat next to a Gerer chassid. Gerer chassidim don't like to talk a lot. They don't talk. Even when they do talk, they'll say small, sharp things, you know. Sitting next to the fellow, the guy didn't say one word to me the entire time. In the middle of the trip, he turns to me and he says to me, Would you like to hear something interesting? I go, Oh, I didn't know you know how to talk. Wow, I'm surprised, you know. From the Gerer Rebbe. I said, Yeah, that I figured already. You know, I'm sure if you're gonna tell me something, it's gotta be from the Gerer Rebbe. I said, I'd love to hear. And he tells me the following thing, that in the yeshiva of the Ger, of the Gerer chassidim, there was a boy that misbehaved, and he was such a bad influence on all the boys that they didn't know what to do with him. So the menahel went over to the Rebbe, and he says, Rebbe, what do we do with this boy? I think we have to throw him out of yeshiva. There's no choice. Like I told you, when a boy is a bad influence, garei, you have to get rid of him. The Rebbe, in Gerer Kotzk style, said one word: Inavi. You know what that means. I'll tell you what it means. And to where? I'm looking at the guy and I'm going, Did I miss the story? It just flew right by me. That was the end of the story, and I'm looking. He says to me, You know what it means? I said, No. I have no idea what you're talking about. He says, let me explain to you what the Ger Rebbe said. Avi means unto where. What the Ger Rebbe was saying is, if he is our child, he is the son of our fathers here in the yeshiva, you want to throw him out? To where? The minute you throw him out, he's still your son. And now you have to deal with him on the outside of the yeshiva. So it didn't change anything. Your son always remains your son. In Avi means where are you going to send—garbage, you could throw in the garbage and the pickup comes and picks it up and takes it away. But your son, he remains your son whether he's in this building or he's outside of this building. I never understood why the guy told me, because he didn't say one word to me afterwards. I never heard not one word after this. We landed, he said goodbye to me, and that was it. And I always wondered to myself, what was—why would he tell me a thing like this? I thought maybe because he thought I was in chinuch, I was a rebbe, maybe I told him I'm a maggid shiur. Fast forward.

Many years, I was a rebbe here in a yeshiva in Queens, and I was sitting by a meeting of the rabbeim, and they were discussing to throw out a boy from yeshiva. And all the rabbeim, all of them, said that he has to leave because he's a very bad influence, and he's got to go, and he's not a good boy. What came to my mind? Inavi, where you want to throw him out to. And I told them this story, and they kept the boy. Today the boy is a maggid shiur in the yeshiva. He says shiurim in the yeshiva. The concept of it's your son. Wherever you throw him, he'll still be your son. I want to show you where I learned this from. Avraham is told, Gareish es ha'amah hazos v'es b'nah. Let's fast forward. The end of the parsha brings us the Akeidah. Who went to the Akeidah? Yishmoel went to the Akeidah. He went together with Eliezer. What's he doing back home? You ever think about it? I was wondering always. I don't see. He was told to throw him out, and all of a sudden he's back on the scene. He's back in the picture. How did he get back in the picture? I have another question for you. It says clearly by the Akeidah, Hashem tells Yitzchok—I'm sorry, Avraham, excuse me—Kach na es bincha es yechidcha asher ahavta. Take your son that you love. What does Avraham say? My son? I have two sons that I love. I love both of them, huh? I don't see. It says, Gareish es ha'amah hazos v'es b'nah. He's not your son anymore. Something is not—Yesh something's klapnish. Something's wrong here. Read, read the Chumash, the actual psukim. Here he says, Garish es ha'ama hazos v'es bnah. The meforshim tell us he's not your son anymore. So how all of a sudden, he's in his house, it's his son? Never happened? The story of Garish es ha'ama hazos just never happened? How do you reconcile this parsha and this parsha? It's in the same parsha. What happened here? I once saw a beautiful vort I'd love to share with you. I saw a vort. Reb Reuven Feinstein, zecher tzaddik livracha, was the Rosh Yeshiva of Torah Vodaas. His father was a big rav in Europe, and there's a book written about him, a big literature rabbanim, and he said a very interesting pshat. Hashem tells Avram, Go and shecht your son. He asks, My son? I have two of them. Like we said, but that's not true. I thought you only have one. So he says that once Hashem said, Throw him out of the house, and that he's not your son, so now he's a yasom, right? Now he's my son because he's a yasom. Avraham Avinu took him in afterwards. You're right, he's not my son, but now he's my son that I have to help because he doesn't have a father. You hear the beautiful pshat? You hear it? Well, he doesn't have a father. He told me that he's not my— the father is not— he's not my son. Okay, so he's a yatom. Okay, now he has a father because I took him in as a yasom. I saw the Netziv. The Netziv says a different pshat. The Netziv says that only in relevance to Yitzchak, Yishmael wasn't Avraham's son. But to say, bichlal, Hashem was telling him it's not his son? No. It's a chidush, right? That only when it comes to Yitzchak. Correct. But it's a Netziv. Rabosai, you know what I would say the pshat is? That was the test that Avraham Avinu had to have: the balance, the balance. On one hand, he had to send him out of the house as if he would be completely a stranger. And at the same time, he understood he still has to be mekarev him, and that it really is still his son. Not his son, yes his son. Not his son, yes his son. This was the biggest test for Avraham Avinu. For Avraham Avinu, you know, rabosai, raising children is very difficult. Raising children, people don't realize, decisions have to be made. Sometimes you love, and sometimes you can't love. It's not easy.

The Medrash tells us that, you know what really went wrong with Yishmael? It's a mefurasha Medrash. Avraham Avinu was not mechanech him with a tough hand. He let him go. He let him have free. Mefurasha Medrash. The Medrash says, we learn from over here, what Shlomo HaMelech says. Shlomo HaMelech says, Chosech shivto, sonei bno. Spare the rod. Avraham spared the rod. Medrash. And that's why Yishmael... by Yitzchak not. He says Yitzchak got it... Yitzchak like a kicking patch. Azoi Yitzchak the Medrash. Yitzchak got a kicking patch. Avraham, Yishmael, maybe because he was the bechor. You have to work on this Medrash, but that's what it was. And therefore he turned out l'tarbus ra. And could be that's what's bothering Avraham Avinu, that he failed in the chinuch of his child. That's what Rashi maybe means, Yatza l'tarbus ra. He failed in my chinuch, the challenge that I have for chinuch. You know, rabosai, sometimes, rabosai, test us. We don't have a choice to do what the Eibishter is telling us to do. The test is how we take the challenge. Gareish ha'am hazos v'es bnah. He had to do it. He had no choice. Remember that was the question we asked. He had no choice. It's how he responded and how he reacted, and how he grew from it in lessons of chinuch and how to be mechanech a child. That's where the test comes from. The test is not what we do, but it's how we take it and how we grow from it. And I'll prove it to you. Lech lecha me'artzecha, umimoladetcha. The test was to go. The mefarshim ask, what choice did he have? Hashem tells you to go. Do you have a choice? You don't have a choice. Akeidah, the mefarshim ask, he had no choice. You know what the teretz is? It's not that he did it. It's how he did it and how he accepted the challenge. It says, Lech lecha l'hanascha u'letovascha. He had to accept it, not that he actually did it, but how he did it. He did it thinking it was positive, it was something good for him. L'hanascha u'letovascha. You know what the two leshonos—what does it mean, l'hanascha u'letovascha? It's a double lashon. And the answer is very simple. Something could be a toivah for me, could be good for me, but I don't enjoy it. A shot is very good. You ever see a parent tells a kid, A shot is, you need it, it's good for you, yeah, but I don't enjoy it. L'hanascha u'letovascha. We take it that it's not just something you'll have to swallow, a bitter pill which is good for you, but it's l'hanascha also. Shana toivah u'mesukah. Why do we say shana toivah? Toivah necessarily means something that's sweet. Sometimes it's bitter. Sometimes it's bitter. Mesukah, we ask Hashem it should be toivah and mesukah. You notice that when he went down to Mitzrayim, what does he say? Tell them you're my sister, l'maan asher yitav li ba'avurech. They'll give me good because of you. Rashi says they'll give me presents. Presents? That's what's going through Avraham Avinu's mind? No, he was empty now. He was rav. He went down to Mitzrayim hungry. But why? How's his wife—he's planning out how they should save his wife. So the issue is presents. Look, Parashat Shemot, they ask this question. So I gave many different answers over the years. One answer I gave is he owed money. Listen, he owed money on the way in. When you owe money, you better make sure you pay up. Don't be so frum, I don't give me presents. No, take the presents. Later on, Malki Tzedek, he doesn't take the presents, right? Malki Tzedek wanted to give him the money from Sedom; he didn't want it. Yeah, but here, and Rashi takke says, b'chazaraso parak afoisav, he paid up his debts. A lot of times, he's very religious. He doesn't want to take money. Yeah, but you owe people money, okay? That's one answer we gave over the years. Another answer, I think, which is true, Avraham understood that if he's going down to Mitzrayim, and Mitzrayim is a tremendous test for him, he knew that it wasn't just that he'll survive it, but he'll walk away with it l'hanoscho u'letovascho.

Something very good is awaiting for him at the other end of the test. In life, when we go through tests, it's not just the Ribono Shel Olam survives, gives us survival. Hashem is giving us that eventually from it will come only good things, and you have to be ma'amin, you have to believe that. And that's l'hanoscha l'tovoscha. Not just it's good for you to go through this test, but l'hanoscha, you'll have good from it, physical gain, you'll gain from it. And therefore, when he goes to Mitzrayim, he says, you know, obviously I'm going to come back with tovah, yitlu li matanos, that I'll get presents from it. Tests in life is to bring good things from it, and that's the emunah. That's the emunah. That's the belief in every test. Let's go back now to the story of Goreishes ha'amaz oisves beno. Avraham is given a tremendous challenge, and that is the challenge of what we call chinuch habonim. Chinuch habonim, it's rough. Ramban says he was chayiv. We sometimes have to punish a kid. We got to do what we got to do. On the other hand, sometimes in the home we have to make decisions where the kid maybe didn't deserve what he got, but influencing the atmosphere of the home. He was influencing Yishmael, Yitzchak, right? Then there's another concept of the house has to be with law and order. The Medrash says, like we just learned, that Yishmael wasn't given a strict hand. It was lax. And I want to tell you how far the Medrash goes. The Medrash continues and says, We are bonim laShem. The Medrash continues, Hashem deals with us in this fashion of chinuch as well. Hashem also gives us punishment, and He's strict with us. Chosech shivto, sonei bno. Bno meaning what? Klal Yisrael as well. It's not just the father to the child, but it's also HaKadosh Baruch Hu with Klal Yisrael. That's the end of this Medrash in Shemos. You know, rabosai, I always wondered, chinuch is given to a father. I always wondered about it. And there's a very famous expression: You don't have a license. You don't have to pass a license to be a father. You think it's a big—to be a doctor, you got to pass a license. No one ever had to pass a license to be a father. And the truth is, the life of your child is in your hand, just like the patient is in the hand of the doctor, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. How you mechanech your child will ultimately make you a bigger and better parent, which is a bigger and better person, and therefore ultimately... Klap, הקדוש ברוך הוא, you're a bigger, better person. That's l'maan asher yetzaveh, yedativ. What the Rabbeinu Shalom loved about Avraham Avinu was that he was mechanech. The reason why Hashem put the chinuch of children in our hands, that we should grow from it also. So the nisayon of chinuch habonim is actually whose test? It's our test as well. It's our test as well. The Chofetz Chaim lost a child in his lifetime. His older son, Rav Leib, he was the dayan of Radin. He was a giant. He was the big posek in Radin. And the Chofetz Chaim, as Avraham Avinu, was very soft and loving and caring, and it was a challenge to him. And he said something interesting. He said, Rabbeinu Shlolem, till now I had to share my love between You and my child. I love Hashem. I love my child.

And it's dual love. And sometimes they conflict, rabosai. How many parents think to themselves, you know, I'd rather my son be a doctor. I'd rather my son go out and make parnassah, have a good life. On the other hand, it's in the challenge of avodas Hashem. Maybe it's better he should learn and he should daven, and he should minimize in the parnassah. It's a dual challenge for a parent to make a decision: do I give my son to Hashem completely, or do I give him completely to this world and a good life? Chana gave her son completely to who? She gave him completely to Hashem. We don't do that, but we need to balance it. It's a balance. Do we give our child everything he wants, physical, monetary, or do we say, listen, we love Hashem? Bris milah. What's bris milah? We take our son and we make a bris. We're giving him somewhat to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. This is the tremendous balance. Said the Chofetz Chaim, till now I had to share. Now that I lost my son, all my love goes to who? It goes to You, HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Now my love completely is to You. And the Chofetz Chaim said, where did he learn this from? He learned this from a Jewish mother, a simple Jewish mother in the Spanish Inquisition. Her child was killed in the Inquisition, and as she hovered over the body of her child, she spoke these words: Ribono Shel Olam, now my whole love is all for You. And he said, If a Jewish mother, simple Jewish mother, could reach this height of awareness and love for Hashem, I for surely could reach it and speak out these words. Chinuch habonim is complicated. It's difficult. Very difficult. It's a challenge. How do we take the challenge? Goreishes ha'ama azois es bno. On one hand, it's Avraham's son. On the other hand, what? The child has to be sent away. Avraham Avinu is torn. He's torn between love. To take a child and sacrifice him to Hashem was not as a big a nisayon as Goreishes ha'ama azois es bno. I go back to the original question. The akeidah was less than this? Yes, it was, because the akeidah, he took somebody he loved for somebody he loved. Over here, what was he doing? He was pushing away, taking away love from a child because of the love of the Eibishter. That was very difficult for Avraham Avinu. A child, for Hashem, complete devotion to Hashem, he was able to do, to push a child away. Because Hashem said so. And what did he understand? That even after all that, it's still my son, and I still have to love him. Al oydos b'noi. That was difficult for him to the point that what? He takes him back right after Karesh. You're right, Karesh. So the Eibishter must have meant—what did the Eibishter mean? Send him out. But right away, what do we find? He's back on the picture. He's back at home. When Hashem says, Take your son that you love, no, I love both of them. What do you mean? And the teretz is, it's not a contradiction. Hashem said, You got to send him out. In English we call it tough love. You got to send him out, yeah, but you got to love. You got to love. And that's a difficult path that every parent has to take. I want to show you something interesting. I know the time is getting late. We're coming soon to an end, okay? How come everyone is not smiling? I thought everyone's going to smile when I say we're coming to an end. See? I think the oilam enjoys. Okay, Baruch Hashem. You ready? Okay. It's over one of the great Rebbes. I believe it's the Rebbe.

They had a child that did not follow in the path of his parents. He went off. Yet the Rebbetzin dealt with him with so much love. He turned to the Ribono Shel Olam. He said, Ribono Shel Olam, I'm just a person, and I love my child, even though he was a rebellious. You, Ribono Shel Olam, You're the master of the world, the creator of the world. You for surely should love your rebellious children. You hear? Chaim Shmulevitz, zicher tzaddik livracha, used to travel to Yad Avshalom. Yad Avshalom is the monument over the grave where Avshalom, the son of David, is buried. Avshalom rebelled against his father terribly. Avshalom, yes, possibly fit the MO of a ben sorer u'moreh. David HaMelech davened for him. Avshalom beni, ten times he called him beni, ten times. And every time he said beni, he elevated him from one level of Gehenom. That's what the Gemara says. Avshalom beni, he lifted him up from one level of Gehenom. Reb Chaim Shmulevitz used to go and pray before Yom Kippur and say, Ribono Shel Olam, David HaMelech understood. A rebellious child is still beni, and that no matter what, a father is able to be moichel. He's able to overcome everything and have love and forgive. Ribono Shel Olam, You're our Father. Reb Chaim Shmulevitz took the chinuch of a child as a model role in growth, to become a better and bigger Jew close to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. You see? The lessons of chinuch, rabosai. You're the father. Think of how the Ribono Shel Olam is our Father. I grew up in my father's shul. There was a Jew who would read the Kriyas HaTorah on Rosh Hashanah, the first day, and he would cry hysterically almost on the pasuk of Gareish ha'amah hazos v'es b'nah. He would cry hysterically. And I never understood why. And I know there were people in the synagogue that mocked him. What, are you related to Yishmael that you care so much? What? Why are you so overwhelmed about Yishmael? Big deal, Gareish ha'amah hazos v'es b'nah. I knew this Jew. He was a talmid chacham. He had tremendous insight in Torah. He was a tremendous chashuv person. And I knew it came from somewhere. He had Chassidic lineage. I knew it came from somewhere. The fact that he was emotionally moved by Gareish ha'amah hazos v'es b'nah, I didn't know why, but I knew it had to be something. And over the years, I pondered, why bichlal is that something we read on Rosh Hashanah? Why are we reading about Hashem pakad es Sarah? Okay, that I hear why it's on Rosh Hashanah. Why? It happened on Rosh Hashanah. Hashem pakad es Sarah happened on Rosh Hashanah. Good. But the whole story with Yishmael, and then it goes into Avimelech, it's almost the second day we read the Akedah. That makes sense. I hear that, the Akedah. Why are we reading Hashem pakad es Sarah, continuing with the whole story with Yishmael? Now you have to understand, rabosai, one of the lessons that is for Rosh Hashanah is taken from Yishmael's reaction to this garish, that he was thrown out of the house. He's thrown out, he's in the midbar, and what happens? He's ready to die. He davens to Hashem. Vayishma Hashem el kol hana'ar, no? Ba'asher hu sham. Hashem listened to him, because at that moment he was still good. We spoke about he wasn't really good. He was metzachek. He was thrown out of the house for a reason, right? Too good he wasn't, right? He wasn't a good boy, and that's why he was thrown out of the house, right?

We discussed that at a different time, okay? But the Gemara says, we learn from over here that Hashem listens to the prayer of a person, asher hu sham, the way he is. And therefore, Rosh Hashanah, we come and we say, Ribono Shel Olam, asher hu sham. This is who we are. Asher hu sham. Today we're clean. Today we want to do teshuvah. Don't look at the past. Don't look at the future. Asher hu sham, right? Isn't it interesting that we learn it from Yishmael? It's an interesting thing. I thought about it. It's an interesting lesson. We're learning from Yishmael a concept which is nogea to Rosh Hashanah, asher hu sham. I mean, I'm not Yishmael, I'm not Yishmael. And the answer is, rabosai, there's something very emotional, very sensitive. Gareish ha'amah hazos ve'es b'nah. When the child sins, what happens? There's a part of the nisayon of Avraham, a child who sins, what happens? And the lesson is, Vayishma Elokim el kol ha'naar ba'asher hu sham. Ribono Shel Olam, we also, we also sinned. We did things that the Ribono Shel Olam should throw us away. Yet still, Vayishma Elokim el kol ha'naar ba'asher hu sham. It echoes the child that rebels, the parsha of Hagar and Yishmael, the child who rebels. And what is the reaction to the child who rebels? Ba'asher hu sham. We look at him at the moment. We give him a chance to do teshuva. Al odos banoi, he's still a child, he's still a son. And that becomes the lesson of Rosh Hashanah as well. And I believe that's what this Jew, this alter Yid in my father's shul, he felt. He was misragesh in the parsha of Gareish ha'ama hazos v'es b'nah. Banim anachnu laMakom. We are children of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Chinuch should be taken as a lesson, as an opportunity to grow. We should grow. Al tachshov she'atem mechanchim es hayeled; techanchu es atzmechem gam ken באותו זמן. You be mechanech yourself also. In English we say it takes two to tangle. Don't blame your kid for everything. Most of the things you can blame him for, but some of it is you too. You want him to grow, yedativ, you got to be example for him. How you respond to what he does speaks volumes of you as well. And that's the nisayon of Gareish ha'ama hazos v'es b'nah. Avraham had a tremendous test. How does he deal with the home, where the home is all... Problematic. One child is doing good, the other child is bad. The influence, the problems. And the Rabbeinu Shalom tells him he's got to be tough on the child. Yet what? It's his child. The love. It's very important that when you're mechanech your children, never forget shneihem ani ohev. When one child is better than another, here you have a case where Hashem tells him, Throw him out. Consider him not. Send him out without a penny, without even carfare. That's what we began the shiur with, without even carfare. Throw him out, like, excuse my expression, like you throw a dog. ... Avraham turns around and says, Shneihem ani ohev. I love them both the same. That's the koach of Yedatif, l'maan asher yetzaveh es banav v'es beiso acharav. So nothing really rubbed off on Yishmael from Avraham during his... Let me tell you, a Medrash says it. You know, again, you have to see the Medrash. It's unbelievable, because he did not hit his kid and he let him, was soft, he let him go. But Yitzchak, he used to give him a hard time.

Lesson of the nisayon of Garish HaShama is the chinuch. How do you deal with children? How do you deal with the two children in the house? Good, Rabbi. You've just experienced another Torah class, brought to you by TorahAnytime.com.