Vayeitzei: Yaakov’s Patience with Lavan—Controlling Anger and Speaking B’Nachas

Transcript

This Torah class is brought to you by TorahAnytime.com. This week's parsha, Parshas Vayeitzei, we learn a lot about Yaakov Avinu, his marriages, and his daily life activities for many, many years in business, dealing with a boss like Lavan, his father-in-law. In Hebrew, there's an expression, tarti l'reiusa. It's based on the Gemara, tarti l'reiusa. It wasn't only was his boss who was difficult; it was his father-in-law, a boss of father-in-law. Could you imagine? Could you imagine the stress that Yaakov Avinu had to live through on a daily basis? It wasn't just a father-in-law. That itself could cause a person to go off the wire. It was his father-in-law and a boss, and on top of that, he was the biggest liar that ever lived, Lavan ha'Arami. We find that Chazal tell us inherently Lavan was a tremendous liar. It's even brought in Chazal that his name was a lie. Lavan is white. Chazal tell us he was actually extremely dark. There was nothing that he ever said or did that had anything to do with the truth. They say over an expression, This guy's such a liar that even if he says hello to you, you know he's lying. It's an expression that's used. It's not that far off in definition of lavan. If you want to know what Lavan is, Lavan is a cheftza. It's a Hebrew word, cheftza. He's the essence of lie. Lavan, ramai, he was a liar. So he's a liar, and on top of it he's the father-in-law. So even if the father-in-law is a good guy, it's not so easy to deal with the father-in-law. On top of that, it's his boss. And on top of that, he lives in the house together with his father-in-law for years and years and years. And at every step of the way, the father-in-law lies to him to the point that he gave him the wrong girl. Could you imagine? A person goes to a shidduch, chasana, he sits under the chuppah, and the father-in-law tricks him and gives him a different... They say over, I don't know if you know, Sefardim have a very interesting shrill sound that they make by a chasana. La la la la la. Where does that come from? Medrash says that they were screaming, Leah, Leah, Leah, Leah, Leah. No, it's a medrash. It's based on a medrash. You never heard that before? Yeah. It's כדאי to come just for this, Rabbi. Leah, Leah, Leah, Leah. It was Leah, Leah, Leah. They were telling Yaakov, Yaakov. Everybody knew. Everybody knew. So could you imagine the embarrassment? Are you talking about that the whole thing was a setup, a lie, which would have taken another person's mind, blown his mind that he should come over and really wrangle the neck of his father-in-law, yeah? Let's taka see, how did he respond? Was that the way Yaakov Avinu deals with it? Says the Torah, ויהי בבוקר, והנה היא לאה. It's Leah. ויאמר אל לבן, מה זאת עשית לי? Why'd you lie to me? Lavan answers, ויאמר לבן...

This is not what we do here. We don't give the young girl before the older. Makes sense to you? How about the fact that he told him he would do differently? It's all very good if that was the agreement in advance and the discussion that preceded the wedding. But you can't come and say one thing and then slip him a lie. My zeideh zichrono livracha, my zeideh zatzal, used to explain the pasuk. I believe it's from his father, the Beis Aharon. And I think the sefarim today bring from the Beis Aharon, from my great-grandfather, pshat in the pasuk. I mean, it's a tremendous question. How could you do this to me? I don't understand. We spoke about the chasunah, and we spoke about Rochel being the kallah. Lamah rimisani? Why'd you slip me something? He doesn't answer that question. We don't do that here. Who cares what answer? But you lied to me, right? So my grandfather says you have to understand Lavan's answer. Yaakov is telling him, How could you lie to me? You didn't tell me the truth. And he answers, Lo ye'aseh chein bimkomeinu. We don't tell the truth around here. What do you want from me? Lo ye'aseh chein bimkomeinu doesn't mean on the older, the younger. No, because otherwise that wasn't the question. The question was, Lamah rimisani? Why did you fool me? Why did you lie to me? The answer is because we don't, we don't what? You lied to me. He didn't answer the—he didn't address what Yaakov Avinu, and Yiddish document, warning him. What Yaakov Avinu is, is taking him to task. What's the answer? Tell the truth. It's normal here. This is how we do business around here. Yaakov Avinu, right away should have thought to himself, either I kill myself or I kill him. This isn't going to work, right? How does Yaakov deal with nothing? Tells him, Go work again. I'll give you Rachel, okay. He accepts it. Did he get angry, Yaakov Avinu? So the truth is, when you read the pasuk, you could read it that he said it angrily, right? Depends how you read the pasuk. So we have to go to the Baal Koreh and ask the Baal Koreh, Read it for me. How do you read it? But then you could read it that he didn't say it that way. Who says he read it with such, with such emphasis? Maybe it was like this: ... Told Lavan, What'd you do? It's all in the niggun and how he said it. There's a very famous story the Baalei Mussar say that there was once a child. Sent a letter to his father from yeshiva, saying that he's missing money and clothing and he needs and he needs. You know, how does a child? I need, right? That's a child. The father reads the letter and he says, Eizeh mechutzaf. What a chutzpah. B'shum oifen, I'm not going to send him any clothing and any money. Look how he wrote me a letter. Tate, father, need money. Send clothing. That's how you talk to your father? That's with such azut? Not going to send him any money, not going to send him any clothing. The mother said, Let me read the letter, let me read. She picks up the letter and she reads, Abba, Tate, need money. Send clothing. Send clothing. It's the same words, different niggun, huh? Question: How did he say it? Now we know vayomer is not a lashon of strong, harsh words. Usually dibur is kashe. Dibur, vayedaber, dibur is kashe. Vayomer, right? Or vayaged is...

Kasheh, kasheh kagidin. Vayoymer doesn't mean strength, or strong language, or strong connotation. So we don't have clear in the pasuk how harsh and how heated was the conversation. We don't have it. It's not clear in the pasuk. But I could tell you something interesting. We find later on that there was another exchange between Yaakov and Lavan, and there the pasuk does say vayichar, got angry. Later on, when Lavan runs after Yaakov at the end of his unwelcomed stay, Yaakov Avinu, he leaves, he runs away, right? He didn't give any heads up that he's leaving, took the terafim, Rachel stole the avodah zarah of Lavan. He runs after, Give me my avodah zarah. They couldn't find it. Yaakov gets angry. Perek lamed aleph, pasuk lamed vav: Vayichar li Yaakov vayorev b'Lavan. Oh, here we see he gets angry, vayorev, and he's fighting. So here the Torah stresses and the Torah emphasizes and the Torah teaches, is megaleh, that it was vayichar. The implication is that l'churah he was not angry before, because otherwise the Torah should have said vayichar, he got angry, and he tells Lavan, Lamah rimisani? That's the question. But before we get to that, it seems to be, if I would have to read the pesukim kipshutan. Here he's not getting so angry, while there, later, later on, he's extremely angry, vayichar. I have another question. Did he ever get angry at Rachel or Leah? Now, Rachel, he could have gotten angry: Hayitachnig the simanim. Did he ever get angry at Leah? Hayitachnig — you're not my bride, you're not my kallah, what are you doing? Nowhere do we find that he got angry. Why did he accept it? I don't understand. He could have went to the beis din and said, Beis din, this is not — this is mekach ta'us. This is not kiddushin, this is not marriage. A person thinks he's marrying this person, and it comes out to be somebody else. Where is the kiddushin, to the point that the acharonim, the mefarshim, have a hard time to understand how really did he marry her. If he thought it was somebody else, he can't marry her. It can't be a kiddushin, there can't be a chuppah, there can't be a nisuin. We'll deal with that at a different time, halachically. But we want to know simply, why did he not complain? Why did he not come and say, You know what? No, I don't want this. This is not who I planned on marrying. And he would be right. And in halacha, they would grant him — what do they call it? — annulment, no? What's the pshat, rabosai? You don't even need — we can sit and discuss the halachic issue of it. If you, if he really didn't accept it, it's not even an ones. It's nothing. It never happened. The whole thing was, is void. Not an ones. Ones means we undo something. It was void. It never happened. A person thinks he's marrying a lady and he's marrying a man, and a man shows up under the chuppah, it doesn't mean anything, right? It's the same thing if you think you're marrying Rachel and it happens to be Leah, technically it shouldn't work. Nothing happened. Okay. You know what the answer that we must understand in this week's parsha? The avos lived that whatever Hashem does is the result is accepted, and I don't ask questions. If Hashem made it, there's no mistakes. In English we call it no regrets. Why? Because I know Hashem. Hashem, me'Hashem yatza davar. How could such a thing take place? And more than that, the mere fact that everyone's screaming it's Leah and he doesn't pick up on it, it shows more and more. It's more of a proof. It's more of a raya that this is...

Hashem yatza davar. Hashem wanted it to be, and therefore I accept it, to the point that I won't even argue, and that the kiddushin and the nisuin, that's the marriage. That's my shidduch. That's it. And once I live like that, and once I comprehend and understand that, I don't even get angry. You know what kaas is, rabosai? Kaas is when things don't go the way we want them to go. Kaas is, I didn't get my way. But if there's no such thing as my way, and you know this expression, my way or the highway, right? Or no way. I see you guys know all the expressions. You know how the avos lived? Either Hashem's way or no way. Whatever it is, it's Hashem. It has nothing to do with me. My way? What's my way? I don't have a way. I have only what the Eibishter, what the Ribono Shel Olam gives, sends, wants of me, and I accept it. U'meileh, I don't have kaas. When there's no yiras Shamayim, when a person doesn't believe that everything is hashgacha pratis, he gets angry. Ein emunah. When you have emunah, there's no room for anger. Yaakov Avinu lives with emunah, and he's not angry not at Lavan, he's not angry not at Leah, and he's not angry not at Rachel either. Now let's go and understand, so why does he get angry at the end? Eh? Maybe Hashem wanted him to. So let's see a little bit. I saw an interesting Aruch HaChaim, very interesting Aruch HaChaim. The Aruch HaChaim HaKadosh writes, Vayichar l'Yaakov vayarev b'Lavan. So first the Aruch HaChaim says, Vayichar l'Yaakov, because he got angry, that's why he started to fight. Had he not gotten angry, he wouldn't fight. Fighting is a result of getting angry. If a person could alleviate the anger, he won't fight. Once you reach the anger stage, then comes the fighting stage. That's what he says, Vayichar l'Yaakov, and then Vayarev b'Lavan. But then the Aruch HaChaim says, wait a minute, why does it have to say Vayarev b'Lavan? It should just say, we know the story, Lavan and his gang are running after Yaakov, so it should have said Vayichar l'Yaakov, Vayarev, and he started to fight. Says the Aruch HaChaim, two pshatim. Vayarev, he fought with Lavan, for Lavan. This was called fighting. Why? He treated Lavan with kid gloves all the time, so this is called fighting. But if you want to know what other people would even call this fighting, this would be nice. This would be behaving nicely. A lot of times you see people, yeah. That they scream, right? What are you screaming for? So the guy said, It's not, I didn't say anything. Yeah, you're right. For some people, this would be nice talk. But since it's not used, since Yaakov Avinu always talks so nicely and he treats Lavan so nicely, so this is called a fire. Ooh, this is a little... But Chassid Sholom, says the Derech Chaim, you think he really got angry and you think he really got disrespectful? You think he really said strong words? Nah! And he quotes an interesting Chazal: Kabdenusan shel avos, what the avos, what we call by them being makpid, anger, would be amanususan shel banim. You know, in the yeshivas we're taught that what the avos did, chata'im, what they did chata'im for us would be mitzvahs. That's how we're taught. When we try to understand Yaakov Avinu, the Or Chaim says it's the same thing based on a Medrash here. What we call by Yichar li Yaakov, by us would be nice talk. Yeah? Wow, so sweet. Look how respectful he is. So you understand the level of the vayichar. You hear? You hear the... Again, nachamah, not פעם.

מה שהחכם הקדוש אומר, מה שכתוב כבר ויחר. אל תחשוב שזה ויחר שלנו, that the walls are ready to cave in, that's not ויחר, okay? It was ויחר, clapi Lavan, which there was such a respectful, yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh, that was a little different today, ooh, he's a little more angry today. But this would be called sweet talk for other people. What's called anger for Yaakov would be sweet talk. And then he says, Derech Chaim, a second pshat: ויחר ליעקב וירב בלבן. What's the pshat, וירב בלבן? He did it directly to Lavan that no one else should hear. He had to tell off Lavan here, but even when he told off Lavan, he made a cheshbon: I talked directly to Lavan. You hear, it's a beautiful Derech Chaim, efemot. You know, when someone gets angry, he loses himself, he screams in front of everybody. He doesn't care who's listening, who's around. What does he mean, ויחר? It was what? It was with a cheshbon. It was calculated. It was calculated anger. And even the anger, you hear, would be by us considered, wow, he's such a nice, wow, he's so nice to his wife today, look at him, look at him. You know, we have this problem. A lot of times we think we're being nice to our wife, so how can you be so disrespectful? Well, what do you say? Excuse me, I'm talking nicely, right? Yeah, what? No, doesn't happen, no? Doesn't happen, okay. Tzadikim, I don't know. All right. But this is what the Aruch HaChaim is saying, that even when Yaakov Avinu already gets angry, it's what another person wouldn't call anger, and it was calculated that only Lavan should hear it and no one else should hear it. What's the pshat? The pshat is pashut. There's no such a thing as anger which comes deep from the shoresh, that he lost himself and he got angry. There's no such thing. Even when he had to get angry, he calculated. I want to tell you a nice story. Want to hear a nice story? Who wants to hear a nice story? ... My grandfather told me that the Alter from Slabodka, he was the giant of mussar. It's such a lesson, this story, to understand the way mussar, the way great giants had control and had such havanah, had such understanding. The story goes that there was a boy in the yeshiva that this was disrespectful to the Alter, and the boy realized it. So he expected that the Alter would call him in, mashgiach, Alter from Slabodka would call him in, tell him off, he'll give him a good whack, a good, yeah? Never happened. One day passed, two days, a week, two weeks, a month. The boy forgot about it. He figured, all right, the Alter must... Either decided not to say anything, or he forgot, or he didn't realize that it was such a bad thing I did. After two months, he calls the boy, and the boy didn't even put that it has to do with the story of two months ago. And the alter gave him over the head, You chatzuf, you. You eiz azut panim atah. She says, Rebbe, understand, it happened two months ago. Why did you wait the two months? He says, I waited that it shouldn't be personal. I waited to get it out of my system. I have to give you mussar. It's my chiyuv to be mochiach you, to be madrich you. But I waited that it shouldn't be that I'm angry, and I now give you mussar, the cheshbon, calculate l'shem shamayim. Eh? A muk. There's two types of tochachah. There's tochachah that a person gives with a calculation. There's tochachah—there are times where a person has to get angry. Then there's times where the person loses himself. When you lose yourself and you get angry, kol minei Gehenom sholtin bo.

Kol hakoes, Chazal say, many, all different types of Gehenim are sholet in the person. You want to tell me what that means? Kol minei Gehenim sholtin boi. Here, here, you get it to the Ramban. Shema beni mussar avicha. The Ramban is giving mussar here. Shema beni. So what's he giving mussar? Don't get angry. Mussar doesn't mean—what do you think mussar means, getting angry? No, no, he's giving you mussar not to be angry. And what is it? Tinatzel min hakas. Why? Shehi midah ra l'hachtia bnei adam. V'chein amru Raboseinu, zichronam livrachah, kol hakoes, kol minei Gehenim sholtin boi. All different types of Gehenim. What does that mean? That's not asking you. You're asking me or I'm asking you? Who's asking who? So I'll answer you. You ready? You ready? I'll answer you. L'hachtia bnei adam. What is l'hachtia? Does he say kol hakoes is choteh, or does it cause you l'hachtia? It causes you to sin. You know, when a person's koes, he loses himself. The worst thing that a person could do is to not be sholet, not to have full control of himself. Once you lose control, that's the beginning of all different disintegration of different things that a person could do bad. Control. Yeah, control. How does a person lose control? What happens? What's control? Let's talk what control is. Does anybody know what it means to be in control? Tagid l'adam, you have control. What controls a person? And I'll answer you very simply. When a person knows that HaKadosh Baruch Hu, HaKadosh Baruch Hu is Mistakel, HaKadosh Baruch Hu is manhig, that's control. People think, by the way, that control means that he has control over himself. I want to tell you something interesting. As a rav, many have come to me with a discussion about the AA programs, the 10-step programs for all different types of addictions. Some are pro. Some people believe, some poskim, some, you know, halachic authorities think it's a great thing. It helps a person. And others say it's a bad thing. Why? Because they teach the person that he's not in control, right? Is he in control or he's not in control? What is AA? Anybody here know how AA works? So they try to say, What do you mean you're in control? The Eibishter. A person can't control. The Eibishter controls. You know, there's a Chazal. Chazal say that אילמלא הקדוש ברוך הוא עוזרו, if HaKadosh Baruch Hu doesn't help a person to control against the yetzer hara, לא יוכל לו. A person can't do it on his own. Truthfully, this is the discussion. This is the issue. Does man have full control to combat, or does he have to subordinate in the hands of HaKadosh Baruch Hu? It's one of the issues about how AAA works. Are you in control? Are you able to do it, or no? A person has to give it over and say, you know what, it's not in my hands to do, and either another party will help me. I don't want to discuss the whole topic, but basically, self-control. What is self-control? What is when a person has to control himself? Is control a person with his own kochos, or control is yiras Shamayim? It really boils down to this. When a person doesn't have yiras Shamayim, Kol hako'es, ki'ilu oved avodah zarah. Why? Why if someone is ko'es, it's like he did avodah zarah? So many mefarshim say the pshat is, Nu, Moshiach come, nu, what's the pshat? Nu. Because when a person, his mind is gone, he's so angry.

Doesn't see Hashem, doesn't see, right? Kol hakoes, ki'ilu oved avodah zarah. It's like... But you know what the real meaning is? Everything we spoke of above. When you know that everything that happens in life is given and done and happens because Hashem said so. So if a person gets angry at it, what is he saying? That Hashem is not in control of me. I want to be in control of the situation. It's ki'ilu oved avodah zarah. And when a person says, I'm in control, kol mini Gehenom sholtin boi, because we're not in control. Yiras Shamayim. That's what Yiras Shamayim, eikev anavah yiras Hashem. Yiras Shamayim, when a person knows. The first din in Shulchan Aruch, rabosai. What's the first halacha in Shulchan Aruch? Nu? Shiviti Hashem l'negdi tamid. Zeh klal gadol b'ma'alos hatzadikim. Because a person who has Shiviti Hashem l'negdi tamid doesn't sin. Why? Because he knows that HaKadosh Baruch Hu is watching. So the moment a person is ko'es, he loses the Shiviti Hashem. He loses that Hashem is running the world, and therefore he gets angry. Yeah, what's your question? I'll answer you. What's your question? Shiviti, it's the first halacha in Shulchan Aruch. Shiviti Hashem l'negdi... I put Hashem in front of me. When I know that Hashem is in front of me. Then I have—I'm subordinate. I am tachat. The Ribono Shel Olam is memshalah, so I don't sin. Because if a person is hefker, so to speak, if a person doesn't have that yiras Shamayim, so he'll do whatever he wants. He could do whatever he wants. So let's make a minute chazara. You ready? Yaakov Avinu. Yeah? No, not yet? No, we can't make a—what do you look—what do you need? Who wants a coffee? Why do you need coffee for? You listen to the shiur, that's the coffee. Okay. Maishala, come. What was the first thing in this week's parsha, Vayeitzei, that Yaakov Avinu asks? His bakasha, his tefillah to Hashem. Im yihyeh Elokim imadi, u'shmarani baderech hazeh. What is his only request? Yihyeh Elokim imadi. Hashem should be with me always. Shevisi Hashem l'negdi. Hashem should always be with me. Yaakov Avinu knows that the derech—beautiful, huh? Yafeh me'od, rabosai. You know, a person in the morning, he knows he has a day ahead of him to go to Wall Street or to some other place in Manhattan. He's in sakana. There's so much yetzer hara. There's so—what do you need to ask? Hashem, be with me. Im yihyeh Elokim imadi u'shmarani baderech hazeh asher anochi holech. V'nasi lechem lechel, v'shafti b'shalom el beis avi, v'hayah Hashem li lElokim. Many mefarshim discuss this prayer, this bakosha that he asks. And the simple pshat, the most basic pshat in the pesukim is, he knows he needs siyata dishmaya. He knows he needs to live with Hashem in order to survive all the nisyonos that he's going to go through. And one of the greatest pitfalls that he had, and one of the greatest nisyonos, tests that he had, was to be able to accept and not get angry at every step of the way. Like I said, a father-in-law, a boss, a liar, he could have woken up every morning, every single morning, and lose himself. Yet he doesn't lose himself. Im yihyeh Elokim imadi, Hashem is with me. And even where he gets angry, chas v'shalom, he doesn't lose himself. It's calculated. It's like the Alter from Slabodka. Yes, of course he had to get angry at the student, but he didn't lose himself. He couldn't.

To lose himself, he had to be in full control. Constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly full of control. I want to show you something interesting, okay? When a person needs to sometimes tell off or to respond, there's times where you've got to. Like we said, Yaakov Avinu had to respond to Lavan at the end, but it was calculated. And it was something that, what, that it was avinus nusel shel bonim, which means it was said in such a way that it wouldn't even be called anger. I want to show you something interesting. In the beginning of the parasha, we find that Yaakov Avinu really tells off strangers that he knows nothing—he doesn't know them at all. What does he tell them? Lo yeis, ha'asif ha-mikneh, right? It's not the right time. You're going into work. You're ganovim. You're stealing. Come on, let's go. Continue working. How does he preface that? How does he preface—come, let's see the pasuk inside. Pasuk says—how does he preface this? Says the pasuk like this. Pasuk says like this here: Vayomru, achai me'ayin atem? Vayomru, meCharan anachnu. Vayoyimru להם, my daatim is love. What's achai? Okay, brothers? Since when are they brothers? No? Let's learn. So pashut, we spoke about this many times. This is the chabibi talk, you know. Yeah, my bro, chabibi, yeah. I saw my uncle, Reb Zalman Sorotzkin, says something so unique, it's so interesting. You know, today everything you have unions. Achi, it's also union. There's the union workers. We're part of a union, yeah. But the unions today is to what? To undermine the boss and to take more from the boss and get more out of the boss and try to cut the corners. Here he's telling them, achai, union workers, let's go, let's be honest. You still have to work more for the boss, eh? Reb Zalman, Reb Zalman Sorotzkin, eh? Interesting? Achai, achai, union workers. It's cute, interesting. The Rav of Ponovitch, the one who built the Ponovitch yeshiva, used to say a tremendous thing, Rav Kahaneman, Ponovitcher Rav. And this was his whole style and his way of giving mussar. You know what he said? Since he's teaching them ethics and he's giving them mussar, what right does he have to give them mussar? And even better, what are they listening to him for? Tell me, if you walked over on a train and start giving a guy mussar that he should sit a certain way or... you know what the guy would do, right? You know what finger he'd show you, right? We know what you would... you wouldn't get a pleasant gesture from the guy, right? Why is it, why is it that they even listened to the guy? And the answer is what? Achai, the key word. He knew how to get the mussar across. It was said in a way, in a way that it really penetrated, because achai. They say over that the Ponevezh Rav succeeded where others didn't succeed. People don't realize the Ponevezh Rav built where people thought he would never be able to do it. When they came after the war, people would tell him, Ach, what are you, what are you, what are you, build a yeshiva? He told them he's going to build a palace, a yeshiva, a metropolitan of Torah. Amudas, the chalomot, dreams. You know what he answered? Chalomot? Ani lo yashen, I'm not sleeping, I don't sleep. People who sleep and they want to do things and build things, that's chalomot. That's a dream. But if a person, if a person works hard, that's not called chalomot. That's not called dreams. So they say, what was the key to his success? There was a chaver Knesset, his name was Rav Lawrence, one of the chaver Knesset. He was one of the Knesset members, and he was close to the Rav of Ponevezh.

And he helped him with a lot of his endeavors. He said the key to the Ponevezh Rav's success was his ability to connect and be able to talk to people, because he introduced—he introduceded all his words with, Briderlach, my brothers. That's how he used to talk: My brother, my brother, my brother. You hear? A person connects to the word. I'm going to tell you a story. Yeah, you want a good story? All right, you got yourself a good story. Come, I'll tell you a good story. Ready? Okay. I was sent from the yeshiva to Eretz Yisroel maybe ten years ago to travel around the yeshivas in Eretz Yisroel to try to recruit bochurim for the yeshiva, and I would give a shiur here, there, there, and talk to the bochurim afterwards, and this was supposed to be a way of getting the boys to come here. Good. It was all prearranged. When I went to Beit Vagan, I stayed by my uncle, that the taxi every day would come and take me to a different yeshiva. A lot of these yeshivas weren't in Yerushalayim proper; they were on the outskirts of Yerushalayim. So the first day I went, I went with the taxi, and we started leaving Yerushalayim, the mountains we see, and I had a little bit of butterfly in my stomach. I had butterflies. Why? I didn't recognize the cab driver if he was Jewish or not. And there were a lot of terrorist attacks at that given moment, at that given time. There were a lot of... I was a little nervous traveling outside of Yerushalayim in a car with a person that I wasn't sure if he was Mishalanu. I wasn't sure. So I tried to look if he has a Magen David. I tried to identify with him a little. Nothing. I couldn't see anything. He was very dark-skinned and long hair, and I don't know, I was... We're traveling, and all of a sudden he turns to me and he says, We're lost. I don't know how to go. I go, Oh no, that's it. התחלתי להגיד תהילים. That's it. We stopped. I took out my Tehillim. All right. Now this is before the GPS days. What do they call it, GPS? GPS day, right? It's way before that. Kitzur, he radios in, and the guy says to him on the radio, ימין או שמאלה? I don't יודע, he doesn't know. We should ask people in the street how to get there, because this was some remote area, you know. I'm thinking to myself, it's not good. It's not good. He turns to me and he says to me, ימין או שמאלה? You know, should we go right or left? Like I know. What do I know? So I thought to myself, כתוב. That's right. לב חכם לימין, כל פינות שאדם פונה, אל תפנה אלא ימינה. You go to the right. But I was trying to connect with him a little bit, so I told him, אחי, אחי, ימינה. Put his foot on the brake, and he stopped the car short. I'm thinking, that's it. That's it. I had to open my big mouth, you know. I had to say אחי, you know. Why did I do that? Turns around to the back seat and he tells me, Ma amarta, ma amarta, ma amarta. I said, Ma amarti yemina. I'm not gonna say it again, I'm not crazy, right? I said, Ma amarti yemina. La, la, la, ma amarta lifnei zeh. I go, Oh no, this is not good. This is not good. So I try to, like, you know, hesitate a little bit. He says, Karata oti achi. I said, Yeah. Opened up his glove compartment. He took out a yarmulke that they wear by the Kotel. He puts it on, and he says to me, K'shekarata oti achi, when you called me my brother, pa'am li balev, gave me a—my heart gave a—not the word is not a boost. What's the right word in English? Pa'am li. There's no word, pa'am. Dafak li balev. I feel this only when I go to the Kotel. When I go to the Kotel, I feel this fika balev, yeah. When you called me achi, I felt it. So I told him, Al ze katuv, Kol dodi dofek, pitchi li. You never know how to break in, how to get in into...

The heart of another person. He goes to the koisel, he gets a dfikah balev, the word achi. This is where it comes from, yeah. A person could penetrate deep inside the heart of another person. He's giving them mussar. They should have told him, Go jump in the lake. What are you giving me mussar? What are you talking to me about? Now, of course, I tried to tell the guy he should do teshuvah. You know me, listen, I'm already ... from 30 years ago, you know what I mean? I've been involved with the Chazak and the ... I tried. Don't mean it's not for him, all right? I worked on it. I tried my best. All right, bottom line: how you talk, yeah, how you respond. I want to show you something interesting. You ready, rabosai? Yaakov Avinu was punished for getting angry in this week's parsha. Yeah? You ready? Rachel is jealous of Leah. Vatikane Rachel bachotah. She turns to Yaakov and she tells Yaakov, Hava li banim, v'im ayin, metah anochi. I'm going to kill myself. I'm dead. The mefarshim, the Rishonim say, I think the Ramban uses that language, she spoke like women, shrill. You know, you see a woman when she... Ramban says she spoke like women. Don't... you can't. It's interesting, in the schools they teach Ramban. I wonder if they teach this Ramban in the schools. He says, Dibrah keguy nashim. She spoke like the shrill women who, you know, when they get angry. Okay, when one gets angry, ... suicide. All right. Yaakov gets angry at her. What does the pasuk say? The pasuk says again, vayichar. Pasuk, vayichar af. Vayichar af Yaakov b'Rachel. You notice one word difference. You ready, Maishala? This is why you come to my shiur. You ready? And why? Because I was zoche, the Ribbono Shel Olam helps me learn, because I mean to teach with all my heart. I come here ... I really... Tell me, when he gets angry at Lavan, what does it say? Vayichar Yaakov. What does it say over here? Vayichar af. Huh? What's the difference? Yafeh me'od, huh? Matanah from HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Borei olam, todah. Thank you. I thank you for this, that you gave me to recognize this. Vayichar is calculated. Here, what is it? Af. It was Yaakov's anger. He got angry. Ooh. Now, but why did he get angry? Ramban says, you know why he got angry? He wanted to give her mussar. He wanted her to daven. What are you asking me? He had cheshbon naki. It was a very pure cheshbon. It wasn't just what we get angry because we didn't get the supper that we want. That's not the story. He got angry at Rachel because he didn't get the right supper. He got angry because she was wrong, either because she had no right to express herself like that, or because she needed to daven. And the Rishonim are busy that she was wrong and Yaakov was right. Yet what do we find? Chazal say, Vechichach oina meshamukos? This is how you respond to someone who's in pain? Chayecha, shebonecha tamoid lifnei binah. Hurt your children will have to stand in front of hurt children, in humility. In humility, in fear, in trepidation. When? When they came into Mitzrayim later, right? They all stood in front of Yosef, humbled, humbled. Put it away, humbled, you hear? What did Yaakov do wrong? Yaakov meant well, and he gave her mussar, and he meant to give her mussar for her good. And what's the answer, rabosai? Vechichach oina meshamukos. The anger. See, the way he responded, it was a certain anger, a certain strength to what he said. It was tough talk. You don't talk like that to somebody.

Even if your intentions were right. Very interesting. So we find in the parsha that Yaakov Avinu never gets angry. And even where he has to get angry, calculated. The one place that he gets angry, l'shem Shamayim, l'shem Shamayim, he gets punished for it. Now I have a question for you. Do you realize the depth of the punishment that he got? Moneach tamuid lifnei beno. What does that mean? How was that a punishment? And what's the answer? It means the whole hishtalshlus. It means the whole tzaar and tzara, the whole tzaar that he had to go through, that Mechiras Yosef. Part of it is, look how you talk to her. Michin kach oynimes ha'amukos. Rabosai, you're listening. Someone is hurt. Someone is down. Someone needs a word of encouragement. And in response, what do we do? We don't give him the word, even if we're 100% right. I've heard from many gedolim, many baalei mussar, we could apply this on a daily basis. How many times people come to us and say the wrong thing, and why are they saying the wrong thing? Because who knows what's going through psychologically in their mind? Who knows what pain they're having that makes them express themselves that way? There's a beautiful Chazon Ish, rabosai. You want a beautiful Chazon Ish? A lot of times, when people are, you know, poked at, or, you know, what do we call it, when we instigate somebody — instigate is the right word — when you instigate somebody, right, you respond. Chazon Ish said, What are you responding for? What are you responding for? Imagine a person is crazy. Imagine a person is completely insane. He's from an insane institution, and he comes over to you and he starts poking fun at you, and then he makes funny faces at you. Huh? What would you say? You get insulted? You get angry? You respond? Your father already taught you what are you responding — lo b'seder, lo me'achuz, right? Lo b'seder, ma, lo... says Chazon Ish, what happens if the guy bothers you, or the guy says the wrong thing to you because he's lo b'seder b'midot shelo? But he's only b'da'at, adam shelo b'seder. He has kinah and he has kaas. הוא עושה חולי. חולי המידות. That's what the Chazon Ish used to say. Just like if a person's choleh hada'at, what do we say? What are you responding to him? Leave him alone, he's crazy. But a person, you see a guy in the street, leave him alone, מה אתה... מה שאומר. Choleh hada'at, choleh hamidot is the same thing, says Chazon Ish. But let's go one step further. עמוק מאוד, עמוק מאוד. Chazon Ish. Let's go one step further. What happens if the guy is doing—he needs attention. What happens if the guy needs attention? The reason why he's making problems, the reason why he's bothering you, the reason why he's... Why is he chapping you? And the answer is because he has his issue, and he's hurt, and he's... So maybe if you respond, you're transgressing the v'chikacha einam as ha'amukos. That's how you respond. You could be 100% right. You could be 100% right. You see, rabosai, the way we react and the way we talk speaks volumes of what's really going on inside us. Do we have yiras Shamayim? You look at the Ramban. The Ramban speaks that what is the tachlis of everything? Anavah. And anavah is because it brings to yiras Shamayim. And what is the start? Where does it start from? Says the Ramban, Titnaheg tamid ledaber kovdecha b'nachas, lechol adam, uvchol eis, uv'zeh tinatzel...

Oh, so who could do that? All right, so let's talk a minute. You notice that the Ramban says, Come, come, learn with me, come. What does the Ramban say? Ledaber kol varecha, lchol adam, vecholes. I know people that speak some of the time nicely. I know some people who speak to some people nicely. And I know some people that speak sometimes nicely. You know what the Ramban wants? All your talk to all the people all the time, all, all and all, yeah? Could you read the Ramban? Does it say all, all and all? What's the pshat? And the teretz is, if a person is in control, knowing hakol meHaKadosh Baruch Hu. The Chinuch writes that one of the reasons why we're not allowed to take nekamah—why are we not? What's wrong with taking nekamah? The guy did, the guy did who knows what to me. Why can't I take nekamah? Why can't I take nekamah? Why not? You know, the sweetest thing is revenge, you know that? It's even sweeter than a good sundae ice cream. What do you guys like? Give me a good food you guys like. Guy's are sleeping already. I'm trying to wake you up. Come on, rabosai, don't sleep. Huh? Good. Revenge is sweeter than that. The Torah says you're not allowed to take nekamah. It says the Chinuch, why not? It's all from Hashem. What are you talking about? It says the same thing, you don't get angry. It's all from HaKadosh Baruch Hu. What are you getting angry? What are you—HaKadosh Baruch Hu. It's all Hashem, you hear? And when you understand that, it's lchol adam. Now what's kol adam? You ever see the way people treat children in shul? You ever notice that? You ever see the way people treat them? No respect for children, yeah? I'll tell you a nice story. I have to tell you stories because I see the Chumash is not working for you, so the stories will work for you, all right? There was once a big tzaddik. His name was Reb Eizel Charif. Charif. Now you say charif, you're getting hungry already, mistama. You want to go and eat a bagel mit charif, right? Okay. My me, we don't eat charif. My kids eat charif. My kids are already having it in the genes, the charif. My me, I don't know charif. It's like eating ammonia. I don't know how you guys eat it, but all right. Anyways, neither here nor there, all right? The kids of Reb Eizel Charif. But Torah was charif. He didn't eat charif, chatzilim im charif. That wasn't okay. So the story was when he was a little boy, there was a guy in shul, an old man. You know, the old men used to be very grouchy. Old men in the synagogue are very grouchy. Now there's a reason for it, by the way. You know the reason for that is? I'll tell you what the reason. The Gra says that when an old man, as he gets older, he's closer to death. Obviously, right? As he gets closer, the gashmiyut gets less. The gashmiyut gets less. His body starts to deteriorate, right? The feet stop working, the eyes stop working, the ears stop working, right? As he gets closer, the only thing that gets stronger is the ruchniyut of the person. Gaavah is a taavah ruchani. It's not a taavah gashmi. It's a very interesting gra. And therefore the older a person gets, the gaivah chelek gets stronger. Ge'ah is a ruchnisdike thing. Hashem is also mitga'eh, ki go'eh ga'ah. So the older a person gets—very interesting—you notice old people should get very angry about their seats. You ever notice if you sit on the seat, a young guy thinks, big deal, anyway go outside and schmooze with my friend. Who cares? Take my seat, you know what? Keep my seat, who cares, right? An old man, you touch his seat—wooo! Eish havah, right? Ashkenazim not so big. They don't care. They told you to get out of the seat because they look at you as a little boy. Just kidding. All right, all right, you know what? We'll discuss it, we'll call the police and we'll take care of it for you, okay, good? All right. What is the point? When a person gets older, his gaavah and therefore his kaas—remember I told you, gaavah and kaas, it's all... the Ramban, okay. Story. Reb Yisrael Charif as a little boy got a licking, a lashing, a tongue...

From an old person in shul, and you know what he said to him? אתה כזה מחוצף, ילד קטן. You're a little boy and such a mechutzaf, such an עז פנים. What happens when you get older, when you grow? Can you imagine when you start getting bigger and older, you'll grow into ahh, what's gonna be with you? You know what he answered him? ... That's what I'll grow into. He says, What's gonna be when you come? You're gonna get older, you're gonna be... He says, ... Point being, point being, yeah, gotta talk to children also. You know why people don't realize that it has to do more with you than with them. Don't you understand? It's about you. It's about anava. It's about Shiviti Hashem l'negdi tamid. Yeah? I'll tell you a nice story. ... He was a tzaddik b'midot. I'm gonna show you what a tzaddik is. You wanna hear what a tzaddik b'midot is? I'll tell you what a tzaddik is. It was ידוע, it was mefursam. He was the father-in-law of Rabbeinu Kotler. He was a talmid of Reb Chaim. He was the rosh yeshiva in Yerushalayim, in Yeshivat Etz Chaim, the famous Yeshivat Etz Chaim. Okay. In the sukkah, he sat. People would come to him because Sukkot, חייב אדם לקבל פני רבו בסוכות, בחג. So they would come, they would come to visit him, right, from all over Yerushalayim. He once turned to his family on Sukkot, sitting in the sukkah, and he asked, Give me a pen. Bring me a pen. I need to write something. So the family brought the pen, but afterwards they asked him, Halo, Abba, ata lo kotev b'chol hamoed. Chol Hamoed, ata makpid. A lot of righteous Jews don't write at all on Chol Hamoed. Chol Hamoed, how could you write? He says, Pikuach nefashot. I had to write. It's pikuach nefashot. Pikuach nefesh. I had to write. Even though it was Chol Hamoed, pikuach nefesh. What's the pikuach nefesh? He didn't want to say. When he left the sukkah, you know, of course, they started searching the papers, what he wrote there. You know, they want to find, they have to write books, they have to write, you know, find out what he wrote over there. You know what he wrote? Mum sheb'cha al tomar b'chavercha. A mum that you have, don't think your friend has it. Mum sheb'cha, it's a Gemara, it's a Chazal. If you see a bad trait in somebody, you also have that bad trait. Don't look at him and say he has that bad trait, okay? He wrote this on a piece of paper, and he put this underneath the tablecloth. So they walked over to him and said, Abba, what did you write here? What is this? What does it mean? He says, Listen to me. From all over Yerushalayim, people come to me, and I look at them and they bother me about this, and I realize this guy's a nudnik. And this guy's, I'm משוגע. איזה... כל אחד עם ה... אז אני תמיד מסתכל על המילים האלו, מום שבך אל תומא. אני לא רוצה להסתכל רע על אנשים. I don't want to see bad about people. זה אצלי פיקוח נפש, פיקוח נפש, yeah? And therefore, I had to write on Chalamoed, I had to write this. This is who Reb Yisrael Zalman Meltzer was. This is an introduction to the following story with this ayent. You ready? You ready? Okay. Why is everyone sleeping? מה אתם ישנים? But you know what? Let's take out the slichot, right, of, what should we call it, of Ben Adam. You want me to sing it? Ben Adam, Malacha Nidam. You want me to sing it? Is that gonna work for you guys? All right. Okay. I don't know why I have to wake you guys up. Okay. So listen good, listen carefully. He was giving a test, a bechinah, a test, in Yeshivat Etz Chaim. The students, the kids, in the middle of the test, he gets up and he walks out of the room, and he starts pacing the hall.

Back and forth, back and forth. So they were, what? What happened? Did the kid—did you get nervous? The kids, they were making you nervous? Were you tired? What happened? So they overheard him saying to himself, Yeled zeh gam ben adam. Yeled zeh gam ben adam. Yeled zeh gam. Tzrichim lechabed oto, tzrichim lechabed oto kemo kol ben adam. A child is also a person. To treat him with proper respect, to treat him with love and dignity, you hear? Because he was testing them and they didn't know. They didn't know, you hear? Yeled zeh gam ben adam. This is a tremendous lesson. And with this I end, rabosai. Yaakov Avinu, did he ever give mussar to any of his children? When? At the end of his life. We don't find anywhere. Shimon v'Levi, right? There we find he says, Achartem oti. But otherwise we never. And Chazal say that he chose only at the end of his life because he was afraid that if he gives them tochachah, what's going to happen? Yelech v'yidbak Esav. Tell me something. That's what he's afraid—Esav? Esav? So many mefarshim say, you know something? We think Esav. We think Esav. I'm gonna have to spend another five minutes with you. Is that okay? You mind if I spend another five minutes? You don't mind? You don't mind. Okay, I'm good. I'm good to go, rabosai. As long as it's for Hashem and His Torah, I could sit here all day and teach you. I could teach you all day. If you guys would stay, I could do it. I owe the Eibishter everything. Libi laShamayim. It's all for the Eibishter. You ready to stay for more? Okay. So remind me two things. You'll remind me: Man herach, hakol kol Yaakov. Kol Yaakov. You ready? You'll remind me. It's your son, you have to remind me. Okay, you ready? Here we go. Tishmu tov, tishmu tov. So, what was I telling you first? Oh, Esav. Who was Esav already? So many want to say that we don't realize who Esav was. We don't realize who Esav was. We think Esav was this bad, evil, Sadam Hussein. Esav walked around with peyot, and he had all the... to the point that the Shevatim, the smallest, they were able to jump ship and go to his yeshiva. Yidbak b'Esav achi? I want to say, you're learning in yeshiva, and if I give you mussar, what are you afraid? You're gonna go to Iraq to go join Saddam Hussein? Well, it doesn't make sense, right? And what's the answer some mefarshim want to say? No. Obviously he wasn't Saddam Hussein. Obviously he wasn't from Libya. What was the guy from Libya's name? Qaddafi. He wasn't a Qaddafi. Huh? Fidel Castro, I see you're listening to the news lately. Good, all right. It's an interesting thing. What did they do with Fidel Castro? They made ashes from his thing. They can make cigars now. I was thinking about it, they should make cigars, Cuban cigars, no? What? I hope no Cuban terrorists are going to come to the yeshiva here and shoot me. Okay, but bottom line, rabosai, listen carefully. Yeah? So could be the pshat is—see, I got to wake up. You see, that's how I wake him up. So the pshat is here, rabosai, you hear? The pshat is that Esav—we don't understand Esav was not this lowlife you think he is. And listen, Yitzchak thought he was big. No, it wasn't so simple. The Gra writes that if Esav, Esav would have got the brachot, the shevatim would have came from Esav. It's a Gra. I spoke of that last time. The Gra says this, yeah, that if he got the brachot, Esav, the shevatim, the twelve shevatim would have came from Esav. That's one way to answer it. The other way to answer it is that this is what a beard word could do. If he would have given a beard word, one beard word to his children, they would have went to...

One answer we have to give is maybe we don't know how great Esav is, and they would jump ship to Esav. Or the pshat is, you don't know how bad one word can do, the damage. And we all have to be very careful in chinuch. You never know, you never know. You say the wrong thing, you never know the damage, that he could jump ship to go to Esav. Now I'm going to tell you two things that I said I'm going to tell you, okay. A nice word. Yaakov Avinu, achi. There's something that every year Rosh Hashanah, I'm about tefillah, and something that catches my eye. There's a tefillah that the Baal Tefillah says as an introduction before he starts saying the Shemoneh Esrei, the Chazaras HaShatz. Hineni ha'ani for the musaf, but the Shacharis, I'm a baal Shacharis, and there's a tefillah that says, that the baal Shacharis says, and it's different. Day one and day two is different. In day two, we say something very interesting there. Tamachti yeseidosai. I established my speech trend, my trend of speech, al sefer hachochmah, on the book of wisdom, Mishlei. Mishlei gives us a formula on how to pray for a baal tefillah, and that is, Maneh rach yashiv chemah. Does this sound familiar, the pasuk? Maneh rach. Which means a soft answer, a soft-spoken word, yashiv could take away all the anger. Yashiv chema. In Yiddish there's an expression, A varem a veyche vort ken beigen ayzn. What does that mean? A soft word, a soft, could bend even the hardest metals. It's an expression based on this pasuk. A varem a vort ken beigen ayzn. It could bend even a metal bar. The mefarshim explain that actually in Tanach there are two stories that illustrate this. The first story is in Tanach, is in Shoftim, perek ches. Gideon. Does anybody know the Gideon? Gideon was a shofet. So Gideon the shofet, he went to milchama against Midyan. Ephraim, shevet Ephraim was angry that they were not called to fight. They wanted to fight. Why didn't you call us to fight? They were called, but they were called at the end, at the end of the war, like a mop-up. You know, in English they call it a mop-up job, when you have to just finish off. And what did they do? They captured, they captured—here they captured all the enemy leaders. They captured all the enemy leaders. So Gideon tells them, What are you talking about? What you did was bigger than what we did. You captured all the leaders at the end. So that's how he responded to their angry protest. With a soft word. The pasuk says, Toiv oylos Ephraim mivtzor Ravyezer. The oylos, oylos is the last of the grapes, the mop-up job, the last of the clusters of the grape, the mop-up job, was more than Mivtzor Ravyezer, what we, in my family, gidon, and my peoples, what we conquered the Midyanim. And because of that, it averted a whole angry protest, and everything, b'shalom, went peaceful. All right? Yet, further on, in Shoftim, perek yud-beis, we have over here, nayftach. Then again, Yiftach went to warn Amon, and instead of calling the Bnei Ephraim, he ignored them. And then he calls, and then the Bnei Ephraim—this is in perek yud-beis—the Bnei Ephraim complained, Nu, how come you didn't call us? And guess what happened? He didn't respond. He told them, Oh, go jump in the lake. I don't know, he told them. What, he bothered me for? Turned into a war with Ephraim, and 42,000 members of the people of Ephraim were killed in that war. No, this is not pilagesh b'Givah.

Bayom hivatecha, aleihem, yishrivu Yiseni v'ami uvnei Amon me'od. I already called you, you didn't answer. B'kitzur, they made a big milchama. Menashe went to war against Ephraim, and they killed out 42,000. Shei, so by Yomos Yiftach, b'kitzur, there was a tremendous shechitah. And now what? Chazal say, you see, where a good soft word at the right moment alleviated war. And this is a big lesson, because one word—world War One, rabosai—it escalated from words. Wars escalate from one bad word. It is what it is. Okay. Tell me, what does this have to do with the prayer on Rosh Hashanah? I never understood this. Manei rach. Who are we talking nice to? ... Where is the soft word that takes away the anger? No? It's a good kasha, right? How does this become the introduction, the formula of the prayer of Rosh Hashanah? So I saw a meyudik Alshich this year, meyudik. The Alshich says that it refers to HaKadosh Baruch Hu too. When a person is soft in his talk, he's humbled. Humbled talk, Hashem says, moichel, I forgive. Manei rach yashiv cheimah. When a person talks humble, eikev anavah yiras Hashem. That if a person is humble, he talks soft, a sweet word, a sweet word, it even works with who? With HaKadosh Baruch Hu, with our sins, that we're able to avert gzar din, just like you can avert a war with a sweet word, in the prayer with a sweet word. You hear how sweet words, what it does? Humility, humble, person medaber b'nachas. And with this I'll end with one thing with the Kol Yaakov. You ready? Here we go. Maiseh, you ready for good stuff? I'll tell you good stuff. In this week's parsha that we just read, Esav was supposed to get the brachos. Who got them at the end? Yaakov. Yitzchak sent Esav, go and capture the food, you know, and the delicacy for me, tzud li tzayid, bring it back, I'll give you the brachos. While he was away, Yaakov was at play, right? So Yaakov comes, and he comes in to his father, and he's wearing, don't forget, the coat. I don't have to tell you, everybody in school learns this, right? And what does Yitzchak say upon hearing Yaakov who enters? Hakol kol Yaakov, v'hayadayim yedei Esav. So why is he giving the brachos then? If the kol is kol Yaakov, that's a problem. So why is he giving the brachos? He gives him the brachos. He shouldn't have given it to him. If the kol is kol Yaakov, he should say, I can't give you the brachos. You sound like Yaakov. Yeah, but good, so one sign is there, one sign is not there. So hakol kol Yaakov. Says the Beis Halevi. Beis Halevi says something so interesting. He says, You think that Yitzchak was a moron like we are, and he doesn't speak it out that way. And you think Yaakov wasn't smart to figure out, and Esav wasn't figuring out that Yaakov was trying to outsmart him. Trust me, they grew up in the same house, and they were brothers, and they all knew that each guy was going to try to outsmart the other guy. So Yitzchak tells Esav, I have a plan. You should come in sounding like Yaakov. Why? Because if Yaakov comes to get the brachos, he'll come— He's laughing. What are you laughing for? He's a businessman, man. So you come in sounding like Yaakov, because I know he'll come in and try to fool me. Sounding like what? Like Esav. So when he came in, Hakol kol Yaakov. He sounds like Yaakov, and the yadayim is there, so therefore he gave him the brachos. So I never understood this. So why taka, why Yaakov couldn't figure— We're saying that Yaakov would come in and what? And he would try to get them sounding like Esav. So why didn't he do that? Why didn't he do that? He should have came in and sounded like Esav, no? Unless maybe there—

It was double—what do you call that? On the chess game, how does it go again? Double... you got it. They write doubled, right? Which means fakert. He came in sounding like Yaakov because he knew that Esav had to come sounding like Yaakov. Yeah? He knows that Esav is... therefore. Nachon? You understand what I just said? Okay. Really? Okay, you try. I'm saying if maybe Yaakov understood that Esav, in order to get the brachos, put it away, he would have to sound like who? Like Yaakov. So he came in sounding like Yaakov, maybe. He was smarter. He outsmarted. They say over from the Alter of Slabodka, the talmidim came to him and said, Rebbe, you think you're so smart. He was very good in chinuch to understand the talmidim. He said, You're so smart? They're narrowing you up. In English, that would be they're fooling you. They're fooling you. They're fooling you, you old man. They're fooling you, the students. He said, I know. They're fooling me till I fool them in real good after, you know. They're fooling me till I fool them back double. Same thing over here too. Double, right? Maybe Yaakov Avinu came in sounding like Yaakov because he knows... I would say a different answer. You know what I would say? Yaakov just couldn't do it. Couldn't do it. Yaakov Avinu, soft-spoken Yaakov, he couldn't do it. He just couldn't do it. Couldn't do it. He spoke softly. He spoke with the Shem Hashem. He just couldn't do it. He knew that he had to come in, and he probably practiced it. Probably stood in the mirror. Couldn't do it. What do you call that when the guy at the end, when he, you know, he chokes. He choked. He choked. He choked. He couldn't do it. Now I'm going to show you one last thing. Where are you going? We just started. The daughter? I'll pick her up for you. Two more seconds. Mamish one more second. You ready? Here we go. I want to show you one more part, yeah? One more part. Tell me, Esav was supposed to be this big kibud av va'em guy, right? Supposed to be a big kibud av va'em guy. When he comes in afterwards, it says that Yitzchak realized it was Esav. How do you know it was Esav? Because it said what? Yakum avi. He didn't say no. He didn't say please, right? Yakum avi! Get up! Eat! I don't understand. Esav's supposed to be this sweet son. He's supposed to be this good son, right? And what's the answer? He also couldn't control himself. As much as he tried to be a respectable son, Esav talks like Esav and Yaakov talks like Yaakov, yeah? The word please is not in his vocabulary. Can't change it. Wait! Says my zeide zichrono livracha, zecher tzaddik livracha, with this ayen, Esav does know how to say please. Where does he say please? Haliteini na min ha'adom ha'adom hazeh. Give me please. Please? Says my grandfather, when he comes to trying to get food for himself, then he knows how to say please real good. You see Esav, when it comes to treating his father... He couldn't get the word please out. He barks, even though he's respecting the mother. But as a good politician, he says, Ai, veis mir, you're ruining my good vote. Al yiteni na. When he wants to get something, I think he should pay attention to the, what do you call that, the presidential. Yeah, they smash the guy, and then the minute later, please, please give me your vote. Please, please. We're such nice people. What happened? It's called selective please. That's called not b'nachas. That's Esav's way of talking. When he wants to, he can talk b'nachas. But Yaakov is always hakol kol Yaakov, that he can always speak b'nachas. And that's how a person, a ben Torah and a Yehudi, is careful with his words to speak softly, sweet, never gets angry. Bechol adam, bechol eis, all bechol derecha. You've just experienced another Torah class brought to you by TorahAnytime.com.