Knei Lecha Chaver: True Friendship Means Taking Initiative and Choosing Positivity

Transcript

This Torah class is brought to you by TorahAnytime.com. Today, be'ezras Hashem yisbarach, I'd like to talk a topic, a discussion for life: true friendship. What is a friend? What is a brother? What makes a person a good brother? What makes a person a good friend? You listen, you think, all right, it's a self-help seminar. The Mishnah tells us that could be one of the biggest ma'alos is chaver tov. It's a Mishnah in Avos, to be a good friend. Let's begin with the parsha. Parshas Balak, this week's parsha, we find that Moshe and Aharon were confronted by the Ribono Shel Olam. It's at the end of the parsha. Comes down, the Ribono Shel Olam, and He gives a shmues, a tochachah. Moshe Rabbeinu, Moshe Rabbeinu, madua lo yareisem ledaber b'avdi Moshe? How could you not be afraid to talk about Moshe Rabbeinu? Vayichar af Hashem bam vayelach. The Ribbono Shel Olam gets angry, and he moves away. The Shechinah goes away. Ve'aharon saw me'al ha'oyel, v'nimru mitzoraas, kashaleg. And Miriam, like we all know, becomes a metzora because of the lashon hara she spoke against Moshe Rabbeinu. Vayomer Aharon el Moshe, bi adoni, al na tashes aleinu chatas asher ne'alnu va'asher chatanu. So Aaron starts to request for Moshe he should be mochel, he should daven for Miriam, and so he does. Vayitzak Moshe el Hashem leimor, Kel na refa na lah. So Moshe Rabbeinu is the one that goes into action, so to speak. Davening for his sister, davening for his own sister, that she should have, Kel na refa na lah refuah sheleimah. It's interesting, ha'orah, I've asked many this question. After Kriyas Yam Suf, it says, Vatikach Miriam ha'chois Aharon es ha-tof b'yadah. Interesting, achois Aharon. So Chazal, and Rashi already quotes the Sifri, the Chazal, achois Aharon v'lo achois Moshe. She was achois Moshe also. Why the emphasis only achois Aharon? Taku tekash. So, Chazal, zwei terutzim. The first teretz is that Miriam was a neviah before Moshe was even—Moshe was a baby, and Miriam was already being misnabeh. She was giving advice to her father to take back the wife. So therefore, it's a cheis Aharon. In the period of Aharon, Miriam was a neviah. Atzveite teretz, Chazal zogen, lefi shemasar nafshah aleha b'shaah shenitztarea. When she became a metzora, which is this week's parsha, Aharon was moser nefesh for her. Rabosai, I don't see where Aharon was moser nefesh for her. At best, we find that Moshe Rabbeinu went to battle for her. Azoi shteit in pasuk, Az Mosheh gedamfeir. So where was the mesiras nefesh for Aharon? I've asked this kasha to many, many people.

Poshut pshat. You know, the poshut pshat is the shanstum beste zach. Poshut pshat. Where was Aharon moise nefesh? And that's why, acheis Aharon, it's called Acheis Aharon, because he was moise nefesh alah. Where? Where in this story of the tzaraas? Rebbe, let me give you a teretz, which I've thought about for quite a while. I've said it over maybe in the past. A sheine teretz, you hear? The Gemara says that Iyov had the best friends. The Gemara, Tazayin amud beis in Bava Basra, kechevraya d'Iyov. Iyov is known, he went down in history, Iyov had great friends, the three friends that were with him in the worst of times. The Gemara says, kechevraya d'Iyov or misusa. Mamish, this is it. This is what a person needs. Says the Gemara, what's so special about these friends? So the Gemara says, a peledike thing. When Iyov was in this misfortune, they all showed up at once. They all came together, yeah, and they were menachem him, and they stood with him, and they consoled him. Frekt Alter from Kelm, a meyredike kasha, a meyredike kasha. And so? And so? A gut freint? A mensch of Larnin, the wife, the kinder, the ganze gelt. So they came to him, they came to him and they sat with him. That's the greise gedulah. So if you look at the Gemara, it's mashma they all came together. They all showed up at once. Nu, dos hecht. The minute they heard, and each one got the besurah that Iyov was needing a needer for his friends, so they all came together. They fregt outten, the chachamim. Let me open up the Gemara a bit. The Gemara says, how takke did they all find out? How did the friends of Iyov all find out? From the Gemara is mashma they didn't all live together, because otherwise what's the big deal? They all came in the same carpool. Mikumen zelbe kar, dos vas. Taka is, mikumen from the other plots where they were living. So how did that happen? Zogt the Gemara, because they had either a keser, a crown, or a tree, and on that tree they had the faces of all three friends. Oysgekritzlt fun beim, tegeven di penemer fun di chaveirim. And when they would see that there's something wrong, there's a change in the facial expression, hobn gevust, der chaver is b'tzarah. Mechadegah, azoy shteit in the Gemara. Here, they got a boim, they had a tree, and the tree gave them the besurah how each one was doing. No, a machfege, a kashe. So they have this tree, and each one has this tree in the backyard. So what's the taich that they all came together? The teretz is because every morning they went out to the backyard and they looked to see. You ever try to get, you send out an email with a text, one guy reads it in the morning and the other guy reads it the next day. Punkt, alem, drei gekumen tzu zamen, and the teretz is the first order of business in the morning was mitgegangen tzum boim, to search, to seek out shloim, to see how their chaveirim are doing. And the minute that they saw that there was something wrong, hat men gehechikumen laifen. And that's the pshat that they all came together. That's the gadlus. Mitalegekumen tzu zamen. How did they all see it at the same time? How did they all be mechaven to the moment that, oh, we're all showing up at four o'clock in the afternoon? How did something happen? And the teretz is because in the first thing in the morning, the schedule was, gefint es, az tut zich banchava. And mimeila, the first bus out.

The first taxi, or in those days, I guess the first balagolech, they all took the first, and they showed up together. So the maila of the chaver is not v'seharti anim sarah. And then he responds, Vayeket. He seeks out shloim, to find out. ... Rabosai, where did I get this vort from? I'll tell you where I got it from. Once, Reb Meir deka Ara tells a vort: Shein vigold, haflo vafel, mamash haflo vafel. Kayin kills Hevel. Kayin, he brought bad korbanos. He brought shvacher korbanos. Hevel, he didn't do anything wrong. Vayeket, bachuta korbanos. Shteit in pasuk, az der Ribono Shel Olam kukt af Kayin un azogt, Sorry, I'm not accepting your korban. Well, Kayin v'minchaso lo shaah, the Ribono Shel Olam says, This is not it. Kayin gets depressed. Vayipol panav, gets a sour face. The Ribono Shel Olam, kumt tzem. Then it says that Kayin meets Hevel in the field. Vayakom Kayin vayaharog es Hevel. He kills Hevel. Choira kasha: How could Hevel get misa? He didn't deserve it. He didn't do anything wrong. What are you doing? Pshat, vos hot er geton? A Kayin hot nisht geton. Chazal tell us, ein misah b'lo chet. Good, you could start clarifying. There's a very famous Aruch LaNer, mit bechirah. The person has the bechirah that even though the other guy is not chayiv, to kill him. By Yosef, famous Aruch LaNer. Good, efsher dos a raya. Maybe this a raya, hagam hevel ganish geton, Kayin hot gehat bechirah. So hargen in Heaven. Rabbi, veyster Torah Chaim is the chiddush. So what's the pshat? Vos megaytish mit mahalach fun Aruch LaNer? What's the pshat? Chamol geat a meiredike telzer vort, shein vi gold, haflu fella. The pasuk, you have to read the pesukim. The pesukim say that after the korban, Kayin vayipol panav. He became down. Der Rabbeinu Shleilam kumt צו him and he says, למה נפלו פניך? Der tainah of hevel is, favos hevel, du host es nisht geton. Zehst, der Bruder geit arum umedik. You see, your brother's walking around. ... Where are you, Hevel? Where are you? Avu bistu? Meh? The Ribbeinu Shlom, daf kumen un zogen, lomer naflu panecha, un geben em chizuk, him say, Tivseis, to teshuva. Look positive, look ahead positive. Hevel, you should have given him this shmuyes. Of them, there was a shayresh. Of them, a tikkechaged misa, psatzah, psataina. You see, a meiredige zach, a meiredige zach, habeisai, nu, shlof nisht, habeisai, shlof nisht, haflu feller, haflu feller, nu. It's not enough. You hear that the guy is having a hard time. Okay, kum vasei, take the initiative. I see something's bothering you. Can I help? Can I be there for you? Uner todas geven, der maila fun di chavera, the friends of Iyov, that every morning, that was the first order of business. They looked at this tree, hmm, oh, oh, oh, there's a change, there's a naflu panecha, yeah. Un alem dos gezen, un alem gekumen leifen. Now let's go back to the parshas hashavua.

Uv davar's pashut. Chabaych, if fregt a kasha, achos Aharon. Why called achos Aharon? So the Sifri says two pshatim. One is because she was a neviah before Moshe was even born. And the second pshat is because, Mosar nafshei aleha. Avu, where Moshe davened, Moshe Rabbeinu davened for her. Rabosai, lamah, lamah ... the pesukim? The Ribono Shel Olam, HaKadosh Baruch Hu, kumt un git a musar shmues. Lo kein avdi Moshe, peh el peh adaber bo, and then Vayichar af Hashem bam, vayelech. Ve'anan sar me'al ha'ohel. Vayifen Aharon el Miriam, vehinei metzoraas. What's vayifen now? What does the pasuk mean? She was a metzora. What, he turned to her? I used to always think efsher ke'minhag hapshat, a metzora, k'dei shei should be taka a din metzora, dafke ... So maybe that's the pshat in the pasuk, huh? Vayifen. You're not dancing. You dance נישט מיט a ... Vayifen. Vehinei metzoraas. ... Not dancing. Okay, so I'll tell you the other pshat. The pshat, rabosai, is he was mosar nafshei aleha. The Ribono Shel Olam ... git a musar shmues. He could have thought to himself, What's going to be with me? Who knows what the charon af Hashem... Who knows what the teitzah? Who knows what's going to happen to me? That's not what he's thinking about. Vayifen. Vayifen, ... Miriam. First thing, ... What's machteshes? How is she doing? The Ribbono Shel Olam is b'kaas. The Ribbono Shel Olam is angry. Maybe I'll get the wrath of the Eibishter. Who knows? No, that's not what his first concern is. Versus the shvester. It's not the shvester. It's going to be with her. He turns to Moshe Rabbeinu and he starts asking Moshe, go into action. It's avadeh Moshe was the one who davened. You know, Rabosai, davening, faryenen, and az kreigen, is kein greise tzidkus. That's a tzidkus? That's a chashvester. That's not where we see the tzidkus, that Moshe Rabbeinu davens for his sister. Yeah, I understand she spoke against him, and af al pi kein he davens for her. Okay, dos is taka tzidkus. I'm not minimizing the tzidkus. Taka tzidkus. Ober sifat Moshe Rabbeinu's fault, a shvester, and she's sick. Ober Vayifen. The first order of business is trachten nish zich Yenen, nish zich di bruder, nish zich di shvester. How is she doing? To run into action. Ober dos, rabosai, is brother. Concern to take the initiative, to be involved, to sitaka. So, efshes nit gut bayenen. Efshes darfen blen bayenen. I'd like to share with the oilam a bissel, a beisai, uplanned mitaich haMishnah, okay? The Mishnah, this week's perek, Avos. Start over again, Pirkei Avos, perek aleph. Niten Rabbaili, asei lecha rav, knei lecha chaver, vehevei dan es kol ha'adam l'kaf zechus. These are random things. No, asei lecha rav, knei lecha chaver, dan l'kaf zechus, ... hakesher. How do these three things come together? So, the rav, the Tosfos Yom Tov, the Ruach Chaim, ... asei lecha rav, you'll never have it. And knei lecha chaver, you'll never have it if you're not a dan l'kaf zechus. Today we're so critical. ... negative. So we can have the greatest rabbeim and the best friend, ... no.

Nishken rebbe vest hobn, un nishken chaver. Az ey zogt the nefesh hachayim, farkert meyde mefareshim of the Mishnah. Rabosai, let's learn up another pshat. Befrir daf men oplernen the Mishnah, asei lecha, lecha. What's the hadgoshe? The emphasis, lecha. Asei, gav, asei, knei, chover. What's knei lecha? Lecha. Vos vil men mit lecha? So hey, it says there's kind of earth-shattering dik. Abe, aveythai, s'it a sheyne reidah, yeah? What does it mean, asei lecha, knei lecha? First of all, what's kneiing? Knei means to be koneh, acquire. Pashut means it's a kinyan. A person in life doesn't realize that just like he's koneh nechasim, he's koneh a friend. It's assets in life, assets. It's a kinyan. Knei. It's a kinyan. Knei lecha chaver. Imagine a person says, Ich bin a gebenchter mensch. I have a house, and I have a car, and I have ploni uploni, my friend. Yeva a shprach like that? But vos heyst mit a friend? It's a kinyan, rabosai, a kinyan. You look at the rav. The taste of ... the nefesh hachayim, ... Koneh afilu bedamim merubim. Even with a lot of money. We would think, buying more friends? Yeah, azoi shteit. Could you imagine a guy walks up with that checkbook, like him. I think he'd be a good friend for me. How much? How much? Azoi shteit in chaveisai, ... Azoi shteit in Mishnah: Koneh afilu bedamim merubim. With the buying presence, you have to win him. You have to win him over. Azoi shteit. It's just, it's the ... of ... Reb Eliezer ... said that the Brisker Rav used to say it, the Rabbarin used to say it, and it's a ... from Europe. They weren't mechadesh it. Koneh lechacham, chaverim, daf min keifin, mit gutte gelt. Sonim, dos kumt emses. Sonim kickt men emes. ... For some reason, everybody connects to this vort. ... chaverim daf min keifin. Sonim, that you ... that comes for nothing. A dime a dozen. All right. So what's the taich on this, right? ... Could you imagine a guy, he's going shopping, ומפרעגט אים, ofa vos geystu shopping? What are you going shopping for? Shopping for a good friend. Have you a psak nusach like that? Del Mishnah tells us that you got to shop for a good friend. So let me tell you, rabbeisai, first of all, what's so important about having a good friend? So the Rambam, a pirush of Del Mishnah, and Rabbeinu Yonah tell us three yesodos, three reasons, in the importance of having a good chaver. The first is divrei Torah lernen mit dem. The Gemara in Taanis, daf zayin amud aleph, says, Chaver ala badim, chaver shesoneiim shel talmidei chachamim sheyoshvin bad bevad, bezistalein umelaud. It's terrible to sit alone and learn. You need a good chavrusa. It's all of them. I could tell you good advice how to solve the chavrusa tummel in yeshiva. Come with a checkbook. Lo shmeichus, this is a Gemara. See Del Mishnah, no? According to...

Rabbeinu Yonah in the Rambam. V'knei lecha chaver, is a chavrusa, u'medafes keifel b'dvarim rabim. I think you would, in two seconds, you would have very quickly solved all the chavrusa trouble. The best chavrusa goes to the highest paying guy, that's all. Now you could ask, but maybe it should work the other way around, and then there's going to be, right? If I'm even, it's not the time for now. Bakol panim, rabeisa, a second reason: sheyechicho al hemes, that the friend should be able to tell you to your face that you're making a mistake. Here, rabeisa, we have a whole different concept of a friend. We call those enemies, but we call enemies the Mishnah calls a friend. A guy tells another guy, you know, Yankel, you're not right, you know, you should have paid for that thing. It's a, don't ever talk to me again. I have nothing to do with you. Stay away. That's how a friend talks. Yes! That's how a friend talks. That's what the Mishnah says: sheyechicho al hemes. The third reason why we need a good friend: ben sodo. A person needs someone we can open up to, tell his secrets, his inner feelings. We all know the famous Gemara, daiga b'lev ish, yasichena l'acherim. You have to, you have to, open, honest, heart to heart, whatever's inside you. Be able to communicate it to somebody else. Chabeisai, let me tell you over a avod tied in with a maiseh. Years ago, I said a hesped for someone in my father's shul. And the reason why I was asked to say it, even though I was the manhig at the time, because I was very close to the person. He was like a really good friend to me, even though he was much older. And that was his maila. He was a very good friend. So the family asked that I should speak, and I got up and I said an interesting thing. Dovid HaMelech had a very good friend, Yonason. Yonason was the gadol hador. When Yonason was killed, Dovid HaMelech said a hesped on Yonason. What was the hesped? Zogt the pesukim, it's in the beginning of Shmuel Beis. He said a whole hesped: Vayekonen Dovid es hakinah hazos al Shaul v'al Yonason b'no, vayomer, l'lamed bnei Yehudah keshet. He wanted them to learn it. There was a hesped that was given for the public, that they should, ksuv al sefer hayashar, that should go down in the history book. That hesped, yeah? One pasuk from this hesped, one part of the hesped is pasuk chaf-hei—sorry, pasuk chaf-vav: Tzar li alecha, achi. No am toli mi oyt. Very dear, very sweet. Shtel zach far, you get up at the hesped of a gadol hador, and you start saying, Ah, he was such a nice friend. Ah, we had such a great time together. Ah, geshmak, we sat at my breakfast, and ... Sopt geven a bizayon, poshut a bizayon. But the gadol hador, red! Speak about his greatness in Torah, the giant ... Wait a minute, this is his buddy, his pal. The guy sits with by breakfast ... the politics from the velt. Vos tut zich do? So I once saw a beautiful ma'amar. I said over this ma'amar by the hesped. I said, because we don't understand what it means to be a friend. A friend is a ruchnisdike thing. It's a kinyan. It's a kesher, a kesher nafshi, something very deep, something very heilig. Nafshi kshurah b'nafsho. It's ruchnisdik.

Because, ach, the Malbim says, if you notice, what was the ma'alah of Binyamin that he got the Beis Hamikdash bchelko? Because he was yedid, yedid Hashem. Yavo yedid ben yedid, yishkon bchelko, yivneh li yedid. Yedid, mit yedid, mit yedid. Famous Gemara in Bava Basra. If you know it from the song, eich gut, don't mind. I don't mind if you know it from the song. Yavo yedid, yivneh li yedid. Hey, but that's a Gemara, that's a heilige Gemara. The Beis Hamikdash is about yedidus, what it means to be close, to connect. We live in a time, rabosai, and emotionally we have difficulty connecting. And it's possible because we don't know how to connect with people, we don't know how to connect with the Eibishter. And we're lacking a certain capability of a nafshi keshurah bnafsho. Maybe one leads to the other. Maybe the keshurah bnafsho, the yedid Hashem, will help you with the yedid. Maybe. I don't know which leads to what, but they're probably, possibly, and I believe, I'm not for sure, they're connected. Yedid, yedid. Binyamin was a yedid. Yedid Hashem yishkon lavetach alav. Reb Zelig Epstein, zicher tzaddik livracha, the gaon Rosh Yeshiva from Queens, was sitting by this hesped. It was in the front row. This person from the shul used to go to Rav Zelig's shiurim on Sunday. He gave shiur for balabatim. And he tells me, I don't know if I could say thank you for a hesped. It's not the right language. That's how he used to speak, Rav Zalman. Not the right language to be used for someone that's said a hesped, but thank you. A meiredike yesod, a meiredike yesod, what it means to be a Yid. You know, rabosai, I want to show you something interesting. Knei lecha chaverim, or Knei lecha, nu, chaver, one. People think that they need to have many friends. Ze machana chasena, make search for friends to invite, you know, make the list like this. It's... The Chida already says that's the pshat in the Mishnah: Knei lecha chaver, one. Need one friend. The meiredike vort from Reb Yerucham, goral l'tzaddik livrachah. The Gemara says that Iyov had tremendous friends. How many did he have? He had three tremendous friends, right? There's a Gemara there in Bava Basra, in the hemshech of that Gemara, that the Gemara says, Iyov lo haya v'lo nivra. Iyov never happened. It's just a mashal. It's just a story. A ganze chelek in Tanach, a ganze maaseh, forty-two perakim. It's a mashal. So Rabbi Yehuda ben Gerelik used to ask, Why? Why should we say it's a mashal? Why should we say, Lo hayah v'lo nivra? So pashut pshat is because Chazal knew that man d'amar, there's a mesorah that lo hayah v'lo nivra. Like Rabbi Yehuda ben Gerelik zogt, ich hob a pshat in dem. Bishloima mensh hot ein guter fraynd, nunu. Tzvei gute fraynds, taka a tremendous chiddush. Three? Lo hayah v'lo nivra. Dos ken nisht blaybn. Drei gute chaveirim? Zogt, nit shayach. Nit shayach. The story doesn't make sense. So, now I want to tell you something interesting. Let's go back to the Licha, and then we'll go back to explaining, baal l'kaf zechus. I want to tell you over what it says by Iyov. At the end, people don't know this so much, but at the end, Iyov got back everything. He got back double.

Says in the pasuk, Mem-beis, perek mem-beis, pasuk yud aleph. Shteit in pasuk, VaHashem... pasuk yud first. VaHashem shav es shvus Iyov. Why? People don't know this either. It's important to know. Bhispalelei baad re'eihu. He davened for his friend. His friend, he was in trouble. His friend, one of those three friends, were in trouble, and he davened for him. Oh, davening for Yidden, that stopped all the tzaros of Iyov. Shteit klal in pasuk. Hispalel baad, because he davened for his re'eihu. Vayosef Hashem es kol asher lIyov. The Mishnah, Hashem gave him double. Vayavou elav kol echav vechol achayosav, all the people that knew him from before. Vayochlu imo lechem bveiso, vayanudu loi, vayenachamu oso. Vayenachamu oso. He got everything back now. You know what the tachlis is? When he was in matzav of tzaar, there was only three people that were sitting there. The minute he got back everything, just out of the woodworks, out of the woodworks. He's successful now. Ah! I want vayenachamu. There's supposed to be some nechamah. Yes, pasuk bnechamah. There's a famous Zohar. There's a famous line. They say, where there's a will, there's a way. V'yesh omrim, where there's a will, there's relatives. Tamol, out of nowhere, from the woodworks, from the cracks, kumen chaveirim, relatives. Mit dos iz der pasuk dav. Mit amol ale kumen. Vos vayenachmu, vos vayenachem him now? It's a chamuddige zach. Vos? Mitatzeilt iber a vitzcha beis. You see, I'd rather not say the vitz. I think you earned it, and I'm also trying to buy a minute. You'll schmeichel a little, but you'll be moichel me on the minute. Mitatzeilt a vitz, a litvishe vitz. Amol gekumen a mensh un gezogt tsu a chaver, his second wife passed away. Tzeit the vibe, vos... says, I never knew you got married a second time. Mazel tov, mazel tov. Chaveir, vayenachmu, but now... It's tut zach op da. You know, there's two types of friends. There are friends who are there for you, and then there are friends that are there for themselves. They want you. Knei lecha, lecha. Be koneh chaveirim that are for you, chaverim. They're not looking for chavrus. Ooh, they have somebody. Wow, they could be his chaver. Doing it l'cha, knei, l'cha, l'cha, l'cha, and the Rabbei say, Noch ein zach. Medavet menenliken. What does it mean, avadan is kal adam l'kaf zechus? What's the derhemshech haMishnah? Years ago, when I had my yeshiva, I had a p'shutikel behalich, because there were a lot of bachurim, all very upbeat and positive and happy about learning in the yeshiva. And there was always, you know, a few that are not. They're trailing behind, and they're complaining, and they're not happy. So I wanted to team up the happies with the unhappies. With a yesod, positive and negative makes, well, the electricity works out. And then when it came to shidduchim, I thought of this mahalach. Heichi dabis lafshe siyag, good mahalach. I mentioned, ganz in positive, something like this, it balances. So I went to a yeshiva, Rebbe, meyriv Rebbe, Rav Pam, and I asked him. He said, You're wrong. Well, actually, the truth is, he never said those words, because he wouldn't say you're wrong. He says, I don't agree with it. Sorry, I apologize. Yeshivas Atzal didn't say you never would speak like that. He said, I don't agree.

Because the koach of negativity is so strong that it takes the positive and makes it negative. Habeisai, knei lecha. You gotta look for friends that are good for you, not the friends that are good because it looks good, plapi chutz, that you have them. These were three friends were there for Iyov, and because it was a good kesher, not the friends that came later. Tamol, he had made a chasan of a whole lot of friends that liked him. It has to be lecha. You gotta choose your friends properly, because if they're negative, they could take you and make you positive—negative. I want to tell you, there's a yesoid: misery, the opposite, company breeds misery. It's a famous yesoid. Sometimes you have a chaver, you're close to him, you start complaining about everything, and he complains to you and you complain to him. Makes you a negative person. So I went in my shiur, a yeshiva, efshar that's the pshat in the Mishnah: Knei lecha chaver. What type of a chaver? The din is kol adam l'kaf zechus. It's a criteria: asei lecha rav. What type of a rebbe should you be taking? What type of a friend should you choose? And the answer is, havei dan es kol adam l'kaf zechus. That's the criteria. Are you sitting together with him and seeing positive, good about people, or are you sitting and— You're complaining. He sold it to the Rosh Yeshiva, he liked it, and years later I found the Maram Shak says this pshat. V'danes kol adam l'kaf zechus is a criteria in naaseh lecha rav u'knei lecha chaver. You have to learn, rabosai, what it means to be a good friend and a good brother, what it means, and then it's a tremendous kinyan both ways: you to him and him to you. These are the kinyanim, and this might be one of the greatest ma'alos of chaver l'taif. You've just experienced another Torah class, brought to you by TorahAnytime.com.