Hilchos Niddah Before Marriage: Dam Chimud, Seven Days of Preparation, and Bedikos

Transcript

Shivas yamim halalu. These seven days. So it's interesting. I told you that it's not about mamash shivah nekiyim, with all the hilchos nekiyim, but rather it's a din towards the seven days. It's not the regular yemei nekiyim. So it's interesting, shivas yamim halalu, monin oisah. We count it. It's interesting, interesting lashon. Now the only thing I'm clarifying, what about all the other halachos that are nogea to shivah nekiyim? I mean, all we have is bedikos. U'moneh zayin mi'mocharas Yom HaTevilah, v'einah tzrichah hafsek taharah, שאף על פי שלא בדקה ביום הטבילה, מונין מיום המחרת ז' נקיים. So it talks about bedikah. What about—I'm saying, what about the... No, I'm saying the white, levanim, hatzaat hamitah? I mean, what about all the other halachos? So l'choirah hu hadin. I mean, it's not clear here. It doesn't say it here, but l'choirah I want to point out, I don't see why it shouldn't be that way. I mean, if it's shivah nekiyim, so I guess it comes with all the halachos of shivah nekiyim. What do you pasken? What do you say? It's interesting, it's not brought down. There's no mashma'os. Bedikah, yeah, that you see, but more than bedikah you don't see. So l'choirah you have to say, pashtus hu hadin. All right. Anyways, these seven days, מונין אותם משעה שהיא סומכת בדעתה. U'mechinah atzmah l'chuppah, two conditions, two pratim, okay? Soimeches b'daatah, and mechinah atzmah l'chuppah. Now, does it say chuppah, or did it say to be married? Which hachanah is it? Is hachanah the preparations for the chuppah? So does chuppah mean the act of chuppah, the ceremony of the chuppah, or does chuppah mean the marriage? For example, what happens if she prepares by buying, you know, linen and ... the keilim, right? They went to fold for the house. They did the whole house, the furniture. Would that be called mechinah atzmah l'chuppah? So you could say, if you mean marriage, right? If you mean marriage, she's preparing herself, she's getting excited, she's getting married. If you mean bi'ah, which we discussed, we discussed a little bit before, is it nisuin bi'ah? It's not mamash bi'ah, I don't know. She's preparing chavis, pots and pans and furniture, I don't know, it's not. Do you mean lihyot nasui, yeah, that she's preparing herself to get married, very exciting time. She goes with her mother and her mother-in-law. She went to buy a wig. Let's say she went to buy a wig. Is that called mechinah atzmah? Or wig, pe'ah. It's a very exciting moment. She's going for a wig. Getting married, yeah? Or it has to be—how can I write this down? Write it down. Or it has to be l'chuppah, l'chuppah, which means the preparation, right, is for the chuppah. Notice, it doesn't say about bi'ah; it says chuppah. So what do you mean by chuppah? You mean chuppah, the ceremony? Chuppah, the marriage? Or chuppah means maybe the bi'ah of it? Which part of it? I don't know. It says two conditions: that you count seven days from the time that she's someches b'da'ata, which means she's already in the mind frame that it's happening. She's secure that it's happening. But what? U'mechina atzmah l'chuppah. It can't be just that she knows it's happening. It's not that she's already in her mind that she's getting married. No. She's doing some preparation. She's mechina atzmah. So there's something about mechina atzmah which makes that she should watch the seven days. Unless you say a chiddush: mechina atzmah doesn't bring about anything.

But it just makes the sameches daas that once she does preparations for the chuppah, so it's happening. But it's not the preparations of the chuppah per se, which are maybe the machshavos and the hirhurim, ah, she's married. It's about the smichas daas, okay? So again, I want you to write this down, because we're going to soon start being mechadesh big chidushim lahalacha. The seven days is from the time that she someches b'daata u'mechinah atzmah l'chuppah. Are these one condition, shtayim, or two conditions? Or it's one which is actually, you know, it involves two things, but it's one nekudah, one thing. What is it? Smichas daas. Or no, or maybe it's two things. You need smichas daas and mechinah, because the mechinah is what's gorim the hirhurim, the chimud. It's not clear, right? It doesn't say. Now, I also say it says chuppah. Do you mean chuppah, the ceremony? Do you mean chuppah to be married? Do you mean chuppah, that what comes after the chuppah, hakol yodin kalah notlah v'nichnesa l'chuppah? It says clearly. Everybody knows what a kalah goes to chuppah for, so to speak, right? So when she thinks chuppah, she thinks bi'ah. Maybe that's what it means. What do you say? You're not going to find that over there. You're not. You're not going to find it in any one of these books. I looked all over. It's not there. And you know what? Why not? What am I saying that's so not right? I asked a question. Do you mean smichas daas? Do you mean chimud? What do you mean? I'm reading. I'm reading a Shulchan Aruch. You tell me. See, the comment saying, Hey, it's lumbus, that's not negate anything. All right, it's very negate. To me, it's very negate. I'll tell you what's a negate. I mean, she's preparing for the chuppah. There's different ways to prepare. She could prepare for the chuppah for the bi'ah. She could prepare for the chuppah for the house, for the marriage. She could prepare for the chuppah for the actual chuppah: flowers, dress, the tachshitim. There's so many things. It'd be nice if it would explain it, no? So someone's gonna say, You don't have to explain. Okay, if you don't have to explain, that's how you'll pasken shailas, and it'll be noticeable. It'll be nikar that people shouldn't ask. People will right away get the drift that you don't know what it's talking about. No, it doesn't. Okay, I'll explain to you how it doesn't. They go shopping for the thing. That could be a week before. A week later they can go shopping for a chasan, and they're talking about a nightgown. And then the third thing is they could go shopping for the dress of the chasanah. What's so schwer to understand? ... as zeh mah shedibarnu. Dibarnu on that. So why is that kavanah? Maybe. I don't know. So meches b'daas, I understood shemeches b'daas, that she knows it's happening. She's not worried that it's gonna be a turnaround. It's happening. So shemeches b'daas means the hachanah makes the shemech, or it's two different things. I don't know. Okay, so I don't know. Let's discuss it all. Okay? So what do you say? This is not for you to write down. This is not negate to your ksavim. Huh? Oh, okay, now. Now, if a person buys klei habayis, yeah? So the truth is, does that mean that she's going to marry? Sometimes, yeah, sometimes it breaks, and then all the klei habayis, they'll give it, they'll return it. It's not the end of the world. So maybe klei habayis doesn't exactly mean simchas. It doesn't mean umechin atzma l'chuppah to make simchas, because you went and bought—unless maybe if you went and bought a very expensive furniture set, you know you're getting married. You know, a set furniture, what do they call that, a dining room, a dining room. You ain't backing out after that. I mean, you know, you know it's happening. Otherwise you wouldn't go and buy something like that. What are the gedarim? What are the gedarim? Now, if she went to buy night clothing, that's preparing for the bi'ah, right? Now you talk about chimud. So what is the chimud? The chimud's for bi'ah. So l'choira the most would be the heichina for the night, for the chuppah, meaning the bi'ah of the chuppah. We don't mean chuppah. It says chuppah.

What a klal shaila. What happens? So we know the Badei HaShulchan, if you look, they all say the dress and the tachshitim. You saw the dress and the tachshitim. No, you didn't see the dress. You saw a dress. I know he got it. I mean, he made it up. You know that he made it up. I'm saying, who decided that? The dress, the tachshitim. You found dress and tachshitim in the poskim? I didn't find it. He understood that that means hachina l'chuppah. I guess he translates it. Ceremony is needed for the chuppah. Chuppah. You see that he went out of his way to translate it literally, chuppah. Badei HaShulchan. ואני לא חולק עליו בתוריש, מחלוקת עליו, ואני סתם שואל, ... you know what I mean? Huh? Oh, so I want to discuss that. You see, I'm trying to go a little further now, but you'll soon see, slowly. So he went out of his way and said it's the dress and the tachshitim of her for the ceremony, okay? So I have a shaila: what happens in case she starts kallah classes? She starts kallah classes. I believe that if you're talking about chinuch, and if the chinuch means bi'ah, it's what the kallah classes means. No, I mean, you can't get hachanah, a better hachanah. Now again, I want to point out that it doesn't say chinuch here. I don't know if this is about chinuch. You know what this might be about? Besides the chinuch, you also need haskamah, and haskamah is u'mechinah atzmah l'chuppah. So maybe hachinah atzmah has nothing to do with chinuch. You understand what I'm saying? I'm saying a מעוררדיקע vort. When you read the Shulchan Aruch, it never really said chinuch here. In aleph, it says chimud. Here might be that besides chimud, it has to be a serious thing. So that needs haskamas hadaas, which is vechin atzmo lechuppah, haskamas hadaas, but not more than that. And then you don't have to talk about nightgowns. Nightgowns is not haskamah; that's not going to make that she's, Oh, I'm definitely getting married because I went and I bought a twenty-dollar nightgown, right? Or a thirty, whatever it is, right? Sixty? Yeah, you found for sixty? Very nice. Okay, now. Okay. If you're saying chinit atzmo not because of dam chimud. I don't know. I'm trying to— No, no, no. It has to do with dam chimud, I'm telling you. But the question is, this halacha could be a condition besides the chimud. It has to be that it was muskam she's going to get married; otherwise there is no chimud. But it's not that the chuppah makes the chimud. The hachanah lechuppah makes the chimud. The hachanah lechuppah makes it that she's someches daas; she knows she's getting married. And mimeila she doesn't have halacha aleph. Beis could be a condition to have halacha. You want to have dam chimud, it has to be that she's maskim in her daas it's happening. So what's called that? So this thing, a haskamah, and mimeila what, umechinatzmo lechuppah, is a translation. Ze biur, ze tirgum lesomeches beda'ata. Yeah. ...לפני יש שני זמנים. אם למשל מרשי בשנה התחתנו, ואנחנו חוששים נגיד לדם חימוד, והיא מסכימה בדעתה אחרי שלושה שבועות, אז הדם יהיה לפני שלושה שבועות ויסופר את שבעה נקיים אחרי שלושה שבועות. מדבר. היא צריכה לפני, יש שני זמנים. אם למשל... מרשי בשנה התחתנו. So she has for that time, and also again later when it comes closer. We'll see, that's already in the poskim. Now we'll see the Beis Yosef and the Rav Ya, it's a machlokes. The Beis Yosef brings both cases. Okay, now. Im kein, so we have a very nice sheilah. What happens if she started kallah classes? Kallah classes. If it's chimud for biah, vadai have it. But if the pshat is that she's meichin herself, peirush, that makes it that she's getting ready because it's going to happen, she went to kallah classes, she went and spoke to her mother, so what? What does that mean? So there becomes a different sheilah. What's the sheilah? What happens if it's nothing to do with chimud? It's not about clothing, that she looks pretty at the wedding, pashutim. It's plain and pashut cash, the hall. They went and they paid for the hall, for the seats. You can't come and tell me that there's chimud unless you learn that the nisuin...

That person, I don't know, the concept of nesuin makes chibur. It has to do with being, paying for the hall. It's a little bit off, right? Elon, you listening? This is good ha'aros. You want to pasken shailas, you better know this. Let me tell you, I didn't say anything that's not needed to know the Shulchan Aruch. It's not wild chidushim, which I'd rather never say anyway, but that's not the point. At least that's what I think. Al kol panim, you have to know this. This is what I'm asking is a pashut zach, okay? What about paying for the hall? Now, the truth is, the Rishonim brings such a case. That's what Rav Foll was saying, and I said you have to wait a little bit. We'll get there. Paying of the beer. Not very old, huh? Aha, that's what happened. Yeah? He's okay, still? Oh, okay, okay, okay. As long as he's feeling... I just, to me, I care that he's feeling good. As long as he's feeling good, he can have a beer. He can't have not a beer, a long beer, a short beer, a beer on top of his head, at the bottom of his head, I don't care, okay? Yeah? What about paying for the... So now, the chimud chuppah tachshitim. You see, he, the baal ha-shulchan, went out of his way to talk about her dress, her tachshitim, because he wanted something that's me'orer her geishim, personal chuppah. Ma she'ein kein—no, no, no, Benji, Benji, Benji, tell him you're not alive. His wife tell him you died. That's I'll tell him. I'll tell him that you dropped dead. Come. Yeah, so listen good, listen. What about paying for the hall? So like we said, in the Rishonim it's brought down. I can't say there's chimud for biyah there unless the whole concept of the nisuin brings chimud l'biah. Huh? I understand, so then it's the marriage. I'm asking, but it's a chiddush. I'm saying, buying clothing in jewelry doesn't guarantee any wedding at a certain time. Nothing guarantees a wedding, even if you... Elon, Elon, I'm speaking this out. If you notice, I'm saying all this. Maybe the pshat is it's about the marriage, so the fact that you're paying for the hall is a kovea time, and therefore even if there's nothing chimud in, ein chimud b'tocha ma she'ata oseh, I was a maskir because you see that there's going to be a marriage. Or it could be it has nothing to do with chimud. This is about tzomeches daas. I'm trying to show you maybe it has nothing to do with chimud. This sugya has nothing to do with chimud, maybe. Yeah, but it makes it more guaranteed when you put the money. Again, so then it's about guaranteed marriage, not about chimud. It's two different inyanim. Or maybe it has to do with chimud somehow. So either it's directly into chimud, or the pshat is that because she knows she's getting married, there's chimud. I'm saying that that's okay. What happens if you buy the flowers for the chuppah? Not the dress, it's not the tachshitim, it's the hall. It's the hall, but it's the chuppah, right? I don't know, you have to ask women. Do they become emotional when they get the flowers? I think they do, no? They become very... That's nice, Baruch Hashem. That's good that you had a hall for the... No, it does, it means a lot to them. No, I know, I'm saying, we don't need personal examples. She's supposed to be that you're her flower. You're my cactus. Okay, now here. Okay, so listen carefully. Ah, sabra. Sabra is a delicious thing. Okay, you hear? Now, so what happens if they go out and they buy ten thousand dollars worth of flowers for the chuppah? Is that called... maybe, l'choira, you know, you're setting the time for the chuppah, you're setting, and it's flowers and it's chuppah. It's not mamish the chasunah. It's not mamish the tachshitim and her dress and her emotion. Yesh layim. You have to know, I mean, because there's so many parts to a chasunah today. Which part makes it mechinah l'chuppah? It doesn't say, it just says mechinah l'chuppah. Which part? Hayom yesh harbeh parts. Getting the band and the pictures, I would say maybe not. He speaks about it, he speaks about the band and the pictures. Oh, thank you. Can I kiss the sefer? No, I know, but he makes the diyuk in the word atzmo. Oh, you're making the diyuk. You're gonna have to kiss. Can I kiss you now? Mechinah atzmo, that's what I want. I want, it shouldn't be preparations external. It should be her, her, her, her preparation. That's what I want. That's what I'm trying to get at. Is it her preparing, or is it in general preparing? Again.

We’re going in the right direction. Now, the Marsham. The Marsham speaks that when the chosen— no, the Marsham speaks. No, no, no, no, no, come on, let’s go, no. The Marsham speaks that if the chosen paid for the chasunah, soimech daas. Badei Shulchan brings it down. It’s a Marsham, it’s a very famous Marsham, that once he pays for the chasunah, here, it’s soimech daas. That’s what I’m clarifying. So what’s the pshat? Yeah. So what’s the pshat? Is the pshat, rabosai, yeah, that that’s good enough for mechinah atzmo l’chuppah? Or the Marsham is just saying on the semichas daas chelek. If you learn it’s one tenai, so maybe then it’s pshat it’s also good enough. Forget about she was meichel; if he’s meichel, what happens if he did it? Forget about her. It’s good enough. The Marsham is being mechadesh a chiddush: you don’t need her as long as he. The chosen went and paid for all of everything. He went and he put down the money, v’shilem bishvil hakise’ot, vhamusic, vhakol. No? So lo, he’s a hu. So the Marsham is mechadesh that’s called semichas daas. So if you learn that the pshat is that there’s two dinim, the semichas daas and mechinah for chimud, she doesn’t have chimud when he paid for the hall. It’s not necessarily— yeah, what happens if she doesn’t know about it? Meaning, she knows that he's going to pay for the hall. Huh? No, I'm saying a different, I'm saying a different nekudah. She knows he's going to pay. She's not participating in it. Smichas daas I can hear. I can hear smichas daas. I have a better question. What happens if she's busy at work at the time that she found out that he paid for the chuppah hall? I don't know if the Maharsham just means more than smichas daas. I don't think he means chimud. So, if there's a special halachah of smichas daas and chimud, and that's the nichnasah l'chuppah, so the Maharsham is just referring to one of the two parts. But if this is just about smichas daas, maybe mechadesh, it's good enough. L'maaseh, she was crazy busy. She was at a meeting, and they text message her, Ah, I paid for the hall. Or the mother-in-law, the mother-in-law text message, Beila, hall paid for. Oh, chimud, oh, that's it, dam chimud. She's in the middle of a meeting, she's in the middle of typing, what chimud, what chimud? I mean, if she goes to buy a dress and she goes to tachshitim, that I hear it. Hech chimud. But kubi is not about chimud. Kubi is about smichas daas. Kubi, this is about—so the chimud is there, plus the smichas daas, and this is just about smichas daas, and the Maharsham is mechadesh, that's good enough for smichas daas. That's interesting. There's a shita that holds that once there was an engagement, there's already chibut. Why? Because you don't have to be choshesh that he's going to back up on an engagement. Because she'erus Yisrael lo ya'asah avlah, right? She'erus Yisrael lo ya'asah avlah, and a word is a word. מדברו חזא, they're not gonna— you gave a vort, so there was a vort, then it's already semichas daas. The shulchan brings it down. Huh? No, no, no. Engagement, a vort. A vort. A l'chaim, a vort. So he brings down one shita. There's two shitos. One shita is that no, you need more. You need a pesches that he pays for a chasanus or something. And the other shita is semichas daas of a vort. Now the emes is, today it doesn't mean anything. I'm sorry to tell you that. I don't know if, ... I don't want to go there, you know what I mean? Whatever it is, they do it. Does mean anything, but she's asking, no? B'kitzur, by Chassidim they still have this minhag. By Chassidim it's a minhag, a vort is a vort. And do you know—

That by Chassidim there was an inyan that if you make an engagement, you make a get, make a chuppah, a get, because to break a word is much worse. A get, Torah says you can make a get, but to speak out... You don't have to. But it's not—it's Chassidish zach. That's why they don't write tenaim. They stopped writing tenaim today. That's why they don't write. But the whole thing, breaking a pledge—breaking a pledge, it's a kinyan, it's official. They should know that a word is a word. It's an official—it's not stam, mechaveisa, you know, by the Bucharian, you tell them, Yeah, levdalah, p'sichas nidah, matayim elevdalah, soon nidah's over. Who? Matay? Never said it. Don't you talk—never heard. Can't. Mi'tzad sheini, mi'tzad sheini. It's a word. It's not a joke. Hello? Yeah, so maybe, I don't know. I'm just wondering. She says that—he said that—she accepted and they get divorced. I'm not telling you that lemaaseh they do it. I'm only—Chassidim, how you should do it. I'm just trying to tell you the chomer of it. When the baal haShulchan brings down, She'eiris Yisrael ya'asu avlu, understand what it is, not stam hakin chainik. You know, there was a time and a place that they did this. By Chassidim it's still a little bit. There is such a—it's a word is a word. It's not—you don't break an engagement. There's no—it's got to be really serious to break an engagement. By the Ashkenazim and by the Sefardim it's nothing. Yeah, it's no, goodbye, good luck, have a nice day. No, seriously, it became like that. Okay, now. So, m'meila, so m'meila, maybe by the Chassidim there's still a—once it's a vort, there's chiyuv. I don't know. You have to know. It's two shitos. One shitah is even by a vort, and the other shitah is... That what? A buying, and we'll talk about that. Now, one sheet is they have to start paying for the wedding, for she be smichas daas. Tzrichim l'shalem bishvil hachasunah. The other sheet is even if not, as long as there's a vort, it's sherus Yisrael yaasah. Okay. So I'm just telling you, I don't know if today that applies, unless maybe by certain sects of Klal Yisrael you still have that. Okay. Now, what happens if everything's going good? There's no problems. He's happy, she's happy. Is that, is there a smichas daas through the engagement? See, it's three, four weeks before the chasunah. Everything's going fine. Yeah, but you never know what could happen a week or two from now. So you could come and say you never know. I don't know. Most people don't think that when they get engaged and everything's going good, they have half a minute it's not going to work out. Why should they think? No, it's not going to work out, but by getting engaged you'd be like, I don't know if I want it, you might have doubts, and it might... So let me tell you, it's so not common, it's so not shchiach. I mean, 99 percent of people are married. So who says this is felt as smichas daas? So I would say in case this is a rocky road, so you would need something to make it, yeah, it's final. Im yesh chves avanim ba'derech, you know, lifnei... you're stumbling, michsholim, michsholim. Yeah. So then you say you need something that guarantees. But ma she'ein kein, I would pasken like this. I would say as soon as the... if you take look, there's two zemanim that they talk about the poskim. One they talk about is... The word, and what they talk about is as it gets closer. Which is what? Which day? Which day? That's why maybe one of the reasons why. Which day? Okay, she went—she went, she went to get her bridal chuppah and her head, okay? I understand, but I'm saying a vort. You don't need anything more than it's going good. You don't need something that makes you back out on. That's what I'm referring to. When the— that's what I'm telling you. When there's problems, you need that there should be something that, okay, we're going through with it because it's already too far gone. Invitations maybe. I was clarifying about sometimes when the invitations are out, you know, people are not going to call up the day before, okay, it's not a chasunah. It happens, but it's very uncommon. Very uncommon. I'm trying to clarify, ma she'ein kein, when it's no problems whatsoever, so anything which preparation for the chasunah shemiras smichas daas, that's already good enough. In other words, like this. You want to hear what I'm really saying? Is the hachanah l'chuppah be'ikar for the smichas daas, or is the smichas daas be'ikar for the hachanah?

Meaning, do you want the smichas daas, she should be sure that it's happening, or do you want the smichas daas that she should feel like she's going to chuppah and she has chimut? Which one is it? Is the smichas daas that she should know it's happening, or is the smichas daas that now she's starting to feel chimut? What? I don't know, but we clarified this whole halacha might not be about chimut at all. I don't know, I don't know, but it could be not about chimut. It could be that she's soymech daas she's getting married, so now she'll let whatever she feels, she'll let it go. I'm saying, notice, a lot of people, they don't get excited about being married till they know it's for sure. What do you mean? They don't let it happen. I'm saying an interesting deher. You have to stop. Come, Benji, take it. Nothing, he sits next to me too and it doesn't bother me. You have to be into learning; it shouldn't bother you. Okay, so right now we're not—no one's a rabbi. Now, אנחנו לומדים בישיבה כולנו כאחד יחד. It's one big chavrusa shiur. Let's learn, come on, let's go. You hear? I'm clarifying: is the smichas daas in order to make that there's chimut, meaning, she soymech daas, v'chinah atzmah l'chuppah, so if there's nothing wrong, so the smallest thing is already she's starting to go in that direction. She went to get a dress, of course she's excited. I mean, she knows it's happening. There's nothing wrong. I want to write this down. I hold halacha l'maaseh, halacha l'maaseh. If, let's say, let's say— The marriage is going well. Everything is going perfect, right? She doesn't know that the chassan is a smoker and a drinker. Just kidding. She doesn't know all that. Everything is going very well, okay? Why should she find out? There's no reason for her to find out. Why should she find out? She didn't find out till now. She obviously didn't make any research whatsoever, and she's happy, right? I'm not—sir, I'm just joking, and I'm not talking about you. I'm just giving scenarios. What else could they have that people, the chassanim and kallahs, don't like? The smoking they go crazy about. What else do they go crazy about? They don't wake up for Shacharis. We're not waking up for Shacharis, okay? She thinks the guy wakes up—not only, he wakes up twice for Shacharis. Once he wakes up for Shacharis at seven o'clock, and then to be mehadrin min hamehadrin, he goes back to sleep and he wakes up again for Shacharis at eight-thirty, okay? And she doesn't know that he sleeps right through Shacharis, okay? And there's no way for her to find out. Good? Okay. So what's the story? There's nothing. She's happy. Any little thing—there's chim... any little thing, there's chim. Ma she'ein kein, ma she'ein kein what? If there's taka rocky, rocky road ahead, so maybe you need something shtark. You need something that, okay, I bought you a diamond ring. That means that we're not backing out from each other. That's it. It means that we went through all the problems and it's happening, and that's all. Yeah, but who's says the diamond ring is gonna make it or break it, usually? I don't mean that. I mean to say the diamond ring is the taich. You already went through it and you're saying, you know what... So I haven't proposed to his wife with a diamond. Then what? So then, if it didn't mean anything, it didn't mean anything. No, it meant something. I'm saying a different nekudah. I'm trying to say is—I'm not saying it's impossible. In her mind, that's already enough. It's enough. I'm saying, I'm saying as long as she doesn't see why not, so the minute she starts preparing for the chasunah, she's happy. Well, it has to be a big thing, it could be a small thing. Mashenkein if the pshat is there's a problem, so in order to make the smichas daas, it would have to be, all right, we sent the invitations out. It has to be something serious, halacha l'maaseh. Okay. Now, sending of presents. So he brings it down, the Badei HaShulchan. I don't see what the sending of presents means. It doesn't mean anything. What does it mean? You send it back. What's the big deal? I don't see the grois sending of presents. He brings it down. You saw it? And what about today if you sign a lease on an apartment? Yeah, I hold that's a big thing. I hold signing a lease. You can't back off a lease, a year lease. That's right. I hold that's a very—it's a beautiful example. If let's say—what? Sending it back. At that point she thinks, she feels good, and she thinks it's going to work out. But canceling for the house, why should she think negative? Nobody thinks. More normal people think that, okay, why shouldn't it work? Once they already have a— That's what I'm telling you. That's exactly what I'm saying. If there's a good marriage— That's what I'm trying to tell you. If the marriage is good, I'm saying a different vort. Yeah, but the jewelry doesn't make a—

Why not? She's not thinking she's going to ... because she got engaged. Why should she think negative? I said, again, that's what I'm trying to tell you. That's exactly what I'm saying. If there's good between them, if it's good between them, if it's good between them, and, hachanami, I hold you don't need anything. I hold a card is good enough. One card is good. I don't have to tell you. There's chibud. What's there to talk about? I mean, why should she think negative? סמך דעת, she knows that it's happening. You buy a ring, it's good enough. You buy jewelry, it's good enough. If they eat the sugar, the Shulchan Aruch says סמך דעת, it's good enough. Yeah. I'm just saying, why should she think that it's not going to work out? We spoke about a vart. We just said it. I don't know, that's what I'm saying. There was nothing about the wedding. It was nothing about the wedding in the picture. She's designated for that. So we said this, that l'choira, if again there comes a time that they send out invitations, so then there's a second time. We'll talk about it. Then she'll have to wait a second time. No, but what actually before, I think leasing an apartment will... That's a very good mashal. I love it, I love it. Leasing an apartment is a beautiful mashal. It's exactly what I'm trying to get at. If there are problems and they lease an apartment, it means that... I know. I want to be mechadesh that, and if you don't like it, you could pasken differently. That's what I want to tell you. That's right. You could pasken differently. I have no problem. I hold understanding the halacha, this is what it is. If you learn the semichas daas about chibud, you never know, also leasing an apartment is chibud. She can get married, the bed, I don't know. You never... What about the shower? These are all the questions I'm asking. I mean, I'm asking. What about the bridal shower? I don't know what it is. Okay, now. What do you mean? They give her a shower, like they give her a key, gifts and all that. Maybe that's something that, I don't know. A lot of women go to that confused, and they're thinking they're not getting married, you know that. I know a lot of women, I heard that a lot of women go to their parties, and they're thinking how they're going to return all this. Okay, let's go weiter. Okay, so here I discuss—hello? Nu? Namshich, yeah? Here, here, here I discuss invitations, sending invitations, leasing an apartment. I don't know what's called. Hechin. Okay. What? Also, very good. You would need—maybe you need more. We'll discuss this. We'll get this. We'll discuss this, okay. Let's discuss. These were all hypothetical. Let's discuss now Bissel Shulchan Aruch. Vos shteit? Shteit in Shulchan Aruch, af al pi shelo niskadsha adayin. Even if there's no kiddushin, right? As long as hichinah, it's good enough. The Ra'ah says no. Ra'ah says—Beis Yosef brings it down—no, no, no, no, no. Kiddushin, that's it. Chimud. Kiddushin itself brings chimud. So af al pi shelo niskadsha means I don't hold like the Ra'ah. So let's ask an interesting question. According to the Ra'ah, when we have kiddushin, so automatically the woman's a niddah under the chuppah. What are you going to do now? And let me ask you a better question, you hear? I stam don't understand. Can't you get more chumrah than going to the chuppah? What more do you want than that? That itself should make her. I don't understand. If you're all worried about the jewelry, she's completely, her heart's blank, okay? That's it. Chumrah. אז נכנסת לחופה, אין חימוד. אז תחת החופה every woman should become a niddah. This kasha they ask. The Seder Taharah asks. The Seder Taharah asks, according to the Ra'ah, that every kiddushin makes it. They have a tircha under wedding. It's not like it's a whole tircha. So that's my answer. I'm saying very good. I want to ta'ina this, this, this. They're not thinking. Chuppah is nervous. They're very nervous. Meileh, the kiddushin under the chuppah is no problem according to the Ra'ah. We don't have to worry about it. I'm trying to answer, according to the Ra'ah, if you pasken like the Ra'ah, fregt the Seder Taharah, Ra'ah says that every kiddushin makes chimud. He holds that it's kiddushin. We pasken not that way, because it says here, af al pi shelo niskadsha. But if there's kiddushin, there's chimud.

According to the Ra'ah. So tachat hachuppah, hayom, because עושים קידושין תחת החופה. Finished. You're all finished. And let's say chuppah happened with ten people and not like the bigger sample. Ten people. Yeah, but the idea, she's nervous. Even if it's one person, she's nervous. I don't know. Other— I mean, stam a mansheh, pashut kasher. I don't understand. What more chumrah do you have when she gets ready for the chasan? Hechinah l'chuppah makes chumrah. But I don't think he means kiddushin, kiddushin. He means— unless you say a very big chiddush, you hear? And this is what I want to get at. How many times do you have to be choshesh for chumrah? So hechinah l'chuppah made it, and then that's it already. You don't have to be choshesh anymore. Once. So therefore the kiddushin under the chuppah is not a problem. Huh? So I'm just saying, I'm working with the— maybe the pshat in dam chimud is a one-time thing. You don't have to keep on thinking chimud. So again, very much l'maaseh l'halachah. I want to talk about this. Huh? You never start shivah nekiyim every minute, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe. There's got to be something. There's got to be something. But I could hear that the chuppah is that something. I could hear that. You hear my kasha? What do you do with chuppah? Why could the chuppah itself— the teretz might be, the teretz might be, the teretz might be that she's nervous. Or the teretz might be she already had it when she was hechinah l'chuppah. Okay. Now, ayin Sidrei Taharah. Sidrei Taharah asks for a kasha. L'choirah, l'choirah, the Mechaber doesn't pasken like that, so maybe we don't have to worry about the Ra'ah. And a Chinami. Maybe the ra'ah is in those times. In those times, the kiddushin was taka earlier. The mechaber, maybe in his times already they make the kiddushin together, point to the mechaber, stam, and they already made the... and that's why it doesn't passel like the Ra'ah. Maybe her guf is why it doesn't passel like the Ra'ah, because it's not negiah, because there's already chimud from before, so there's not ... the kiddushin. Maybe. Okay. I told you, you could say a geshmakke... You ready? Listen here. This nichnesa l'chuppah is not about chimud. It's about semichas daas, so it has nothing to do with nichnesa l'chuppah. It has nothing. It's not neged the semichas daas or anything. Once she has something that's semichas daas, not extra semichas daas. It has nothing to do with semichas daas. It has nothing to do with chimud, this halachah. I hope I held a beautiful pshat, beautiful. If you learn that this halachah, יש אומרים אם למדים הלכה זו שייך לחימוד, אין הכי נמי. הרי אחרי אם יש קידושין, אז עכשיו יש עוד פעם חימוד. But if לומדים כמו שביארנו, it's not about chimud. This is about semichas daas. So she has already the semichas daas. Against semichas daas, she was semichas daas already. Finished, it happened. You don't need the kiddushin under the chuppah. Yeah, she's under the chuppah. I hope by that time already, I hope before that already she had a semichas daas that she's getting married. You don't have to have, you know, I'm really under the chuppah now, אני סומכת דעת, I'm getting married. Maybe, maybe today till you don't mamash break the plate, you never know what could happen. I heard my dad a case that a person in the story in Rose Castle, the guy didn't want to get married. No, the story in Rose Castle. In Rose Castle, the guy got married to her. He went into the chuppah, and he told her, You don't know this. Humble people still... Yeah, told her about his sister. Happened about a year ago. Yeah. He was mezaneh with his sister. He told her to her in the chuppah. Yeah. In front of everybody. And he did it to get back at her. I married you just to get back at you. No, my father kicked her. My father got in the shul. She got scared. He didn't want to get married. Under the chuppah. Yeah, I don't want to marry you. We're in Rose Castle. It was in front of one of these times, in like in a big place. Yeah, under the chuppah. See, father took a stick and beat him up and forced him to get married. What? All the rabbis. All the rabbis. He ended up not getting married. He got married. No, no. What are you doing? What did you come here for? You remember? You got married. You were there. You saw it. You remember? There was a whole thing. Yeah, they took him to the room. They started talking to... He was crying. He was dancing, he was crying. He didn't want to dance. They forced him to dance. She must have been very happy, though. I mean, I don't know. She got divorced and got remarried again. She got divorced. She was pregnant, and then they got married again because she was pregnant. He married her? Yeah, second time remarried. For a second time she's not so big, you mean. For a second shidduch's not so big.

Okay, let's get back to the shiur before I get a nervous breakdown. Okay, hey, listen, kif. I kind of time to get now. But, kitzur, the bottom line is, I'm trying to bring out that the semichas daas from the chuppah, the semichas daas from the shidduch has to be way before. So that's, if you learn the talach chimud, so ein hachanami, what's the shayla? That's the Seder Taharas kasha. But if it is not through chimud, so it's gevaldik. You don't have to worry again. Okay, now. Oh. You need twice. Is there a twice? Is there a twice in chimud? So the Shach brings down from the Beis Yosef. The Shach brings down from the Beis Yosef, niskadsha, and then tevuah, so it's invitation, okay, we're getting married. Shemeres pam shenis. She has to watch a second time. Why? Once for the kiddushin, and once for the tevuah linasa. So then the kasha is gargeshma. So l'choira even if it would be the other way, tevuah linasa and then kiddushin, it should be the same thing. So lefi zeh hayah tzarich lihyot shivah nekiyim. The Shach brings the Beis Yosef. Go ahead, Nu. Right. Read the Beis Yosef in the Rema. Read the Beis Yosef in the Rema. Yeah. What are you learning that it's all one, that there was takanah for the kiddushin at all? I know, so you know, it's all one. You're saying in both cases it's all one. I have the Badei HaShulchan learns not like that. I don't know. I wasn't sure, and I saw that he learns not like that. I learned it that way. L'chatchila I learned that it was one, but I figured I'm not going to argue with him mamash on the... because I only need it for the cheshbon if it's shayach tevuah and kiddushin. He says like this, here. Yeah, no, the second part. He says like this, here. Here it is. Mem zayin, here. Okay, shh. V'hu hadin heicha sheniskadeshah kvar mizman rav, v'achshav tevuah ala nisuin, gam ken tzrichah zayin nekiyim machmas chashash chimud. V'lo amrinan d'hoil v'yodas bo mikvar nisragla boi v'lo mechamda, shach, u'd'lo kidashah hu v'shama beis yoser. So one, you're telling it's only one. So why is there no chiyuv l'maaseh for the kiddushin? What happened? How does she know? What happens if it's two weeks away? Because there's no smichas daas. No, the point is, even if there is no smichas daas, she knows for sure she's getting married because she needs a divorce now. But it's nothing to do with that. There's no chiyuv, so what? I know a wife in ten years from now. Who cares? I'm not going to be with this person for another ten years. That's why when it gets close, it's not smichas daas per se. It's smichas daas because now I feel excited. That's why I... So then the whole kash is really not a kash, because once there was chiyuv before, so the second kiddushin doesn't help anything. That's what the... Right. No, I'm saying, so mainly in the sugya, ta'ir's kash is not really such a big kash, because you already had it. That's really what I wanted. I want to taina once you have it, you don't have it a second time. That's what I'm taining. I'm taining a pshat like this, that once you have it, you have it. You don't have it twice: here's kiddushin, and then there's more, and then there's... in every step. That's what I want to tain. Otherwise, I don't see it. It would come out like this: let's say she went for the dress, yeah? So she had chiyuv, yeah? A week later, it wasn't good. The dress didn't fit. So she went again two weeks for the dress. So again there's chiyuv. I'm just saying it's an interesting...

Yeah, but the she'eilah is something else. Of course you need—besides the need, you would have to say seven days before. Od pa'am, she would need another time for the chinuch before the chasunah. So we do it together. We try to do it together. Of course we try, but it doesn't always work out that way. Here, refa, listen carefully. Shh. Listen what I want to ta'ain. I want to ta'ain a vort. Rivos says like this. Rivos says, what happens if tavuli na'aseh much later? He comes to her and he tells her, now let's get married. He says, chinuch was back then. Chinuch was back then. No, but that was— No, that's exactly the opposite. The Rosh says the opposite. The Rosh says, paker, there was chinuch back then. The Rivos says it was then. The Rosh says, paker, then was nothing and now. That's the machlokes. So now what's wrong with both? So either you come and say hepes, because they're arguing metzius, if there is or there isn't. Well, kuved pshat is there's no twice. It just doesn't happen, because otherwise it comes out that every time she has the—the dress was good—ah, you should see, she and I finished talking. She finished—the dress, beautiful dress—and then two weeks later, you know, I find a better dress. Ah, chinuch, ah... why is it no? Then she gets a gold watch from the—ha, chinuch, chinuch, right? So why is it—the teretz is, it's one time. Why is it one time? It can only happen once. What are you ta'ining, it can only happen once, huh? No, I'm asking. You didn't say every time. There's a big moment. Big moment, that's what. So I'm asking, it can only happen once, what's the ta'ina? You're saying it could happen more. So what's the teretz? I would say the teretz is it's a takanah, so the Chazal weren't mesaken it that way. I don't know. I don't know. You see, I'm bringing this as a raya, but since it's only a takanah, you can't just keep on being choshesh dam chimud. There's got to be an end to it at some point. The Taz said, you check one time, you're done. That's done. And that's why it's once in seven days. I told you this already. One time in seven days. Maybe there'll be chimud the next day. Maybe there'll be chimud the next day. Teretz is there was a takanah of shivah nekiyim. We're going to talk about this, okay? We're only in the beginning. I still have another seven, eight more pages to go. You ready? Okay, so let's go. Yes, that's why they put seven days before chasunah. That's what they do. That's exactly what they do. Okay. The Rambam. Rambam. Rambam. You ready? Hagah: v'yesh lismach ha-tefilah samuch, v'yesh lismach ha-tefilah samuch l'bi'ah, bi'ah shel mitzvah. Why? Because at any given moment, maybe she's going to be chimud and we don't know. And you're right, she went to the mikvah, but then afterwards there was chimud. So yesh lismach ha-tefilah l'bi'ah. L'cho'orah you have a yetzer, rabosai. Iboi dik. Iboi dik. So the Pesach Habayis is down. All the Acharonim bring it down. Pesach Habayis says we're afraid she's not going to be boidek, because she thinks she's clean. She doesn't know what you want from her. Isn't the Rama himself said? We'll talk about that. See, see, it works. Why do you have to bring another mand'amar? What do you mean another mand'amar? Hagah v'yesh lismach ha-tefilah, because the ha-techilah we don't want this. Because she won't check. Because she won't check. If she would check, would be good. That's the kasha. Let's check. The teretz is, the teretz is, she's not gonna check. So I want a taina, and if you teach her to check, so then it's good. If that's all it is, I mean, what's it? It's a gezeirah. I mean, what are we talking about? Yeah. She checks every day until the chuppah. Twice a day. After sheva nekiyim, one time, checking, checking until the chuppah. I'm saying, what's the problem? Let's say she goes to mikveh two weeks before, and then she checks and she's clean. What do you want from her? You're right, so let's teach her to do it carefully. So we'll teach it to her. She's retarded? What is she? Otherwise, she's gonna go to kallah, to the teacher. So let me ask you a question. So by sheva nekiyim also, let's worry. Let's not make sheva nekiyim. I don't want you talking about that. No, you know, don't trust the kallah. Let someone else do it for her, because she's not gonna do it right, because she doesn't know what she's talking about. I don't know. It's stupidity. Okay, now, to prove you that—

You're wrong, because you see later that it does work. You see clearly that he's meayetz that in case... Okay, I can't, I can't, I can't be... It's stupidity. Now, now. I want to tie in a chiddush. You notice that the Rama is matir four days from tefillah to... In those four days, you don't have to worry about dam chimud. What is that all about? So the poskim bring down, yeah, yeah, you should be checking then also, of course. But that's not the Rama. It's all very nice, very nice chumras, right? The Rama doesn't say it, right? So according to Rama, they give you four days of grace. Why? I don't understand. There's not going to be chimud? I don't understand what you're talking about. Maybe chimud happened when she went to the mikvah. So again, so why do we give you four days of grace that you don't have to check? And after you have to check. What is—what kind of halacha is that? It's pli, I read it and I'm going, what are you talking about? I don't know what you're talking about בכלל. What kind of Rama could this be? Can you explain this? אבל אין להרחיק הטבילה... Yeah. It's after four days? After four days. You have to check. After four days. But before the four days, we give you from Thursday to after Shabbos, no? Not to check. If she knew, she went Wednesday to mikvah. And chatan saying we're gonna get married next Wednesday. That's something else. Here she got married already. Here the story, she's already married. The marriage was, just the bi'ah wasn't. So what? Huh? Yeah, so there's no wedding. I thought it was the kallah, besulah. It says clearly, it says the story here. Because the story was that— Yeah, I thought it's stam. The wedding was Erev Shabbos. The wedding was Erev Shabbos. Shabbos they don't do the bi'ah. Motzaei Shabbos she was supposed to do it, and she didn't do it. And she went to the mikvah on a Wednesday, because you don't tovel l'chatchilah on Shabbos. Yeah, explain the Badei HaShulchan, they all explain. You know what? You don't know the din, so take the Badei HaShulchan and read it. That's the story, okay? Story was, the wedding was, and then the four days of grace we give. Why? She got married and she's waiting to live with her husband. There's no chimud. There's no chimud. Why is there no chimud? I don't know what you're talking about. Those are— it makes sense. Forget about that. We're talking about l'maaseh. The olden days, that's how they used to do it. So the shaila is, four days. What are those four days? Why is there no chimud on those four days? It's a peledike zach. We give you four days. Why do we give you four days? Okay. So I want a ta'ina. I want a ta'ina like this. Just like the Ramo gives you four days after the chasunah. Maybe the Ramos give you four days before the chas. No, the whole sheva you have to check. What's the chashash? What's the chashash that she might not check well? Yeah, but you don't even need four days. Four days you could be without, so maybe eino chanami, four days before, v'lo legamrei. And that's how I want to pasken. I want to pasken. I hold that if you learn the two halachos, that they contradict each other. On one hand we're saying like this: go be bodek. Yeah, I can be bodek good. You know what? Four days you don't have to be. I hold you don't have to be bodek four days. How do I know this? The Ramaz is good enough for me to be somech, right? The Rama, unless you say a chiluk between before and after. Unless you say there's a chiluk between before and after. Why? Could be before is the pshat she's tarud. She's very, she's very, very tarud, right? She's tarud, so maybe she's not going to check. Or maybe there's not going to be chibud. What? Huh? What? Because she's not married. She's not married. Once she's married, she knows she has... Yes, that's what I want to talk about. Before the wedding, after the wedding.

Ramos says that we give her four days from the tevilah to the bi'ilah, that we don't have to worry about dam chimud. Why? I don't know. I don't understand why. For some reason we don't. So I'm asking, maybe, what about before the wedding? Wait, does it have to be after, maybe before the wedding? So what's the whole problem not to be somech on the bedikah, is because she's not going to be bodek good. You know what? Let her make bedikos. And if she didn't make good, so what? There's four days. Why don't we give her four days? Also, shtark a ta'ina, give her four days, you hear? Benji, hear? Give her four days according to the Rama. Ten la arba yamim shel hofesh, hofesh, hofesh, you hear? No problem. Yeah, four days. Rama, shitas haRama. Unless you say like this, that before the chasunah there'll be chimud. After the chasunah, for four days, tarud b'bilas mitzvah, that we find that in the Gemara. The Gemara says that a choson for the first four days is patur from Kriyas Shema. Why is he patur from Kriyas Shema? Because he's tarud. What about after the four days? That's it. Maybe he... and what happens if he is tarud? What happens if he couldn't do it? You know how many chasanim it takes them months till everything works out? Because he got used to it. After four days you're used to it. So that's what I want to tie in pshat is. They gave you four days after, you don't have to worry, but maybe before you still have to worry. Right, ta'ina? Why don't you write this down? How come nobody else saw this in the words? How come none of the Chinese books write this? So when you see them, and you see that nobody else writes it, then you'll write it. Then you'll appreciate that I come late with to teach you this, well? You have no idea. You don't even understand what I'm doing. Also then, that's what I'm matir, so I'm matir it. That's what I was trying to... Right, so what should I do? People learn... Yeah, you ready? I'll read it to you, okay? You read it. It says it. Hinei, bevadai sheharamah lo niskaven bazeh laminhag shenohagu ktzas min hahamon... He's referring, he says they don't mean that they got married and they kept four days because they're having fun. That's not what he's referring to. He's saying the reason why they waited the four days, because... ... Shabbos. ... Shabbos. That's the story. That's how he learns the Ramban. What should I do? Okay. Okay, so that's two ways how to learn. Yeah, it says two ways to learn the Ramban. No daled. The Sdei Teirah. The Sdei Teirah learns the Ramban that way, that it's talking about after. So I'm clarifying, what about before? So I'm mechadesh a big yesod: if you learn it's after, maybe it's only after, not before. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe it's because otherwise, why did they give you four days? Why do you have four days of no dam chimud? Why? The teretz is, she's... it's hard. It's very hard the first few days. And a Chachamim is two ways how to learn the Ramban. I told you, that's where I started with, there's two ways to learn the Ramban. If you learn the Ramban that it's after, so maybe before is the same hu hadin, or maybe not. Okay. Now, what a klera shaila. She was bodek twice every day, yeah? Boshteita, yesh livdok atzmah b'chol yom ad bilas mitzvah, and how many times does she have to do that? Twice.

Here it doesn't say twice, but the Badei HaShulchan brings down from the poskim twice. What happens if she missed a day? No, but the yevamah, if she doesn't want... I don't think so. I think it's much worse. Why? Let's say she's starting now shivah nekiyim. Not shivah nekiyim, I'm talking about different. I'm talking after the shivah nekiyim. I hope, because what's the cheshbon? The cheshbon is, the cheshbon is that it might come. See, bishleim if you miss in the shivah nekiyim, you had a hefsek taharah, you're stopping. It's different. It's a different story. By hefsek taharah, you stopped. Now you want to make sure the takanah stopped. So you have a bedikah, you missed a day, you didn't miss a day. If you're coming and it might come, and there's a gorem that could be gorem any moment, you miss a day, it's much more. It's much, much worse. I'm talking about by shivah. That's what I'm talking about, v'davka batchilah. So I want you to know, I want you to know, I want you to know, he learns it's going back on the previous story, like you learned. I learned that it's going back on the whole shivah nekiyim. Not to see before that. When he comes and he says... He's going on the shivah nekiyim here. Shivas yamim halalu, moinim osam misha sheyosei meches. He also, he doesn't talk about this case. He talks about all about shivah nekiyim. Check B'siyata. He brings down all the shitos. He doesn't pasken like any one of them. Even after shivah nekiyim? Yes, you want to see it? The davka l'chatchilah, what is that? See, I learned the v'davka l'chatchilah is going... There's two ways how to learn this Rama. What is this Rama going back on? He's going back on the shivah nekiyim, or he's going back on... Okay, so what do I do? I still have a lot more to go. What do we do? We still have a lot more to talk. Okay, so can I finish? Can I finish? Next year. Oh, so dafka lechatchila goes shivas yemei... shivah nekiyim. What kind of chiddush? You know, let me just say what the last point. Okay, you'll— Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir. I learned, the Badei HaShulchan learns like him. I did the research, and I was being careful because I want to clarify maybe the Ramo means this. Okay. I'll finish it taka Thursday, okay? Because I still have one more big yesod, but there's one nekudah I want to say. Yeah, there's a nekudah that I want to say. How are you? ... Used to come to the shiurim over there, right? Wow. How are you? How are you? No, no, I know, I know. Okay, listen carefully. Listen good. ... Im lemashal, im lemashal, you hear? They waited between the nisuin and the bi'ah. Now the truth is, you're not supposed to do that, so he goes through it. Ah, it's a pritzus, and you're not allowed, and ... and who knows, terrible things are going to happen to you. Okay. After nisuin, you're supposed to do it right away. All right. Good, the Badei HaShulchan's still— okay, now, what happens if it wasn't because they did it on purpose? They couldn't, which is most of the time, they couldn't. They tried, they tried, tried. There, it didn't go. Nishkigein, okay? So what happens? Do we have to worry about chimud? Day one, day two, day three, do we have to worry about chimud? Should we worry? So I saw, he brings down, you hear? He brings down that even if they already had kiruv eivarim, as long as there was no bi'ah, you still have to worry about chimud. So therefore he says you have to quickly, you have to be bodek, and you have to make sure you do it quickly, because otherwise you never know, it'll be dam chimud and then you're stuck. I want to tie in a ... chiddush. What happens if they had a techilas bi'ah? Techilas bi'ah is good enough in case she becomes a nidah, right? Because you're not supposed to be misyached with a nidah, but in case there's techilas bi'ah, we pasken that it's tahorah as long as you touched.

It's already. Maybe just like it's good enough to take away the chimud legabei the yichud, maybe it'll be good enough to take away the chimud legabei the chashash of dam chimud. No, but chimud is, you're machmir more. Again, the same way we're matir. Oh, oh, oh, so I want to ta'ina maybe it's the same thing. Oi dilma, it's two different sugyas, really. One is a sugya about control, and the other one is maybe she'll have chimud. She has chimud. It's a different type of chimud, and once there's chimud she's a nida. So could you compare and bring that? I don't know, I'm mistapek. It's a very nice safek. Could we come and use the klalim of techilas bi'ah, which is matir for nida, that's matir the yichud, could we use it for also and say, Oh, there's no dam chimud? I told you, that's what I'm clarifying, that's what I'm saying. It's all part of the same she'eilah. I don't know, maybe chimud might come, and if it's worse, and it's a different sugya. Okay, I have more to say here. We'll finish it Thursday, and then we'll go to the next sugya. The next sugya, rabosai, is eino chanami. What happens if she's pirsah nida? That could be a good introduction to the next sugya. The next sugya is in case, ava v'kinsa shepirsah, and then pirsah kalahsah nida, kaim sheba'alah loisyachid. It's mamash the next sugya. Gimel. Daled. No. Daled. Daled. Let's go, next Thursday, daled. So do it. Oh, you hear? The Gra takke brings it back, K'niska l'eil se'if alef. Vedavka lechatchila? Kenizkar le'eil. So what does the Gra want? Stam he's trying to say he says it twice? I don't know if that's... I don't know. Going back on the original din maybe. I have to see the Gra. Okay. Okay, rabosai. Nu, yalla, no? Rafi? Daniel? Daniel? Close it. Or this wasn't going the whole time, it was going? It's still going. 107.

אתה ראית את החוף לישראל של ויקרא שהיה פה? לא, לא, לא. סליחה? כן. אולי הוא יושב ככה, אתה לא רואה אותו פשוט.

...לבטל דתם ולהשכיחם תורתך, ולתת עניינם, עניינים כרצונם, ... שישבת, ענין העם ההוא וחוקיהם ומנהגיהם, ולא כיוון החשוש כלל אל חביגה ואיבוד נפשות. ... אמר, אל תחשוב כי תצטרך להוציא על זה הוצאה רבה, ולהחזיק פקידים אמונים על כך, ולבונה לב השייך יצאו במלאכה הזאת להעביר מידם כי עושה המלאכה הזאת שאינם מדיחים אותם. ... כך כתב בשמחה ... ישלמו כסף ... I guess whoever was around to hear it heard it. Maybe Mordechai.

That's why I heard it. That's why he wrote it down. Mordechai probably heard it. That's why he... Right, but I don't think they heard it. It's not phone. They don't question anything. They just sit there and eat it, I'm telling you. Much easier. That's why it goes so fast. What? We don't know. We have three opinions as to what the Mitzias was. So I'll just leave it at that. Why guess it? Because this guy thinks that that's not the correct explanation. This is the correct explanation. He feels he does. Again, each opinion does. Listen, it's like it says in English, they were gold and silver chairs. It doesn't explain why, but me it explains. This is because the point was it should be visible, the gold. No, the gold should be visible, and the couch, he says, anyway was covered with something. So if you're gonna put gold on the top, so who's gonna see it? Silver stam is a chashivus, a king's chair. It has to be chashuv. It's not gonna be made out of plastic. But the most beautiful part was made out of the bottom part; it should be visible. These are similar questions, if that's the type of questions you have. I used to have questions like that. Pinchas was Eliyahu, or Pinchas was this one? Who was he? That's what people say. Well, we have two metzius. How could it be a machlokes metzius? If I go back in a time machine, what would I see? That's what he said. No, there's certain things, like it's mamash stirah. One Midrash says like this, one Midrash says like that. And then they start telling you, what was the worded Moshe Rabbeinu hear on Har Sinai? What happened? That's what people ask me. I don't know. I don't know. Mashiach comes... huh? It's not a question of true or not true. How do you answer this question? Why is it that we have so many opinions in pesukim and this and that? Why can't we just have one Torah? What is it? So then somebody asked me last week this question. So it comes out, it's very possible that what we're doing is complete narishkeit. So what do you say now? חייב לעשות. I'm telling you, there's a place in Masechet Yevamot. If you're supposed to be meyabem somebody, or you're asur mid'oraita to be meyabem somebody. Beit Shammai—not to get into Shabbat, stam—according to Beit Shammai, this woman is considered to be an ervah, a slichah, to Beit Hillel, an ervah, and according to Beit Shammai she's not stam ervah; mitzvah leyabem אותה. מה לעשות עכשיו? The Gemara says, זה נחינמי. Beit Shammai used to be meyabem, they used to call them mamzerim, they used to call them mamzerim, but he says lemaaseh they used to get married to each other. They would tell each other, This one is your mamzer, don't get married. I'm saying, okay, that's a life? That's a normal thing? Hello, Mr. Sfaradi, you're eating taref today? כן, אתה גם אוכל טרף? כן. Oh, יפה מאוד. שלום על ישראל. So I told him, I said, You're right. I said, we don't know what the real thing that Moshe Rabbeinu heard is, but he said we have a rule. The rule is if your rabbi reaches a certain conclusion using the Torah rules, which he was allowed to do and he was not influenced by— I told him, Hashem will judge you according to those rules, even if the rabbi was wrong. That's it. And I gave him a story, Ben Ish Chai, etc.

So they said, okay, fine, accepted. But not everybody is so accepting. Many people will be like, What kind of shtuyot is this? Two plus two is four. Two plus two can't be that. Then the bichlal they're going to be a pikores. Hashem thinks like this, I'm thinking like that. Ata tasbir li. I know, I'm going to play devil's advocate. Let me hear. Okay, devil's advocate? Let me hear. I have so many poskim. How could it be there's two opinions about something? What did Moshe Rabbeinu hear? What did Moshe Rabbeinu hear? Beit Yosef or Kasher? Which one? So I'll tell you what. Moshe heard one, and Hashem said one. And even in Tannaim that you have, right, there's only one opinion that is correct with what Hashem wanted. Good. How do we know we're following the right one? Oh, yafeh. We don't. Okay, so comes out we're playing a guessing game. But I'll tell you what. So two things. Number one, only one is correct, right? Correct. But don't think the other one is based on shtuyot, because the other— so why is the other one in the Mishnah? Because the other one is also based on the logical and principles of the Torah that Hashem gave. And when that person thought about it, that tzaddik, כן, היה לו את כל ההיגיון של התורה, all the logic. Maybe it's not what Hashem meant, right? Let me destroy this argument now. If you're going to print a math book, are you going to print all the wrong equations there also? No. You're going to print only the right things, right? You're not going to say Einstein's first theory was like this, then he burnt it up, and then his second theory, he wiped this. You're correct. What are you talking about? I don't even put it in there. And if I don't know what to do, what am I going to tell people? By the way, rabosai, I don't know what's going on. You have an equation book, but let's say you don't know which one was the right equation. So will I bring you both or I won't bring you both? What? Forget about that. Let's say we don't know. So now, how did the Gemara say, you know what, halachah is always like Rabbi Yosi? How do they know? So now we go into rules of psikah, which I don't know them all, and if you want to know them, you have to go. Okay? So spend your time on Torah and knowing instead of being such an apikoros. I'm saying some of the rules of psikah are very simple. There's more guys saying like this, and there's only one guy saying like that. They're right. Why? Maybe this guy's right. Hora'ah... right? What do you mean? Hashem says he's right. So what if a hundred people say that? I'll tell you why. Because Hashem didn't want chaos to start working and everybody doing their own thing, okay? Not everybody... right? So no. So Hashem made a very big ground rule, which is... Yeah. No, no, not something else. Hold on, hold on. I don't know how he brought down this story. I don't even have any idea how he brought... this story in this book. No. So he brought down that that's what Hashem... But he brings down that Hashem made that—I forgot which pasuk—the im lo tovu, et Hashem Elokecha tira. Et, לרבות תלמידי חכם. בסדר, נו, בוא נגיד, okay. אבל אפשר להיות שהתלמיד חכם יטעה? אז למה אני חייב עכשיו ללכת אחרי טועה? למה? כדי שאתה לא תהיה לך עוד יותר טעויות. יש margin of error, okay? לא הבנתי אותך. הקדוש ברוך הוא יורד לך ואומר לך, סליחה רבותיי, אתם מאה שלכם, אתם כולם טועים, והוא צודק. So why he has to follow your opinion? I'll explain to you, okay? Because one of the bigger ground rule that Hashem made is that down here, what we say goes. Why? Because we are so smart also in His project, but we are also limited. But He gave us the ruling part, okay? He was כביכול like מתבטל to our words, okay? Next time, next whatever comes will be מתבטל. Whatever—you want to call it בית שמאי, fine. You want to call it הלכה כרבי יהודה, fine. Whatever you want to say, okay? But meanwhile, you have margin of error. If we'd go by every opinion, everybody would do whatever he wants, so the margin of error will be like something like 99%, okay? But now the margin of error is 20%. Okay, so there is the margin of error, and He looks to—

Because the Torah is so vast and so big, so it looks like 20%, okay? So it looks—no, it looks more than 20%. It looks like 80, but actually it is 20, right? And then after 80, everybody agrees on, okay? I don't agree with you. I'll tell you why. Margin of error is when you want to have a kamut of 100%, and you're off by 20. Okay, nisgafer lech. But over here we're talking about chayav, patur. If you're off by 1%, you're chayav. It's not a question of margin of error; you're chayav mita. So it comes out most of the world could be walking around doing chilul Shabbat mid'Oraita every single day, or be over on bi'lat nidah mid'Oraita every single day, and patur. And Hashem will not judge them not even once, and that halacha— So you're telling me this gate to Gehenom is closed. So how come a person that, let's say, does not listen to the rabbi, and he says, I'm gonna go eat this animal with the rabbi, whatever, Rabbi Jennifer gave the shechita, happens to be that came out, aliba d'hilcheta, upstairs kosher, he's gonna get Gehenom or not? Now you're going to Gehenom. Why? This gate is going to open. Why? But he ended up eating kosher, and all of us sitting with the vad rabbanim, all eating treif every single day. As an explanation, okay? So what he's doing, right, is against what chachamim said. So what? But they're all making a mistake. That's what Hashem said, that they're not making a mistake. He said that even— But they are. I'm telling you, two plus two is four. If everybody comes to me and says, By the way, two plus two is five, I'm telling you, it's not gonna—it's gonna work with me. I accept it. I would accept it a long time ago. It's not gonna work with them. They don't have—that, I think, is important by about teshuva. Who learned more Torah, you or they? I did. You did? I don't think. Okay. Who learned more Torah, you or Rav Ovadia? I'm telling this person. Who learned more? Mot Torah, who is more versed in knowledge, me or Amal? You or Rav Ovadia, for example, right? Rav Ovadia. And amongst them, Rav Ovadia and Rav Kanievsky, both of them have the same pachot o yoter. They're standing up, pachot o yoter, right? So he has the same amount of hashkaa and knowledge in the way of Hashem. He is a tzaddik, and he is a tzaddik. But maybe they see things in a different way. But, דרך אגב, לא אומרים בימינו, ... we will not say that was said about Tannaim. But we say this one will take you to a certain place in heaven, maybe, and this one will take you to a certain place in heaven, and will take you to, you know, to their own niche, whatever. But if you go against him, and if you go by him, and you go against him in something, זהו, גיהנום פתוחה לפניך, אפילו שרב עובדיה התיר, כן? Even another rabbi, if you go in front of him and you do something else, okay? The problem is going to become, they're going to ask you, Is the Torah emet? Yes. Is it because it's a possibility for two things to be emet? If one person says two plus two is five and one says two plus two is three, and then you say, But I think it's four. What do you mean it's לא? If it's emet, it should be one thing. Why? The question is why. Why is this emet different than math emet? Is it sunny right now outside? You cannot deny the fact that it's sunny outside, right? But let's say two rabbis come and say, I think עכשיו לילה. One says it's not לילה. בכלל אנחנו לא מסתכלים על שמש. So, when you will spend so much time in Torah, so number one, you will know that I'm correct. Number two, listen, I told you, there was this rabbi. They wanted to have a debate with him in a public school, right? To come debate, one team like this, the team like that. So he said he was scared to go because they have no idea of the Torah. They have nothing. They are all, like, brainwashed. You cannot talk to a person who is brainwashed. So he did a shtickel Torah. What he did, he said he came to... they asked him a question. Well, why is this? Because I know something and you don't know something. Because I know. Because to answer you, you don't know the background of what I want to answer you. I have to give you the background, and after I give you the background, then I'll be able to answer the question and you will understand. ... No brainwash. No, not brainwash, but ... a concept, you know, ... Torah. They were ... and then he asked them a question. So what am I telling you? First of all, go, learn everything, and then when you will have my understanding, you will be eye to eye with me. Now you're not eye to eye with me. How could he be right? How could he be wrong? Go study the math, right? You're asking me, hey, math, there's no ... I'll give you books. You read. I'll give you the answer, study the books, read, and then come to me with any questions that you want. But as long as me and you do not hold the same information, you cannot come, All right, it's not fair, it's not fair. It's a question of not fair. It's a question of you claiming the religion of truth, and you seek the truth. How could it be the religion of truth has so many opinions about every single thing? So I will understand it, because how could it be a shayla of opinion? That's what they're going to say. It can't be an opinion. You think like, and we decided, we. Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. What is the most, you know...

First religion that there was. The idolat. Okay, so you want to tell me the idolat is different than what it used to be, right? So how come that if you take Sefer Torah, right, from a thousand, two thousand years ago, right, that is buried in whom, whatever's backyard, and you will open up today's Sefer Torah and it will be the same? Good, they'll tell you then that's the only thing which is the same. The only thing? Okay. If you travel two thousand years ago and you go to some Rishon's house and you see he's eating meat and milk together, what are you doing? You have picorus? What's wrong with that? I hold the halacha, you're not eating chicken with meat. Rabbi Yosef agreed. There are things which רבי righted the... I told you, Beit Shammai, Beit Hillel used to go... How could you go to a place where this guy says he's eating treif and he says no, he's eating treif, and they both belong to the Jewish... ...because Hashem commanded them to look for the honest truth, okay? So now again, I told you. ... Of course. No, באמת, I need to... If this was medicine, nobody would play such games. Nobody would say, listen, 98% of doctors said like this and this one said like that. Yeah, but who cares? If it's a dangerous thing, if he's telling you this is poison... They were tzaddikim, going and they were tzaddikim. So as one, I’ll tell you something: either I’m going to hell with them and not so likely they’re going to hell, either I’m going to hell with them and not so likely to go to hell. So anyway, I’m saved. Tell me, you want to give such an answer to somebody who’s about teshuvah, who wants to know? Oh, that’s what bothers me. Okay, listen, everybody, to their own best knowledge of Torah, which was vast, yeah, they went to the truth of the Torah. What they were looking for is what Hashem said, right? Both of them, I told you, it’s a very big answer. Both of them... You, that the logic of the way they were thinking was based on the Torah. No, it's not what Hashem wants. Like, I'll give you an example, right? Two people hear somebody talking, right? Pashut, I'll tell you, I go to this person. Go, you have brothers, sisters. One time you'll be with your sister, right, about something, or go to, no, go to a shiur of a rabbi or something like that. Go to your sister, ask her what he said. Ask her, what did you hear? What did you say? Oh, so if on something like that you have differences because you're different, she's female, male, they're not trying to... In any case, and that's the stira, and even with everything, this, that is the only thing that ever came close to look like what it used to be, yeah? Because the Natsu does not look what it looked like. Also the Ishmaelim, even though they think they're Tnuim, it's not what it looked like. Nothing was what it looked like. Katot, we have like cults coming and going, Ovdei avodah zarah, I don't know if they know even what they're doing. The point I'm trying to make is one of the most important things that the Jewish people and their outreach program is China. We're the original unchanged, how to say, you know what I'm saying? If you look 2,000 years ago, this is what you would see over there. It's not true. That's all that comes out, you understand? Because there's really a thousand opinions about anything, and that comes out our main argument about we did not change is gone, is destroyed. I remember when I learned that there are different versions of the Sefer Torah. There was one boy, you know, he was just becoming religious, almost destroyed him when he found out that Teimanim have one version of Sefer Torah, and they have more letters and less letters. He went around telling people. Explain to me. Okay, I'll give you the far most amazing thing. You had, yeah, you had. He said you have versions, okay? I want to say versions. What's the difference in the versions, okay? Temanim, how many? Five letters. Five letters, okay? So one, five letters. In our sefer, there's nine mistakes that have to be changed, but he doesn't go to Rabbanim because his job is research, and the Gedolim have to do what they have to do. So let's say there's Temanim, let's say five. But excuse me, Temanim was in one place, Moroccans were in another place, Ashkenazim were in another place for at least a thousand years. They came to Eretz Israel 48 years ago, 50-something years ago. There was only five differences. You want to tell me, you want to come and tell me that their basic is not the same? You want to tell me that their base is not the same? Yeah. I'll tell you why. Because this was one thing that they kept, okay? It was 99% correct, 1% incorrect. If you look at all the... they were there, they were there, they were there, and they all did brit milah. Exactly the same way. So what? Africans also do brit milah.

Exactly the same way. No, you think there's no ... in Har Dubi Villa? No, that's easy. I'm telling you, African tribes. There are tribes in Africa. Okay, you want to tell me again? I don't want to now go and ... It hot in that villa, Lenida. They were there, they were there, they were there, and they all kept ... So you want to tell me they counted five days, they counted four days, but what? They all kept the halachot of nida. So why do the Afghans—there's a Pashtun tribe in Afghanistan that also keeps it. My point is—also keep nida. Their women also go after seven days of purity, they go to... Okay, I don't want—again, I don't want to continue this too long. I'm just trying to tell you that it's not—I don't have it clear yet. I don't have a hundred percent answer. Usually the reason why I don't continue talking is because people just say, Oh, wow, and that's it. They accept my answer, they go weiter. But I know in my heart that I could knock myself out. Yeah, it's not docheh bekash. It's not kash-kash, but there's chinks in the armor. It's not perfect, the answer. It's not perfect. But based on what? Based on what? אתה נולדת ככה, בסדר, אתה תאמין. אבל בן אדם שרוצה להתקרב, how are you going to be moshech him? For what? Imagine I tell—I want to sell you a car. Perfect, there's no problems. Ah, but... He's going to start showing you, in every little thing there's a problem, and over here there's a problem. So you won't be able to convince him. My point is, to be mekarev people to teshuva, really, really, really... שיש שאלות שאלות. שאלות מביאות לבירור יותר חד של האמת. אבל יש שאלות שהרבנים לא יודעים איך לענות אותן. So he's going to walk around, walk away, שזה saying, זה לא אמת. הם לא יודעים מה הם אומרים בכלל. יש בזה אנשים שהם יותר זמן ממנו, אין תשובה שאין עליה שאלה. אין תשובה, אין דבר כזה. אין דבר כזה. אלא אם כן אתה כל כך הרבה שנים שכבר אתה בפנים, ואז אתה יודע שיש שאלות שלא שואלים. אבל באמת האלה הפשוטים, האנשים שנכנסים, יש שאלות שמחיים לא ישאלו בגלל קטנות המוחין. אמרתי, קראתי בדיוק לפני איזה חודש, חודשיים, משהו כזה, קראתי בחובת הלבבות, שהוא מסביר, יש את העניין הזה, אתה יודע, שכל הגדול מחברו יצרו גדול ממנו. זאת אומרת, אני מבין למה, אבל אני לא יודע איך זה במציאות. אני יודע שבגלל שהוא יותר צדיק אז הוא צריך יותר counter מיצר הרע. זה הלמה, אבל השאלה זה איך יצר הרע יכול להיות יותר חזק. זאת אומרת, כל מה שהצדיק יודע, גם היצר הרע שלו יודע. הוא מתחיל לעשות לו שאלות בתוך האידיאות שלו בתורה, ופתאום אומר, לא, וזה תקל, ופה יש את זה, ופתאום גורם לו להיות כזה חצי נובד בעשיות התורה, ובעניינים, והוא מקשה לו מתוך עצמו. אז אתה רואה שזה ככה. אז בגלל זה יש דברים, אתה אומר שזה השאלות. תחכה עוד עשר שנים, תכתוב איזה שאלות יהיו לך מתוך עצמך. למה אתה אומר... I'm not saying that that's all I'm trying to say is it's not 100%. That's all. לא, סליחה, חס ושלום, יש לי פגיעה באמונה. I believe, and I think that's part of being Jewish. I'll be honest with you, I always... maybe I'm wrong, correct me on this. I think there is no absolute 100% proof that God exists or that the Torah exists, and I think that's part of the struggle. No, I'll tell you why. Because if there was something like that, you wouldn't be able to be a kofer, and there has to be something which... There has to be a nisayon. There has to be a... תקשיב. Really, really, you could get away from every question. It's stupid. Because the point is, it's not so much stupidity; it would be improbable. תקשיב, אני אסביר לך למה אני לא חושב שאתה צודק, בגלל שהקדוש ברוך הוא לא הביא לך ניסיון שלא יכול לעמוד בו. You have improbable. How could it happen? Probably there's a creator. Probably, probably, probably. לא נכון, not probably. אין שום probably. זה לא נכון. זה לא נכון. תודה. ... אבל תשטח את האנשים... באמת, אני מציע לך... כל השאלות האלה זה אמיתי. אני מציע לך... How do you turn this off, by the way? I think this is on for three hours already. That's right. How do you turn this off with my... Ephraim, Ephraim, how do you turn this off? I think it's on already. Yeah?