Hilchos Harchakos: Special Clothing During Niddah, Kishut, and Shelo Tisganeh Al Baalah

Transcript

ראוי לה שתתייחד לה בגדים לימי נידוסה, כדי שיהיו שניהם זוכרים תמיד שהיא נידה. ראוי. What does the word ראוי mean? ראוי, l'choira, in the other ones, the other halachos, אסורה, לא, you know, it's very definite words of chiyuv. מה שאין כן over here, it's ראוי. Now why is it a different lashon? Why does it say ראוי? So the truth is, you could say because it's not a chiyuv takah. It's the right thing to do. Everything else that it's brought down in this seif is chiyuv. This is only ראוי. So I guess if she doesn't want, I guess if it costs too much money, I mean, what would be the reason not to do it? Laziness? I mean, what would be the cheshbon of ראוי, and that if she doesn't want, she doesn't have to? You mean ראוי means in case it didn't happen. It's a very nice question. I don't know what the word ראוי. ראוי means that it's not a chiyuv, l'choira, right? Because all the other halachos, it says strong language of must, have to, should, right? Here it's fit, proper. So does that mean that it's not chiyuvi? Legabei what? Legabei that if she doesn't want, she doesn't have to? What's called not wanting? Not wanting just because she doesn't want, or not wanting because of a real cheshbon? Maybe she feels uncomfortable. Feels uncomfortable that she has special clothing. She's lazy. Or maybe it just means that in case it didn't, it didn't. You don't have to go out of your way. You're wearing this. You don't have to bedavka go and buy such clothing, maybe. I don't know. It's not clear. But one thing is clear, that it's ra'ui, and it's not the same lashon that's used by all other harchakos, unless we say that the chomer is the same. But the reason why use the lashon of ra'ui, maybe it's not harchakah at all. It's just an eitzah tovah. Maybe if it would have been a harchakah, then it would have to be a chiyuv. But since it's not a harchakah, right, it's not a chiyuv, what does that mean? It's just an eitzah tovah. So therefore use the lashon of ra'ui. So then it's בכלל not even one of the harchakos. I want you to take a look at סעיף י״ד. Read סעיף י״ד. כל אלו, I guess that means this included or maybe this not included, I don't know. But it's good to know the lashon. All right. In tackling this she'eilah, is it or isn't a harchakah, and how serious of a harchakah it is, if it is, let's find out the reason for this halachah. Let's delve into the reason. So the Gemara in Kesubos gives a reason, which is שלא תתגנה על בעלה, that being that she's a niddah, so it gets dirty, the clothing. So if he wears these clothing in times when it's good, it's ginui. It becomes that the husband looks, gets turned off. L'maaseh, that's not what it says in Shulchan Aruch. Shulchan Aruch says, k'dei sheyu shneihem zochrim tamid shehi nidah. So it's to remind that she's a nidah. So it comes out a very interesting chiluk, right? According to the Gemara in Kesubos, daf samech hei amud beis, the reason to wear it is for when she's not a nidah. According to the taam of the Shulchan Aruch, the reason is to wear it for when she is a nidah. It's a whole different... Now, in the Shulchan Aruch it sounds that's harchakah, right? In the taam of the Gemara it has nothing to do with harchakah. So re'iyah is gevaldik. What are you going to say, a lashon chiyuv? It's not a chiyuv, it's re'iyah. It's the right thing to do. Now, bichlal I have a shailah: is a woman mechuyev to do things shelo tisganeh al ba'alah? Choirah, yeah. A woman is mechuyev. The Gemara says that even on, let's say, Tishah B'Av, Chasan Kallah, we're matir that she should dress properly. Why? Shelo tisganeh al ba'alah. Yom Kippur, there's even discussions...

In Kippur, to wash her face, shelo tizganeh al ba'alah. So we're talking about de'oraisas, inuyim, and yet, shelo tizganeh al ba'alah is a chiyuv. So you see that it's not stam a good piece of advice. So if so, even if you're going to say it's not harchakah, why does it say ra'ui? It should say she should do this; she's mechuyav to do it. Unless you say an interesting pshat: who says it'll be megunah al ba'alah? It might be. So therefore it's only an eitzah tovah. If it would be definitely megunah al ba'alah, then it wouldn't be an eitzah tovah; it would be a chiyuv. A woman, l'choirah, is mechuyav to do things shelo tizganeh al ba'alah. The reason why it says ra'ui is because who said? So therefore it's only an advice, which is interesting. It comes out that the way we're learning the Gemara, the ta'am of megunah al ba'alah isn't a guarantee. What it is is it's a possibility; it might be. Okay. The Taz—I'm sorry, the Sidrei Taharah asks this for a kashya. The Sidrei Taharah comes along, and se'if katan zayin, it says it's l'choirah stirah diktaani, the ta'am of the Gemara and the ta'am of sheyu zochrim that the Shulchan Aruch brings as a stirah. Now, l'choirah, let's think of an interesting nafka mina. According to the ta'am of the Gemara, if the ba'al is not makpid—I'm not makpid, he says, I'm not makpid, it doesn't bother me—so then there's no chiyuv, right? Mashenkein if the ta'am is sheyu shneihem zochrim, so it's not up for your wavering; it's nothing to waver. It's not for you; it's for the din of harchakah. But the way we learned, it's not so pashut. The Acharonim want to say this. The Acharonim want to say that since it's about the baal, according to the Gemara in Kesubos, he's not makpid, he's not makpid. The way we learned it, it's not so pashut, because the Shulchan Aruch never said yimachol. If all the Shulchan Aruch was giving you an eitzah tovah. So very possible that the eitzah tovah is there, the eitzah tovah is there, even if he says he's not makpid. Maybe he will be not makpid. If, let's say, a wife—if a husband says, You know, I bichlal not makpid, you should walk around—excuse the expression—smelling bad, okay? It doesn't bother me. I don't know if it's true. I don't know if the—should be choshesh. The woman, the wife can't come and say, My husband doesn't care. A lot of times women think, Oh, my husband, he loves me the way I am, and it's no problem, and it's fine, and everything's fine. I don't know. It's not so pashut. There's a shema tizganeh al baalah, even after what you think is—especially it's only what you think. Did you ever discuss it with him? Sometimes it's what the wife thinks without discussing with the husband. Kol shekein, let's say the husband says, I'm not makpid, so you say, Oh, he's not makpid. I don't know if it's so pashut. Now I have a different shaylah. Yeah, not makpid. Yeah, I don't know, not makpid. What is not makpid? You get turned off, you get turned off. You get turned off from anything. What does that mean? You know, you can like somebody and he does one thing, you get turned off from him. That's darkei shel adam. That's just the way. Huh? It's asur lishtanos. I mean, it's a chazakah shelo lishtanos. Now, the only other shailah I have is an interesting thing. Eitza tovah is the pshat, it's l'maisa mitzvah to do this. It's a chiyuv to do this. Meaning like this: avada we're saying it's not a chiyuv because it's an eitza tov, right? That's the way we're learning the roi. But now that you're doing it, right, so it's a Shulchan Aruch dik halacha, or it's an eitza tov dik halacha? I'm saying it's interesting that in Shulchan Aruch it's an eitza tov, you know what I mean? It's an interesting—so unless you're saying like what we're learning, there's halacha of shemas gan al bailah, which is an issur, and the roi is a din in eitza for that issur. Okay, it's an interesting hagdarah. You're maskim with me that according to the Gemara in Kesubos, that it's only al shemas gan al bailah, so then it comes out that it's only a good advice. It's a good advice. You go to Doctor—what's the name over there? The guy, Doctor Phil. Doctor Phil gives good advice on the radio. That's the guy Doctor Phil that everybody talks about. Doctor Phil is a good marriage—

He gives good marriage advice. Mr. ... is married three, four times, you know? You know that, that Mari and Madahan, whatever his name is, Miriam and Miriam, the Rebbetzin that gives ... books. How many times she was married? Many more times than once, okay? So, al kol panim, unless that's the pshat. That's what I'm saying, maybe she has more experience talking. That's the vort. Yeah, could be, could be. In other words, she has so many... Okay, my humor is just to get the oilam excited, to add to it. Now, point B, point B, you hear? Even if it's eitza tovah, but it's eitza tovah, I want to tie in chiyuv of Shem tizgan al bayis, which is a ... It's not stam good advice, okay? Now let's see what's the takanah eitza tovah. רֹאי לוֹ, שֶׁתִּתְיַחֵד לוֹ. What is the word רֹאי לוֹ? רֹאי לוֹ. Is that his, hers? Notice that all the dinim of harchakah was always him. All of a sudden we're talking what? Her. It's the first time we're talking her, no? It's interesting, huh? I mean, is it her? Is it him? Should he come and say, Listen, I want—I'm telling you that you should—or it's talking to her, רֹאי לוֹ. Or maybe it's not a diyuk. It just means that she'll take care of her clothing. You're not supposed to sit there and take care of your wife's drawers, right? Maybe it's not. The closet is hers. You have a chair over there to put your clothing. You know, right? You just got married. It's not a Torah yet. You're already, you already know, okay. The closet is hers. And the chair on the floor over there in the corner, there's room for your clothing, okay? So maybe that's why it says lo. Why does it say lo? Because it's not your gesheft. A man is not going to sit there and start taking care of the cubbies of his wife. Well, maybe it's not him; it's her takkeh. Now, if you learn it's harchakah, so it's interesting that it's—should be on him, no? Should be on him, l'choirah. In the Gemara Kesubos, it's maybe her. It's mamash her chiyuv. Mamash her chiyuv. Okay. Ma'aseh it says lo. Shetiyached lo. So again, what's the second lo? Re'ui lo shetiyached b'gadim l'mei nidusah. What's re'ui shetiyached lo? Unless you say that the yichud is specific to her, hainu, it's not the standard need the clothing. You know, the mashal, there's whites and the darks, and then she's wearing from now on white or dark. Miyuchad means specific her, like simanim between the two of them. You like it? It's a nice diyuk, no? I like it, I like it. You see, this is craft. I'm crafting the halachah. I'm carving, you see? Plus, you can learn a lot. So you walk into a Bar Park store—you know, it's very—you ever walk into a Bar Park store? They have, you know, clothing for the night, which is based on, you know, all the Yerushamayim, the chassidish shitos and everything. You ever saw, like, the long underwears, and then the yarmulkes for sleeping? You ever saw that stuff? I don't know. You come in, it's a whole new world to me. But whatever it is, it's there, you know. שלף יַמלקים, שלף, שלף הויזן, שלף דאס, and it's all... Based on, on, on this chasidisha shita of how you're supposed to dress with tznius, okay. So maybe they should have needer clothing in the stores, right? Okay, you'll make it nice. You'll have a Saint Laurent, you'll have the special designer clothing for you may needasa. Is that what it means? Or it's shetyached lah, something unique to her that's between the two of them. Her own clothing. Yeah, what I mean to say is it's not pshat there's needer clothing and not needer clothing. Something meyuchad that she, that, you know, oh, now my wife is— pshat that it's needer clothing, okay. Begadim. Does it have to be dafka clothing? What if it's not clothing? What happens if it's a necklace? What happens if it's a specific type of chvei, something that's not clothing? I don't know. Maybe necklace is called begadim. I don't know, necklace maybe is called begadim. Something else, I don't know, some other sign, yeah? Yeah, but could be that the remembrance is about when on her. That much I have to say, it has to—

Something to do with her, but maybe the pshat is special pocketbook. I don't know if they call it pocketbook because also called clothing. Well, and her glasses. She wears a special pair of glasses. These glasses are called clothing. And I'm clarifying interesting diyukim here. Notice also it says begadim, clothing. What about one? One is not enough? If it's zichron, okay, one should be enough. Begadim, I guess because she's changing her clothing, maybe wardrobe, because she's changing her clothing. But if it's one thing, so, you know, you shouldn't really need begadim. It's that one thing if she wears it, no? Huh? From the Shulchan Aruch is mashma that it's wardrobe, constantly changing, and therefore it has to be begadim. If we're learning correctly, if it's only about a zichron, so it doesn't have to be necessarily wardrobe. It could be anything else that she wears, right? Or anything else that's on her. Give me a good example which has no shaykhes to clothing. See, I say glasses. Glasses might be also clothing. A lot of walk within the street on Shabbos, unless you speak to the frumies. The frumies hold not like that. You know the frumies don't wear glasses on Shabbos. Oh yeah, sure, you don't know this? The frumies don't wear glasses on Shabbos. Well, there could be also different shailas, since you take it off sometimes. Rabbeid, the rabbanim in Queens, in Kew Gardens, to be more specific, that even with the eruv they walk around without their glasses. I don't care what they see. That's what they do. That's what they do. I don't know. Maybe they can't see what it says in Shulchan Aruch, maybe that's the problem. Maybe they don't see the dinim. No, I'm just kidding. He's a rather chashuv person. But it's a famous thing. It's a famous... By the Chassidim, a lot of people don't wear glasses on Shabbos. You know what it is? It's just mishalim to get you to think. I want you to think. Let's say it's not clothing. Huh? I know that, so. Yeah, but the world didn't wasn't mekabel it. Tight. Okay, this is all good. This is all beautiful. The point being, the point being, yeah, I'll give you an example. Yeah, let's say a woman, she carries her handkerchief in her pocket. So she has a special one l'mayn nidus, and that reminds you. Or maybe she could wear a T-shirt, I'm a niddah. I don't know. Maybe she could wear a polo shirt that has a... Is it begadim, wardrobe, or it's something on her, a siman? Okay. Now, begadim is mashma in plural. I told you, l'choira it just means wardrobe. Okay. Today, the story in kesubos is irrelevant, because today everything goes to the washing machine, and anything that gets dirty gets cleaned, and there's really no story. Huh? It doesn't even get dirty because it's under— I mean, the whole story is irrelevant. So l'choira, in halacha of shema tizganeh, not so poshut. Now I want to clarify an interesting shaylah. If it's used zoichrim, then it should be more on the external clothing. And if it's the problem of shema tizganeh, then it's enough that it should be on the internal clothing. What are you, tying it, Elon? I see your head is a little bit on a tilt. It's a little tilted. Are you with me? So why are you just, like, sitting back as if it's... You seem too relaxed for me, too relaxed. Come on, let's go. I mean, yeah. Maybe it's just not as nice. Why does it have to be dirty? Maybe the clothes we need is not nice. And then it comes out... No, we can discuss not nice before we get to... If the reason is to remember. No, but the reason of ksubis is dirty. Maybe they're not nice clothes. That's the... That's not what it says. That's not what it says in ksubis. The Gemara Kesubos is not... The Gemara Kesubos says it'll get dirty. Nidus makes it dirty. So I'm saying, according to the taam of the Gemara Kesubos, that the issue should be where? Only on the inner clothing. Mashenkein if the taam is that it's not negea to the inner clothing; it's negea to the outer clothing. And the more outer, the better. I'm saying the more external, the better. For example, hey, she wears a shirt, and on top of that she wears, like, a thing, a dikki, I think in English they call it a dikki, and on top of that they wear a regular, you know, not like a jacket. Huh? I'm saying a blouse jacket, not jacket, because jacket they take off. I'm saying there's something, whatever, the inner and outer.

So if it's because of the taam of lichluch, also another thing. If it's for the taam of lichluch, it's not nogeia to the top clothing; it's nogeia only to the bottom, to the lower. Mashenkin if the taam is for zehir, I would say the opposite. I would say it's more important on the first. It's interesting. I mean, I don't know if the Acharonim talk about it. Do Acharonim mention all this? They do? Top, bottom, inside, outside? Oh, they do mention inside, outside. Okay, so this is their mechamir. What about top and bottom? Okay. And what about the taamim of inner and outer, you said they mention? Okay. What? Shake it out later. Okay, so you see that we're heading in the— lemaaseh, Shulchan Aruch says a different reason. Okay, now, chayadam does not bring this din in Shulchan Aruch. Skips it. All the Acharonim, everybody mentions that the chayadam doesn't bring—what's wrong? I don't know. It doesn't say meluchlach. That's what I learned in Gemara. I don't know. It says meluchlach. Shehayu meluchlachim. Meluchlachim. So he's saying shehayu means that they once were meluchlach. No, but he's saying a vort, so maybe even if they wash it, but when you look at it, he remembers that it was once meluchlach. So then the washing today doesn't help you anything. What? Right, because by us there's no story. Right, right, right. Okay, but the maisah seems from the words over there, because you're reading it right, that the etzem fact that it used to be dirty doesn't want it to work. That means you shouldn't wear any shirt ever again. No, it says, right, there's no reason, right, because everything gets clean so quickly that it's not negei anything in your head, right, right, right, we're all good. You're saying good. Even in Rashi's style, right. Okay, now, a maisah the Chayei Adam does not bring. The Chayei Adam does not bring it. Now, l'chora, l'chora, the pashut reason is, the pashut reason is because, not negei, the ta'amim that we brought. I have a very hard time, l'maaseh, how do you pasken? How should someone, I mean, l'maaseh, what, you're going to say because the Chayei Adam doesn't bring it? I don't know. It's very hard, you know, it's very hard to pasken that way. Unless you say the whole thing is raui anyway, the whole thing is an eitzah tovah, so if the Chayei Adam doesn't bring it, it's okay. It's very hard to be cholek, especially when the Chayei Adam, what do they have with the Chayei Adam? What's the shaychus with the Chayei Adam? I mean, l'maaseh, it didn't שולחן ערוך. Rav Ovadia says they should do it, them stam, the poskim, pasken bring. So what's the pshat? Maybe in the times of the Shulchan Aruch it was negei l'maaseh, so raui, and he gave an eitzah. And I'll tell you one maisah. I just want to tell you, you know, when I asked this ha'arah, right, I just want to tell you over one maisah with the Chayei Adam, meaning how you're supposed to judge. You know what story I'm going to tell you? With the Brisker Rav, yeah. How you're supposed to judge arguing with the Chayei Adam. Because what am I saying? The Chayei Adam doesn't bring it, so from that, he doesn't hold of it, and meileh you don't have to do what פורש didn't in Shulchan Aruch. The Shver is ach the same, right? It's brought down Reb Chaim on Ba Metzia, the ones that, or Yoreisa, Yoreisa put out Reb Chaim on Ba Metzia. So over there he brings a story from the Brisker Rav, and he walked into shul, and there were six people that needed to have Kriyas HaTorah, but some of the four to make the minyan already davened, and the Brisker Rav already davened. So the guy went and he said, Let's go make Kriyas HaTorah because we have ten people. The Brisker Rav said, No, you need ten people who haven't heard Kriyas HaTorah. So what happened? The Brisker Rav said that the Chayei Adam paskens that way. So l'maaseh, there was a yid over there that said, I'll show you bfurish a Ran in Megillah that says not like that. The Ran in the back of the Gemara says not like that. So he showed the Brisker Rav, and the Brisker Rav said, There's no such Ran. I'm saying before he showed the—he wanted to show the Brisker Rav, the Brisker Rav said, There's no such Ran. So he comes, he shows the Brisker Rav, and he reads it. The Brisker Rav says, You didn't read it right. You're supposed to put a comma over here, and if you put the comma over here, then it's read different. Then it's read that these things need ten people even though they didn't, right? They're not being—

So now, while ... from the next sentence, okay, the person says to the Brisker Rav, Wow, every rav. He says, No, I don't know rav. Brisker was known, like Reb Chaim, his father, Gemara and Rambam, every piece of Gemara. That's what they were known, that they knew every Gemara and every Rambam. But not necessarily every rav. That wasn't the forte of the Brisker Rav. You know, R' Moshe knew everything. They say R' Moshe knew kol haTorah kula. You know, R' Moshe comes and says there's no such rav. So he said, How yitachen? You said there's no such rav. He says, Let me tell you. If the Chayei Adam paskens differently, then it couldn't be that there's such a rav, because the Chayei Adam had such siyata dishmaya as a posek l'rabim that it couldn't be that anything he ever said was wrong keneged a mefurasha rav. So in the back of my mind, when I say, The Chayei Adam said ... and the Chayei Adam didn't say not; the Chayei Adam just doesn't bring it. Chayei Adam, be careful. Understand the chomer, how the Brisker Rav knew that there was no such rav, because the Chayei Adam paskened lo kemara, a siman she'ein kazeh rav. אי אפשר, אי אפשר, he said, that he wouldn't have the siyata dishmaya to make such a mistake. Can't be. Okay, now. The Sidrei Taharah says that there should be an interesting nafka mina. If it's a taam of the Gemara in Kesubos, and it has to do with ... right? So where she's just an idah because of kesamim. Right? Or she wears this during her shivah nekiyim, so there's no problem of shema tizganeh habailah. There's no story. Begadim yochid would be only for when she's tachas flowing of blood, where there's no blood flow, ksamim, shivah nekiyim, so there's no halacha of being miyached miyuchad. Okay. Maaseh, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch siman kuf pei zayin, se'if katan zayin, says not like that. That even for ksamim, even if she's sitting yosheves zayin nekiyim, for ksamim she should have begadim yuchadim. L'choirah, because if you go with the taam of the Shulchan Aruch, right, it has to do with zecher, it has to do with memory. You should remember. If memory has nothing to do with the shivah nekiyim or ksamim, it's irrelevant. But according to the taam of the Gemara, lichluch, so eina chanami, bimei that she keeps the nekiyim because of ksamim, there's no problem. Okay. I want to taineh that there's another nafka mina here. Could the begadim be noyim? So if it has to do with lichluch, so then what's the negeiah? I mean, it could be as noyim as you want. There's no special clothing. It says nothing to do with special clothing. But if the pshat is that it's supposed to be special, neither clothing to remind, so then maybe it's possible that it should have a certain mode of mei nidah. Again, it's not muchrach, because the maaseh doesn't say that. It doesn't say it anywhere. Okay. Consider tairah, taka taanos that you can't have, according to the taam of the Shulchan Aruch. Good night. Teres HaShlamim. Says there's no problem. As long as it's miyuchad limei nidah, then it's okay. Okay, go look it up. Good, I see you're going to look it up. Run to look it up. Let's go. Come on, let's go, let's go. Right? Teres... Sidrei Taharah, seif katan tezayin. You look up the Sidrei Taharah and he looks up the Teres HaShlamim. Let's go. Oh, the shiur is l'fuas Moshe ben... Moshe... Okay. Sidrei Taharah, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. Teres HaShlamim, let's go. Yeah. Nu. Okay, that's a pilpul, that's lishitasi. Go ahead, next, nu. Okay, what about you? You have anything? You have your Teres HaShlamim over there? Let's go. Yud, yud.

Do yud. I may be, I don't know, I don't have patience. Next, next, next. That's the shailah, that's the kashya. Oh, afilu na'im, yeah, go ahead. Okay, okay, go ahead. Right? If the taich is zichron, maybe not. But if the taich is lichluch, so even if it's not. He says for both ta'amim, פירוש השלם. Okay. Right, because it doesn't make a difference. The whole thing is זכרון. What is פירוש שלמים? Go ahead. Huh? Okay. Either way, point being, point being, point being, okay? If the taich is that it's special nida clothing, and it's like harchakah d'halacha, that's very, it's very strange to say בגדים נאים are okay, you know what I mean? מאוד קשה להגיד that בגדים נאים should be all right. Masha'en kein, if you learn that it's stam a זכרון, it's any זכרון, as long as it's a זכרון, it's fine. It could be a different type of jewelry. This fancy jewelry is for this, and this fancy jewelry is for the days of nida. No problem, right? Good? If it's harchakah d'halacha, that's why you say important pretty clothing for—she should remember she's a nida. It's very strange to say that. But if the taich is it's stam any זכרון, so then it should be okay. All right. Now let's do the next. B'koishi yatiru, says the Shulchan Aruch, b'koishi yatiru l'hiskasher bimei nidasa, ela k'dei shelo tizganeh al ba'alah. Now it's interesting that he brings this halacha over here, and here he talks about tizganeh al ba'alah. You know, it's interesting because according to many shittos, especially me'arek suvos, that's the reason for ro'eh l'shtiachla begadim. You see, like, there is some connection to the two sugyas over here, you know. You see, right? So why is she al ba'alah? So then the next halacha, shelo tizganeh al ba'alah. It's interesting. Okay. What's the lashon of b'koishi? B'koishi yatiru. So l'choira you could come and say that he's explaining the b'di'eved, how b'di'eved is it. He wants to be madgish. He's not going to say it's asur, because l'maaseh we matir it. He's not going to want to say that it's mutar. He's not going to want to say it's mutar because it's not so pashut, the whole thing, right? So therefore use a lashon of — in Yiddish we call parve, parve a lashon — parve. So it's not here, it's not milchig, not fleishig; it's something in the middle. B'koishi yatiru. Okay. You take a look at the Biur HaGra. He brings from Avos d'Rabbi Nosson, perek beis, halacha aleph, that whoever is menavel herself bimei nidasa, ruach chachamim nocheh heimenu. So this is this b'koishi yatiru, right? What's? Ruach chachamim nocheh heimenu is if she's menavel herself, it's a good thing. Okay. Now, I want to discuss with you what does that mean, l'hiskashet. That they will matter. And what does it mean that if she's menavel herself, it's ruach chacham. You know, menavel could mean that she's completely unpresentable. Miskasheh can mean that she's going to a wedding. Which one? It's very vague, you know? So I want to ta'ina that the kishut, that it says, b'koshi tiru lah liskasheit, it doesn't mean wedding, pretty, over, lavish. It means presentable. And menavel is the opposite of that. Not pshat menavel. Nivel doesn't mean that she should go and look scary, okay? Nivel means that it's not liskasheit. Huh? Because it's true. It's true. ... לא, הגוי הזה, הגוי המטומטם. לא, who dafka lo metumtam, who dafka... חס ושלום, חס ושלום. ... לא, אני באמצע לימוד עכשיו. ... Okay, let's go weiter. Come, you hear?

Come, let's go. Okay. Come, let's go. Come, let's go. Ready? So what's nivul and what is kishut? What is kishut, you hear? What is kishut and what is nivul? Might be right, you know. Anyways, it's a word from our sponsor. Now let's go weiter. So, menavel means, menavel means that it's not nivul bad, but just that she doesn't what? Okay, she doesn't what? She doesn't make herself pretty. And kishut means, doesn't mean kishut. Okay. I was thinking of an interesting diyuk also now, all right? Again, I don't have raayos, I mean, but l'choira, you know, menavel doesn't mean that you should look ugly. That's not, it's not muchach. All I'm saying is it's not muchach. Because the word menavel doesn't have to mean that she's menavel. For a woman to not put on makeup, that could be nivul. Right. Means she's ugly? She's not ugly. She's unkept, that's all. It's not the kum v'aseh of taking care. That's the act making yourself ugly. Rather it means just don't make yourself beautiful. That's right. That's what I want to tighten. Right. In other words, menavel doesn't mean she should bedavka look ugly. That's not the point. Don't wash your face. Why should she wash her face? Don't do the kishut, right? And when it says that they're mutar b'koishi, it's not muchach that it means to go look like what they look in the streets today. I don't know. I heard rather someone said that it's not a problem because she's not doing it for her husband, so she's doing it for the people in the street, so it's not. Okay. Yeah, she's doing it for the shecheinim. Okay, now. What's b'koishi hitiru lah? What's the lo? Now, it's mashma that it's because she wants it. Hitiru lah. I'm saying it's, meaning it's something that she wants, and b'koishi hitiru lah, right? Let's say she doesn't want. Let's say she doesn't want, and he does want. She says, I want to be frum, I want to be menavel myself, I don't want to wear makeup during my nidah. And he says, Listen, b'koishi hitiru, it's mutar. So she says back to him, b'koishi hitiru lah. That wasn't for you, that was for me. So why don't you listen to what I'm saying? You're saying for the baal, no, maybe no. That's not what it says here. It says b'koishi hitiru lah. Maybe it's not about the baal, maybe it's about her. And if she taka says, I don't want, right? Now if you notice, it says the reason — you're probably meaning because of the last part, shelo titganeh al baalah, right? Maybe the shelo titganeh al baalah is she shouldn't have a problem that she's going to be afraid that she's being misganeh al baalah. She wants to do it. She wants to do it, but not to be misganeh al baalah. It's a heter for her. B'koishi hitiru lah liskosh, shebimei nidasah... Because she doesn't want being nisganah al bailah. Who says it's be'etzem? You can read the Shulchan Aruch that she, she, she is scared. What? That's already rabbinic, rabbinic handbook. I'm not talking about the rabbinic handbook. I'm talking about the Shulchan Aruch first. You want to—what? That seems to be the reason. It shouldn't be a family piece, therefore she— I don't care about the family piece. So we should also do that. A guy will say, I want to learn 24 hours a day, ah, but the wife is screaming. But I'm not holding there yet. I first want to see the two sides. The first צד could be that she must do it because it's otherwise nisganah al bailah, okay? The other way to learn it is that it's her heter. She wants it, and she doesn't want to be nisganah al bailah. So that's what I'm trying to say. So what happens if she decides she wants it, and the—right, that's one צד. And then we can start clarifying what happens if she wants it and the husband doesn't want it. There's two parts to the shaylah. She decides, you know what, she went to—you should know, our women like this—that they come back and they learn Shulchan Aruch, and then, Oh, that's it, and that's all, and I want to be mamish, right? And the husband's looking, What happened to you?

You fell off your horse. What happened to you? Right? So that's the shayla: is it a heter for her, which she could come and say, I don't want the heter, or two, what happens if she wants and he doesn't want? Maybe it has nothing to do with him. Okay. U'ma'aseh, this is what we spoke about in the Gemara Kesubos. She's meshubed to him to behave in a way that's not mezganah al ba'alah. She's meshubed to behave in a way, and if he's claiming that he's makpid, then maybe he's makpid. Now, I have a different nekudah. Kishut and mezganah al ba'alah go hand in hand? In other words, like this: is there a standard of kishut which if you don't have that, that's mezganah al ba'alah, or it's unique to each family? Let's say he claims that for me, I need that she should wear tons of makeup, for whatever reasons, okay? I need, I personally need that she should dress, otherwise it's mezganah al ba'alah. Maybe I'm a loon. Maybe I need counseling. Maybe. But l'maaseh, that's what I need in order to be not mezganah al ba'alah. Maybe he doesn't like what his wife looks like, so she has to get dressed very pretty, otherwise I can't take it. Is the kishut and mezganah al ba'alah the standard, or the b'koshi yatiru becomes the mezganah al ba'alah of each particular home? It's an interesting ha'ara. I'm not 100% sure. Like, you come to a rav and then you tell the rav, Listen, for me, I personally need this. It's mutar. B'koshi yatiru. In other words, is the taam of the halacha shelo tisganeh, then anything which is mezganah al ba'alah becomes mutar, or there's a heter b'koshi yatiru? And the reason why the chachamim gave this heter is because otherwise you'll have shalom bayis problem, meaning it's norm that it should be mezganah al ba'alah. So if you're a gada kuku and you need a certain yofi and it does, otherwise you don't like what your wife looks like, you get turned off, then it's your problem. I wasn't sure how to learn this halacha. Okay. Okay, that's all I want to say. Shelo tisganah al ba'alah. Okay, rabosai, I'm gonna leave now. I gotta go. You want to put the medical thing on the chip? I have to go.