Hilchos Niddah: Mezigas HaKos, Acts of Affection, and the Boundaries of Harchakos

Transcript

Kol melachos she'ishah osah l'baalah, nidah osah lo, chutz mi'zikas hakos, she'asur lo lizok kos. It doesn't say what's asur; it begins with what's mutar. Most of the kreivusin are, don't do this. And here it begins with what you're allowed to do. Kol melachos she'ishah osah l'baalah mutar. L'choirah, the klalei she'eilah is, is there a chiddush in this part? Is there a chiddush in kol melachos she'ishah osah l'baalah nidah osah? Or the chiddush is the chutz, actually — you're allowed to do everything but. So it's actually, from chutz begins the halachah. Pashtus, you could have just said, zikas hakos asur; you don't have to say what's mutar. You don't have to start, oh, everything is mutar. Say, zikas hakos asur, like the other kreivusin. So I want to ta'ina that there is a chiddush. The chiddush is that it's takah mutar. If you look at the Pischei Teshuvah, Pischei Teshuvah brings down a chiddush that before the zman of the Shulchan Aruch, they takah used to asser it. Yeah. Utakos. The Shlah brings down, the Shlah that says that, eina chanami, anything which is too close for comfort, as they say, anything which feels too, too right is wrong. Anything which is too much married, no good, right? So the chiddush is that they had to be matir it. Why were they matir it? Because ein atzibuchein lamibo, says the Pischei Teshuvah. Too much. Meileh, lafekert, the halacha is beautiful, right? The halacha starts off with what's mutar, because be'emes it's a chiddush that it's mutar. I dilma, I want a ta'ina that the chiddush doesn't have to be because once it was asur, but that there's a chiddush in the yesod of the halacha which splits between certain melachos and mezigas hakos, which is asur. What do I mean? At the end of the shiur, if I would fast forward now, I would say one yesod. The sugya mezigas hakos is melachos which a wife does for her husband special, and not melachos that anybody would do for anybody. It has to be something which is miyuchad, davka, wife. It's a wifely—what do you call that? No, a wifely—not, give me the right word in English—not shibud, a wifely—who? Responsibility. Okay? The wife's chores. It has to do something that a wife's chores. It's not just the wife is doing for him. And that has to be, that is the yesod of mezigas hakos. And mimeila the Shulchan Aruch begins what's mutar and what's asur. Because even in what's mutar is a chiddush, because it's taka melacha she'eina tzricha l'gufa. The chiddush begins from kol melacha she'eina tzricha l'gufa. We're going to differentiate between some and some. It used to be nothing? No. You see, according to Piskei Teshuva, l'chorah you have to come and say the chiddush is we couldn't control ourselves, we couldn't handle it, and therefore they were matir everything. Kol melacha, because in the old days it wasn't like that, and because the Shulchan Aruch paskens don't be a frum, you don't listen to the Shulchan Aruch. That's l'chorah the way you would say the pashut. Or dilma, or dilma, what he's saying is that we're going to have to separate melachos she'eina tzricha l'gufa. So kol melachos is mutar, while mezigas hakos is asur. And the shaila is going to have to be why. So then the Shulchan Aruch is a whole different Shulchan Aruch, it's a whole different halacha. It's why certain ones are mutar and why mezigas hakos is asur. What's worse about mezigas...

Sakois. What's more in the zigah sakois, that it's different than kol melachos she'isha oseh l'baalah. But either way, the yesod of the issur is melachah she'isha oseh l'baalah. Thank you, thank you, thank you for letting me mefaresh your Chiddush Shulchan Aruch. You see what we did? When you read the Shulchan Aruch, the Shulchan Aruch is stam trying to get to the chutz, right? My wife is allowed to do whatever she wants for her husband, but chutz except for mezigas hakos. So it's actually, because, I mean, if you want to say issurim, so just go straight to this, and this is mezigas hakos, like hatzaas hamitah, like all the other harchakos. This harchakah begins what's mutar. So either we could come and say because there was a time that it wasn't mutar, piskei teshuvah. I mean, I don't know if the Pischei Teshuvah is learning it up in the Shulchan Aruch, but l'choirah, like the Pischei Teshuvah, it's very geshmak, the Shulchan Aruch. The second thing is we could come and say it's fakert. It's not so much because it was once mutar, because it takkeh should be asur. There's a reason for it to be asur, because it's melachah she'isha oseh l'baalah, yet it's mutar while mezigas hakos, which is a melachah she'isha oseh l'baalah, is asur. Yafeh me'od, yafeh, yafeh, yafeh, you maskim? You hear? Okay. So the shaylah becomes, why takkeh? Why takkeh they matir all melachos except for mezigas hakos? So we could come and say, hagufah is the piskei teshuvah, because they takkeh couldn't handle it. It should have been asur. It should have been asur, you're right. But since that you're not going to aser kol melachos, they're going to run out of the house. The guy's gonna hang himself. What's he supposed to do? He's gonna run to his mother. What's he supposed to do exactly, right? So therefore, klum mizikas hakais. There's no chashash. There's no chashash. If there is chashash, so who cares what he's gonna do? If there's no chashash, why? Because. That's not what I mean. It means is that technically there's a reason to aser melacha she'isha oseh l'baala. But the chachamim balanced it and said, listen, can aser everything, but you're missing my point. In other words, I'm trying to get at, is kol melacha she'isha oseh l'baala a variable in this halacha, or maybe it's just not, it's just a story? Is it a storyline or a taam of the halacha? By the way, I just said this shiur in a nutshell, basically. Is the story, is it just a text, kol melacha, that's the case. Kol melacha she'isha l'baala, in that case is mutar, and mizikas hakais, that case is aser. Or kol melacha she'isha l'baala is already the yesod of the issur. And now we have to say there's two parts, there's two flip sides of the coin. Some of it will be mutar, some of it will be aser, and then we have to explain zeh l'uma zeh why. So the first way, say zeh l'uma zeh, so maybe this is too much, kol is too much, and mizikas hakais not too much. Why? Why would you say that mizikas hakais is worse, it's too much, and this is not too much? Where does that come from? So you could come and say, kol melacha she'isha oseh l'baala is taka worse than, it's taka better than hatzaas hamita. Hatzaas hamita, right, fixing the bed, you could come and say, bed in the mind of a person equals this, it equals kiruv basar. But anything else, chamelacha, she washes his clothing, that becomes a problem. You can see where it's not the same issue as hatzaas hamita. What about mezigas hakos? By mita I could hear it, but mezigas hakos is any worse than I pour you something is worse than if I take care of, I starch your shirt. Many men would say to themselves, you know what, don't do anything for me, just starch my shirts. By the way, I can hear that it's freezing. I don't want people to die here. Yeah, well, ... happy, ... okay? Oh, okay, Baruch Hashem. Maybe I'm getting sick, I don't know. Maybe it's a bad sign for me. Maybe it's me, no? I must be getting sick, that's what it is. No, I don't listen. I'm going to get sick anyway. I'm not well. I'm in overdrive. I don't feel well. Okay, you ready? No, I'm saying is, whatever it is, if I don't sleep, I'm going to get sick anyway. So I sleep, and the egg is not going to make a difference. Whatever you want, I don't care. As long as you listen to what I'm teaching you, it doesn't make a difference. Do you understand what I'm saying? Beautiful, huh? Step by step, with that clarity. Hatzaas hamita, aser. Why is hatzaas hamita any worse?

Then the case of laundry, starch my shirt. The certain men, my heart goes mamish. My wife, my laundry, my shirt, my chvays. She starched it, she pressed it, I don't know. And the answer is because something about mita, mita. Yevored mamazigas hakos. Mazigas hakos is the case that's also. Why is mazigas hakos worse than any other called the melacha, so isha oisla baila? Now the truth is, Rashi in Kesubos, samech aleph amud aleph, stam you saw in the cheating sefarim, Rashi says that the taam of mazigas hakos is chibah. L'maaseh, you look at the poskim, they add either it's added to Rashi or it's a separate reason. I don't know, the Badei HaShulchan wants to like put them together. He likes to do that. He takes the two taamim and he sticks them together. I don't know, it's not clear if it's one taam or two taamim, and that is hergel davar. Hergel davar means, like we spoke before, you know, let's talk wine. You know, you drink wine, leads to a good time, hergel davar. So is it an act of chibah in itself, or is it a she'eilah of hergel davar? Okay. Now, if it's hergel davar, so then I could come and say— I don't think the shar melachos lends to hargel davar. I mean, what are the shar melachos? Give me a good example of a shar melacha. Cooking, cleaning, laundry. Laundry. I don't know. Let's say a person comes and says, Ah, tell you, I'm a... this, every time she presses my shirt, it leaks. L'choira it doesn't, right? Mashen kein yayin, I can hear. We'll discuss soon about stam feeding, stam giving machalim, so maybe also a meal leads to... okay. Chibah. What's called chibah? So is the taich chibah, it has to be inherently an act of chibah? Now what do you call chibah? You know, love is—there's two types of love. There's ishusdike love and there's love that you care about the person. A bubbein grandmother feeds her grandchild day and night from love, right? Now that love is not ishus; that love is because she loves him, right? She cares for him. So which chibah are you referring to? It's a big chiddush. You see, you know what it is? When you look at the sefarim, they're going to say chibah and hargel davar. I'm not happy with just saying the words. Let's dissect it. What do you say? What do you mean by chibah? Ishus type of chibah, because it... So it says that it's more, obviously, because it's chibah, right? Kol melacha she'isa isha oseh l'baalah, there's no shaychus to chibah. Chibah, it's l'choira done from chibah. I don't know, sometimes not, but l'choira it's done out of feelings for the husband. She cares about him, right? So do you mean chibah, love, or do you mean chibah, affection, caring? Which chibah is the sugya here? Why am I saying this? Kol melachsisois l'baalam. There is some level of chibah, not chibah ishus, but chibah like I said, that he's, hey, you know, a person could give his wife a kiss that she did the work in the house. You could hear that appreciation. You could hear it, right? Af al pi kein, the Chachamim said this is more than this. Why is this more than this? So I'm not sure. In other words, it's because it's also chibah and hergel? It's, wow, this is only chibah, not hergel. I think it has to be mugdar. What creates the issur of this se'if? Mezigas hakos is chibah, but at the same, you know, there's a bach here saying, listen, maybe someone should tell him that this is not for him to listen. This is a bach. Huh? Okay. Now, here, so l'maaseh, if the halacha...

Of this סעיף, what is the halacha of this סעיף? Is it chibah? What chibah are you referring to? Is the halacha of this סעיף hergel? Is the halacha of this סעיף דברים שאישה עושה לבעלה? Now, even if it's דברים שאישה עושה לבעלה, obviously some of it is mutar and some of it is asur, right? Because כל מלאכות is mutar. Unless you learn בעצם they was always everything asur. Of course Chazal felt that it couldn't be, so therefore they was matir it. Well, suits be big nafka minas lahalacha. There's very big nafka minas. Just to throw one out: let's say a person wants to be machmir. Maybe יש צד to be machmir on כל מלאכות שאישה עושה לבעלה, and what could that refer to? It could be in anything, and it doesn't have to be chibah necessarily that love. It could be chibah that any wifely activities. That's what the Shlah is saying, right? You know, there's a Ramban in Parshas Vayeitzei that says that the word nidah—where does the word nidah come from? Menudah, that she was pushed aside, because in the olden days a nidah was pushed aside. Meruchak. The person who's nidah, she was like—meruchak. No, so what I'm saying is, what I'm trying to bring out is, what is the yesod of this halacha? Okay, I'll give you an example. Let's say you have a melacha she'isha עושה לבעלה, but you could do it yourself. I'm not—let's forget about what it was in Buchara, that the wife had to do everything for the husband, including pouring him a cup of soda, right? Yes, master. Okay? But l'maaseh, today, let's say it's something you don't need your wife. You could do it yourself. You could function just as well if you did it yourself, right? So the shaylah would be that maybe there's no heter, since the whole heter is because ein atzivei chaylim lamid bei. So maybe on something which it's yachol lamid bei, efshar, takkeh the person should be... Maybe. Or maybe that's already too much, eina chanami, if it's too much, it's too much. But the little things, that's not too much, maybe it'll be mutar. Maybe it'll be mutar. Pour for yourself. I need my wife to pour for me? Maybe. I have another shaylah. Let's go further. Who says I bichlal need it? But I need five salads. I need kisudah shleimah b'shaytim for breakfast, lunch, and supper. So I won't have that. I'll make an egg, I'll make it myself, and that's all. What do you mean? Where does it say that? No, if wine is asur... things that she does to him. Wine. She cannot do for me, I cannot do for her. Who says I can't do for—where does it say that? But that's only mezigos hakos. But that's again a shaila l'eidef, whoa in my... I'm not even holding there yet. I'm holding... I'm saying, but I'm before the case of maichla mishta. I'm going back on the shar melachos. Is that also reflected? That it doesn't say anywhere. He's asking a meidikah... That as it comes out, if everything works both ways, so maybe I should do her... She shouldn't be washing my clothes. Separately, get a maid. Okay, that's the biggest chiyuv to a wife, you get a maid. Okay, now, you know what they say? A guy once said, I got my wife a maid. Me. Now, okay. What happens in these two cases? Maybe taka there's makom to be machmir, where you don't need it. Forget a starched shirt. You need a starched... Where does it say you need to, where your wife should sit there and starch your shirts? I want you to know something interesting. I never understood this whole musig of starched shirts and the chiyuv that one has when somebody starches someone's shirt. You starch. I don't even... iron it.

Oh, whatever, the answer. I grew up, you take a shirt, put it in the washing machine, you hang it up to dry, and that's it. That's what it is, and you put it on. I didn't have it in my life, ironing, ironing board. I don't think my mother even has an ironing board in the house, okay? After I got married, my shver used to sit there and iron all of their shirts and everything. He would sit there and iron all our clothes. The shver, the father-in-law. Your father-in-law does it also. Father said one should iron it yourself. I don't. When I was eight years old, I used to iron all of them. Yeah, but that's yourself. I'm telling you the other way around. I'm telling you, my father—who? I understand your mother used to do it. You're not listening to what I'm telling you. Your father— You'll iron your shirts, or your father irons you with your shirt. He irons the guy with the shirt. My father would sit there ironing the shirts and the clothing, even the undershirts, they were ironed over there, okay? And I want you to know, it was מאיר a tremendous hakaras hatov of chibah. I started to see how much he wants the clothes to be beautiful, and it's interesting, I never chapped the whole musag that certain melachos שאישה עושה לבעלה. You'll ask me, how come I don't know it from the melachos שאישה עושה לבעלה? You'll answer that yourself. Melachos שהבעל עושה לאשתו. Anyways, al kol panim— Maybe I understand, she cares about your appearance. That's not called— I wouldn't be— She cares about your appearance. That's what I'm telling you. I'm telling you, I'm moired a gevald. I'm telling you, I never understood that. I never understood the idea of caring about your appearance, melachos שאישה עושה לבעלה is chibah. Tell you, I heard chibah for the first time in work, and you want to know something? The idea of making food and putting so much work into it, I never saw it before. I said something new to me. And then I chap, I start to appreciate what my mother-in-law does when we go there. I'm saying, there's certain things that the melachah sheba'al, she'ishah oseh l'baal, has chibah in it. Okay, now, what would be the nafka mina? The nafka mina would be that could be where you takke don't need it, or you could do it yourself. Maybe you should be machmir. Wait, unless once the chacham didn't asser, then it didn't asser it. Once the chacham said, you know what, it's muttar, melachah sheba'al oseh l'ishah is muttar, so what, are you gonna go be machmir on it? So this is grad an interesting machlokes. If you look at the Ramban, I told you, the Ramban says takke in the olden days they used to be menachek. The Shlah takke says you should be machmir. But I saw the Chasam Sofer in the teshuvos, Orach Chaim siman chav gimmel, and he writes that hamachmir b'shaar dvarim, if you're machmir other things that it doesn't say in the Shulchan Aruch, he's min hamatmimim. He says, a weirdo, he's a kook. No, no, here, in this. In this inyan. No, here, here, in hamachmir in these halachos, eino min hamatmimim. Yeah? He's a— so he was learning, obviously, that if the Shulchan Aruch is matir it, now that it's muttar, so don't come and make it into a chumrah. It's b'chalal not a chumrah. Okay. Now, okay, you hear what we just said? We said very— A very big yesod. Melacha shebalois, is there a reason to asser it, and therefore the Shulchan Aruch has to come be matir it? Or fakert, it's just to get to the chutz. That's when there's no makom or reason or whatever it is to be aser, and the whole thing is just to get to the chutz. Where would there be an afkamina? I just told you this, that for starters, where you don't need it, where you could do it yourself, maybe you shouldn't be machmir. Because if we learn pshat in the Shulchan Aruch that it's mutar only because of a pischi teshuva that people can't handle it, maybe where you could handle it, you could handle it. Maybe if the whole society could handle it, the rabbi should get up and say, Listen, let's go be machmir, because the oilam here doesn't need as much as whatever it is. It went back to the way it was before the times of the Shulchan Aruch, oidilma, and which is really the shlah, to be machmir, oidilma, fakert, once it's mutar, then it's not harchakah, so you can't make it a harchakah, and if you do, it's eino ella min hamat. Now, lichoira, yeah, if the taam is chibah.

I would say, you know what, that makes hesber why the shitas, certain shitas Rishonim hold that only mezigas hakos. We're going to learn soon that the Shulchan Aruch l'maaseh only spoke about mezigas hakos, and some poskim, u'birosham the Beis Yosef, wants to say that it's dafka mezigas hakos, and even in mezigas hakos it's dafka b'davar hamishtaker, something which makes you—because it says yayin. So he's medayek the word mezigas dafka, and the word what? Yayin is dafka. It's only wine, and it's pouring wine. That's all it is, right? Agav, grape juice, l'cheira it's not a davar hamishtaker. So here he just says yayin. L'maaseh the Beis Yosef says hamishtaker. I imagine when he said yayin he meant wine that's mishtaker. Let's say you use the wine, the grape juice for daled kosos, you use the grape juice for Kiddush, so you're using it as wine. You're using it as wine, but it's not davar hamishtaker, so l'cheira it should be mutar. I mean, if we learn the Shulchan Aruch, yayin is dafka, like the Beis Yosef, which Grada is the shita of Darchei Shulchan, and it's the shita of my family also. We follow Darchei Shulchan, and so this only wine, this whole seif is bichlal not nogeia to us. My family, my house, nothing, nothing—the shacht, the bach, it's all the Darchei Shulchan, wine, and that's it. That's the way we, in Lita, we did it that way. That's how they did in Lita, just yayin. So actually this seif is more for you guys than—truthfully, Taras Habayis also, only wine. I saw the Taras Habayis, only wine. So it's really not for us, me and you, but it's for Rafi, because Rafi decides that he's a machmir with the Roshach and the yeshiva velt, and Rav Shach, Shach and Rav Shach. Whiskey, because it's not yayin. So we're going to talk about this, because the truth is— It's a double-edged chiddush, because on one hand we want yayin and dafka mishtaker. So if the kavanah is mishtaker, so that should be kol davar hamishtaker. Yet it's yayin, so it's yayin and mishtaker. And I want to say a yesod. I'm gonna say a big, big yesod. If you learn chibah as a separate reason, hergel as a separate reason, that eina chanami, somekha pumai is a chibah, hergel. I can hear yayin romantic. It's about love. If you give your husband some schnapps— Champagne is wine. I don't want to break the news to you, but champagne is wine. Nothing personal. Let's just make believe that you didn't ask that. Yeah, it's wine. What? Okay. He's a tzaddik, he doesn't— You want to know something? Why do you see him miskaven? He doesn't know. He's gevaldig. Or he just doesn't know. But you hear my ha'arah? If you learn that it's chibah, so the ma'ichel has to be a ma'ichel chashuv, right? If it's hergel, then eina chanami. So the nekudah is not so much the yayin; it's more the mishtaker. You're drinking, you get a little bit giddy. But if you learn it's both ta'amim together, so it's yayin that's maybe lidei hergel, so it's yayin hamishtaker. What? I'm saying like this. If the yesod of this seif is dvarim shel chibah, then I start to understand where it's yayin in particular. And chibah doesn't mean affection. Chibah means more than affection. Chibah means romance, okay? So then it's dafka yayin. And where does the mishtaker come in? The mishtaker could be because of hergel. So the takanah halachah, either you pasken that it's dafka yayin, like Dorach HaShulchan, the Taras Habayis, dafka yayin. But it's dafka mishtaker, so grape juice is out of the picture, even if you use it as wine. Because what? Because you might get drunk. That's right. So even if you use it as wine, it's l'maaseh not mishtaker. What about a davar hamishtaker which is not yayin? Yeah, but you have to have the taam of chibah. I never saw a guy come to dinner, a romantic dinner, and come and go take out the vodka. You're drunk. That's what it means. No, I'm saying for the—

The husband, the husband bring the wife the vodka. That I saw already. Yeah. What about a fancy drink? When you go to a wedding and you see the vodka bottles on the ladies' section, you know it's not... Okay, now. What about a fancy drink? You go to a party, the fancy... So again, it's not mishtaker. I'm saying, but if it's because of chibah, could they have fancy drinks? Right. So I'm telling you not. I'm telling you that the hagdarah was chibah. You have a person wants to sit down with a cup of coffee. A cup of coffee, they have romantic dates. Yeah, but I'm trying to tell you, but it had to be a maichel chashuv also. Yeah, I'm gonna get to that. I'm saying, so can I get there? Okay, so can I get there? Let's go slowly. Let's first learn what it says. I'm gonna get there. What, you got—I'm not gonna talk about all these things. I mean, that's what I'm here for. I'm here to go to the next step and to talk about coffee and to talk about piña coladas and to talk—what else do you'd like to drink? Okay, we'll talk about it. I don't like it. Okay, so what do you like? Okay. What do you call that, the tomato drink? What is it called again? A Bloody Mary. Okay, shay. All right. You like martini? Okay, I'm gonna get to know what everybody likes. Okay, now. Bloody Mary. How does everybody know this? It was born yesterday. I don't know Bloody Mary. I don't know exactly what it is, but I hear Bloody Mary. I don't know. Okay. I always had a ha'arah on it. Isn't it like in England, like not a sheinah shprach to say bloody? No, I'm saying, isn't bloody a curse word? Like, they use it as a derogatory, like, you're a bloody guy, you're bloody this. So Bloody Mary is fakert. I think it's a kinui for dvarim ra'im, no? I don't... I don't think the Mary. I don't mean Mary. I don't think Mary. Happy. Mary's happy. Oh, you're saying it's from Maria. I don't know if it's that. Bloody happy? No, but I don't think it's for happy. I don't think it's Mary the avodah zarah. I think it's Mary—they took Johnny. It's just a name. It's not marry the Maria. Okay, let's go weiter. Now, okay, okay, now he's right. Let's go. If you learn that it's al tzerekel, and that the chibah does not have to be chibah of chibah-chibah, right, any wifely chore that could bring lidei hergel, so then we spoke in the previous halachos that when you eat at the same table, you have to have a what? A heker, because meals is warm, hergel, there's more of that by a meal. So then it becomes... and that's what the Bach takke paskens. The Bach takke paskens, mezigas hakos is lav davka, but mezigas hakos means even macholim. Now, I don't see why it would be that way. Like, why would the Shulchan Aruch talk about mezigas kos yayin if he means a little macholim? Huh? Oh, so he's talking about learning it in the Shulchan Aruch? In the Tur. No, he's talking not paskening. No, it's not the Shulchan Aruch. And the lashon of the Tur again is—read me the lashon of the Tur. I didn't see it in the Tur so well. That I know, that I know. But the question is, this Beis Yosef is not this Beis Yosef? Okay, I wasn't sure. So I thought maybe mezigas hakos is just the example, and it means it's not al tzerekel. Let me just see again one more time the lashon, right? Shasura limzeka kois. Why? Because the truth is, it takke doesn't say yayin. The Shulchan Aruch never said yayin. So I understood that the Bach was learning it, mezigas a kois, and oichel. And then what's the taich? The chiddush becomes mezigas a kois, because it's even less than oichel. That's how I was clarifying the Shulchan Aruch. ... because I have a lot of work ahead of me now. I see already that this is going to turn into a serious, serious discussion. Yeah, I moved it from excitement. You hear? Again, you hear what I want? You hear? I want you to notice that the Shulchan Aruch takke never said yayin. And the Bach is quoting a Beis Yosef. So then I wasn't sure, maybe mezigas kois is kois yayin, or mezigas kois, מסתמא any kois, and then the chiddush becomes even mezigas kois, and kal vachomer macholim, and macholim is even worse maybe. Okay. What happens, certain macholim...

People drink. Certain sheyes. Soup. Soup is a maichel or a mishteh? Huh? Soup is maichel. Really? If you have a vegetable soup, a bracha. If you can't see the— if you can't see the vegetables, as far— okay, believe me, Ashkenaz. What about Ashkenaz? If you can't see the pieces, make a shehakol. It's like a drink. Orange juice, what bracha do you make? You make hadama? You guys make an eitz. Rav Abadi makes an eitz on orange juice. Sure, and he makes eitz on chocolate. You know about that? You know that he holds you're supposed to make an eitz on chocolate. Why? You knew this? You knew this? You never heard? Let me tell you something. When you're going to sit here, don't pay attention to what goes on the rest of the world, because I'm going to teach you what people are afraid to teach you. You don't know there's a big shaila: should you make an eitz on chocolate? It's only al tzminigus. But l'maaseh, in the halacha, we probably have to make an eitz. Why? It's a fruit. Because anyway you're supposed to make an eitz on the chocolate. So, eitz. What's orange juice with pieces? Orange juice with pulp. So is that a maichel or is that a mishteh? You grab a drink, if it's— it could be it's a maichel. If you learn Meseches Kaisis, dafka shtiyah. And not a achilah, I don't know, whatever, ... maybe it's an achilah, you punk drink. What happens if it's a shtiyah, you punk eat soup? It's a shtiyah, but because of the act of the way you drink it, it changes the chiyuv of the cheftza, huh? Let's say I put soup in a cup. My grandmother used to feed us soup in a cup. No, that's not ... No, that's how you do it. That's how you do it. No, that's how we do it. They drink soup in a cup. What do you mean, cup? Okay, so let me tell you, don't say things which sound foolish, because the whole world—there's a world that drinks soup from a cup. When you walk into Annie's Noodles, Chinese kitchen, it's soup in a cup. Let's not go there. Someone talks about soup. Ah, now I'm happy, because I thought I was the only guy—I really thought I was the only guy that would go there. Okay, now you understand what this shiur is all about. It's to push. Let's push further. You just said a kais. It's a kais. It's about a cup, or it's about a food, it's about a drink, it's about a chibah. There's more chibah if I give you to drink than I give you to eat. Come on, learn the halachah. You don't have to wait for me to come to Lakewood, from Lakewood to teach you the halachah. Come on, you learn, tell me. What are you learning? What do you understand what you just said? Who said? What do you mean, if you hold shtiyah and it's not yayin, then it's any drink? What do you mean? Chutz from mayim. That's what the poskim bring down. Halachah l'maaseh, if you follow the Badei HaShulchan, all the acharonim, it's any drink. So we'll talk about that. That's also part of my attack. My attack is a five-pronged attack. I'm coming from all sides, I'm going to come. So the first thing I'm coming is I want to know kos. Does it mean kos yayin? Does yayin mean yayin hamishtaker? Yayin means yayin eino mishtaker, yayin chashuv. What happens if it's really bad wine? It's wine you get for a dollar fifty in the store. Eighty percent of it is water. Not kidding. Could you imagine? I once went to someone's house, and my wife sent me to the store to buy wine for them for Shabbos, because I bought the cheapest thing that was on the... I bought it home, and she said to me, What are you talking about? You should better not bring them anything if you bring them this. This is mamash a bizayon. This is... Yeah, but it's mishtaker. Yeah, but it's yayin. According to the technical halacha, is it chibah? Yeah, you wouldn't give this to your worst enemy and your husband. Okay, so again, why don't—let's learn to take apart the halacha. That could be only because they know the value of... Awesome, maybe. Maybe. Maybe because it doesn't taste good. Maybe it's great. Maybe. Maybe. But is zech not a chibah? Maybe it's—I don't know, I'm saying. Here, what's called mishtaker? You know how much you have to drink of this stuff to be mishtaker? You have the new Kedem wines, which has two percent alcohol. You'll get drunk eventually.

Huh? Is that, is that cool? You know what? I want you to look up in any of your cheating books, and it discusses the Hagdarah of yayin hamishtakeh. Find it for me. I haven't seen it, but I looked. I couldn't find it. Mishtaker. You drink too much of anything. You want to tell me you drink too much of soda, you'll get drunk. That's sugar, and it's also a drug. Okay, so maybe, so you're passing that that's the halacha. I don't know, so maybe write it down. Linirah it has to do with the government and alcohol and... That's all. What does he say? Yeah, I understand. Mezigah is either putting the water, not putting the water, but you didn't answer my question. I want to know what's called yayin hamishtakeh. Mei paskim mezigah means to pour into the cup. So let's say you pour into the cup, kedem wine, 2% alcohol, which means 0.2. They write 2, you should know it's 0.2. You should know that, okay? Your tap water has more alcohol than the alcohol that they say they have over there, okay? You're drinking, right? And you're not getting drunk, but eventually you'll get drunk, so maybe it's yayin hamishtakeh. She brought three bottles of that to the table. Maybe that's the problem. If she only bring one bottle of it to the table, maybe it's not a problem. All right. Yeah? You're gonna answer all these shailos, or you're just gonna be entertained by me, huh? You're thinking of answers. Okay, so let's go weiter. As long as you're thinking of answers, I can go weiter. Now, I want to ta'ina a chiddush now again. Ready? Next chiddush. So oichel, I ta'ina is talui in the yesod. If it's chibah, and chibah means not... Affection. Because affection, you can say, a good meal, affection, right? Some husbands thank their wives more about the meal than anything else. But chibah means a ma'aseh chibah. So maybe it's only yayin and romantic and wine and special wine. Do you mean what? Hergel, so then I could hear. It could mean even what, any good meal, anything that could bring out a thank you. What happens— not what happens. I want to say a yesod. Chiddush, heter, and the olam is going to jump and they're going to start calling me the rava body of Queens. I don't care. It doesn't bother me. I'm not afraid. Like would I be afraid? Here I'm not that afraid, okay? If the service that the wife is doing is in the context of mother and home, not husband and wife, so the same melachah becomes mutar. Kol melachos she'ishah oseh l'baalah, that's the yesod of the halachah, the way I started this shiur. I believe with all my heart that it has to begin with that. It has to be unique, that it's only for him. Ishah oseh l'baalah. Yeah, but she's not poretzes panav yad v'raglav of a man. What do you mean? She never does it to her husband unless it's because of her husband. She does it as a mother as well. That's not what I meant. What I meant to say was, my example that I want to bring: when she serves supper. to the family, and she serves her husband. That's not what this ... is about. End of story. ... that's not what this is about. And even though ... you see, I'm ... a frum. I grew up that it's only by mezigos hakos, and there's no problem whatsoever. It's only yayin and finished. And then I come and I say yayin is real yayin, so the whole shailah is not nogea b'zman hazeh. And then I become the official rabbi of a body of ... Okay? But for you guys who want to be machmir like all the other poskim, and the shevet Halevi, and then the Shevet Shimon, and then the mishpachas Adanoni, or whatever sefarim you guys have, I don't know, whatever you have over there, okay? That's fine, very good. And the Chelkas Binyamin, and whatever you want, okay? But ... Who? But what have to be afraid of that? So you know what? Go live in the ... move out of the house, and that's all. If you're afraid of affection, move out of the house. It's nothing. It has to be melachos she'isha oseh l'baalah. Let's say in the house they pour wine for kids. So then they should get divorced and find some other wife. Who pours wine for kids? It's exactly the case I want to talk about. I believe.

The supper. You should have said that. No, you should have said that. Abai and Rabbi were walking around with their wives, and she gave him a cup. It just sounds like, no, she came here. You should have said that? I don't think so. Fine, that's all. But that was their normal drink, it makes sense. That's what you say. I say not like that. I say not like that. What she does. That's what you say, I say not like that. I say the Shulchan Aruch emes, v'atem badoi. That's the way I look at it. I don't care what you say. I don't care what kind of diyukim you make in the Gemara. I see the Shulchan Aruch. The Shulchan Aruch says, what? The Shulchan Aruch emes, and you're, Moshe emes v'soraso emes, v'atem badoi. That's the way. What do I do at home? First of all, I pour my own because I have to do everything myself. That's just the way it is over there, okay? Now, make a cheshbon the other way. After I finish pouring, after I finish the Kiddush, so now I have to pour into the little cups. I do it, because I'm not doing it for him, because of the table Kiddush, there's a whole thing. Huh? No, because I pour a separate cup knowing that she's first. Not that thing, not that rich. That only certain people have. I don't have that. I have that I have to do the work myself. That's the way it works by us. I have to pour in the little cups all the little zach, okay? If you close the tape, I'll tell you a nice thing. Close the tape. Close the tape. Close. I pour the wine. I pour it. I, the Shulchan Aruch says, because I'm not pouring, I'm pouring for the— I'm doing what I do as the head of the household. For everybody. To everybody, and she's part of everybody, and I have no problem. But if she—first of all, it never happened. But if she was, I mean, the whole story never happened, I could feel uncomfortable, but I could hear that according to my yisod it's mutar, because I'm doing it as the head of the Shabbos table. It has nothing to do with her. If there would be another person there, then that person would get also. I'm not being moizek for her a כוס for shtiyah. Okay, let's go weiter. You like it? Kiddush matzumim, huh? Okay, let's go weiter. According to this, we discuss water. So the poskim bring down, the Badei HaShulchan quotes it, if you hold the shtiyah, and any shtiyah except for water, because water is not... water is not chashuv. Water is not chashuv.

I believe it's a Bach. I think the Bach. Look at the Shach, se'if katan yud gimmel, chutz mi'mayim. And I think the Shach, se'if katan yud gimmel, chutz mi'mayim, okay? Now, l'choira, let's clear. Mayim is not chashuv, so what do you mean, tzak, I didn't give him anything. It's like a lomdish vort. It's k'lo omed libatel, k'batel dami. It's a psul. You know, like by—what do you call it?—by chasas shiur, you know, by michtas shiurei. Ah, that's what I was looking for, michtas shiurei. And because it's, since it's—me'eilav it's as if it's not there, even though you see it. It's water, even though be'etzem you see it, but be'etzem it's not there. I don't know. All he meant to say was that the act of giving it is not an act of chibah, but the act of giving any drink is chibah. So the teretz is, it's chibah, I care about you, so what if you're thirsty? Maybe water is a normal thing, like what Rebbi wanted to say. It's a normal thing. People don't give it to—extra credit, so to speak. Yeah, so I don't know. It's a chiddush to me. I'm not sure how to be magdir this water business so much, yeah? I'm not sure how to be magdir this water business. And because of this, because of this, I'm not ready to stop with this. I'm ready to go one step further. What happens if you have perrier water? No, Perrier is not seltzer. Sparkling water, mineral water. They come and they—what they do is they take water from the sink, and they take minerals from the floor, and they put it in, and they go, Here you go, you got yourself mineral water, and you pay two dollars a bottle because of it, okay? And only the French could buy such a nonsense, but they do it, and it's supposed to be—you know something? Out of simchah. They don't fill it from the sink. It has to be, it has to be Perrier. It's mayim chashuv. It's mayim versus chashuv. Perrier water, no. You hear my shayla? Did he speak about it? Does the Shevet Halevi speak about Perrier water? They do, by the way. What's his name speak about it? He's from France. He's a Sephardi. No, he doesn't have it. He's a Sephardi. He doesn't know about the Moroccan, the Perrier water in France. They don't. Okay. Now, okay, so I want to know if it's mayim, but it's mayim chashuvim, so. Okay. I have another question. What happens if you have not mayim, but has the chashivus of mayim, which means it's not chaser? Coke. Coke. What is Coke? It's water with flavor. What's the fact that you added flavor? Well, maybe you could say for kiddush today, Coke is a chashuva mashkeh. Go on a date, it's very romantic, you know, Coke. I don't know, it's good hiddurim. You know, these are very nice hiddurim. Mezigas, it's a very nice shayla if you make havdalah. Many poskim clear that you might be able to make havdalah on soda, because it's chamar medina. Chamar medina. It's what they serve today. I know the Rav Shaimberg paskens on arusos you want to make havdalah. I personally, you know, I don't make havdalah on wine. Grape juice, I don't make havdalah on that. I make havdalah on tea. All my life, I make havdalah on tea. So I have three cheshbonos. Cheshbon number one is I grew up in a home where the trick is to follow the halacha. It's all about finding what's mutar and doing that and nothing else. Second of all, my zeide told us over, and it's brought down in the sefer, that they once brought— Wine. The Chofetz Chaim from Havdalah. Chofetz Chaim got angry. He said, Wine? But we don't have beer? Beer is cheaper than wine. Ma'aseres. Because in their time, ma'aseres. I'm saying even b'zman haGemara it was cheaper. Ma'aseres. So therefore wine. Ma'aseres, we don't... Where does it say you're supposed to have on Yayin? It says chamar medina, it says. It says if you don't have yayin, then it's chamar medina. Because... if you don't have... Yeah, because... What he meant to say was that at such a difference of price, it's like we don't have wine. It makes eises. I eat some machlokes, you and the Chofetz Chaim, I don't have a problem with that. I don't have the same machlokes. Russia 120 years ago, yes. So again, the Chofetz Chaim, the story happened, I know for sure it happened. You're saying maybe in his time, Chofetz Chaim... So what? You didn't hear what I just said. You didn't hear what I... I'm finishing. Okay, so what's the story? The story is that you don't... I don't mean because wine here today is expensive. You're missing my point. No, no, no, you missed my point. That's not my point. My point is that you see the klalim of Havdalah, not on wine, and the klal is not...

Not pshat that wine, I had wine. There's nothing wrong with make Havdalah on chamar medina. That's not. Does that make sense to everybody? Third of all, ... my grandfather did this, so I'm going to do this when it's in ... That's not what I'm trying to bring out. What I'm trying to bring out is that you see that chamar medina is not a bedi'eved bedi'eved, because the wine was on the table already. He's not saying you don't have it. I know. ... because there's a cheshbon. That's what I was taining. You see that the Gra held ... it shouldn't be b'al tosif, so you know what? Make Havdalah and then eat a piece of chametz. No, he made Havdalah on beer. What's the taam? ... except for Motzaei Pesach, Motzaei Pesach I make on beer. Motzaei Pesach I make on beer. On beer? Yeah. All the Lithuanians make on beer, of course everybody knows that. If you don't know that you make on beer Motzaei Pesach, everybody knows that. You make all sorts of ... But you heard that that's the Lithuanian ... my house. Listen. Oh, so there's a few things. First thing is, Baruch Hashem, down the corner by us is a guy, Go Buy, and that's how, on my way home from shul, I pass by and I buy from the guy. Even now? That's what I do. Likut? Likut, I didn't have it yet. This year Pesach, how did I get beer this year Pesach? It wasn't Likut. I had it from before Pesach. Now the way it works like this, if you know the mechirah, the mechirah works that it retroactively ends the moment Pesach ends. That's how they make the mechirah. So now you want to learn hilchos Pesach, what do you want? This is the way it's done. ... it's not for now. That's the way it's done. It's done that if he doesn't, he's supposed to come back to ... if he doesn't do it, it's his fault, meileh it becomes ... Okay, now, what's the ... So the tea, the cheshbon is like this: wine is too heavy after Shabbos, right? The tea is gevaldik. It's a perfect drink. Not too hot. Tea, right? Just too heavy. You should know that the acid from grape juice is even worse than from wine, and it's the worst acidic drink. All the shtiyos in the world is grape juice. Specific grapes? Acids. I don't know. I know acid. It's a killer. I mean, anybody that has a problem with acid is not allowed to drink grape juice. Not allowed. Just a person not allowed. It's yehudah, right? Okay. So I do tea, and what's 80% of it? Lahachis. I'm not kidding. It's that when people come to my house, they'll ask me for tea, and I tell them, If you don't like it, make your own havdalah. Anybody comes to my house, I'm offering you to make your own havdalah, but I make havdalah the way I like it. I like chamar medina. That's what I like. That's the way I make havdalah. The Shulchan Aruch says not like me. The Shulchan Aruch is on my side. You want to make havdalah? Go ahead. Let's go weiter. All right, you'll learn. There's nothing to understand. It's all part of learning halachos. They could, but I don't want them to. I'd rather do it myself, unless they bedavka want. Yeah, but I don't want that. I want to make my own havdalah. Not what's the cheshbon for them not to. What do you mean I don't want? What do you mean, who, who? Because that's what I'm saying. I don't want you to say it's kedin, because I think kedin is what I'm doing. That's, you see, you didn't understand what I'm getting. I get excited to tell the guy, a Kiddush is like me. You rather want to be a frum, go ahead, make Kiddush, I have no problem. Rabbi ... says only when you don't have wine. I don't have wine. No, I don't, because A, I'm not supposed to be drinking wine. I don't have it. That's cool, I don't have it. It's not good for me to drink wine. That's cool, not having wine. Make my son? I am the father of the house. I make Kiddush. Okay, you'll live and you'll learn. You'll get to know what it means. The mind of a baal halacha is, I don't care if the whole world go and have a nice time. You know where I picked this up from? This is how I do things. You don't like it, too bad. You want, go somewhere else. You're not happy, so it's not for you. That's it. That's the way I do it. I have my reasons, and I'll do it no matter what happens. This is the way I do it. This child? Okay. Now, we're gonna say more. You ready, Rabbi Yitzchak? You ready?

Let's go further. Is it not pilei ployim that the entire sefer talks about her, not him? Wasn't all the harchakos always about him and not her? All of a sudden, the tables are turned. She's not allowed to, and she's not. It's about her. It's about him. He should not be allowed to have that she should be a wife for him and drink. I believe, chiddush. You ready? It's takah her, not him, like the Shulchan Aruch. Because like I said, by me it's all about Shulchan Aruch, and that's what my Shulchan Aruch tells me. Lefi zeh I'll tell you a chiddush: that what happens if she already did it? Can I drink from it? She takah poured the wine for me. Can I drink? Yeah, why not? Yeah, why not? Yetz mutar? Why you say yetz mutar? Who said? By the Shulchan Aruch says not like you. A lot of Acharonim say not like you. Yeah, you have to pour it back. Okay. Now. What? What? Don't drink it. How you should do it? How you should do what? Where is he going? What happened to you? Huh? I don't understand. You came for just to say hello to me. What'd you come for? Huh? Someone's buying a car? But I'm selling, I'm selling you Shulchan Aruch. Whoa. Stop it. You have to give me the number. Write me down the number. Badatz says it's not. Badatz Chol Klezer for a she'eilah. He says—he Grada is alumnus of Shavart, by the way. He says that it has to be the hana'ah, and I'll be mehaneh. It's a very nice vart. Okay, basically I'm saying it a little different. What I'm saying is, it's about him. I'm sorry, it's about her. Notice the Shulchan Aruch doesn't speak about him; it speaks about her the whole time. Now you're right. You're right that this Shulchan Aruch, that this Shulchan Aruch—here, what time should I call? Later, okay. This Shulchan Aruch, and this she'eilah about she did it already, is taka not mine. I'm being machriah l'fi the lashon, which nobody does, but the she'eilah is already not mine. I have a different she'eilah, which is mine, and I didn't see anybody talk about it. Shulchan Aruch brings down the din of heker helps, her heker. What about his heker? Could it work if he's mekabel b'yad smoel? How do you ta'ina—what do you ta'ina, Reb Yitzchok? She does it b'yad smoel is mutar. What about if he does it b'yad smoel? You saw this anywhere? How else a ma'aseh is a she'eilah? She puts it down. She's moitzi the cups, right? And he takes it from her like this. He takes it from her like this. No? What's wrong? How come all the heterim is on her, not on him? Mai hu d'ka'ara, rabosai. And the teretz is, if you learn that it's her and not him, this whole din, maybe his heter doesn't even help, you hear? Okay. The Torahs Habayis l'maaseh paskens—yeah, they're free, it's Rachmanus on them. Yeah, yeah, good, go ahead, go ahead. A hundred percent, go ahead. Do it, do it. This is al ze ne'emar, lo amud al dam re'echa, because the blood itself becomes amud, it becomes—what? It coagulated. What's—how do you call it in English? Coagulated, from frozen, it froze. V'nitgader lo sa'amod al dam re'echa. Okay, now. Lo kam v'samid al dam re'echa. Okay, now, you hear? Listen good. The Torahs Habayis, Rav Ovadia Yosef, says that l'maaseh, if they taka did it, if she taka did it, it's mutar, because he says a meidike vort. You see, that's the mind of a posek. I had a hanoah with his cheshbon. You know what he says? L'maaseh the poskim don't bring it. How come the poskim were mashmit that in case she did it, what happens? So you have to say that it's only she can't do it l'chatchila, but if she did it, it's mutar. Must be mashma. I saw that the Shevet HaLevi also paskens like this, that in case she did it, in case she did it, you're allowed to drink.

Okay. Reb Chatzkel says no. Interesting. Reb Chatzkel in the sefer, Chatzkel's Torah, Ois kuf nun vav, writes that you should pour it into a different—pour it into a different—Reb Chatzkel, he brings Chazkas Taira. Reb Avadi quotes Chazkas Taira. He quotes the Chazkas Taira: take the thing she poured and change, put it back, put it back into a different—okay. Now, we're going to learn that the issur is to put it befanav. We're going to learn that it's a sheilah if befanav is a Rama arguing on the Mechaber, is befanav explaining the Mechaber, and there's two befanavs: one is the pouring and one is the giving, להניח על השולחן בפניו. And l'maaseh, this is—I'm doing this b'kitzur because I'm מסתמא this all, you read everywhere, it's famous, pashut pshat in Shulchan Aruch, that it's mashma that the Mechaber holds one is enough. Huh? No, that the befanav is going on both, right? No. Lav davka. Right. No, that's not what they say. They say that in the Rama you need both. By Sefardim it's even one is a sheilah lamechaber. So Mechaber might be one is already asur, as long as one of them was befanav, then it's a problem, either the pouring or the putting, okay? While in the Shulchan Aruch, by the Rama it's both, okay. What happens if she actually never put it down? What's the lashon here? Chutz mizikas hakos, asur l'zekos befanav, ul'hanicho lefanav, to put it down. What happens if it's not l'hanicho? She's not putting it down. What's she doing? She's holding it. And he takes a straw and he drinks from it. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Is that called serving, or was served to him? Hmm? You say l'chaira yes. Maybe you could say l'chaira not. Maybe not. Maybe. How do you know? If putting it down in front of a person and he himself drinks it, that's called romantic chibah, whatever else you want to call it. The fact that she's standing next to him drinking like a little baby, that's even more romantic. Maybe not. Maybe it's like a little baby. Maybe it's like a little baby. The point is he has more appreciation, love, whatever other feelings are created, because she's constantly standing there holding the cup and she doesn't let it fall down. Okay, let me ask you a different question. Since you've decided our sevara that way, okay, let's go to the next question that I have. All right, question number two. What happens if she gives it to somebody to give it to him as passing it, pass it down? What would you say then? Where do you know this from? Huh? She was not the one to be moshit it to him. But she was meniach it lefanav. I mean, she wasn't. She told somebody else to do it. What's the case? I don't know. I didn't see this part. I didn't see this. This part is contemplation between the grand central, what is it called over there, the grand... Whatever the big street, the big road in Lakewood, whatever, the Grand, whatever it's called. The Grand State Parkway. The Grand State Parkway and the 440. That's this question. This question was between the Grand State Parkway and the 440. What happens if it wasn't lanichoi lefanav? Besha'ah shehu brings, she puts it, and she puts it over here instead of in front of him. That's another case. That's the next case we'll talk about. Rochok, far away. We'll talk about it, okay. What about a shinui not in the mezigah, a shinui in the hanachah? So that's what it says over here, what? Elim kei ta'aseh shum heker, kegon shetanichenah al ha-shulchan b'yad שמאל. According to the sheetah is that you need both mezigah and hanachah. What happens if you do a shinui in the mezigah? Tziba'ei dika'arei, no? Oh, see, you killed it away, Rosh. Here I thought I was mechadesh it. Where's this Rosh?

Oh, that's the case that's brought down, that it's mutar because of that. Okay, I missed that. All right. So l'choira, the, what should we call it, the heker could be sayin the hanachah, right? And sayin the... let's say there was, in the mezigah, there was a shinui, yeah? Now both of them was b'fanav, right? Both of it was b'fanav. Now if the taam is chibah, right, so how is it that, let's say the mezigah was regular, later on the hanachah was with a shinui, why isn't the mezigah already a problem with chibah? It's not finished yet. You mean his chibah is dependent on what, kan l'baalam afreya, you mean? In other words, he's standing there, wow, she's pouring me wine. Oh, but she's, ten minutes later, she's doing it with a shinui. Oh, that killed away the whole thing from the beginning. Heker's not supposed to kill it, supposed to... You said maskir. I don't know, I'm very unhappy with that. I wasn't sure about that. So why are we in the heker then? You're sure that it's about only heker alts to be maskir? Okay, so the Badei HaShulchan disagrees with you. The Badei HaShulchan says that a derech chibah is not to serve your husband with your left foot, right? If you come and you serve your husband like this, how you doing, right, and you give him the thing, it's not chibah, it's not gonna work. Left hand. It's just a shinui in... he still feels appreciation, but he knows... chidushei Torahs refael. Chadushei Badei HaShulchan says not like that. Chadushei Badei HaShulchan wants to say that it's not chibah if you serve with your left hand. So I'm asking you, that chesed, let's say in the beginning it was normal, so I guess the chibah is there already, right? Otherwise it wouldn't be a problem with the mezigah, right? And then all of a sudden, when it got ruined afterwards, that's what it means, because you did it with the left hand. That's an interesting ha'arah. Okay, you know, bring me the Badei HaShulchan. Let this guy read it, so he shouldn't walk around, he shouldn't walk around saying— What if he doesn't know the shulchan? Huh? He picks up the bottle and he has chibah already, and then he stuck with a different— Oh, she doesn't know. She comes with a nice bottle and the thing with the—what do they call that?—with the plastic, with the flower on top, and she goes and she starts pouring, you hear, and he's, Wow, right? And then all of a sudden she goes and she spills it on him, right? So you're saying that afterwards the shinui... What did you say? I like this. What did you say? I want to talk about—it's mamash... Daniel, thank you for coming. He talks about what happens if she's a lefty and she does with her right hand. Hitorer. Yeah, but that's not called a shinui. That's just a shinui in heker, maybe that you're doing it differently, but it's not a shinui in the chibah. That's what I'm saying. Now, if you learn it's hit her and she needs a shinui, you're not finished with me yet. Can I tell you why I disagreed with your whole business with heker? Because the heker cannot be her din. The heker should always be his then. And therefore what? The hegel is not—what's the maileh if she does a heker? Since when does she have to? It has to be him. But if you learn that she's not doing a mezigas kos derech chibah— Because these are the melachos. So you don't see it in the whole yesod. So let me read for you. My rebbe, the Baal HaShulchan. My rebbe Baal HaShulchan says like this: שעל ידי ההיכר יהיו שניהם זוכים לשרחק זה מזה. ריש נ״ו, רפואל זבלונוב. ועוד, שמכיוון שאינה משמשת אותו כראוי, לא מיקרי שימוש כזה לידי חיבה. Who says this? Eh, it's only a sidrei taharos. Don't worry about it. Nothing to worry about, Matty. You don't have to worry about it, okay? Checkmate, right? Checkmate. No? If the answer would be originally, it's not finished checkmate. I can't, I can't help. If the sidrei taharos is not enough for you, then I can't. Hey, grab the sidrei taharos, rip it out, please rip it out of the sefer. Matty said— No, Rafi's the posek here, so rip it out. Yitzchok, for you the sidrei taharos good enough? For you the Baal HaShulchan is good enough? So I'll talk to him.

Chibur avoysa, yeah? Chibur avoysa. Don't laugh. I told you what happened in Lakewood. Some guy chuckled on a vort I said on Shabbos. You think I didn't give it to him over the head like I give you guys? I turned around, milushit. I said, What are you laughing for? What are you laughing for? It's a mefurasher Tosafos, mefurasher Rishonim. The place was stunned. They never saw anybody do a thing like that. What are you doing? I said, What, the guy chuckled at a Tosafos. I had to tell him. I had no problem with it. I wasn't angry at him. I wasn't farkert. I was teaching him. I've been here too long. That's the problem. Okay, now you listen carefully. So ma'asi shimush kazeh lidei chibah, sidrei taharah b'shem Toharos sofrim, ha'aras hagoyis Reb Rufal. Okay, I can't help it. Now, the kitzur, so the Seder Taharah wants to say this yesod, you hear, that could be it's not a derech chibah. So I want to ta'ina, if you learn that it's a shinui, that she should recognize shinui, so then any shinui. If the shinui is that he should have the shinui in the hegel, so it has to be shinui hanikar. If it's for derech chibah, then you think it's a chiddush by any left hand. It's a matna nekudah to say that the chibah is different than Seder Taharah. Okay, so you see anyway there's no Seder Taharah. Okay, no problem. Let's go weiter. Now, what about putting it down far away from him? Ma'aseh, the Shulchan Aruch speaks about only right hand, left hand. So you can clear, far away. It's not a shinui b'etzem. It's not. It's just gerade. It's not next to him. Manicha lefanav. ... Manicha lefanav. Yes. Not mamash lefanav. Brisker diyuk, lefanav. Mamash lefanav. They talk about if someone is switch-handed. What do they call that? What? No, with both hands. ... It's called what? Ambidextrous. Come on, you gotta give me the easy word. There's an easier word. No, I'm saying when a guy writes with two hands, he's a lefty. He's a righty-lefty. I just know from the lashon kodesh, it's shetei yadayim. Okay. So now, what happens if you shetei yadayim? What do you do? So they bring down that what you do is you bring with one hand and serve with the other, you know. What do you... I'm gonna scream at you too. The poskim bring it down. You bring with one and you serve with the other. Okay. What happens if you put it down in front of her—if you put it down in front of him, but it's not a finished product yet? He still has to add milk, sugar, teabag. Where did I find these things? The poskim talk about it. It's a classic case. What I want to add, that's not a finished product. What, I'm a salt and pepper? Then you can't say it's not a finished product, right? So could you put it in front of him? It's missing some salt and some pepper. Let him put in the salt and pepper himself. Lemon. Lemon in it. Some people, I guess, like lemon. Okay. What happens if it's missing ketchup and mustard? There's a chisaron in the food. Mishloach manos, by the tea, the tea is not complete. The coffee is not complete till he puts in the—what's it called?—till he puts in the milk, till he puts in the teabag. Right? But you can't say the spaghetti's not complete because it's missing salt. Then there's another case that the frankfurter is 100% complete. It. It still has the schmear on, a bissel ketchup, whatever you guys eat, chazerai people eat on that, okay? I have a better question. What happens if she puts the salt and pepper—I'm sorry, what?—what happens if she puts the food in front of him, and in front of him she adds the salt and pepper? She put the food there in front of him. It wasn't ready. And then she goes and puts the—so the lanicha lefanav wasn't finished yet, it wasn't a finished product. But then afterwards, after the lanicha lefanav, she did like the— that was the mezigas hakos came afterwards, ki'ilu. The mezigas hakos came afterwards. Does it say anything about the kos being his, or it's like his portion, or it's anything? Just giving him—

The drink. Oh, the Bach. We all know the Bach, right? Because the Bach discusses that in case it's for the whole family, then it's also good. Okay. I want to tell you an interesting chiddush. Even if you put the food down in front of the husband, he takes, and then he gives out. So the food that you put, that he took—wait a second. Now let's say this bread, okay? So he picked the one that's supposed to be, hu v'ra davar meikarah. But I have a better case. Let's say there's three bottoms and one top, and the top is definitely for the husband. He's the only guy that's eating the top, and the kids are not going to eat it, all right? So when you put it down in front of him, the top is designated for him. Is that also the Bach's halachah? Then it's mutar. Is that the Bach? I'm not so sure. I'm not so sure, and I know the poskim don't talk about it. This is my case. This is from knowing the sugya well. This is from grinding the sugya. Even the heter of the Bach, I don't know if the heter of the Bach was where there is food in the plate that's miyuchad to him. What's the chiddush? Because the plate is not the issue. The issue is the shtiyah. But why would the Shulchan Aruch not talk about the shtiyah, which I don't understand? Why does the plate— I'm asking you a question. In the Shulchan Aruch that it talks about mezigas hakos, why say shtiyah? Give him the drink. Why don't you throw a simple case? ... l'baala chutz, mimi noisnin lo lishtos, to give him to drink. What's mezigos? What kind of kos? What are you talking about? What kind of—if you learn it's wine and it has to do with mezigas kos of kos yayin, okay, so I hear the word kos and yayin and kos yayin malei kevichas Hashem. If you mean regular drinking and you mean food, what kind of kos? Just say to eat, to drink, and I'll give to eat and drink. Teretz is you're not allowed to give him in a kos. There has to be some kind of yichud for him. And where the Bach comes says that it's for others, it's also good, maybe not where there's a special portion for him. So I want to tie an interesting yesod. Let's say the plate comes in front of you, and there is a portion which is for you, meyuchad. What you should do is first feed everybody else, give everybody else out, and then for yourself what's left over. Chiddush, chumra. For the first time you heard a chumra from my mouth. I don't want chicken. I want something else. I want that it comes out that when it was served—let's say there's a special chicken for you, making faces. Let's say there's a special chicken for you, right? Why is too many details missing? Who wants to take a piece of that chicken? Afterwards? Afterwards? No, I want also—oh, that's good. Afterwards, or that's not what it was meant for. I don't mean afterwards time-wise. When it was put down, who was it meant for? There's a special diet chicken, all right? She knows her husband likes to eat this, but anybody—or she knows her husband needs no salt, so she put it on a plate with no salt. I don't think the Bach is talking about that.