Lech Lecha: Avraham and Sarah, Tznius, Anavah, and Making Room for Others

Transcript

Parshas Lech Lecha. Beginning of the parsha, we have the story. Damn, I don't like to say story. Stories of the Torah are not stories. They're sugyas of learning that we're supposed to learn, ma'aseh siman l'banim. I guess, for lack of a better term, we'll call it a story, that Avraham Avinu is on his way down to Mitzrayim, and he starts to fear that the Melech Mitzrayim is going to take away Sarah. He tells Sarah, Say you're my sister. So the pasuk, pasuk yud aleph, Vayehi ka'asher hikriv lavo Mitzrayimah, vayomer el Sarai ishto, Hinei na yadati ki ishah yefat mareh at. It is now behold that I know that you're yefat mareh, and the Mitzriim will look at you and take you away. What's Hinei na yadati? I know. The implication is, I know now. Hinei na, yadati. So Rashi, eino chanami, it's not always, but now. Medrash: ad achshav lo hikir bah. He knows now that she's yefat mareh, but eino chanami, in the past he didn't know. Mefarshim: me'oir ha'yitachen, he's married to a woman, doesn't know what she looks like? What does that mean? He doesn't know if she's yefat mareh. Hinei na, now I know that you're yefat mareh. So Rashi says it's because it's mitoch tznius shebishneihem. There was such tznius. Rashi gives us the reason why he didn't know: tznius. First of all, the shaila is, he knew the metzius. You can't come and say that Avraham Avinu didn't know the facts. The Torah tells us she was called Yiskah, last week's parsha. Why is she called Yiskah? So Rashi gives a few reasons. So Rashi, zu Sarah. It says in the pasuk, Vayikach Avraham v'Nachor lahem nashim; eshes Avraham was Sarah, and eshes Nachor was Milkah. Bas Haran, avi Milkah v'avi Yiskah. Who's Yiskah? Yiskah is Sarah. So Rashi, zu Sarah, al shem shesochah b'ruach hakodesh. She would see b'ruach hakodesh. The second pshat, shehakol sachin b'yofyah. Everybody looked at her and saw that she was yefas mareh. Hayitachen that Avraham doesn't know the metzius? It's one thing to say tznius. But if the Torah's up Yiskah, the Torah's made Yiskah. I guess we could take it to the next, I guess, the next level, so to speak, of a kasha. I mean, shtei d'Avraham learned Torah, so in the Torah it says Yiskah. I mean, if you want to say it that way, it's not din. The Torah's up Yiskah, so Avraham knew Yiskah. So what's he, אינו יודעתי? Kili doesn't know. It's shver to say that Avraham didn't learn Torah until later, and now he wasn't learning Torah. Again, you could dribble away at the kasha as, yeah, kashas, nisht kein kasha. It's interesting that he didn't know the metzius. The fact that Rashi tells us, Shakel sachin b'Yafya. Everybody knew this. This was public knowledge. What's the hineni yodea? You know, it's one thing to have tznius. There's another thing not to know the metzius. Gedolei Yisrael know the facts. Can't come and say that a person's blind to the reality that's around him. Ad kdei kach, he doesn't know in his own wife that Shakel sachin b'Yafya. It's shver to say a thing like that. So, emes, if you look at the Maharal in his peirush on Rashi in Gur Aryeh, he learns that it's not that he didn't have looked at her. He's married to a kashya; he never saw her? Of course he saw her. Nervous. He never saw more than just the face, as he's up the Maharal. And he says, if you look, Rashi takke says, Hikir bah al yedei ma'aseh. Rashi doesn't say that he wasn't hikir bah, not that he never looked at her. He was hikir bah now because of a ma'aseh. Shabbos, what's the ma'aseh? So Chazal bring two things that's called a ma'aseh, two stories that could have happened, an option of two different stories. The first story—

Chazal says he looked in the water, and with the water he saw her reflection of the face. And a Chanami, according to that part of Chazal, takke never looked at her. Zogt the Maharal, that's not the pshat. The pshat, the maiseh is the second Chazal, and I speak it out this way because they're both in Chazal. It's interesting, he leaves machria between the two Chazal, but he brings the second Chazal, that it's not that he saw the face, but he saw the sheikh, which means as she was going over the water, he saw more than just the panim. So the panim he always saw. The face he always realized that... Again, mistama that's to answer the kasha: he didn't know? You can't not know. You're married to a person, you have to know. Atah yodati. The teretz is, he didn't know more than that. Zogt the Maharal, dos meinter Rashi. Hika baidei maiseh. I'm just being me'ayer l'choireh, since you're saying that he's machria between two Chazals, the kashu is, af al pi kein loi deresh the Chazal, and al yedei maiseh, then misses even the panim also. This hakl panim is the Maharal. Rabbeinu Bechaye learns klar they never looked at her face. Right? It's pshat in Rabbeinu Bechaye. Zogt Rabbeinu Bechaye, al derech ha-midrash, hineni yadati ki isha yefas mar'eh, amar l'Avram yikach haderech mimait haYofi, u'mesalek ziv hapanim, v'atah omedes b'yofi, which is bemes the second pshat that Rashi brings. Hineni yadati, now I realize that yefas mar'eh, because the traveling takes away yofi, and you're still yofi. So mimeila, hineni yadati. So the Rabbeinu Bechaye begins with that pshat. What Rashi brings is the second pshat. Rabbeinu Bechaye brings is the first pshat. But then he, flecht a rayn — you should have expression, flecht a rayn — he weaves, he brings in also the first pshat of Rashi. The das Razal, shelo nistakel bo me'olam ad osah sha'ah. He never looked at her till that time. Never looked at her. Ki Avraham Avinu ... hayah kores bris la'einav. He was careful. V'chein shenemar, bris karati l'einai. He made a treaty with his eyes. Ki hatzaddikim korsim brisim im eivarim shelo yaziku oisam. They make a treaty with their eivarim that you're not going to hurt: hands, feet, eyes, ears. Ears, promise me no lashon hara. So I davened for the Chofetz Chaim. When he was older, they wanted to give him a hearing aid. He couldn't hear well. So the Chofetz Chaim didn't want. He said, All my life I worked not to hear. Now when the Ribono Shel Olam gave me the zechus not to hear, you want me to hear? You know, it's funny — it's not funny, it's a gevaldige tzidkus in the Chofetz Chaim. Today we have operations and technologies to make a person who doesn't hear hear. And here a person is bedavka saying, I choose that. I choose that l'chatchila. I look at it as a matanah from the Eibishter that I don't hear. So you want me to hear? That's the bris kerusah. He makes a treaty. Don't hear what you're not supposed to hear. It should shut itself off. Eyes, don't see what it's not supposed to see. Feet, hands, don't do what it's not supposed to do. This is what tzaddikim do, says the Rabbeinu Bechaye. Zei vi shteit, like sichrus level, heile bris, she'ein lecha oyev. It says you're not allowed to make a treaty with the enemy. Zogt Rabbeinu Bechaya, ein lecha oyev sheyari'a l'adam k'rea polaisav. You know, this is, by the way, a saying in English: man is his worst enemy. You know, that's an expression in English. It's Rabbeinu Bechaya. They don't know that it's a mefurash Rabbeinu Bechaya. Man, his greatest enemy is his own actions. A person's is his own worst enemy. Azoi zogt the Velt. All the people who they attack are their worst own enemies, says. All the people who do terrible things, man is his own worst enemy. They don't learn from it. But that says, lo shteit Rabbeinu Bechaya. So mimeila, shteit in pasuk, you're not allowed to make a treaty with the enemy. So therefore you have to make a treaty not with the enemy, but against the enemy. Azoi zogt the Rabbeinu Bechaya. And he continues: Vachrini lo mistakel, v'lo mistakel. Iyov didn't look at other women, but at his own he saw, his wife. Avraham, af al pi d'lo mistakel. It's got the lashon of a zohar. The Zohar writes clearly, b'didei lo mistakel. So the Velt has a halacha shaila, shteit in Gemara Kiddushin: asur l'adam l'kadesh isha ad sheyir'ena. Gemara Kiddushin.

And I'll be mekadesh a woman unless she's seeing her. So how could Avraham never see Sarah? Shteit a klar, you're chayiv to look. Shteit b'feirush in Gemara Kiddushin. Velt's kasha. Everybody asks the kasha, famous kasha. So the Velt gives a teretz. Velt says a teretz that it depends who. A regular person, he has to look, because what's the reason, the Gemara says, shema yir'eh davar megunah. You might see something you don't like afterwards, and then you'll come to hate the person that you married. V'haTorah amah, the Torah says, v'ahavta l'reacha kamocha. By Avraham it doesn't apply because he's solely l'shem Shamayim. So whoever he married, whatever is, it's good. Whatever is, it's good. But a regular person, he's mechuyav to see before, because otherwise shema yir'eh davar megunah v'yavo lisnosah. And the emes, the pelt. This is the halacha. How could a person come and say to me it doesn't apply? Shlomo HaMelech said that. Shlomo HaMelech said, I'll marry many women, v'lo yasur levavi. It's not going to take me away. So how could Avraham make the cheshbon, to me it's not a problem? Chazal, hakevei asur l'adam. A person is not allowed to marry without looking. To me, it's not. I mean, it's halacha. A person's not allowed to say the taam, the reason doesn't apply to me. I'm meileh like I'm different, and therefore I don't have to keep the halacha. We found that Shlomo HaMelech said it, and it was a ta'us, he made a mistake. So what's the pshat over here that Avraham felt that it's not nogea to him, and therefore he didn't look? So I hold there's a big yesod lahalacha over here, agavurcha. We're not going to speak much about this sugya; it's a big sugya, the asur l'adam l'kadesh ad sheyirena. Rav Shkem zog in the yesod that asur l'adam l'kadesh is not the din. Asur l'adam l'kadesh is the eitzah tovah because of the din that it's shema yavo l'gneisa. In other words, you're not allowed to do this. The taam is not the reason for the din. The taam is what you're not allowed to do. You're not allowed to come and marry without looking because you'll find a davar megunah. So meileh, where it's not nogea, it's not nogea. What's normally? It's asur l'adam, right? You're not allowed to do something, and there's a taam why we asser it. Over here, the taam becomes the issur. You're not allowed to do this shema yavo l'gneisa. Maybe you'll come and v'atahiram v'hafterecha kamoicha. The v'ahavta l'reacha kamocha is the issur. Pashut, this is the taam, this is the takanah, and the reason is because you might come to see something bad, v'atahir amra. Im v'ahavta l'reacha kamocha, shteit you're not allowed to do this because shema yavo l'gneisa. So when it's not nogea, it's not nogea. There's no chesaron of v'ahavta l'reacha kamocha. Don't farteitch the Gemara asur and the reason is, fakert, v'ahavta l'reacha kamocha is the mitzvah, and meileh asur l'adam l'kadesh, where it's not nogea, it's not nogea. Ma she'ein kein lo yarbeh lo nashim, that's an issur. That dos steit in the Torah. The reasons—you can't be doresh the reasons and say, for me it's not nogea. So as they state, דרך חזל. If Avraham Avinu felt that it's not negea to him, obviously, obviously, asur l'adam l'kadesh is not an issur, because you can't come and say this is not negea to me. There's no such thing. It's not negea to me because the taam is not negea to me. As they state Chazal, asur l'adam l'kadesh isha. The asur l'adam l'kadesh isha's pshat is because v'atarech kamecha. It's linked to v'atarech kamecha has b'taos nishtan. So with a nova, v'atarech kamecha, there's no chesaron, there's no problem, l'choira there you'll be allowed to do it. It's a big sugya. I'm just being me'oirer, l'choira, l'choira, asei daf mem-zayin. I want to point out that the lashon of the Rambam, פירוש המשניות, is a little different than most Rishonim. The lashon of the Rambam, פירוש המשניות: שלא יסתכל בצורתה. He didn't look at the tzurah of Sarah. He הסתכלות שלימה, a complete look, עד היום הזה. Lashon of the Rambam. Nachmanides. Ah, so you shmack it. Now, מסתמא you're going to sit and think already.

Why is he saying this shit? What does he want exactly? Isha, some of us are already married, and those that are not married are zicha looking, and the shidduchim. What's atas mitduns? Aboysai, there's a lot of mussar here, but I just first want to know the pashut pshat, the Rashi first. And once we know clearly Rashi, there's big yesodos over here in hashkafah and mussar. Let's listen carefully to the Chazal, and let's listen carefully to the Rishonim vasfatayichn, the Chazal. Zogt the Rambam, what's the pshat lo hikir? So Rashi uses the lashon, lo hikir bah. So in Rashi you could come and say, don't say lo ra'ah; he didn't look at her. Say lo hikir; he didn't notice it. That's the lashon of Rashi. Rashi never wrote that he never looked at his wife. That's not what it says. Lo hikir; he didn't notice it. You could look, and since that's not the ikar to you, so you didn't notice it. Dos ken zayn pshat. But the Rishonim say not like that. The Rishonim say, shelo nistakel bah me'olam; he never looked at her. Azoy zogt Rabbeinu Bechaye. The Rambam is somewhere in the middle. The Rambam doesn't say he never looked at her, and the Rambam says that he did look at her. He looked, but he didn't look completely. Shelo histakel betzurasah histaklus shleimah ad hayom hazeh. What does the Rambam want? The Rambam is trying to answer this kashya, lichoirah. Can't say he didn't look at her; that can't be, right? Can't be that he's... asur... halachah, asur l'adam lekadesh ishah ad sheyirena. And I mean, he lived with a person for many years. I can't say he looked at her. He looked. Nervos, histakel, histaklus shleimah. It wasn't a complete look. What does that mean? Ada yan, ada nishkeku. What exactly does it mean over here, histaklus shleimah? What's this middle road of he looked, he didn't look, he saw? I mean, didn't see completely. Vos meinen Chazal do? I hold there's a big yesod here in Chazal, bifrat in the nusach of the Rambam, the way he fataitchs the Chazal. Pashut you learn, he didn't look at her because of tznius of arayos. Tznius, arayos. Rabosai, I believe it's possible that it's nothing to do with arayos. That's not the issue. And with your wife, sometimes so pashut there is such a halachah. It's not so klar, enough is good fataitching. Tznius is found not only by arayos. The word tznius is found by other inyanim also. I begin by a pasuk, a pasuk in Micha, a very famous pasuk that everybody knows. Shteit in pasuk, Micha vav ches: Higid lecha adam mah tov, adam, man, the Ribono Shel Olam tells you what's good, u'mah Hashem doresh mimcha ki im asos mishpat. V'ahavas chesed, v'hatznei'a leches im Elokecha, to go b'tznius with HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Now, what is this tznius referring to? Is this tznius of arayos? No. Hatznei'a leches im Elokecha refers to everything. There's a tznius that a person betrays himself, a person invokes or engulfs himself in, which has nothing to do with arayos necessarily. This, rabosai, is mefurash in the Shulchan Aruch. If you look at Shulchan Aruch, siman aleph, the Ramo brings this pasuk. In siman aleph, zogt the Ramo, V'lo yisbayesh bifnei bnei adam hamaligin al avodas Hashem. Gam b'hatznei'a leches uv'shachvei al mishkavo yeda lifnei mi hu shochev. Even in the hatznei'a leches, even when you go b'tzinah, you have to know in front of who you go b'tzinah, meaning what? Melech malchei hamelachim. What's the hatznei'a leches? That's this pasuk. The Ramo.

He's quoting us lahalacha this pasuk that the Ribono Shel Olam wants hatznei leches. What? Im Elokecha. Zogt the Mishnah Berurah, what does that mean? It's an unbelievable chiddush, that when you're hatznei leches, remember Elokecha. Peirush, zogt the Mishnah Berurah, Ratzon lomar, af b'sha'ah shehu b'veiso, b'hatznei, gam ken yehei lechta im Hashem Elokecha. A lot of people, they have the Ribono Shel Olam everywhere but in the house. Avadeh, Baruch Hashem and chasdei Hashem and, Hashem and HaKadosh Baruch Hu. When it comes to issues in private, even when they discuss financial issues, the word Ribono Shel Olam never comes up in the conversation. You're making the money, should we make, should we go dushe? I'm saying, you just stood in the shul and you said, Ana Hashem hoshia na, Ana Hashem hatzlicha na. Ribono Shel Olam. Every third word is the Ribono Shel Olam. And when it comes to l'maaseh in the house, something doesn't even come up in the conversation. Mazeh used to say over that he has the biggest raya that people talk about emunah and they don't really necessarily have it. What's the biggest raya? People buy a home and they take out insurance. And in the insurance, it's any situation that could arise that could take the home and abolish it: a fire, a flood. How come no one ever took out insurance in case Moshiach comes, what happens? In case Moshiach comes and I have to give up the house, what happens then? No one ever took out insurance in case Moshiach comes. It's a santa zach, no? Ani ma'amin b'emunah shleimah. I believe, b'emunah shleimah, you hear? Shabboiri is that that Moshiach is coming any minute. Tell me, when you bought the house, did you think Moshiach is coming any minute? Did you pre-caution it in the insurance policy? B'hatznei leches means even in private, you have to go with the Ribono Shel Olam. It has to be that you live your life knowing that there's a Ribono Shel Olam. This is the Mishnah Berurah, which is a very interesting pshat in the pasuk. B'hatznei, when you are hidden. Pashut pshat in the pasuk, the way the meforshim explain, the way everybody understands it, you should be b'tzina im Hashem Elokecha, which means that's a middah that you're supposed to have when you're leches im Hashem Elokecha. Mishnah Berurah is pataching it, and that's the Rama, saying it in the Rama, because the Rama says this: Gam b'hatznei leches uv'shachvecha al mishkavecha. Even when you go b'hatznei. Now, I'd rather want to point out, those that want to learn halacha properly and those that want to patach the words of Mishnah Berurah, the Rama really says the taich of the pasuk a little different than the Mishnah Berurah. The Rama is using the leches as the b'hatznei leches; the gam b'shachvecha al mishkavecha, it should be im Hashem Elokecha. Mishnah Berurah says when you're tzatnei, you should be leches im Hashem Elokecha. Retzono lomar, so I guess maybe he's fixing the Rama. It's quite an interesting Rama saying, b'hatznei leches when you're going b'hatznei. Even when you are living b'hatznei'a, in your privacy, it should be im Hashem Elokecha. The Mishnah Berurah says it a little differently. Yotzei lomar, af b'sha'ah shehu b'veiso b'hatznei'a, gam ki yeheh lechto im Hashem. Not exactly what the Ramah is saying. Ramah is talking the leches goes back on the hatznei'a, and the Mishnah Berurah is learning actually that the leches is the continuation. B'hatznei'a it should be leches im Hashem Elokecha. Yesh l'ayin. This is not the right forum to learn up the Ta'az and the words of the Mishnah Berurah, but this is one pshat that the Mishnah Berurah and the Ramah are learning. Hatznei'a is not what we ask of you, but hatznei'a is the situation you find yourself; it should be b'leches im Hashem Elokecha. Or like the Ramah says, it's hatznei'a leches when you are in private, im Hashem Elokecha. I want to show you, besides this Mishnah Berurah and Ramah, which seems to be telling me that it's not only about arayos, obviously. Tznius, which is hatznei'a leches, is not only ervah; it's everything. It's every hanhagah that a person has, hatznei'a. So besides this Mishnah Berurah, let me even show you mefurash Gemara. The Gemara in Sukkah...

Mem tes. The Gemara says, what is this pasuk referring to? Sawk the pasuk like this. Asois mishpat, zeh hadin, because the pasuk says Hashem wants asois mishpat, that's judgment. Ahavas chesed, zu gemilus chasadim. Hatznei'a leches im Elokecha, zu hotzaas hameis vhachnasas kallah l'chupah. Tznius, hatznea leches, is bringing a kallah l'chupah and a meis to— You see clear in the Gemara, mem tes amud beis in Sukkah, that the word tznius is not only by arayos, which is a misconception that everybody has, that tznius and arayos go hand—it's not. It's not so. Tznius actually is in all inyanim of kedushah and yiras Shamayim. All inyanim. All inyanim, we have the inyan of tznius, as they state clear in this Gemara, correct? The Gemara is telling us hatznea leches is kallah l'chupah and a meis l'kvurah. But let me ask you a shaylah. Why did Chazal pick these two things? Not an interesting thing? That's where tznius is when you make hachnasas kallah and kevuras hameis. The pasuk says Hashem wants hatznea leches, so these are the two examples. That's it. Like I say, everybody thinks tznius is arayos. Okay, fine. That's privacy, and arayos is supposed to be in private. Okay. Now that you're broadening the description of tznius to other mitzvahs and other inyanim, but only hachnasas kallah and meis. So let me show you how Rashi explains this Gemara. Zogt Rashi, b'chsiv bahu leches. Rashi says, why do we choose these two? Because the word leches is found by kallah and meis. How is it found? Because it says, toiv lo leches el beis evel, mileches lebeis mishteh. So the word leches, and therefore we chose leches. You like the teretz? Because it says, hatzneia leches, and leches is found by Kabbalas, by kallah, and meis, so we chose it because it says toiv lo leches. So why the pasuk use it, though? Good, okay. You explained to me where Chazal understood in the pasuk it's these two, which is a very big leap, because it says that word leches. So why only, takke, is the pasuk saying it by leches, though? You're back to the kasha in the pasuk. Tznius is only by leches. Why couldn't tznius be by everything? What is this? So let's continue. Zogt Rashi, and what is the tznius that's needed by kallah and meis? So Rashi, gevaldik: afshom tzarich hatznia. What? Lispoid b'midah na'ah, that you should say a hesped with the normal measurements, v'lismoach b'midah na'ah, and also to make happy by the kallah, normal, normal measurements. But not to overdo it, l'hanhig kalus rosh b'atzmi. You make a hesped, don't overdo it, and you make a chasanus kalah, don't overdo it. That's what the pesukim are referring to. Hatznei leches, you hear? By hachnasas kallah, don't do too much simcha. When you go make levayas hameis, don't be too much hesped. Now, the truth is, I don't have time to be mearech so much. There's two girsaos in Rashi: lispid or lispod. Lispod means something—they used to have a seudah by the beis evel. So, according to one pshat, Rashi meant don't overeat in that seudah. Then it's all about kalus rosh. Don't overeat by aveilus, don't overeat by a chasunah, don't bake too much. Too much is too much. But other girsaos in Rashi is lispod. You shouldn't even make a hesped, which is too much. What's wrong if I make too much hesped? I get up there and I cry and say, I overdid it. That's the chesaron of hatznei leches im Elokecha. Abeizai, what's the Gemara talking about? First of all, I'm showing you that it's about other things. Then I show you it's about two particular, and one is the problem. The problem is too much hesped and too much simcha for chasan kalah. That's the chesaron. That's hatznei leches im Elokecha. So, Rashi's second pshat, which I understand.

A little bit more, that in case you pay for these things, you pay for hachnasas kallah, or you pay for kevuras hameis, don't talk about it. Don't announce it in public. A lot of times people only give because they can announce, right? The minute there's no appeal in public, people don't give so much. But it's a public appeal. Call the old from the Satmar Rebbe, zichuso yagen aleinu. He asks, how come yeshivas, hundreds of yeshivas go up per year, wherever you go there's a yeshiva. Mikveh, one in a town, and even that's so difficult to build. Satmar Rebbe says, very pashut, because yeshivas have plaques in the front, and they have the mizrach, chashuv k'sit. You give money, you get honor. In the mikveh everyone's the same. Leizog Satmar Rebbe, zichuso yagen aleinu. What's the pshat? Pshat is, you like to have recognition that you did a mitzvah. How many times did I tell you that my zeide would say, the lulav and esrog would be taken in the house in private, and the maror would be eaten in the shul in public. The maror would be this big, big, and the lulav and esrog would be this dried out little prune of an esrog. Everybody buys, they spend so much time to buy a beautiful esrog. You know why? Because you bring it to shul and you show somebody, So here's my esrog, so... If it was taken in private, believe me, the esrog wouldn't be so, so important. That's darkei shel olam. Human nature. Human nature. Al kol panim, that's what Rashi's saying. Rashi's saying is, if you're giving money for kallah, giving money for meis, tznius. What do I have from Rashi? At least I understand that tznius over there in the second pshat of Rashi: privacy. So you know what? Be private. But in the first part of Rashi, first taich of Rashi, first pshat of Rashi, where's the tznius? I mean, what does tznius have to do with not being too much hesped or too much simcha? I mean, what's the tznius there? So I grabbed this, looked at the, I guess we can call them the mefarshei haGemara, the ArtScroll included. They taina that the pshat is that it's a question of not showing your emotions completely, privacy. You're very happy or you're very sad by a levaya, there's a privacy on your emotions. That's the tznius. It's also a question of being tzanua, private. I went to look because I didn't understand pashut pshat in the Gemara. I'm not this great wiz, chacham hamekubal... I'm a regular person. I read a Gemara, I read a Gemara, and I question: what made the Gemara? I don't know what it means. That you're not allowed to make too much hesped, and you're not allowed to make too much simchas chasan v'kallah, and all this is a problem in tznius. Why is this a problem in tznius? So he wants to say, I mean, again, I guess maybe he's quoting, I don't remember, he's quoting other mefarshim maybe. The bottom line that he's trying to bring out is that it's privacy, privacy of emotions. Means don't overshow your emotions. Rabosai, what's wrong if I overshow? I don't know. I didn't know there was such an issur or such a chesaron. And let me ask you why it's only by Levi and only by... The person's very warm. He's very happy to see another person. The same thing applies: he shouldn't overly show emotion. The person's very sad for somebody else's matzav; he's not over-show emotion. I know, I'm saying what I... I don't hear it. I'm sorry to tell you. And again, I'm not, chas v'shalom, knocking anything or anybody, and I'm not. Believe me, I went to look over there because I held that he knows good pshat over there, and he wrote good pshat. I just don't hear it as pashut pshat in the Gemara, that you're not allowed to over-show emotion, and that's the tznius of what the Gemara means, that you're not allowed to expose—that's the right word—you're not allowed to expose your true feelings. No, I don't know. It's not such a... It's difficult for me. It's difficult for me to accept that the hatznei leches of the pasuk is referring to this, that a person is not allowed to come to a Levi and overly cry, or come to a chassan and be overly joyous. Why? Because a person has to be private and not expose his true extreme emotions. I don't know. Cheres nisht. Let me tell you what I would think the pshat in the Gemara is. Let me tell you what I think the pshat in the Gemara is: b'ezras Hashem yisbarach. B'ezras Hashem yisbarach. I think the pshat in the Gemara...

This follows. If a person is humble, he comes to a situation where he is the center of attraction. If he's truly humble and knows his place, he doesn't—what's the right word?—make a, in Yiddish we say, a ganze tzimmes, to bring the main attraction to himself. Wait a second, let me say it again. Listen carefully. A person could be very humble, or the opposite, be very self-centered. A person who's self-centered, wherever he comes to a situation, where he is in the center, he will force the attraction to be around him and away from where the true center of attraction is. For example, you come to a hesped, the meis is the ikar. The meis is the ikar. The aveilim is the ikar. The maspid gets up and he makes himself the center of attraction by overexposing strong emotions of loss, and then it becomes about him and not the meis. It's distracting from the true center of attraction, that he should be the main center of attraction. How many times you come to a chasana, you dance in the middle. Do you mean the chosson and kallah, or you mean yourself, because you want everybody to see the way you dance? A person who cares more about distracting the attention from him to the main center of attraction won't overdo and will do b'midah properly. Now, I'll tell you the truth. You still don't hear clearly what I'm saying. I know that. I'm building a theme here with you, which I hold is an emes'he יסוד מוסר. And maybe I'll tell you even a story, which will be a beautiful example to this, a beautiful example. I heard a beautiful maaseh on Shabbos about my grandfather from Reb Boruch Sorotzkin tells a yeshiva zecher tzaddik livrachah son-in-law, Sorotzkin, Reb Boruch Sorotzkin. His son-in-law, his name is Rabbi Hertzka, and he lives in Lakewood. He told me a beautiful story. Reb Boruch Sorotzkin and my grandfather were first cousins. For those that are here for years know this. Reb Zalman Sorotzkin and the Beis Aharon are brother-in-laws. Reb Boruch was like a brother to my grandfather. Literally, they were brothers. Throughout the years, they discussed everything before they did it. Literally, literally like brothers, cousins like brothers. When Reb Boruch married off his last child, I guess names are not necessary to bring out here, his daughter, his last daughter, his last child, he did not invite my grandfather to the wedding. To my grandfather's surprise and shock. Can you understand that? Mamish cousins that they lived, everything they did together. He didn't invite him to the wedding. Afal pi kein, my grandfather went to the wedding. He went anyway. A few weeks later, Hertzka, Rabbi Hertzka made a bris, to which my grandfather also came. So he was mechabed my grandfather to speak at the bris. So my grandfather got up and said the following: I want you to know that I was not invited to the last chasnah that the Tzrorotskins made. I wasn't invited, but I came anyway. I came anyway. And I want you to know why I came. So he got up to say. He said the following: The Chofetz Chaim, zechuso yagen aleinu, my rebbe, once felt the need to make an asifah with rabbanim because there was something which needed tikkun, which needed to be corrected. And he planned an asifah. The last minute he canceled the asifah, and he said, Rabosai, we're not going to have the asifah.

Why, said the Chofetz Chaim, I'm getting old. When the rabbanim who I invited to the asifah will come, I'm afraid that I'm not b'koach, I don't have the correct frame of mind to respect everyone that comes and to give them the proper attention of these rabbanim who are coming because I called them to an asifah. So it's not worth making the whole asifah. Not worth it. Not worth it. So my grandfather brought out, take a look. Asifah was important for the inyanim of Klal Yisrael, but in case, chas v'shalom, it would insult or hurt one rav, you just don't call the whole asifah. You don't call rabbanim to such an asifah. So he said, Reb Baruch, my cousin, he probably didn't have a bracha for me under the chuppah. Probably he couldn't. There were so many roshei yeshivas. You see, the earlier years, less roshei yeshivas, less family. At this point already, it was already a big yeshiva, Telz was big, Olam HaTorah was getting bigger, many family. He probably didn't have a bracha for me. You see, he felt it's not כדאי to invite if I might feel hurt that I didn't get a bracha under the chuppah. Little does he know, not that I'm hurt, vakert, I'm not hurt at all. So I saw that he did it because he's a tzaddik, Reb Baruch, so I came to the chasunah anyway to show him it doesn't bother me. Havaisei, let me tell you the difference between us and him. Us, when we don't get an invitation, that guy is such a nothing and he's such a nobody, how dare he do that to us? Right? Don't talk to the guy. He talked. He ... chas v'shalom. Why meet the chasan? Not only did he not get hurt, he went to the chasan. Most people wouldn't even talk to the guy. So not only did he, he even went to the chasan. And not only went to the chasan, he walked away saying what kind of a tzaddik he was that he invited me to the chasan. He's a tzaddik, because he knew that if I was there... Between me and you and the four walls, it's a pretty big leap of a limud zechus. My grandfather used to say, over, everything in this world is created that even which is, quote unquote, not good, could be utilized l'toiv, right? Even kaas, for example. Terrible thing, kaas, so you have kaas to the reshaim. You get angry at reshaim. Everything in this world which is detrimental has its need in avodas Hashem l'tzorech. So my grandfather asked, what is a krumah cup? A person has a—he's krum, his mind. He sees everything backwards. Krumah cup. How could that be l'toiv? He says, it is. Why? You could use it to be dan somebody else l'kaf zechus. If you have a krumah cup, you could use it to be dan the other person l'kaf zechus. It could be utilized l'toiv. I see my grandfather obviously preached what—how's the word in English?—what he preached. Why? He practiced what he preached. This is a big leap, believe me, it's a big leap to say that. What I really think the real reason was, Reb Baruch was niftar right afterwards, and he was very, very sick. I think they even had to carry him to the chuppah. He just wasn't up to the whole chasunah, and he was sick, and it wasn't on purpose. That's obvious. But it takes a person to realize, so he didn't invite me. So what? I come anyway, and I'm a lamed zchus anyway, and I'm sameach with him anyway. What does this have to do with the discussion that we have? I'll tell you what it does. If a person views the other person's simcha only about himself, then eino chanami, it's very insulting. What do you mean? You didn't invite me to your chasunah? What are you talking about? I didn't get an invitation to your wedding. But if you don't look at it's me and I, you look at the other person, his simcha. I got an invitation to his simcha, the ikar is his simcha, not you, so you didn't get the invitation. You're happy about the other person's simcha not so much that you were invited to the simcha, as much as that he has a simcha, and glad that you were invited to participate in it. How many times do we go to a wedding and we make a big...

To do where you sit. He didn't sit me in the right seat. You're not the chassan, you're not the kallah. Who cares where you sit? The main thing is the chassan and kallah sat where they're supposed to sit, no? What's the main thing? You come to a chasunah, that you, that you didn't get the right brach under the chuppah, and that you didn't get the right seat by the table. What does that have to do with you? You're a participant in a bigger picture of a chasunah. The main thing is the chassan and the kallah, and that the chassan had the right seat, and the chassan went to the chuppah properly, and he had a... You're just a number on a card, basically. You don't look that way. Every time I see people, they look for their card, their card, my name. למעשה there's a number underneath, and you're just a number like everybody else. The chassan and kallah don't have a card. You know why? Because they're the main thing of the chasunah. You're rather not the main thing of the chasunah. People can't view that. People can't cope with that reality. You go home, right? You should only about himself, and the issue is not the chasunah. You should come to the other person's chasunah because you want to make the other person happy. So what's it do with where you sit? Let me explain to you what Chazal are teaching us. You come to levayah, and you give a hesped for an hour, and you're screaming and crying, and you're attracting all the attention to you. It's not about you. It's about what? The meis. Hatznei, tzina, is another lashon of anavah. It's a humbleness. And where does that come from? Imaleikecha. When you have the proper hashkafah that there's a Ribono Shel Olam in the world, and life is not only about you. Can I prove this to you? We use the word tznius in this Chazal, in this Rashi. I read the Rabbeinu Bechaye, I don't know how many people picked up on the lashon of Rabbeinu Bechaye. שלא נסתכל בו מעולם עד עתה, שכי אברהם לענוותנותו הגדולה היה קירוב בריס לאנב. Rabbeinu Bechaye, anvesanuso d'Avraham Avinu. He puts the word anavah into this Chazal where Chazal use the word tznius. Rabosai, this is what I was trying to tell you. Tznius, in the generic term, in the generic sense, is tznius arayos. The truth is, tznius is not only by arayos. Tznius is by everything, and its connotation, in the broader sense of the word, is anavah, humbleness. When a person is humble, the anavah is the matzniach himself. The person who is humble, he hides himself. From this Chazal that we just learned, you see that it has nothing to do with that. It's a different shoirish, and it's a different—what's the right word I'm looking for? It's a different— the word is not connotation. It's based on a different hergesh, on a different emotion. And that is the emotion of knowing your place, that you are a number among the bigger picture that the Ribono Shel Olam runs this world. And I'll explain to you where I got this from. I'll explain to you where I got this from. Listen to a Chazal that everybody knows, but when you leave this shiur today, you'll know it properly, and you'll know exactly what Chazal mean. Chazal you probably all know. Now you'll really know it. Chazal tell us that there was a ger came to Hillel to learn Torah all on one foot, the entire Torah on one foot. So we all know Beis Shammai sent him packing, as they say in English, and then Beis Hillel accepted him. What did Beis Hillel tell him? על דעלך סני לחברך לא תעביד, which our Shach explains is the mitzvah of ואהבת לרעך כמוך. We've spoken in the past, why didn't tell him straight ואהבת לרעך כמוך? Why does he have to tell him מה דעלך סני, what you don't want done to your friend? Why not just tell him straight ואהבת לרעך כמוך? We've discussed it a different time. Al kol panim, this—

This is the ikar. The Torah, the rest is just peirush. How could this be the ikar of the Torah? You want to explain it to me? How could v'ahavta l'reacha kamocha be the entire Torah, and the rest is just the peirush? Zogt in Baalei Mussar pshat. A guy has no room for anybody and anything besides himself. In this world, his world is just him. There's barely room for his wife and his children, barely. He's got to really work on putting some room for them in this world. For his neighbor? For God? Even less. The yesod of a Yid is that his world does not revolve around himself. The reason why a guy doesn't accept Hashem as a reality, those that don't, because once he does, then he can't do what he wants to do. Then it's not about him anymore. He has to come to the realization that it's not my beer and my ball game. It's not. There's no space for the Ribono Shel Olam and His commandments in his life, so he has to cut them out. Cut it away. Zogt Hillel to the guy, You want to know what the yesod of Torah is? V'ahavta l'reacha kamocha. You're not the only person in this world. It's not only about you. Make room for others in the scope of what you vision life is. If you do that, then you can also bring a Ribono Shel Olam into the world. V'ahavta l'reacha kamocha. It's not my vort. Great Baalei Mussar have said it. It's a famous pshat. This is the same nekudah. A person who's humble, tzanua im Elokecha. Notice the pasuk never says that you should be a tzanua. Mah Hashem Elokecha doresh me'imach, that what, l'yirah, l'ahavah—I'm sorry, excuse me—la'asos mishpat, ahavas chesed, v'hatznei'a leches. It doesn't say. It says, v'hatznei'a leches what? Im Elokecha. The yesod of tznius is that I'm humble because I know there's a Ribono Shel Olam. This, rabosai, is open and clear in the Gerer's Ramban. The Gerer's Ramban writes, what is the yesod of anavah? Says the Ramban like this: וכאשר תתנהג במידת הענוה, להתבושש מכל אדם ולהתפחד... I'm sorry, excuse me, I skipped a few lines here. Here: שנאמר עקב ענוה יראת ה'. Anavah and yiras Shamayim go together. Why? בעבור הענוה תעלה בלבך מידת היראה, because if you have anavah, you'll have yirah. Why? כי תתן אל לבך תמיד מאין באת, ולאן אתה הולך, ושאתה רמה ותולעה בחייך, ואף כי במותך, ולפני מי אתה עתיד ליתן דין וחשבון. תחשוב, כל אלו תרים בעיניך, ותשמר מן החטא. Anavah and yiras Shamayim go hand in hand. Why do they go hand in hand? Because when a person knows his place—who is he? What is he? Klapei HaKadosh Baruch Hu... Anav is the next step. That's what happens. Anav, a person knows who he is. Anavah is what? Im Hashem Elokecha. That's the way anavah. Hatznei leches im Hashem Elokecha. Rabosai, let's think one step further. What are the characteristics of anavah? Anavah is an emotion. What is the ma'aseh of anavah? Rabban tells us further. Zogt the Ramban, how do you have anavah? Al kein אפרש לך איך תתנהג במידת הענוה. I'll teach you the action of anavah. How does one behave in anavah? Kol dvarecha yihyu b'nachas. You speak what? Gently. V'roshcha kafuf. Your head should be bent. V'einecha yabitu lematah la'aretz. Your eyes should be downwards. Libcha, your heart should be above. V'al tabit bifnei adam b'dabercha imo. You don't look at a person's face when you talk to him. You look down, eyes down.

So let's read again the Rashi. What does Rashi say? Rashi says, mipnei tznius shebahem, because of tznius, they didn't look at each other. What does the Rambam—I told you we'd begin with the Rambam—shelo histakel b'tzurasah, he didn't look at her, histaklus shleimah, a complete look. It's possible that tznius here, we're not talking about arayos. It's not a tznius of arayos. The tznius that Chazal are talking about over here was a tznius of bein adam l'chaveiro. Lo histakel b'tzurasah, he never looked directly at her. He always looked downwards. It's anavah and the lashon of the Rambam—I'm sorry, Rabbeinu Bechaye—ki Avraham le'anvasanuso hagedolah. Yeah, the lashon of Rabbeinu Bechaye, anvasanuso hagedolah. What am I trying to bring out with all this, rabosai? Listen carefully. The pshat that we're saying in the Rashi, ad yein, ad the Nish, let's say it's true, it's not true, ad yea, ad the Nish, it's very possible. These sevaros though are true. A person who understands his place is not loud. He doesn't have to be the center of attraction. A person who understands... The bigger picture, that life is not only about himself, has room for others, has room for friends and family. This is the yesod of anavah. People think, what is anavah? That he doesn't hold of himself in a lofty manner. Oh, he doesn't hold of himself. Baisai, he's supposed to hold of himself. Don't think for a minute that you're supposed to think yourself anything less than what you really are. If anything, you might be able to think yourself more. Very possible. Again, that's a discussion for itself, makir es mekomo. But one thing for sure, makir es mekomo is not to be makir that you're less than mekomo. Peirush writes, Ha'ish Moshe anav me'od mikol adam al pnei ha'adamah. Biggest anav, biggest anav is Moshe Rabbeinu. Tell me, who wrote that? You know who wrote that? Moshe Rabbeinu. Do you know that the Gemara says that Mishemeis Rebbi, batlah anavah. Remember such a Gemara? When Rebbi died, there was no more anavah. Frekt the Gemara, v'ha ika anav! Says the Talmud, what about me? There is anavah. The Tanna asks, he raises his hand, Rebbi, how could you say there's no more anavah? There's me. I'm the biggest anav. They say, over a maaseh in Vilna. In Vilna... The shamash was called the Vilna Onov. Called Vilna Onov. Why? He used to clean the mikveh, and he would do menial jobs, you hear? Menial jobs. He was mevazeh himself for the beis medrash, for the... One day, he gave a shtickel a dirty towel to a guy. He handed him a dirty towel. It wasn't by mistake. The guy opened up a mouth on him: You shlak what you are, you shamash, you nothing, you... How dare you come and give me a dirty towel, yeah? So the guy got so angry. He says, You know who you're talking to? You're talking to the Vilna Onov. How dare you talk to me like that? You know what the pshat in this story is? He was far from an onov, this guy. And his doing menial jobs, he got covered that way. That was his kavod. A tremendous onov. They say about me I'm an onov. They say about me I'm an onov. When it came to true tests, the vizanivus, he failed the test.

The minute it came to really testing Anavah, what? Are you talking to me? Me? What are you talking about? I'm an adam. The answer is we don't know what anav is. You know where anav plays itself out? When was it said by Moshe Rabbeinu? Remember when it said by Moshe Rabbeinu, V'ha'ish Moshe anav me'od mikol adam? It said it in an interesting context, with the fight with Korach. Remember such a thing? Korach. How did V'ha'ish Moshe anav me'od be the response to ma'aseh Korach? How was that the response? It should have been, you know what the response was? V'ha'ish Moshe kadosh, navi, emes, like we scream, Moshe emes v'Soraso emes. You know what the Torah should have wrote after Korach? V'ha'ish Moshe emes. Moshe is the truth. How and why does the Torah give a stamp of approval to Moshe Rabbeinu that he was an anav at this context, in this scenario? Why by ma'aseh Korach are we supposed to read, close the book on the story, V'ha'ish Moshe anav me'od? And the answer is gevaldig. In machlokes, that's when you see anavah. Why? The answer is very pashut. Anav does not mean you don't know who you are, but the opposite, because you know who you are. So you know that you're here in this world for a tachlis, for a tafkid. It's not only about me. Most of why a person is angry, he did it to me. How could he do it to me? Me. What are I? I mean, so, okay, so me, he did it to me. What's me already? It's a big picture. Obviously, Chazal even tell us if a person gets angry at another person, he's a kofer. Why is he a kofer? Because he doesn't know the Eibishter sent him to get you angry. What are you getting angry about? He did it, the Eibishter wanted it. How did Dovid HaMelech say to Shimi ben Geira, ... Hashem said to do it. Dovid understood what anava means. It's the Eibishter. It's a bigger picture. It's all about me. It's not about me. It's about so many other things in this world. The world does not revolve about me. When a person thinks that the whole world revolves about him, so whatever happens, how could it happen? It's to me. I'll give you another example. You ready? How many times does a person—this is a beautiful example, I hope it's emes l'amito—how many times a person says, How dare he talk to me that way? You know why he talked to you that way? He just came from his house, and his wife just let him have it like he never got it. The poor guy got a bill in the mail which he couldn't pay. His mother called him up and told him that she can't come for Shabbos the last minute. I'll give you fifty others. Each guy could think of fifty other things, right? And you happened to be the first guy that he met after he got all these bsuris tovos. You were the lucky guy to see him as soon as he got out of the house in the driveway. You, he met you first. And you were his carpet, okay? You were the one who got... See, you know what? He doesn't even know that he did anything to you. He doesn't even know. It's regardless. The poor guy, he just let it out on you. He was in a horrible mood, it had nothing to do with you. How many times do we go to a simcha, and a guy comes over to us and he tells us he's not so friendly, he's not so... You think, so he wasn't friendly to me. Poor guy. You don't know what's going through his head. You never know. This guy didn't even notice you. He didn't even notice you were there. He was talking to you, and his mind was how his wife just told him what kind of a piece of garbage he is. Take out the garbage, you garbage. That's what his wife just told him, yeah? And he's thinking to himself, Oh, my wife, how dare she say that to me? While he's thinking, look how angry he is. Look how he's so not nice to me. If you realize that it's not all about you. It's not all about you. They say over a vort from one of our past presidents, which was pretty chachma, you should know. Come to think of it, for a past president, it's ganz gut. I don't expect him to say such good things. He said, If you knew how little the person you're angry at thinks about you, how little he thinks about you.

You'd be so upset. Why? What he thinks about you. If you knew how little it was that he thinks about you, you wouldn't care what he thinks about you. What does he think? For one second he thought he's not a good guy. It's one second. It's a second. He has no—believe me, most people don't have any time to think about you. So the little man thinks about you. You wouldn't care so much what he thinks about you. Everybody sits and thinks, he's thinking all day about me. He's not. Trust me, nobody's thinking anything about him, only about themselves. That's the way it works. Why am I telling you all this? Man has a disease that he thinks he's the center of attraction. It's a disease. The chochmas hachayim is to realize that he's just a small—what do they call that?—screw in the bigger picture. It's a big picture. There's a big world out there. You're just a number of a Klal Yisroel. If you know your place, there's no room for machlokes. A person who understands where and what are you for? So he did it, he said it, so what do you want? So now what? What are you going to do about it? Moshe looked at himself and said, Why? I'm a shliach of the Eibishter. Why is he angry at me? So what? The true test of anavah is this nekudah. This is what I'm trying to bring out. Chazal are telling us that at a wedding, a person can make himself the center of attraction. Not center of attraction. What are you doing? A person comes, gets up at a levayah, and it's all about him. The Levaya is all about him. Hear the speech I said by the... How many types of people said, You heard the speech I said by the levaya? Speech, levaya. It's not b'chupah. The poor guy died. Why wasn't it do a shiva? It's sad, but that's the way human nature is. Chazal are telling us the tzniua. I don't mean privacy. It's not a question of privacy. The question is humble. The issue is a certain identity of who and what you are in the bigger picture of things. That's what, V'atznei leches im Elokecha. I want to show you just the mefarshim on the pasuk, how they translate the pasuk. Tznius translates exactly like I told you. Tznius means privacy. He says it clearly. Hatznei, tznius v'hester. It's a lashon of tznius and hester, hidden. And therefore he explains in the Metzudas David that he wants privacy here. Ki im ein shum davar ki im la'asos mishpat, tzedek, v'lo leches im Elokecha b'darchei mitzvosav b'tznia v'lo b'farhesya. Metzudas explains hidden. And therefore when you do his mitzvahs, it's not only tznius of arayos like I explained to you, but even in the mitzvahs, do them hidly, which is the second pshat of Rashi. So the Metzudas is learning the second pshat of Rashi. Radak doesn't say that. V'hatznei leches im Elokecha, hu yichud haKel yisbarach v'ahavaso b'chol levav. Hatznei leches means Hashem, knowing Hashem is one. V'omer v'hatznei. So why does it say the word v'hatznei? So he says, Ki hadavar hazeh masur alav. It's something hidden, so therefore we call it hatznea. It's a very big chiddush. It's referring to imaleikecha, accepting Hashem's oneness. But the hatznea is because it's a private thing. The way we're learning, it's karka shmak. The v'hatznea is paka d'mida. But that mida comes from where? Imaleikecha, from ahavas Hashem, yichud hakel yisbarach v'ahavaso, like the Ramban tells us. You know where anavah, the shoresh of anavah is? The shoresh of anavah is yiras Elokim. Eikev anavah, yiras Hashem. Rabosai, your lives will be completely different. A different life. Even you. Even you will have a different life. You hear? If you work not to become an anav, but to get the yesod of where anavah comes from, yiras Hashem, realizing everything is from Hashem. It's all Hashem. Eikev anavah, yiras Hashem. It's possible, and that's what I'm getting back to the Rashi. I don't know if it's the pashut pshat in the Rashi. I don't know if it's b'chalal pshat in the Rashi. It might be pretty good in Rashi, b'derech tzniyus.

Bishneihem, they never looked at each other because the Rabban says anav is, you're not mistakel bifnei haacher, you always look down. Hinechu yabitu lematah. The yesod, those emes. The yesod is your whole life. You're being adam l'chaveiro, how you deal with people and the surroundings around you, will be completely different if you work on the shoresh of anavah, which is yiras Hashem. How does anavah play into yiras Hashem? To know that life is not only about you. Not only about you. I and me. You'll be happy that way, and you'll see life for really what it is. You know, what's it like to live your whole life in a fantasy? Me and I, and then you come at the end, it's not about me and I. You know I had a tremendous mussar that happened to me this week, and I'll tell it to you, with this I'll end. In my sukkah, I put up a bee trap. Bee trap. Years past, I used to rely on my children to do that. They're very good at that. Any bee that comes, within a minute it's caught and killed. I leave it to my children. But l'maaseh, it ruins the sukkah. They're running around the tables, killing the bees. So I put in a bee trap, you hear? How do you put a bee trap? They tell you to put fish with apple juice. That's where the instructions come, because bees like sweet and they like protein. So you put fish and apple juice. Pashteitzach, in my house everything has to be the opposite. So the decision was — Gerade they didn't ask me — but the decision was to put meat and grape juice. I don't know why, that's what happened. Instead of putting fish and apple juice. After an arangulate meat with grapes. Check. Not one bee was caught, I’ll tell you. I promise you there was not one bee inside that whole trap. Mosquitoes galore. Flies. Aganza city worth. Not one bee went in there. Check. You ask me why am I telling you this maise. Let me tell you the maise. Kids, at the end of Yontif, I went outside and I started taking apart my sukkah as much as I could, you know, the decorations. I can’t do more than that, the decorations. And I start to look at the thing, at the bee trap. There must have been a thousand, what do you call it, worms, worms eating off the meat. Fat. And I looked around and I was thinking, where do they come from? Where do these worms come from? And you know what the answer is, rabosai? Anybody know science? The meat itself. They’re the bacteria of the meat itself. I looked at it and I say, Chazal tell us that a person has to realize she’ata rimah v’soleiah. A person turns into worms. You go back to the earth and you turn into worms. This is what it is. And I understood. A person thinks in this world, me and I. That’s me and I, right there. Look at the bee trap. This is what you think. Me? Could you imagine the bull was more thinking to himself, I'm the best bull in the block. Look at me, look at me. I'm sure the bull thought these thoughts. I'm sure. I'm sure one bull was thinking, I'm the king bull. I'll show you. Get away from my territory. Like, you know, don't sit on my chair in shul. Not literally, but you understand what I'm saying, right? How you talking? You sat in my chair in shul. How you talking? The bull also said that. Stay away from my grass, right? You know, where's the bull? The bull was being fressed and was being eaten up with the worms. That's the seif of this bull. It's a maiseh with Reb Chaim Ozer. Chaim Ozer once had two people that came to him for din Torah. Two people came to him for din Torah. They were fighting over a piece of land. It's mine. The other one said, It's mine. No, it's mine. I bought it. You sold it. No, I'll show you. I'll give you your father, your grandfather, your mother. I'll show you your father, your this, your brother.

A war, yeah, a piece of land. Reb Chaim Ozer saw that they were fighting, disgusting. Calm, you have a shaylah. So you should both come to ask the shaylah. This was a real machlokes over a piece of land. So Reb Chaim Ozer, in the middle of davening, got off his chair and put his ear to the floor of the ground. Reb Chaim Ozer had a nervous breakdown or something. Reb Chaim Ozer, are you okay? Maybe kolam tzolam, maybe fainted. You know what happened? So they asked, Rebbe, what's wrong? Is everything okay? He says, No, no, everything's fine. What happened? What? He says, I'll tell you what happened. I heard you saying that it's yours, and you were fighting with the guy dead through his part, that it's yours. Then I turned around to this guy, and he said, No, it's not yours. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. Then I turned to the ground and I listened, and you know what the ground was saying? Soon both of you will be mine. Soon both of you will be mine. The yesod by machlokes is to realize who you are. You don't live forever. You're just a small part of a bigger picture. You view machlokes, and in Yiddish called fear machlokes, which means you make, or I don't know what the right word in English is, whatever it is, you fear machlokes differently. When it has to be done, it's done properly. It's done for the right reasons. The point being, a person has to be makir es mekomo. Don't, chas v'shalom, misinterpret who you are. You should understand your value. You're am kadosh, a kaim yid. But so is the other guy. So is everybody. That's what makes you more tayer than the other guy. A guy came over to me recently, and he was telling me shitas, this shita, with that shita, this one is good, this shita, and he has a raya, and he showed me a raya that the way a certain group of Klal Yisrael does it, it's supposed to be like this. I didn't even want to listen. I'm looking at the guy, I said, you know, tell me something. How could you talk about these people if you really were honest with yourself? They're just as good as you. You're not better than them. Look at you. You don't have problems. You don't have chesronos. You don't have bad middos. You also have. Point being, a person has to know, know, to understand it's not all about him. Not all about you. Understand the bigger picture of things and how you fit into the bigger picture. What makes you more than him? Look the way he davens. Maybe he davens better than the way you learn. Maybe. You're so good with my learning. Yeah, but look the way he davens. Why do you think of that? Look the way he does chesed. You can't do what he does. So if you're honest, okay, so maybe he's a little weak in this, you're weak in that. This is called anavah. The picture is anavah. The yesod is yiras Hashem. The behavior is the anavah. The shoresh is yiras Hashem. Rabosai, I ask you, only like I said, because I care about you. Even if I hit you over the head, it's only because I care. You'll have a better life. It will change you. You'll be a changed person in all your dealings: at home, your friends, and most of all within yourself. If you take anavah and you work on it with the proper context, min ha-shoresh, that it has to do with yiras Hashem, it's all the Ribono Shel Olam. So things that happen, the way you happen. Why was it given to me and not? Because the Ribono Shel Olam runs this world that way. You'll be happy, as they say in English, wealthy and wise. I wish you all hatzlacha, bracha. Be'ezras Hashem, we'll see you next week.