Chayei Sarah: Eliezer’s Journey from Arur to Baruch Through Selflessness

Transcript

No, you're not the person I can be mishadech with. I'm baruch and you're arur. Knaan is arur. Ein arur mizdabek im baruch. L'chaira it's a peleh. There was nobody greater than Eliezer. Eliezer was doleh u'mashkeh miToras rabboi la'acherim, huh? You have no idea how—Eliezer was a meiredik. What was better, Lavan? Besuel was better. What's tzachaptes? A peleh dike zach. Ein arur mizdabek im baruch. What does that mean? Very harsh, no? Arur and baruch. It's interesting, we find later that Eliezer was restored to his status of baruch. Pasuk says, Bo baruch Hashem. Besuel, Lavan tells Eliezer, Come. It's in perek chav-daled, pasuk lamed-alef. Come, baruch Hashem, the one who is blessed by the Ribono Shel Olam. So Chazal say he received back his status. So Medrash: V'al yedei shesharas oso tzaddik be'emunah, yatza miklal arur l'klal baruch. He came back because he was meshares. He served Avraham Avinu be'emunah, with faith. So l'chaira the shaila is, he served him the whole time be'emunah. What, all of a sudden he served him be'emunah? What was about the fact the whole time he was doleh u'mashkeh? He went to war, you know. He put Eliezer out in the front lines. Chazal say that he was the only one that went to fight. He was the front line. Who took the arrows? Eliezer took the arrows for Avraham Avinu, yeah? Who went? Only Eliezer went. Good, according to one man damar, it was Eliezer. For that, he didn't receive back his baruch status. Only over here, after the shidduch, he receives back his baruch. I never understood this Chazal till Baruch Hashem last night. Last night, I thought the following, and we're going to answer both Chazals. What is the order that eino mitzdabek b'baruch originally, and what's the pshat that he received back his status baruch? I always thought that the arur is cursed, and the baruch is that he gets back status of being regular, right? I see the Afei Toar learns not like that. The Afei Toar learns what is arur and baruch: hishtabdus l'gedolim is etzem hacheirus. The fact that he was a slave to Avram, that's freedom. That's freedom. Wait, wait, I must have missed something here. The Medrash zugt doch fakert: he was meshareis Avram. He was a tremendous slave to Avram. No, that's called cheirus, and that's called bracha, he says. That's called bracha, because he was meshabed, meshareis Avram b'emunah, yatza michlal avdus, he left avdus, shehu arur, that's the curse, v'nichnas l'cheirus to be baruch. But he wasn't free. It doesn't say that he became free, unless maybe that's what the Medrash means, that from here on in he wasn't an eved anymore. I don't know. Medafar eino. In this Afei Toar, maybe it's likta that afterwards Avram Eliezer was free. I don't know. I don't think that's the pshat. Eved's not allowed to be a ben chorin, not allowed. Free a slave, you have to work on it, but that's not the right time for maybe Shabbos, maybe Friday night we'll talk about it. But I would tell you pshat like this, rabosai. You know what the chiluk between avdus and cheirus is? Avdus doesn't mean literal slavery, and cheirus doesn't mean literal cheirus. A person could be an eved, and that itself is the greatest cheirus. That's what he says: hishtabdus l'gedolim. The fact that he was a slave to Avraham is the cheirus. What does that mean? Chazal tell us, Harotzeh l'hachayos yamis atzmo. If you want to live, you have to kill yourself. Harotzeh lamus yichyeh atzmo. What does that mean? You know, life is—people live for zich. You live for yourself. Freedom is when you pater yourself. You free yourself from the shibud of zich. It's not about zich. Harotzeh l'hachayos—if you want to live, it shouldn't be about zich. There's a gevaldige Gemara. The Gemara says that Hillel taught the ger, Kol haTorah kulah al regel achas. What? Ma d'sani lach l'chavrach lo sa'avid. What you don't want to do to yourself, don't do to your friend, which is what? V'ahavta l'reacha kamocha. So all the mefarshim ask, tell him V'ahavta l'reacha kamocha. Why do you have to tell him in a backwards way, what you don't want to do to your friend, what you don't want to do to you, don't do to you? Just say the mitzvah of V'ahavta l'reacha kamocha. So there's many terutzim; there's not enough...

Time to go through all the truths now, but one of the truths in the mefarshim says, a goy can't understand the afterech kamoicha. Help, afterech kamoicha? Me? What do you mean? Of course I'm קודם first. How can it be kamoicha? Can't be such a thing. A goy has no... can't have a... can't hasagah. Can't understand. You talk like Chinese. To start telling you, afterech kamoicha, what are you talking? You know, the Ramban even answered for a kasha: can't even be kamoicha. Ramban learns it's not kamoicha. Ramban learns it's... It's impossible that the Torah wants it should be kamoicha. The pashut is it's kamoicha. So since he was a goy, he wasn't a Yid yet, this ger, so Hillel told him, Kanan lives for himself. Ein arur misdabek im baruch. Avraham Avinu lived nothing for himself. Avraham lived nothing for himself. It was all about the other person. There was no Avram. B'anochi afar v'efer. There's no Avraham Avinu. It's no Avraham Avinu. It's all about the other person. That's called baruch. That's what the yafeh toar means. The fact that the free, there's no... zich. So ein arur misdabek im baruch. It's not a shidduch. It can't match. Doesn't match. Avram with Canaan, the middah of zich, he wasn't bad for character. He was a tzaddik yesod olam. Eliezer, Eliezer, a tzaddik yesod olam. Alamdim Torah shebal peh... But he had this thing of Canaan, which is not what v'anochi afar v'efer. So why now? Habaisai, you want to hear gevaldik. The hardest thing Eliezer ever did was this shidduch. You know why? Because he wanted it for himself. He had to be completely, completely mevatel his ratzon. You know, the mefarshim say, if you notice, it doesn't say Eliezer's name, bechlal. Eved Avraham. There was no Eliezer. In the whole story, there's no Eliezer. There's no Eliezer. This is, habaisai, the pshat. Once he came to this matziv, he became the Eved Avraham to the point that there was no zich. He was nichnas l'chalal, baruch. He was nichnas l'chalal. This is where he became l'chalal, baruch. Habaisai, let me tell you the mussar. The mussar is good. We think that if a person doesn't have a zich, completely not him, he's selfless, he doesn't enjoy life, and he has nothing, and he's going to be depressed, pupik. That's where the bracha is. That's the baruch. People, I told it to you many times, the Chazon Ish writes, I have nothing, and I'm broken, and I'm sick. So what, was he unhappy? No, he was the happiest person in the world. Bracha comes from... and the Ribbono Shel Olam, rabosai, is going to require that from us. I want you to know, in some matziv, in some matziv, sometimes it's at home, sometimes it's with a wife, the Ribbono Shel Olam requires... A Yid is about being selfless, and that's what Avraham Avinu put into the... that's what Avraham Avinu was matbia in Klal Yisrael: to live selfless, and that's the baruch. And the Knaan, which is about zich, is arur, and he couldn't match, as great as Eliezer was. Till later, where Eliezer gave up everything, completely. He wanted so much. Could you imagine? He wanted so much this shidduch, and he goes with faith, the emunah, and he follows through on the shidduch. Now he became baruch. Now he reached the darga of Avraham Avinu, and he became baruch, yeah? Don't think that a life of selflessness, of sacrifice, is going to bring unhappiness, fakert. That brings bracha, rabosai, and there's going to be a requiring. If it's sometimes being omeil chaveiro with a friend, it's sometimes in learning, it's sometimes to shtel tzu to a tzibur. It could be many different things: a home, a child, a... The Ribbono Shel Olam wants—the avodah is to be selfless, to be able to be makriv oneself completely, and that's the baruch. Canaan can't do it. Canaan can't handle it. Canaan cannot handle it. You know, why is there so much with psychiatry? They're so busy. Why? Because they can't live a life of any shibud, of any problems. They can't cope with it, because it's a stirah to my happiness, my self-satisfaction. It becomes a dysfunction in tachlis hachaim.

But ... tachlis hachaim by them. But by us, fakert, that's the baruch. That's the most practical. We can take it. Give us the practical thing to do. I'll tell you the emes, I think that's the practical. Sometimes, as a wife that doesn't let him live, the wife makes him crazy. So you're selfless, you're mekabel it, and you're happy. Sometimes there's no parnassah, so yeah, you have to, you feel broken, you feel... Rabbeinu Shleimah, there's no zich, it's not about me. I'm mekabel the matzav because you said it's good. Sometimes it means to bend in a tzibbur, you have chaveirim, you have to ... amidas. There's no zich. Oh, you did... okay. Anochi afar va'efer. The concept of anochi afar va'efer in every matzav. The wife, anochi afar va'efer. Okay, it is what it is. Sometimes people are maxed out. In English they call it maxed out, right? What's the word? I got it good? Fuck the right word? Maxed out, right? Stressed out, maxed out. Burnt out is the yiush of after maxed out. Burnt out is the yiush of after maxed out. The inyan of maxed out is a good thing. Mainist, mainist, it's a bad thing. Brocha, brocha. That's where the bracha comes. The more you meimis atzmecha, the more you meimis, the more you mevatel, the more you break, and the more... You think, I can't take it. How can I take this? No, you'll see, you can take. Fakert, you'll feel good about it. It sounds crazy. It sounds crazy, but it's true. I think the oilam thinks that I'm giving mussar from 50 generations ago, huh? You don't think it's true? I do. You always talk like that's hard about me. You're worried about me. I'm the happiest guy you'll ever meet. What are you talking about? I don't even know what it means to be unhappy. I don't even know what you're talking—honestly, I have no idea. When people say about they're not happy, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm happy. You know, I sometimes wonder, because I cry, people think I'm not happy. Forget it. I cry when I'm happy. It's the opposite. I cry on happy occasions. When you see me crying, it's because I'm happy. Very happy. You know, I have to say about the... You know what I'm going to tell you? I'm going to open up to you. Can I open up to you? People think, you know, why is a dentist... Let me tell you, there were years that we lived in a hole with no heat, with cockroaches and mice, and the... The yeshiva, the abayis was so much. I did all the cleaning in the house. There was not a second I was unhappy. Not a second. I felt the more I broke myself, the more I pounded it. So let me tell you the teretz. Rabbeinu, I love you so much, I'm going to tell you the teretz. You know how much I care about you. If you only knew how much I love you. Rabbeinu, listen to the teretz. Arur and baruch doesn't mean cursed. You know what the biggest klal? This is what the Afei Torah is saying. Yeah, yeah, you want to say something. I'm ready to listen. No, no, come say it, say it. You must run, so you'll tell me afterwards. You'll tell me, okay? The Afei Torah is saying... If eitah is saying, shibud l'gedolim, shibud Avraham Avinu, fakert, that's bracha. That itself is, that's cheirus. Ein adam mizdabek im Baruch means because Knaan lives for himself. Knaan is all about himself. A Knaani cannot be masig what it means, there's no me. He can't live like that. Right away that you need to run to a therapist to get counseling, because what do you mean, me? It's my... You know, you should know, all the goyim, all they discuss is my happiness. In other words, in every matzav, the main goal is my happiness. You know that, right? I'm saying, the main yesod of all the counseling around a goy, to find your happiness, and if it doesn't make you happy, get rid of it. In a marriage, get rid of the marriage right away. Whatever, that's what it is. Whatever. You have to be able to have you. You come first. That's the yesod. And they counsel around that, how to find the you in every matzav. A Yid is punk fakert. It's how to find the not-you in every matzav. How to be able to come and say, Anochi afar va'efer. It doesn't make a difference.

It's not about me, selfless. Ein arum mizdabek im Baruch. Here Eliezer went. He did many things for Avraham Avinu, but this is the first time that he gave completely from himself because he wanted it. He was dying for this shidduch. And he went, eved Avraham אנכי. There's no Eliezer. And he became Baruch. That's how he became Baruch. It's a yesod in life, rabosai. If a person could master the focus away from himself to the toivas hamatziv, he'll always be happy. Always be happy. Always, always. Avodah, it's tremendous avodah. But Avraham was matbia this in us, that it's v'anochi afar va'efer. There's no Avraham Avinu. It doesn't make a difference. There's no Avraham. It doesn't make a difference. Here, what did Moshe and Aharon say? V'anachnu mah. They made a machlokes with Moshe and Aharon, v'anachnu mah. Nothing. It doesn't make a difference. There's no zech. There's no—this is the or and the Baruch, and this is the nekudah. Harotzeh l'hachayos yamis atzmo. It's a mefurshe Gemara. It's a mefurshe Gemara: harotzeh l'hachayos yamis atzmo. This is the ulai loisoid. Eliezer. Eliezer became Baruch after the story of the shidduch. Eliezer became— I don't know, people probably think it's off the charts, no? What are you talking about? People think it's off the charts? I mean, you maskim that that's klal, right? Isn't that the greatest avodah? The greatest avodah is if a person could reach it. No, but you know what it is? It could be, it has to do with practice. You have to practice it. So it's asking. You want to step by step. Okay, so can I tell you what I really believe? Can I tell you what I really believe? Even if you don't learn it on your own, you're going to be taught it anyway through life, so it's going to happen anyway. But I'm going to teach it to you one way or another. One way or another, you're going to learn this lesson. You can start working on it on your own, which might be a little bit harder, but either way, you're going to end up with this lesson. Life is going to send you down the path that by the time me'ah ve'esrim, you will not think about yourself at all. You'll be thinking about others, your children, not you. Not you. That's what happens. Rabbeinu Shalom teaches it to a person. Sorry, I don't mean to keep... But that's the vort with Eliezer. Eliezer became baruch, and that's what he means. It's not baruch, the opposite of baruch. Okay, baruch is cheirus. Baruch is cheirus. What, he became free? What is he saying? I don't know what he means. What changed his life at that time? Because Eliezer went to do his... he wanted the shidduch. Eliezer was dying for the shidduch. Before that, it was his job. Before that, it was a job. It was a tremendous job. You know what it is to be doleh u'mashkeh... to be Avraham's right-hand man was gevaldik. All of a sudden it became extremely to the point that he had to say, There's no me anymore, because he wanted and he had to go as eved Avraham, and that's why it doesn't say one time Eliezer. Until then, that avdus wasn't as... It's not the same level of avdus. It was avdus with benefit. And this was Avdus, total selflessness. Total, total selflessness. He had to go. Could you imagine? He wanted—think about it. Imagine you want a certain shidduch, and you handle that shidduch for another person. You're dying to have a certain shidduch, for you. You want it so much. Huh? You want this job, right, and go and handle it, not stop. And not only that, he was careful to make sure it works out. Complete total selflessness. That's when he became Baruch. That's how you become Baruch, by ניקיון, the selflessness, the selflessness. And that's what the Chazon Ish was saying, that he had nothing in life, yet he was very happy, extremely happy. You know what's interesting? When I talk about it, I sometimes wonder if the oilam, like, they don't—what is it? It's because it's maybe in ten years from now you'll hear it better. I'm trying to figure out what it is. Like I'm asking, what in ten years where I saw it maybe more. I'm trying to figure out why. To me it's like a davar pashut. It's such a davar pashut that if you live for yourself, you ain't gonna be happy, because no one—Ein adam meis vachatzi taavaso b'yado. You know, what you want, you never get anything. Most people don't get anything. Chatzi.

You don't even get half of what you want in life. But if you live life about its purpose, you shift it from me to the matziv, the toives that's raining. No, oh, that's the upstairs. Yeah, a person has a wife. If it's about him and the wife is not l'maisa, so he can't take it. How can he? He can't live like that. But if it's not about him, it's very pleasant. You know that the Chazon Ish, maybe you don't know this, you know who the Chazon Ish's rebbetzin was? You know anything about her? The Chazon Ish's rebbetzin was 20 years older. He was supposed to marry his sister, and by mistake—they gave, not by mistake, on purpose—they gave this one. And he was engaged, and he found out that she's 20 years older. So he took her on the boardwalk, and he told her, You know, it's a mistake. The whole thing's a mistake. She said, If you break the shidduch, I'm jumping into the water. So he took that as a siman that this is his bashert, and he married her. He married her. They just never had children. She was not—she was not functioned properly. They, you know, they used to throw water—I mean, read the books. She used to, whenever it was a story, there was big stories in the house over there. Chazon Ish took it with dignity, happiness. Ein etzev b'olam. Let me shemakeirei sa'amas. Not about him. It was never about the Chazon Ish. The last one to come into account was the Chazon Ish and what he wanted. And therefore, it's what the Eibishter wants. It's l'toivas this person, whatever it is, it's the other person. Now, could we live like that? Maybe not. Maybe not. But we could try and we could start. And I could just tell you that eventually you're going to end up learning this lesson anyway. You know, I always thought to myself, the Torah wants that we should make a tzavah. What is a tzavah? A tzavah is you give this to this child, this to this... Everything you own gets for the other person. All that you worked all your life, right before you die, the Eibishter tells you, all goes to other people. Delegated, delegated to others. The lesson of life, the lesson of the end of life. Those are the lessons of life. As we get older, we live less and less for ourselves. I mean, there's a Goyen like this. You know, the Goyen speaks about this. The Goyen says that by kavod, you know, older people are very makpid on kavod. The older a person gets, the more he's makpid on... You know, you'd start up with an old guy in shul, take away his seat, he goes crazy. You ever see old people? Take away his seat. A young guy, as a kid, take my seat. Kavod, kavod b'kavod. So the guy explains that as a person gets older, so he's more and more close to the Olam HaEmes, his guf is nisma'et, so the taivos get less and less. You know, as old people don't want to eat, they don't sleep that much, the taivos get less. But kavod is not a physical taiva; it's a ruchniyusdige taiva. So therefore, the older the guy gets, he gets closer to Olam HaEmes, he wants more kavod. Taiva ruchni. The guy calls kavod taiva ruchni. So therefore, the older a person gets, those taivos fall away, the zich becomes less and less. Huh? For what? Znus? Gets less. What do you mean? The older people don't have taivas znus, what do you mean? Good, but I'm saying it's much less. Much less. An old person says—an old person just wants to die. I mean, you reach a certain age, you don't want to be here anymore. Eibishter is matbi'a in the briah. As time goes on, the zich becomes less, and the caring for zich becomes less and less and less. It's a lesson of life, because that's the tafkid hachayim. It shouldn't be about zich. We came down to this world for the purpose, for the tafkid. I see this as astonishing, you're thinking, you're thinking.

You never heard talk like this from anybody? No, I'm not even saying chiddushim. It's pashut life. I mean, it's pashut that every mature person knows that. See, a mature person knows that the minute he becomes the center of the issue, it's a whole different... And when you have the center, the... uh-uh. Ain od milvado. You're not getting it. You're not going to get what you want. So the center of the issue becomes the family and the children. It's interesting. I mean, could be I saw it a lot. My father taught this to me a lot. He's the coolest. To be mekabel the matziv, to be mekabel the matziv, and always see how the Ribono Shel Olam is running it, you know, l'tovas ha'inyan, not l'tovascha personally for your taiva. It's good for you, for the matziv, not good for you for you. Never good for you for you. It's good for you for the matziv. The matziv the Eibishter wants you. This is aron baruch. This is where the bracha comes from. This is where the bracha comes from. All right, this is a lifelong avodah, a lifelong avodah. Work on it. I remember, I'm missing Alpert by his son's bar mitzvah. I'll never forget, as long as I live, I'll never forget from Mr. Alpert. Mr. had a son Morty. No, Morty's still alive. He had a son Shaya, Shaya Alpert. Shmak. Was lifted on a basket. He was twenty-something years old. He was lifted on the basketball court. He had an aneurysm. Kitzer, at the levaya, we all went—I don't know why—we all went to this levaya. Tremendous. It was an empty JCC levaya, terrible. So at the levaya, walking behind the aron, Reb Nissan Albert turns around with an envelope of money, and he gives it to somebody. Walking behind the aron of his kid, his own child. And he says, Here, tzdakah money. I knew I would see you by the levaya, and I wanted to take care of it, so he took it with him to the levaya to take care of it. So I saw it. I saw this with my own eyes. There's no zech. These were people that had no zech. There was no anochi, no anochi whatsoever. Tzadikim, tzadikim. This is what it is. Availus is for us, not for the meis. That's another shaylah yaker. Chayav the meis, and it's not a stirah. It's aveilus, but it's not a stirah to nitzch. It's what I feel for the fact that the meis is not here. Not a personal feeling. It's not about zech. That's what I'm asking. Is that in the story? Why? Stories of ... I understand. But saying if the aveilus is for the meis, for the kavod of the meis, should be an aveilus for the kavod of the meis, and that would be a stirah to that. No. Why is it a stirah? Why is it a stirah? Tzedakah. Why is it a stirah? Let me think about your question. There is a point in your question. There's an nekudah which is right. L'choira, was that the right time to do it? Is that time to turn around, while you're being... It's a mitzvah of aveilus. Aveilus, but that's not the right... You're saying the aveilus is not zich, so then... Right. It's for... Right, that's true also. Okay, but I hear the kasha. Okay, but it's a... Yeah, no, but it's a...