Toldos: Esav’s Kibbud Av Va’Eim and the Difference Between External and True Kavod

Transcript

This week's parsha, we have this, Esav was supposed to get the brachos, Yaakov ends up getting it. We find Esav had a tremendous kibud av va'eim, so to speak. It's kibud av va'eim. As a matter of fact, we find that later on, it's brought in Midrashim that Klal Yisroel was afraid because of the zechus that Esav had, that he was mechabed his father and his mother. Medrash brings down that Reb Shimon said, I'm different than Esav. Esav gets special clothing to be meshamesh his father, and I go with dirty clothing. And then when I go in the street for a trip or whatever it is, says Reb Shimon, I would put on special clothing. So I'm not like Esav. What are these special clothing? The Noach hamur, right? Bigdei chamudos. Nimrod, it was stolen, it was robbed, murdered, and he took those clothing. Clothing, no? So could you have any more anti-Yitzchak: stealing, robbing, murdering, taking those clothing and then being meshamesh his father? No. Something doesn't klap here. If you had kibud av va'eim, I'll tell you even more. Sono telyecha kashtecha. So Rashi says that he tells him, be mashchis the sakin, because he was choshesh that he would bring him eiver min hachai, he would bring him mamash, he would just shoot it and hunt it and bring it to him. Hastach kibud av va'eim. You know, your father keeps kosher. It's what you bring him. Other than that, Chazal say he brought a dog. ... What happened was, he says, What's the smell? What is this reiach? He says that it was hevel, מן ההבל. Yikrvu yemei aval avi. Chazal say that yikrvu yemei aval doesn't mean that when Yitzchak will get old, he'll kill Yaakov. Vaker, yikrvu yemei aval avi. He wanted to make sure that Yitzchak gets killed. How? He'll marry Yishmael. Yishmael will convince Yishmael, as his father-in-law, to go after Yitzchak for the bechorah, and then he'll kill Yitzchak, and then he'll kill Yishmael al gezulat dam, and like this he has the bechorah. Where is the kibud av va'em in that place? What happened to the kibud av va'em? There's no deterrent somewhere else. I'm marbeh the pshat, marbeh the pshat. I'm being mekatzer. There's a lot more Chazal I could show you that it's pashut. On one hand, kibalduga kibud av va'em, and on the other hand that doesn't plot. Yakum na avi, right? Yankiv says, Yakum na, and what does Esav say? Shva. Get up, right? Yankiv says, Yakum na avi. Shev. Vayochal, he'd say, Get up, sit. So Chazal say the Ribono Shel Olam was paying him back. Yankiv got paid back for saying, Yakum na, while he got an onesh for saying, Sheva, by the father, Get up and eat from mi-tzad benoi. But I thought he had kibud av va'em. Make up your mind. Did he have kibud av va'em or didn't he have kibud av va'em? You know what the teretz, rabosai, is? External kibud av va'em he had tremendous. There it wasn't with the derech eretz, inner, proper haracha for a father. Rav Chaim Shmulevitz brings down, Kibalti me'avosai. So he says, Kibalti me'avosai, that the ikar of kibud av va'eim is that you should look at your father with such harachah, ein oid milvado. There's nobody bigger about, that's the lashon, nobody bigger and better than your father. That's the chiyuv kibud av va'eim. And I once asked this to Reb Elyashiv, just a pashutira, why? Halacha is, mastered dvarim is only b'fanav. You're not allowed to contradict his words; that's only in front of him. When it's not in front of him, I asked, with the smoking, you're allowed to smoke in yeshivas when the father doesn't know about it. I mentioned this to you once, okay? So he says that the goyim, very famous goyim, that it's only b'fanav. It's the chastirah to Rav Chaim Shmulevitz, says ein oid milvado. But if you have to hold, he's the smartest person — that's the lashon Rav Chaim uses — you have to hold he's the smartest person and he's the greatest person. It's the pashutira, no? The smartest, the greatest person gives you advice on what to do. Mastered dvarim is not just b'fanav, vechayra. Okay, it's for a different time, not for two minutes, my two-minute schedule that I have to fit into. The point being, kovod cannot be an external, proper — it has to be internal, that you're taka machshiv.

Covered on the outside, and if it's not on the inside, you'll see it. By what? That you can come with the beautiful clothing, but it's against what the person holds. It could be with retzichah and geneivah. It could be that you give a dog if you think you can get away with it. If you think you can get away with it, you give dog, right? If it's just about the external, right? Because he doing it for himself, not for... No, it's not. It's not. You slip. I hold you slip. That's the pshat. You want to see where it's real or not real? Subliminally, if you slip when you talk. Esav slipped. Esav slipped. Esav slipped. The chiluk was a kol kol Yaakov. Yaakov's from the inside. Na'ayim yedei Esav, the Esav's on the external. So he slips. What am I trying to bring out from this? It's a din of kavod for chaveirim. It's not just to say good morning, and to be courteous, and to be polite. You have to learn the matter. Real kavod comes from the inside out. It's not on the outside. Kavod chaveirim is to work. Kavod talmidei chachamim is to taka work, that on the inside, mamash march them tremendously. It says chesed ve'emes. I don't know if I told you Shabbos that Rabbeinu brings down that you check to see if Rivka told the truth by the kad. V'gam l'gmalecha doesn't say ashkeh; it says eshov. I'll draw the water. How come she didn't say, I'll give to drink? So Rabbeinu says, hakarino shel the camels will drink. How do you know the camels will drink? Maybe they're not going to want to drink. So she was careful in her words to say, I'll draw the water. If the camels drink, it's their thing. Somebody say that, I don't understand. Did he check for her chesed, or did he check for her kelem, if she was from talmidim? What did he check for? Kelem, everything had to be the word. It says, because chesed can be external. You know when it's deep? When it's with emes together. That's why chesed and emes always go together. Rabosai, chesed and kavod have to go together with emes. If not, it's not real chesed, it's not real. Kavod chaver, it's a big avodah. We're not even trained to think. I don't think anybody ever spoke like this. The last thirty years people don't talk like this. They'll say you have to say good morning, you have to be polite, and you have to have middos, you have to... it's all true. But it has to be based, has to be rooted in the deep harchav of the chashivus of the.... Ameilah, the kavod is a real kavod. You won't slip up so much. It'll taka be kavod. Dafka, you see the chashivus of the.... Chashivus of talmid chacham. This is real kavod. This is the avodah of kavod, being mechabed. Chabad is not external, it's internal.