Shmiras HaLashon: Rechilus, Lashon Hara, the Listener’s Responsibility, and Lifnei Iver

Transcript

If someone speaks, a meragel is a peddler, spy, meragel, peddles, spies information. He passes information, meragel b'chaveiro, over b'lo ta'aseh. He's over the lo ta'aseh, shene'emar, it says, Lo telech rachil b'amecha. Don't be a rachil. Rachil is a peddler. Peddler usually takes stuff and gives from one to the other, right? For example, you throw out your old shirt, a peddler picks it up and sells it as brand new in the next city, right? That's what a peddler does, old-time peddlers. So here too, this guy goes from one to the other, to this guy, to that guy. That's called a rachil, peddler. So there's an issur of lo telech rachil b'amecha. Eizeh rachil? Ze sheto'en devarim v'holech mizeh lazeh. V'omer, and he says, Kach amar ploni alecha, kach v'kach shamati al ploni she'asa lecha, af al pi shehu emet. Even if it's true, a lot of people, they say lashon hara, but it's true. But it's true, so what? True doesn't mean it's not lashon hara, okay? Harei ze machriv et ha'olam. This guy is destroying the world, yeah, destroys the world. V'yesh avon gadol mizeh ad me'od. And then we have a sin which is even greater than this. That's lashon hara. Who? This isn't, that was lashon hara, no? This is rachilut. Rachilut. And then there's lashon hara. There's rachilut, and then there's lashon hara. Hu lashon hara. V'hu bichlal lav zeh, and it's included in lo telech rachil. V'hu hamesaper b'ginut chaveiro. That's already, that he just goes and speaks bad about someone. This lo telech rachil is yenta. You know what a yenta is? There's a very famous story they say over, that there was a lady in shul. Yeah, the rav was speaking. The rav gave a drasha. So all of a sudden, there was a lady who got up. She started to call the rav every name in the book, every name. You're a shoteh, you're tipesh, you're meshugah, everything you can think of she called the rav. So there was another lady sitting there, so she tried to make the rav feel better, but she wasn't very smart, so she tells the rav, Don't pay attention to this lady. She's a real tipesh. She says over whatever she hears from everybody else. Everybody else says that. She repeats what she hears from everybody. She's a tipesh. Don't pay attention to her. This is what a yenta is. A yenta repeats what she hears from everybody else, and that's lo talech rachil. You heard, you heard, you saw, you heard. Don't nudge so much. Don't be such a yenta. That's lo talech rachil. Lashon hara, lashon hara is even worse. You know what lashon hara is? Lashon hara is ... Yeah, you take a guy who's a tzaddik, you start calling him a rasha. This is avon gadol. It's even greater. ... af al pi she'omer emes, aval omer sheker. And then there's a third level. This is all emes. What happens if he says sheker? It's motzi shem ra. So these are the three rules. What's rechilut? Yeah, he said, you said, Yaskazal, taskazal, you know, that's rechilut. Right, that's what it is. Yaskazal, taskazal. He said, this one said that. That's rechilut, okay? Then you have lashon hara. Lashon hara is true, you hear? You're speaking bad. No, I said, Yaskazal, taskazal, that's rechilut. He said that one said, you said about him, he said about you, that's rechilut. ... come and speak mamash bad. What's halacha l'Rabbeinu Baruch? That's lashon hara. Then there's a third darga, which is even worse. What's that? That's motzi shem ra. Motzi shem ra is the worst. So let's see ... Chaim. ... kol zeh shekatavnu ... b'Rambam, perek zayin, hilchot de'ot ... ... lo tasa ayin sham. Hin charoa midivreihem, shelav ze kolel lashon hara gam ken. Says Chafetz Chaim, you should know that this lav includes also lashon hara. Even though the word, the pasuk is lo telech rachil, so you would say what? Rachil is rachilut, not lashon hara. Lashon hara, you got to find somewhere another pasuk. No, says, bein haim chayav, included in rechilut is lashon hara. Lachein, ita b'Hedya biYerushalmi, perek daled, peh halachah aleph, delav ze kolel shneihem. This lav. Who? Yeah, bring books, let's go, let's go. Bring books, nu. Halachah aleph, right away, the first lav, we're starting, come, let's go, nu. Now, he says, u'mah shekatav, ha'ayin bchelek sheini, beginning Hilchos rechilus, ma shenikta binyan issur rechilus, v'makor chayav. U'mah shekatav, dover ha'ayin bein bifanav, bein shelo bifanav. Now you have to know this halachah that you over is even bifanav, even bifanav. Nu.

Shem color rishonim, rak ha-mesaper levad oiver al lav zeh v'lo yamekabel. So the Rambam is mechadesh a few chidushim here. First of all, even though the issur is l'teilach Rachil, so you would say l'teilach Rachil is not lashon hara. Rachilut is not lashon hara. It's included. Now why is it included? Why is lashon hara included in rechilut? Why? Why is it included? It's a good kashya l'maaseh. He doesn't explain why. He says so it is. Here, lashon hara is included in rechilut. Why is lashon hara included in rechilut? Maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe it's not included in rechilut. I don't know. It's a good question. I don't have an answer. Why should lashon hara be included in rechilut? If the pasuk says lo teilech rachil, the answer is, I shouldn't go. You hear? What's your name? Baba... what's your name? Baba... You understand? Why should lashon... Halacha aleph. I want you to remember these halachot, so we're going to knock it into your head. Those who don't listen, we'll make sure you listen. Not like Musa, that I talk and talk and talk, and understand it, you enjoy it, you enjoy it, you don't enjoy it, you don't enjoy it. So this, there's three things, first of all. There's such a thing called rechilut. What is rechilut? Tell me what rechilut is, no? He said this one said, you said, that one said about you, he said about him, right? Yenteh. You know what a yenteh is? Yenteh, you know, he said about you, you said about him, yeah? That's rechilut. V'lo teilech rachil b'amecha. That's one. The ... is called lashon hara. No. Not the same thing. Lashon hara is mesaper g'nut. I say bad. You know, this guy, this guy is horrible. Huh? I don't know how to explain. G'nut. Good, good, good. If I come and say, Torah, I heard you said this... Ah, now you're asking him. That's not rechilut. What's called rechilut? Rechilut is that what he said about you. That's rechilut. Rechilut is something else. Rechilut is... What's wrong with that? Can I do a scenario? You know what he said about you? It's so... That's rechilut. That's rechilut. Even though you don't say what it is. No, that is also rechilut, but that's not what the point is. The point is, rechilut is, Zeh amar alecha. He said about you. That's rechilut. Why? So who's the lashon hara about? Who's the lashon hara about? It's about him. Lashon hara is about him. He said about you. I'm saying bad about... That's... I don't understand that. Then there's a second... Oh, stam things. I walk over and I say, You, let me tell you something about this guy. This guy is mamish... Why can't talk about people? That's it. Why that's not true? The Chafetz Chaim talks about people, and he said very nice things about people. The problem is—ah, that's the problem. Ah, that's the problem. He's a very famous rabbi. Yes, I did. We spoke about it last week. It's very interesting. The Rambam says the same way in halachic speak g'nut, in halachic speak shevach also. Why? Mitoch shivcha ata ba lidei g'nuto. You know why? You know what's going to happen? By saying, Him, ooh, he's such a great guy. When I say that, you know what he's going to say? But you're forgetting... And you forgot this, right? The more I say good, the more the people are going to say, Yeah, but. Oh, so that's the shaila. Gra had a very big problem with this, because there are many cases of Gemara, many cases in Tanach, where people say good things about other people. How come there's no issur lashon hara? You have to know pshat in that Rambam. Chofetz Chaim brings it down later. We'll talk about it. Bin komo. That's you saying a chiddush now. What do you mean? Depends who you talk to. To whom do you talk? Because if, you know, if you're going to speak with your neighbor, you don't like this guy, I'm going to speak about this guy, even... Oh, the shvachah is only—the Rambam doesn't say who. The Rambam says, Le'olam, a person should never speak b'shvach adam. That's the lashon of the Rambam. Should never, never speak good about people. See, I say good things about Barry. You know what happens as soon as I say that? Everybody starts with their eyes and they go, Yeah, but. That's the problem, the Rambam. The Rambam says you shouldn't do that. Yeah, the Rambam says you shouldn't do that. What? I don't know. However you learn it, however you learn it, the Rambam says asur. So the question is that we find in Tanach always good things people said. That's something else. That's mikzat shvacho b'fanav. That's b'fanav without people hearing. That's something else. Mikzat shvacho b'fanav.

When they hear, when nobody else hears. The question is when people hear. Okay, let's move on. Al kaponim, this halacha teaches me, A, there's such a thing called rechilut. B, there's such a thing called lashon hara. And C, there's such a thing which is worse than all both, what? Motzi shem ra. Not even true. I just made up a story about a guy. Made up a story. It's not—it's not—it's motzi shem ra. It's worse. Motzi shem ra. It's much worse. Now, comes Be'er Mayim Chayim, and he explains that the issur of the lav of rechilut is the same issur as lashon hara. I don't know why. Technically, I don't know why. I know, but I don't know why. I just don't know why. Mechtais, I need to know this. Where does it come from? How do the Rishonim know that it's the same issur? Lo telech rachil b'amecha—rechilut. Who says it has to be lashon hara included? I think it's a very big difference. Rechilut is I make machlokes. Rechilut is I make machlokes. I tell you, him, him—it's like Korach, you know? Make machlokes. This is lashon hara. It's something else. It's different. It's a different nekudah. Lashon hara—not necessarily. Let's say this guy never finds out about it. Let's say I speak lashon hara between me and you, and this guy will never find out about it. Rechilut is machlokes. Rechilut is I make you hate him. That's machlokes, something completely different. I mean, I don't see what the connection between rechilut and lashon hara is. I don't know how you can—I don't know. I don't have any answer. You know what? Whoever comes with the tirutz—not tirutz just k'dei litaretz, a real tirutz—I'll give ten dollars, all right? Ten dollars a tirutz. You want to make some money? This is more than a filling for Medicaid. Yeah, listen carefully. Medicaid pays good today. More than a filling from—anything pays more than Medicaid. You have the answer for me? You understand my question? No, I don't know how you can learn from the same pasuk. How can you learn lashon hara from the pasuk of rechilut? I don't know. I mean, one has nothing to do with the other. I understand good, so this will—then maybe the—everything's maybe. I'm saying, l'maaseh, this is making machlokes, and this is speak bad about somebody. What happens if I speak bad and nobody knows about it? It's still lashon hara. I mean, how do you see from lo telech rachil? Five cents. That's not more than five cents, what you're saying. I need a ten-dollar answer to get in the mail. Now listen carefully. Another thing says the, says the, says the ... Mishnah Berurah, u'mashka tav dover, hainu bein bifanav, bein shelo bifanav. Lashon hara doesn't make a difference if the guy's there or not. Some people always say, But it's true! Or, But I said it in front of him. It's a difference. It's still lashon hara. You want to know something? Not only is lashon hara, it can also be malbin פני חברו ברבים, which we'll soon see. But it's definitely lashon hara. And the last point he says, yeah, malbin ... if he's not there, he's also called ... Malbin פני חברו ברבים has to be there. It's not there, it's not malbin פני חברו ברבים. If other people are other people, not ... he's not there, and then he finds out about it, then. He turns white in the ... No. Malbin is only when he's there. If you want to know why can't it be, I don't know. It's a good question. We'll see. Maybe ... talks about it. The truth is, if nobody listens. Yeah. It doesn't mean, you know, this guy, that guy is ... You tell the guy this face, not one on one. And then even then there's mitzvah tochachah. You have to know how to say tochachah. Not ... You have to know how to say. ... Finished. It's not ... ... You want to know why? Stop asking why. Why malbin פני חברו ברבים, ... It's somebody's not ... I can go shoot you with a gun. I'm embarrassed somebody. I mean, I'm there. He's getting embarrassed of me. Good, though. It's good I killed him. That's the worst. I took out a machine gun, I shot him ten times with the machine gun. I still ... lama ba. If you kill a person, the dead person is patur already. That's it. You know, he doesn't say already. That's worse. You say it's not horeg, it's even worse than horeg. So why does Chazal say it's worse? Let's Chazal say. No, so ki'ilu horeg nafsho. Let's say horeg et nafsho. Et nafsho, you mean it's worse. It's a little bit worse. Horeg et nafsho. That's you. That's not pashut pshat. Pashat, horeg et nafsho means he killed him. But nafsho lafukei gufo. Chiddush, a little chiddush, not pashut pshat. Interesting, because horeg et nafsho literally means just to kill him, pashut, the translation. There's a very famous Reb Yerucham speaks about, the mashgiach, Reb Yerucham. He says you have to understand the chisaron is not so much the friend. Reb Yerucham, the mashgiach.

Ruch l'vavus. He says, if you take a look, there's a list of things she'ein lahem chelek l'olam haba. You know what they are? You know what the list is? Hamevazeh tamid chachamim, hamevazeh et hakachim. Kachim. Hamevazeh chol hamoed. All the mevazeh. One of them is mevazeh פני חברו ברבים. So Rav Yerucham asks, what's the connection? I mean, apples and oranges. Guy embarrasses his friend, he's mevazeh kachim. I mean, what's the connection? Apikoros, it says over there, apikoros. He makes זלזול in the kachim. The steaks, the disgusting steaks, these basic make the steaks. I like steaks from Brach, not steaks. Okay? That's mevazeh et hakachim, right? What's the connection? Apikoros, a malbin פני חברו, he's a type of apikoros, says Rav Yerucham. Why? Tzelem Elokim. You understand what man is created as tzelem Elokim. The pasuk tells us, Lo talin nivlato al ha'etz. A person is not allowed to have hanging. Someone is chayav mitah, they hang him. What happens? They hang him. Hang the man, right? They hang him. How long do you have to hang him for? Till the night. Lo talin, avu, come. Lo talin nivlato al ha'etz. You're not allowed to keep him hanging only till the night. Why, avu? Why till the night? Ki killat Elokim talui. What does that mean, says the pasuk? It's God that's hanging. Hashem is hanging. What does that mean? Tzelem Elokim. A man is created to be tzelem. The Medrash compares it to actual melech. Who? Oh, the person, the guf. Tzelem Elokim. The goy is also tzelem Elokim. Lo ima kol tzelem Elokim also. Tzelem Elokim. Not do Jewish. It's not do Jewish. Man is created in the image of God. Man. Even a goy, it's the same thing. Who says you're embarrassed a goy? Who says? Same, it's a person. Who says you're embarrassed a goy? I don't know, people today have this feeling that a goy is a— a goy is no worse than an animal. I mean, not hurt an animal, yalla hurt a goy either. What's the difference? Look, it's a— so whatever the— I understand. You know, like you go to— on his level, right? I mean, when you go to a cow. And by the way, most people don't get insulted when you go, na na na. Maybe you do. The bottom line is tzelem Elokim. Tzelem Elokim is a person. It's not do with a goy or Jew. It's a human being, a person. Adam, the metzius of Adam, the way he looks, it's tzelem Elokim. Na'aseh Adam b'tzalmeinu, kidmuteinu, kidmuteinu. Man is created in the image of Hashem. Yeah? So meila what? So when a person is mevazeh Adam, that means he's mevazeh tzelem Elokim. He lacks the understanding what a human being is all about. So it belongs, says Reb Yerucham, in the same braita. Apikores, mevazeh moed, mevazeh kodshim. It's also type of mevazeh kodshim. Mevazeh kodesh. A person is tzelem Elokim. That's why, says Reb Yerucham, it belongs in the same braita. Yes. Right. Achar haShechina. Right. So if any ben adam should be the same thing. So mevazeh is just choshen, something else. Bizui, mevazeh is one thing, and meharer is a different thing. Meharer means— what I'm saying, meharer doesn't mean bad. Meharer just means you don't have the proper haaracha. And adam doesn't necessarily have to have aveiros. You can question a person's judgment. You can't be mevazeh the person, but you can question his judgment. I'm a... what? The Mishnah Berurah talks about three... that... usually. Yeah, but the Mishnah Berurah has it; the Biur Halacha speaks of it. We're not even close to that. Okay. So what do we have here? Who's over lo sa'achel? Only the mesaper, not the mekabel. Why? Because it's going on the mesaper, it's going on the speaker, the one who's doing the talking. All right? So now listen good. I want you to hang up in your dentist's street. Anybody who comes in, right, when he's too... you're ready to drill it, tell him like this: Did you speak lashon hara today? Yeah? Drill. Did you speak rechilus today? Did you speak kabbalas hatachona? You can do it. Okay? So what is, again, what's rechilus? What's rechilus? No? What is it? What's the difference? No, what's rechilus? Rechilus is, I say he did this, he did that, he did this, he did that. I go from one to the other telling, you know, what this guy said about you. What am I doing? I'm peddling stories. In English it's called peddling. Yenta. Yenta vatcha. You know what a yenta is? This one said... That's rechilus. Lashon hara is what?

You disgraced this. Not to use. This guy's no good. And this with sheker, what is it? It's called lo tisa shema shav. Now, v'einami hamesaper o hamekabel b'lav, d'lo tisa shem Hashem. Now here already, not only the mesaper is over, but also what? The mekabel. Why? Oikri, nami lo sasia. Means don't carry, don't carry bad news, bad information about people. So who's carrying? Either the person that says it, or the person that's mekabel, shneihem masi'im. They're both what? Carrying the news. They're both, right? They're both causing it to happen. Im ken lav zeh kolel shneihem. This lav is kolel two. Let's do one more. V'einami hamesaper. Hamefaresh also, over, d'chsiv, Yishamer b'nega tzaraat lishmor me'od v'la'asot, which is brought in the machlokes Rishonim. He brings it down by Miriam. By Miriam—not by Miriam, sorry, by the parshat tzaraat. It says, Yishamer b'nega tzaraat lishmor me'od, to be careful with the halachah of tzaraat. So simply, the Rishonim explain, what does it refer to? Cutting off the tzaraat. Means you're not allowed to cut off. A guy has a tzaraat, you know what he does? Bring me the scissors fast. And he goes, he cuts his tzaraat so people shouldn't see it. Big bizayon to have tzaraat. Today not. Today would probably be a tremendous, tremendous badge of honor that a person speaks lashon hara and he has tzaraat. Means he's an in. He's a with-it guy. He speaks lashon hara. He cut it off. It's a skin thing. It's a skin thing. He cut it off. No. He cuts off the white hairs to make himself not tamei. He cuts off the hairs. He cuts off the hairs to make himself not tamei. That's yishamer b'nega tzaraat. Chazal say, and this is what he brings down, u'pirush b'divrei, d'mashma kasuv haTorah lishmor me'od. Why does it say lishmor me'od? It should just say lishmor. What's lishmor me'od? Hakavanah shelo lishkoach milizaher milashon hara. Don't forget what causes tzaras. What causes tzaras? Lashon hara. So lishmor me'od is to teach me, be careful from lashon hara, shelo tavo alecha tzaras al yedei sipur zeh. Tzaraas should come through this talking. Chofetz Chaim, many places says that's why it says, l'hizaher me'od, lishmor me'od, because lashon hara needs a special shmirah, a special shmirah. He says it's very interesting. One of the biggest yetzer haras is to speak lashon hara. Biggest yetzer hara. Why? Why should it be such a big yetzer hara to speak lashon hara? So the Chofetz Chaim has a very interesting shita about it. Because there's so many lavim and so many aveiros, the yetzer hara is able to get a good deal. Imagine you go into a store, right, and you buy a bag of candies, right? So you can get five candies for a dollar. Then you can go to the department store, yeah, and you can buy a big bag of candy, the same one, right? A hundred candies for what? For two dollars. It's a better bargain, right? The Satan knows with lashon hara it's a great bargain. Two words of lashon hara, twenty-five, thirty, forty lavim. Wonderful. Big bag, a big bag. That's why the yetzer hara, the yetzer hara always comes with lashon hara. So says the Chofetz Chaim over here, lishmor u'lizaher me'od. You have to be very careful, and that's referring to lashon hara. Now who's over on this? Ki shomea b'neged hamecharefo, hamesaper, and the mekabel, no? Okay, so let's see inside the Be'er Mayim Chaim. The over nami, kein it lehedya b'Pesachim, kuf yud ches amud alef, ayin sham. וכן כתב הרמבם להדיא פרק חבל במלוה ולוה הלכה ז', וזה לשונו. Oh, this is very nice. Here. אסור לדיין שישמע דברי בעל דין קודם שיבוא בעל דין חבירו. A dayan, right? A lot of lashon hara has happened in court. They come to tell the dayan, you know, אתה שמעת מה שהוא... Oh. So the halacha is, שלא תשמע — you're not allowed to listen one before... That's right. Now, halacha is that the dayan is not allowed to listen, yeah, one without the other. You know why you're not allowed to listen one without the other? A, there's no reason. That's בכלל one thing. But even if the next dayan here is going to come later, the next guy is going to come later, you know what's going to end up happening? And he'll add more. You see, for example, when you talk about somebody, right, and you're not contested, אף אחד doesn't — nobody stops you from talking, you know, you add a little bit melach, a little pilpel, you know, yeah, you know how it goes. But if you're scared because you know that the other guy is standing here, להכיש אותך, what are you saying?

Is that true? So the story becomes a lot less, right? We all know that. Remember the famous thing they say over there. A person once came to a rav, and he started screaming, This guy, he did this and this, ... The rav listens to him and he says, Karasho. Yeah, good. All of a sudden this guy heard, What? The rav said? So he comes running, What are you talking about? You—he said this about me. What are you talking—he's even worse, and... The rav listens and goes, Yeah, yeah, you're right. What should I tell you? You're right. Then the talmidim came to the rav and said, Rebbe, wait a second. How could this guy be right when he says... and this guy says the exact opposite, and this guy is right? How could it be? The rav says, No, you're right. You're right. Tzodek. Very good, very good. The bottom point is, סתם לשון הרע, סתם לשון הרע, זה אסור לקבל. The dayan is not supposed to be mekabel. You're right, wasn't supposed to say— the whole thing is not... Lashon hara, you're not supposed to listen to it. They talk and talk, you know what he's supposed to say in his mind? Kulam tzaddikim, v'amech. One of the most difficult things, by the way—those of you that are already... A lot of people here are rabbanim. Ask them, they'll tell you about themselves, the rabbanim gedolim. One of the hardest things about being a rav is, you know what? To listen, to listen, to listen, and not to be mekabel. That's a davar kasheh me'od, kasheh me'od. I'm not mekabel. Honestly, I don't trust nobody enough. Doesn't mean anything. A dam is nogea b'davar, a person. Because you learn, you get older, you realize the whole thing is nothing. People talk and talk, it's called yentavatshn. So people talk from... מהיום עד מחר, it’s nothing. I make decisions on what I see. I don't make decisions on what people tell me. It means nothing. שום דבר. It means nothing. שום דבר, nothing. He can come and tell me now about him, ten hours worth. Not nogea. Totally not nogea. Why? Because that's the halacha. The halacha is asur l'kabel lashon hara, and it refers to a dayan too. Don't think just because a person is a rav, oh, he's allowed to listen. Not allowed to listen. So you're allowed to listen, but you're not allowed to be mekabel. No, but... you're allowed. Good, so you're not allowed to be mekabel, though. I'm not mekabel. See, maybe there's some truth to it, and then you look into it yourself. You can't be mekabel what somebody says; it's asur. What, what, what, what? Oh, some say by a rav could be there's a tzorech to listen. A rav could be, as a heter, to listen. It could be like lashon hara l'toeles. Same lashon hara l'toeles. Those to listen, maybe he's allowed to listen because it could be there's to'eles from it. We'll talk about it. It's a she'eilah if a rav's allowed to listen to lashon hara in the first place. Today there's even a very big story, I don't know if you know, that they're suing the rabbanim in courts for these things. Big story, very big story. Slander. It's a very big story in the courts today. If you're allowed to sue a rav for slander, meaning, let's say I come—if, let's say I come to the rav and I tell him, you know, this guy... okay, and the rav listens to me. Now the rav is asur l'kabel. This is this halacha. The dayan, the dayan is not allowed to listen, meaning he won't even listen. He shouldn't even listen to it, but if he has to listen, not to be mekabel it, not to be mekabel it. What happens if he listens to it? It's slander. In legal law it's called slander. It's slander. It's lashon hara in English, no? Today they were taking rabbanim to court. It's the newest thing now. People take rabbanim to court, slander. It's the newest thing, yeah. The Rav of the White Shul, Far Rockaway. The Rav of the White Shul, Far Rockaway. He's hung up in court now with this slander. No, somebody came. What happened was a woman came and started telling— or her husband came and started telling stories about his wife, unlike any other rav. He listened to it. He listened to it. So according to what he heard, he was machria a little bit. So she came and took him to court, sued him in court for slander. So this is very— a rav listening to lashon hara is a very difficult point. It's not a pashut thing. This halacha of a dayan— this is, read it, read the halacha of a dayan again. ... No? ... You can't slander. You have to— there's America. Let me tell you something about America. You know, Sdom has the same laws as America. Don't think America is different than Sdom. It's the same. It's the same. You see what's going on right now with the president, you see Sdom and America, the same thing. Supreme Court, which is—

Supposed to be, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Also a bunch of shakranim, the biggest shakranim that ever lived on the Supreme Court. Hashem yishmor. If a Jew needs a court case, Hashem yishmor what he would. We shouldn't have to come onto their dinim. Can't... yeah, all the... all the... It's what used to be. The Supreme Court was... the same... Shishmar, divrei baal din kodem, shene'emar... Not only refers to the dayan now, says Chafetz Chaim, it includes any person. Even though you're not a dayan, it also refers to the person. Why? Shelo l'kabel lashon hara. Continue, v'chein katav gam ken. That's what I'm saying. Oh, that's what I'm saying. In a din Torah. What? The husband? That's supposed to be there. That's the halacha. That's this halacha. That's this halacha. Oh, so let me explain. That's why I said a rav is a complicated thing, because a rav is allowed to listen to one side, but not to accept it, not to pasken. He's allowed to listen b'toras yoetz. In other words, you could come to me and tell me this happened, that happened, my wife, my husband, whatever the story is. Okay, so let me explain. And then we'll stop. I'll explain to you. Lifsok halachah can't be pasken one without the other. But you, as a person, could come to me for an eitzah, and I could give you an eitzah, but the rav himself is not going to be mekabel the story. I have to tell you like this: l'fi what you tell me, I give you an eitzah like this. If someone asks me about your wife, I don't know from nothing. What do you mean? But you just told them that he threw pots and pans, and she's cursing and she's throwing ... below, below the plate. Yeah, but I can't be mekabel that. I'm not able to be mekabel. It's a difficult thing. This is a hilchos lashon hara. But do you want to know something? You see the emes of Torah, hilchos lashon hara. You see the truth, truth of Torah. Yashar. There's a certain yashrus that you come from hilchos lashon hara, a certain emes. What I'm allowed to say, I'm allowed to say. What I'm not allowed to say, I'm not allowed to say. What's right is right, what's wrong is wrong. As long as you're running away from it because of lashon hara, sometimes it could be emes, but because of lashon hara. Just because— let me tell you something. Just because something is true doesn't mean it's emes. You see, this is another thing you have to know. Let me ask you something. A person wants to be an ish emes, right? Yeah. You know what says, Michtav meEliyahu says this, the gedolim. If someone wants to be an ish emes, I'm only an ish emes. He walks over to a guy and says, You know what? Let me tell you something. You're the most ugliest guy I've ever met. You're a skunk. You're a horrible person. Yeah? Says Rav ... he's telling the emes. He's telling the truth, right? But ein lecha sheker gadol mizeh. That's what I'm saying. Emes doesn't have to mean the truth, don't you understand? Emes means righteous, honest. It doesn't mean the truth. Not all truth has to be said. Not all not-truths are not supposed to be said. Yaakov Avinu was supposed to be the ish emes in the biggest— who was the only guy to deal with Lavan in a nes? It was Yaakov. And he walks around, emes, right? The middah of Yaakov was Torah emes. It's not— emes is sheker doesn't mean truth or not truth. That's not what emes and sheker is. Al kol panim, you learn as lashon hara goes on, and I want to tell you something. I'm going to mark it, I'm going to tell you. I want you to know it. So you have to know this. Any guy has to know this. This is yesodot, you know. Mesilas Yesharim is pretty פשוט, Derech Eretz, alright. Why this part? No, that's— I have to do this whole stuff. I want to do this. We have to do this. This, we have to do. This part of why. This is how a Jew talks and acts. This is what it is. Al kol panim, what's included? Included in this is what? Is also the person. Dayan is not dafka dayan, okay, and he brings from Sefer HaMitzvot. Okay, we'll see the rest tomorrow. Alright, let's go. Listen. To listen and not be mekabel, that's mutar. To listen and not be mekabel. Oh, so that's the answer, that I'm just not mekabel. So every time a person is going to let himself listen, I'm mekabel. It's true. Don't accept it. Maybe she does. Why are you going to be mekabel? Why not? I mean, listen, let me tell you something. If you go l'head, ya kolisen, that means you're being mekabel. If it comes out, someone's talking to you and he said it, just say, Listen, I don't accept what you said. He's saying, Let me be mekabel. Still, now in your mind. Yeah, you have. Not that. I'm telling you it's not true. Let me tell you something. Listen. If you become a rav, you'll see that two people can both be crazy and both be wrong. One has nothing to do with the other.

Let's say a husband and wife come, right? They can say whatever they want about each other. They could both be wrong and both be right, and one of them could be. Same thing. Two friends, it's the same thing. A person who, an adam kasher? What does it mean, he's not an adam kasher anymore? What do you mean? He lost his kashrus. What kind of adam kasher is that? What kind of adam kasher could he be already? Most kosher people don't speak lashon hara. Kosher people. That's not true. Oh, that's a shaylah by shidduchim. Let me tell you something. I'll tell you b'kitzur. Last thing. Let me tell you, you know what you answer them? They should go speak to a poisek in Hilchos Lashon Hara. That's what you're supposed to answer. No, they ask me about people. Right. Oh, so I can ask. That's right, you can ask these type of shaylos. I have a special number, because you know what it is? These are she'eilos that everybody needs to learn a thousand times before you can even think of paskening such a shaylah. It's detailed, it's complicated, and there's also a lot of yetzer hara involved, a very big yetzer hara to speak lashon hara, very big. And you want the yetzer hara tells the person, L'toeles. That's the biggest yetzer hara. I mean it for good. I mean it's for the good of the person. It's for good. I once heard from David Feinstein shlita, one said to me, If the Chafetz Chaim would have known how much chillul came from the fact that he wrote at the end, Lashon hara l'toeles mutar, if he would have known how many people use that shelo kahalacha, he would have never wrote it in the first place. He would never. Rav David Feinstein would never wrote it. Everybody walks around saying, It's l'toeles. They don't know what it is and when it's not, you know. He says the Chafetz Chaim would have never wrote it. I'm telling you, that’s going to be oiver. You’re not going to be oiver. The oiver, watch who call it. You oiver. You yourself are not oiver. You’re not mekabel, but you’re oiver lifnei iver, helping him. Because of this, because tochacha. That’s another thing. This is tochacha. He asked me, if the guy is oiver, the guy is not oiver if he’s not mekabel. The problem is you’re oiver lifnei iver. It’s a different problem. Lifnei iver is you can’t cause another person to speak lashon hara. Then there’s another problem called tochacha. Chofetz Chaim says there’s no anyway. Chofetz Chaim says by issurei d’Oraisa, very famous yesod, by issurei d’Oraisa you don’t say mutav sheyehyu shogegin v’al yihyu mezidin. There’s no such halacha by issurim d’Rabbanan. So if you’re going to embarrass somebody— If he doesn’t want to listen to you nicely, you’re supposed to go and embarrass him. Then you have to do it anyway. That’s the difference. You’re mechuyav to do it. Tochacha even if he doesn’t listen. That’s not a d’Oraisa, says. Nachalim l’Yisroel is not d’Rabbanan. Chofetz Chaim disagrees with all those cases. You look, Chofetz Chaim is only by d’Rabbanan. He doesn’t argue. He tries to explain all the— you’ll see, it’s only by d’Rabbanan. By d’Oraisa we don’t say nachalim l’Yisroel. Okay. Speak to a guy. Let’s hear about a guy. No. That’s a good question. First of all, it’s a chilul Hashem. I don't know. Stomach's in here. I just don't remember. Interesting. What about a guy? Tell a guy that. Stomach, ... Hashem involved. Go speak bad to a guy about a Jew. Stomach, ... Hashem involved. Or maybe not. Or maybe not. Not considered the ... all that halachos. What about if you tell about the guy? Who? ... You're not ... You're not ... You can be training yourself. You want to train yourself. That's, for a secretary, could be toel a business. Hey, you know, you have to know toel. Okay, I'm not saying I'm telling you to be a mean guy. Be a nice guy. ... no matter how nice you say it. Okay, let's go. Rabosai, come. Let's go speak some lashon hara. Come, let's go. ... I'm not letting you do it by—we do it ourselves. No, no. So tell, speak to your ... Any question, speak to your ... No, no, no. They're asking. Tell me what they ask. Tell me what they ask. Okay, so the answer is like this. If you were smart, you know what you would answer? I only have nice things to say about ... I. I always say nice things. No, you see, that's also wrong, because you're not ... I only have something ... I only have nice things to say about ...

So ask somebody else. You don't. It's not true. But somebody else is also. So ask somebody else. Don't ask me. It wasn't to me. I'm not. Let me tell you something. If you hold—first, if you hold that the guy is sick, if the shidduch is sick, if there's a sickness over there, then you have a chiyuv to say. A chiyuv to say. Sick, you have to say? Yeah. But l'maaseh, you can't have a shidduch. You can't. What, somebody—yeah, what are you gonna say? That's already a question. Rav Pam has always said this thing about this: when are you allowed to start telling? Maybe you didn't tell me, still would have married her. Now he knows. I'll give you an example. I know a story. Let me tell you what I know, a story. In Lakewood. There was a guy, a baal teshuva. Yeah. He got married, and he was divorced. He was a baal teshuva. He got married, he got divorced. And then he went to Lakewood. He was learning shtark. He behaved like everybody else. You couldn't tell that he was a baal teshuva. He was a really regular guy, you know, he's a good guy. He had a tattoo on half his body, okay? But no one knew. It was on his body. Nobody knew about it. And the question was, he's going out with a girl—I'm actually—he got married a girl from Kew Gardens. He's going out with a girl from here, from this neighborhood. And the question was, when could you tell that he was once not religious? B, he was once married, even as a kid from the first marriage, and he has a tattoo. That was the question. When do you spring this on? Why should she know? I remember—why should she know when it's the get? Get her life, what do you mean? A tattoo is... Those are not gonna know, is daddy home or you? Yeah, get your life. I don't know if it's true, but supposedly Rav Pam paskened in his case that they should wait till they go out three times, then she'll like him. Then she'll decide if these things bother her. Why should she decide when she doesn't even know the guy, and then for sure he won't even give him a chance? First maybe she'll like him, and then she can decide, im telcha, if she really wants to go through it. Not married. Children is living in Lakewood by the mother. How about behavior? Let's say they ask me about behavior. How would she act? How would we have to be smart? You know what you should answer? If it's clear that he has a problem, or you just— is it clear that he has a problem? Let's say something. No, it's not so clear. So then you just say that. So you know what you say? So be smart. You know what you answer? Behavior is an objective thing. Some people feel that being wild is nice. Some people feel— I mean, all you just say, no comment. No comment means that there's something bad. No comment is to say bad. It's your part to choose the behavior. Well, mine is a little bit different, let's say. Just say everybody's different, that's all. If there's something wrong, I'm telling you. You have to know, you have to know. You know what? We learn all these halachos inside. I had a lot of experiences. People call me up constantly. Baruch Hashem. And for one, there was maybe one or two times that I got to put my mouth, and I learned since then to be very careful. I made a mistake. I said something which I shouldn't have said. No, I told way back, I'm talking with Lakewood. I said something very silly and it got back to me. Not silly, I said the truth. I said the truth, but had I did it in a smart way, there's a way how to say the truth also. So that's not how to say the truth. But b'yesod, you know, you should say, I only have nice things to say about him. But that's not an answer, because that answer says there's something wrong. Someone asks you about a shidduch, just say how nice things to say about him. Let's right on the forehead. Don't ask questions. No, I only have nice things. I only know good things. You know who says like a pama? The pama always says, I only know the good. The pama always says, I only know the good in him. My grandmother used to answer the same thing: I only know good. My grandmother was tremendous. Tremendous. If he cancels you at all, he thinks you're a nice guy. Let's wait. Let's wait. We've got to learn all this. ... We'll come out. Who? Father's very, very strict ... on his own. Yeah. He comes to learn. She wanted to know if he ... So this guy, he's a working guy, and that's not bad. It's just that ... I don't know. If he's purple and she wants green, then you can tell him she's purple. It's not bad. What should I tell her? She has to learn. If he comes ... that's not your business. Does he come ... Let her make her own decisions from that. Okay, let's go. We have a lot of Gemaras to learn today. I only know good things to say. No, no. I don't know bad. I don't know bad. Let me tell you something. I've been around big people, and that's how big people answer: I only know good things.

Halacha daled, okay? V'oveinam ya mesaper v'mekabel b'lav lifnei iver lo titein michshol. A person can come and say, you know, I really didn't do anything. All I did was listen. What did I do already? You know what? The truth is, I'm not even mekabel. I'm not even mekabel. What is he saying? Halacha daled. There's no question. All these, he goes on, every time. That's just the beginning. Then he gets to the halachot the last. Oh yeah? First it's just a lav. That's just the beginning. That's the introduction. No, that's just the introduction. Then he says, V'oveinam ya mesaper v'mekabel b'lav lifnei iver lo titein michshol. In front of a blind person, you don't put a stone. For example, a blind person is walking in the street. If you put a stone over there, you support, you've got to be a rotzeach, right? So too, says the Gemara, it doesn't have to mean literally blind man and literally a stone. Even if I make a person do an aveirah, even if I make a person do an aveirah, that's also like putting a stone. That's also a terrible thing. You know, today we don't realize, we don't look at it that way. A person will put a stone in front of a blind man, what would we say? Adam ze rotzeach, adam ze rasha, right? The fact that a person helps another person do aveirah, tzaddik. You know, today you can be already a tzaddik. We don't see, we don't see today that it's the same. It's the same ra, it's the same bad. It's the same evil. People think, imagine you saw, if you saw a guy put a stone in front of a blind man, lifnei iver, ma, it don't matter. Shut them, right? Chazer rotzeach. The truth is, if you make a person do aveirah, it's the same thing. It's the same. Unfortunately, chas v'shalom, ze lo tomu sakim shel haTorah, aval baTorah zot, Torah. That's what you have to know. And the Torah, it's the same thing. We don't look at it that way. You know why? Because our hasagot are very far from the hasagot mehaTorah. Had we had, through hasagat haTorah, if we looked at the mitzvot and the way the Torah wants us to look at the mitzvot, we would compare a person helping another person in aveirah, or a person putting the members, a big yesod, because I want you to know this. All the Gedolei Yisrael speak about this. Hashkafah of ben adam is very rachok, hashkafat haTorah. As a matter of fact, there's a very famous Sma in Shulchan Aruch. You know that? Choshen Mishpat. The Sma says, Dat baalabatim neged dat Torah. What the regular guy in the street thinks is the opposite, against what the Torah thinks. So they say that the Sma, before he used to be posek a din Torah, you know what he would do? He would go over to a person in the street and say, Tell me something. How would you hold in such a case? Reuven said like this, Shimon said like that. So the baalabat, the guy in the street, would say, Patur, patur, then he's chayav. That must be that he's chayav, because dat Torah—he didn't mean he judged it anyway, but he just wanted to be sure. He wanted to be double sure. So dat Torah is neged dat baalabatim. The dat Torah is that the same way you put a stone in front of a blind man, you are a metunaf, a meturaf, a meshuga, right? Same thing by aveirah. We don't see it that way, because unfortunately, unfortunately, dat Torah... Now, כי כל אחד נותן מכשול לפני חברו, שיעבור על עבינה מפורשים בתורה, because each one causes the other one to do—the speaker is causing the mekabel to over aveirah, and the mekabel is, because he wouldn't have who to talk to, right? I saw my grandfather had, there was once a asifah. A group of gathering here, how to stop talking in beis knesses during the tefillah. So each rabbi came up with a different answer. My grandfather said a very simple answer. He said, Let me tell you something. The way to do it is not to tell the speaker to stop. You know why? Because his yetzer hara is too big. If his yetzer hara is too big, when you get him to stop talking, he comes to shul for that, right? You can't get him to stop talking. But what could you do? The listener. He's only listening. He's only listening, right? Much more enjoyable to talk than to listen, right? So tell the listener. Ah, you tell him, Guy talks and talks and talks. Hey, there's a taiva to talk. The listener is nice, you know, he's listening, he's listening. Okay, but he knows he wants to talk more. So you're the different. Those people, 99.9 percent of people... 99... 99.9 percent of people listen to other people out of courtesy, out of courtesy, right? You'll be a witness to that, right? Not doing anything, you're listening and this is what happened here. So what happened? So the ... I'll tell you what, make an eitzah not to talk to the...

Talking to the speakers, now to talk to who? To the listeners. Tell them, listen, if you don't listen, then he has no one to talk to. Eitzah is to give musar to the listeners than to the talkers. This is what Chazal are saying over here. Yeah, it works pretty much. If you oyvelifnei iver, what's shayach oyvelifnei iver? You're helping the other guy. If you wouldn't be there to listen, he'll never talk, you see? Therefore, you oyvel. Sometimes a person talks to a ... because sometimes something really bothers him, he's not going to open up. Then it becomes l'toeles, and he has to go to the right people for the right time. Then it's sometimes l'toeles for the right people at the right time. Hagam, hagam, many gedolim disagree with what I just tell you. A lot of gedolim say that there's a certain amount of mesiras nefesh you have to have for mitzvot, and you have to control yourself even if it hurts you. A lot of people say—it's an argument, we're going to get to it, I'll show you where it comes from—some gedolim say that you're not allowed to speak lashon hara even for such a case. Let's say someone hurt you, right? Someone hurt you, so you want to לדבר, כתוב בפסוק, דאגה בלב איש ישיחנה. There's a machlokes Gemara, what does it mean, ישיחנה? ישיחנה לאחרים? Should you forget about it or you should talk it out? We pasken, ישיחנה, you should speak it out. ישיחנה, you should speak it out. Best thing to speak it out, right? That's today in psychology, the best thing is to speak it out. The question is, if let's say somebody did something bad to you, are you allowed to go say lashon hara to fulfill this pasuk? So a lot of gedolim say you're not allowed, and the reason is because there's a certain mesiras nefesh that a person has to give up for mitzvot. For example, not to be over naaseh, right? How much do you have to give up? Shlish of your money, right? True, ad shlish. For example, for lulav and etrog, how much money do you have to pay for a lulav and etrog? Ad shlish. The question is, shlish milubar, shlish milego, is it a third after the price, before the price, which is a Gemara, where it also falls, shlish milubar, shlish milego, baveh? And baveh comes, two places, baveh. Shlish milego, shlish milubar. If that's what it is, fourth perek, right? If that—fourth perek, shlish milubar, very nice. In other words, like this, in perek chaf-zayin, shlish milubar, it's a question how much you have to pay for a mitzvah. Whatever it is, for a lav in the Torah, kol mamon, all your money you have to give up. For a lav. For an aseh, shlish. For example, for lulav and etrog, how much do you have to give up? Shlish, a third of how much you have, right? A shein kein for a lav. A lav is all your money. You're not obligated for a lav, you have to give up all your money. That's life. That's it. How many lavim? This is what it is. The question is, if someone comes and tells you, Be mechalel Shabbos or take away all your money, I'm not going to give up all your money. You know, let me tell you, you know what you see in halacha? Dleika. If a fire falls on Shabbos, are you allowed to go extinguish the fire? You're not allowed to give up all your money not to be over a lav in the Torah. Today we pasken that you're allowed to make a call to the fire department because it's electric. Houses are electric today, so you can make an explosion, people get killed. It's sakana. In the old days, that's what it says in halacha. That's the basic halacha. The thing is that maybe there's an amira l'akum that you'd be matir. You come and say, Whoever saves my house, eino mafsid, which means he tells the guy indirectly to go save the house. In halacha, pashut, halachically you have to give up all your money. Today you've called the fire department because they make an explosion. They make an explosion. The neighbors, the wires, I mean, it's a story. One house goes to another house. It's not that. You never know. Buildings, people. It's not like one part to another, you can have a whole block up in flames. You can't. You can't play games. Today, I mean, that's the psak halacha. Today, halacha you call. Even if you're not... Today, halacha you call. Well, it's pikuach nefesh, people. You have to call. People, you never know who can get hurt by a fire today. If you don't say the name, what's the point of saying the name then? Then it's okay if you don't say the name, it's mutar. But you already said. Yeah, but you're not saying who. Yeah, as long as you don't say the name, you're allowed to say. As long as you don't say the name, and the other person doesn't know who it is. And if you don't know who it is. I'm telling you a story. This guy... No, no, like say you'll find out. Then pasul. Yeah? Comes pasul. I want to find out something important. Let's say candle on the dining table and little flame came out. Technically on Shabbos, and I'll do it, technically. But if you, let's say, you won't do anything, then table and the whole house, today we do it. What do I do? You stop it. The Mishnah says water. The Mishnah says water. Call kisui. You have to call kisui. You're supposed to put water around. So in other words, that it... it comes. It comes. Okay, now let's go back.

So kol echad notel mikzol lifnei chaveiro, sheyavo alav min hacheshbon. Ah! יש חילוק גדול בין המספר והמקבל בזה. There's a difference between the מקבל and the מספר. The המספר over b'lav zeh, בין אם השומעים רבים או מועטים. Makes no difference if there are a little or a lot. V'ada רבה, and even more, kol sheyitrabu השומעים, yitrabeh alav הבלב הזה. It's more because for each person, he's machshil him separately. I speak lashon hara in front of this guy. Okay, I was machshil him. Then if I get up in front of a whole crowd of people, right? So what am I over? I'm over because I talked to many people. You have it? Ki hu notel mikzol lifnei kama anashim, lo ken hamekabel. But the מקבל is different. Eino over b'lav zeh, rak im hu levado shomea mimenu halashon hara u'rechilus. It's only if he listens now. V'ilu haya holech, hata'amei, lo haya lo mi shemisaper lishna bishto. Because if he would leave, no, he had nobody else to speak to. V'yesh bilado shom'im acheirim. What happens if there are many people in the group, says the Chofetz Chaim, so you're not being over because he's talking anyway. If you're the only one there, then he would leave, so then it comes out you're over lifnei iver. But if you're going to leave, there are many people there anyway who are listening, so he's saying it anyway, so not over lifnei iver. I just have one hora'ah. Let's see if you can be a lamdan. Let's see if you can chak. Let's make a cheshbon. Let's make a simple cheshbon. If I talk to you, right, so I'm over lifnei iver, and you're over, okay? Two people are over lifnei iver lo titen michshol. Fine. What happens if there are ten people sitting here? So I'm over ten times lifnei iver lo titen michshol, because... but you are only over one. Plus, plus... You might not even be over at all, says the Chofetz Chaim. Why? Because if you weren't here, what would happen? It would speak anyway. Wow. Because there's nine other people here. So my question to you is the following: everybody leaves. How many? Each guy has his own. Each guy has that halacha. And B, say good, no? To every person I talk to, I might be lifnei iver. So you're over lifnei iver, but you're also over lifnei iver, no? Why should it be that you're over lifnei iver? If you wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be over the extra lav of lifnei iver, right? I'd be over nine instead of ten. So why by you not being here am I not over lifnei iver? That's what he says. The guy that is listening, I thought maybe also he would be also over lifnei iver. Why? Because this guy's talking to all this ten he's giving, and the fact that he's here is helping other guys. Why is he helping people? Why is he helping? Leave me then. Leave me, then listen anyway. Even if this guy leaves, as a matter of fact, when he leaves they have another person to talk about. Then if he leaves, they have more to talk about. This is a good question. It's a good kasha. A, each guy has that halacha. It comes out when there's ten, nobody's over lifnei iver, right? A, because each guy— that's what you're saying, right? Right, he's over, but the people are listening, all ten of them are not over lifnei iver. Each one could come and say, if I would have left, he would have said it anyway. B, why are they not over lifnei iver for making him be over lifnei iver? Why are they not over lifnei iver for making him be over lifnei iver? The Chofetz Chaim says it's only by one person you're over lifnei... That's what he says. Read it. V'ilo yoilech atzmoi, v'hoylo l'milus safek lishdabishlo. Ah, aval im yesh biladav shoymacher beis ma'aseh, efsher d'einoi rashai lavzeh. Ki im haloven acher meforash b'sicha zu, ... v'chol zeh b'achas, cholas hasipur. That's only if they came after the story. Aval rishon shehischil safek l'fanav, af shebo achar kach lashmua ra'ah, zois tza'ar hanashim, because people heard, heard, heard lashon hara. We're making it. Because since we're listening, that's why. He's over ten times, right? If I wouldn't be here, he'd be nine times. So for that extra time that I'm making the over, I'm doing with him. No, but if you're not being here, if it was the ... then it was the favor, no? Okay. No, I have a pashut, I have a pashut, a simple question here. Every time a person's over lifnei iver, right? If I'm sitting there, I'm over also, right? If ten people are sitting there, nobody's over. That's what it says. Nobody's over lifnei iver. Why? Because they could all walk away, and each one could walk away and nothing would happen, so it can't say I'm over lifnei iver. So my question is, wait a minute, but every person could say about the other person, one of them have to be, one of them have to be over lifnei iver, right?

Try some each money. Who's that one? ... I don't know. ... One can't. I need, I need ... maybe not. Somebody asked me, if he's over ten times lifnei iver, if I wasn't the ... what? Nine times, נכון? אז כמה אני ... מה שאני מכשיל אותו ללפני עיוור? I understand. That's true, though. Here's the answer. He said all this is talking about when she came later on. No, he said this, that we come and say that all the other ones are not. This is only if they're all together. But if there's one guy first, he's the one that's ... If he's first, then he's ... The rest of them are not ... because he started. He's the one who started off the ... he's already ... Ah, so everybody. If I spoke to all ten at the same time? All of them? No. But the ... the one who came later on, they're not over, and he started to talk to everybody. The first guy's over. But if let's say he started talking to ten, and I start to talk to all ten? No, it's not. I would say ... lifnei iver on lifnei ... That's what you have to say. Unless you say there's no issur lifnei iver to make somebody ... You know, unless you say there's no lifnei iver. I don't know what I'm saying. No, he doesn't. Let's go weiter. Now, ... you think about it. Listen, what is a shiur? ... the babysitter. Go ahead, think about it yourself. Ask you a question. Go think of it. Why look at the babysitter? Look at my face. Why look at the babysitter? Okay, let's go weiter. ... We have to do that. That's true. Not for you guys, for my children. ... Aval rishon shetchil l'saper lefanav, af sheboach kach al ha-shmua ra'ah zot, od anashim, vadai over b'chol gavni, why? Ki al yado hutchal ha-issur. Al kol panim. Al kol panim, he says, listen, just because all ten of them are not over lifnei iver doesn't mean that tzaddikim are sitting there. I think I heard someone say, anybody would say lashon hara, you know? Let's sit there, let's sit there, right? Because this is very, very good. Very good. He's al kol panim tzarich l'hizaher me'od, michabrot ka'eileh, right? The big shiur, shiur shel lashon hara, right? Chaburah kedoshah shel lashon hara, shelo leishev imahem. Why? Ki l'maalah kulam nichtavim b'shem chaburat resha. You might not be over lifnei iver, but your big group of resha'im in the shiur. But he's over on looking at... How is he over? They're not over anything except... If they're mekabel the rov lashon hara. Ah, you're saying they're not... they're not... Even if they're not mekabel, if it's a chaburas resha'im, what are you saying? They're over... lashon hara. Now he says, kein nisa b'tzavao shel Alexander ha-Gadol, shetzivu l'hurkinus. Here Alexander ha-Gadol had a son called Hurkinus. Hurkinus, yep. V'zeh leshono: Bni, al teishev b'chaburat ha'omrim g'nai mechavreihem. Why? K'dei, k'sha'dvarim olim l'maalah b'sefer nichtavim. They're write about you. You hear? They write a newspaper about you, that you're from the chaburah of resha'im, v'chol ha'omdim sham nichtavim b'shem chaburat resha. So even though you're not over lifnei iver, and even if you're not mekabel, so even if you're not... why? Chaburat resha, chaburat resha. No good. Stay away from chaburat resha. Okay, so whoever gives me a teirah, I give him fifty dollars, okay? Why not? I don't have time. Call whatever you want. Ask this kasha: why are you not able liftaiver to be able liftaiver? Ask him. Put that. Let's go. Tomorrow, his father wrote the Badei HaShulchan. Cohen, his name is Cohen. His father wrote the Badei HaShulchan. I know this. This is something else. This is something else. His father wrote the Badei HaShulchan. Truth or lie? You're a... Truth or lie. You become a chaver. That's one question. Is this a halachos lashon? This is a different question. If she comes home upset, she has to talk to somebody. You're allowed to listen. That's the point. How much do you have a chiyuv to give up not to speak lashon hara? Kabbal, for sure not. The question is if liftaiver, is she allowed to do it and are you allowed to listen? So this is what I'm not sure. Mistama you can be meikel. If she's the only one, you're not going to be mekabel, and you're mileto'eh lmistama you're allowed. Yeah, it's nice. Why should be mekabel? Just because a lady talking to the... They don't have to talk about it. ...even though ten years passed, there's a halacha called not mekabel. Now let me just tell you something. I'll tell you one point.

I'll tell you one story. One story with this. I don't believe it's true. Someone comes to ask me about this person. I'll tell you something. I don't believe it. I'll tell you something. I've been here lashon hara about ... Someone comes to ask me, tell me about a guy's ... I don't know. It doesn't mean anything. Say it like this, so what? Now, you get used to it. Over the years, you get used to it. You don't listen to it anymore. So you don't take anything seriously, because who said everybody lies anyway? So, there was a big machlokes in yeshiva Torah. Big machlokes. Very messy machlokes, and unfortunately it was one of the bad chapters in yeshiva, a very bad chapter. Yeshiva bichlal always has machlokes; it's normal. Rabbi Yaakov came and asked Rabbi Dal Yashor. Big machlokes. Way before. Each one said that they're the Rosh Yeshiva. It was a very big machlokes. Rabbi Yaakov felt he was the Rosh Yeshiva, and Rabbi Dal Yashor felt he was the Rosh Yeshiva. It had to—I don't know the basics of it. What's the difference? I don't know. I mean, each one claimed whatever; he had yerushah in the yeshiva. It was a machlokes. It was very bad. It was very bad. I mean, bad. Compared to today, it was good. I mean, there was still gedolim. They fought with derech eretz, but they fought. You know, ... the Rosh Yeshiva, ... It never got that far. It was machlokes. The end of the story was Rabbi Dal Yashor stayed, Rabbi Yaakov left. Rabbi Yaakov ended up leaving, and Rabbi Dal Yashor ended up being ... today. He had a heart attack and died. Okay, end of story. Okay, that's the end of the story. Now, this was a big machlokes. You're not talking about little kids. You're talking about gedolim that fought, and they fought over a big yeshiva. What's the point? It makes a difference. There was a difference. There was a difference in the question which bachurim should learn. There was a difference. There was. It also had to do what the shittah of the yeshiva was going to be. There was a machlokes. No, but there was a—Rabbi Yaakov was a very litvak. Rabbi Dal Yashor was a chassid. It was a different style. Rabbi Dal Yashor was very into ... and ... It was a different style. Okay, now listen carefully. It's not important to us. What's important is that by the dinner of the yeshiva, all the women of the Rosh Yeshivot and the rabbeim were sitting around the table, and they were talking about the machlokes. Rebbetzins and ... Which Rav Pam was a rebbi in the yeshiva at the time. Rebbetzin Pam said, What? Machlokes? She didn't hear. She knew nothing. She didn't know. She found out about the machlokes at the dinner from the yeshiva when they were sitting together. What do you see from the story? Rav never came home and said a word. Machlokes could be burning in the yeshiva, and Rav Pam comes home and says, Let's talk about it. He never came home and told his wife. Now who doesn't come home and tells his wife, You know, you heard what happened today in yeshiva? You heard what happened today? Nothing. She found out by the dinner. She found out from the other Yentas, from the other ladies. She found out there was a machlokes in the yeshiva. I heard this is one of the greatest stories ever. You want to know a great story? This is probably the greatest story ever. When you get older, you'll appreciate the story. This goes back 20 years. That was in '76, '80. Maybe it goes more, 25 years ago. Who? Because the Gedolim show was in 1979. Okay, so it's 25, whatever it is. 25 years, whatever it is. Whatever it is. A haflaful story. It's a haflaful story. Not a haflaful story. She sat at a table and she didn't know from nothing. Here she was asked for what machlokes, she wanted to know. She didn't know from nothing. Never came. A rebbi in yeshiva came. There were big machlokes. You talk about in the beis medrash, they used to bang on the bimah, whose derashah. Big stories. So what's machlokes? Listen, it was machlokes if she asked questions, because they were big people, not from עצמם. So was a big person. The Yaakov was surely a big person. The Yaakov was... There are yeshiva ten years ago... They want to replace רבי... with Shmuel Sandler. ... There's no machlokes. The meishiv has no ... machlokes. They don't fight. They didn't רבי Yaakov. Man, they're so simple, פשוט. A meishiv is מידות. They don't... about your ... needs to fight. Exactly. Exactly. ... There's no ... like butter, sugar, candy. ... can't bother about your ... Whatever you say to him, he's ... right away. Yeah? No, the ... American-born. No, he's American-born. He's American. ... He's a math teacher.

Good, you enjoyed? Yeah. What's the point? Just don't enjoy. Tzadikim, we have Shabbos. Okay. Lashon hara, the lav, Vishamru lecha petishkach es Hashem Elokecha. Oh, you shouldn't forget Hashem. What does lashon hara have to do with forgetting Hashem? So what are you gonna say? Because he did an aveirah? Every aveirah is like that. Vechol aveirah, adam oseh u'shocheach es Hashem. We're up to hey, that when a person speaks lashon hara, he's over the issur of pen tishkach es Hashem Elokecha. So what's... what's so... lashon hara? He says, hu hazarah l'gasei ruach. That's why. Forget Hashem means don't be a gas ruach. If a person speaks lashon hara, he is a gas ruach. Why? Ki keivan shehu malig u'mitlotzetz al chaveiro, since he's making fun, malig u'mitlotzetz al chaveiro. Malig means to make joke. Mock. Mitlotzetz means to make smyot. Al chaveiro, on his friend. Same thing, laletz, lashon laletz, joke. Al chaveiro, on his friend, mistama hu machshiv es atzmo l'chacham u'le'ish ba'anashim. Very interesting. This Chofetz Chaim is very, very interesting. Not dafka. Why? And let me tell you, the truth is, the truth is, I have a problem with this middah, lashon. I'll tell you why. Who says you speak lashon hara because of litzanus? Sometimes you speak lashon hara because you're angry at the person. Let's say somebody did something wrong to you, and you go and you speak lashon hara. It's not because I think I'm greater than him. A little bit kushya on the Chofetz Chaim. No, he says like this, why? כי אם הוא שומע ליגו מתלוצץ על חברו. Since he makes jokes on his friend. Now, when you make a joke on your friend, b'derech klal, if you look in the mirror, you would see mum shebcha l'chavercha al tagid, because you have the same thing. Let's say you make a joke, Yeah, this guy, he's stupid, right? Truth is, you're probably more stupid than he is. B'derech klal. Usually that's the way. Kol haposel, b'mumo posel. That's the rule. The rule is that if you look at yourself, you'd see you're no better than the other guy. I understand. So again, most people that make litzanut, in the back of their mind they think there's nothing to make litzanut on them. Why? Because then they wouldn't do it, because they would feel, oh, then maybe someone would do it for me. They're judging on themselves. No, no, you don't understand. A person—it's very simple—a person that's mitzlotzetz on another person, what does he think? He thinks that he's better than the other person. עלי אין מה להתלוצץ, right? Ami doesn't like to make this joke. This joke that I— for example, if somebody's missing an eye, right, would he go over to another guy missing an eye, Hey, you're missing an eye, because you're also missing an eye, right? Would you do that with a guy who's a cripple, right? Walks out, Hey, you don't have no feet, look at that, hey, because he also has no feet, right? Right? You wouldn't do that. Why? Because the teretz is because you think you have feet and he doesn't have feet. So then pshat is, in mitzlotzetz you think you're better than the other person. That's all the Chofetz Chaim said. Now the problem is, the problem is, it doesn't— all lashon hara has ondo litzanut. Lashon hara has nothing to do with litzanut. Could be that he should say— right, when a person speaks lashon hara... Not necessarily he's being mitlotzetz, so don't understand this lashon. Also, that's also not allowed. Like the leitzan, he's acting like a leitzan, or he's speaking lashon hara. When I come over and I say this person did this and this bad, who's saying mitlotzek? I'm angry at him. Levi, you're right. It's not sure. It's not acceptable to read from leitzanut; it's lashon hara. I mean, yes, you can't say, Over, אני מספר לשון הרע with this lav. It's not true. Also, over. But that's not true, because he could be over if he's coming and mitlotzetz, then I understand he could be over. But who says lashon hara has to do with mitlotzetz? That's one type of lashon hara. Why? That's what he means. No, that's not true. It's not true, though. It's not true. Not every mesaper lashon hara is a mitlotzetz. No, but he's talking about not every. Let's say that, over, אני מספר לשון הרע בלב, ... it's not true, because sometimes it's not that way. כי כיוון שהוא מליג ומתלוצץ על חברו, מסתמא, מסתמא, it's not even so, מסתמא. ומחשיב את עצמו לחכם ולאיש בעיני אנשים, כי אילו היה מכיר את נגעי עצמו... Because if he realized that he has the same chesronot...

This means, meaning also chesron. Yeah, that's what it means. We are doing maamar, ... בסוטה, שעוון הגאווה קשה עד מאוד. Now he's giving you mussar about gaavah, that the lashon hara, the chelek of gaavah in it is a very bad chelek. Why? Gaavah is very strict. כי איתא שם, שבעבור זה אין אפרון נין אל תחיית המתים. Here, a person who has gaavah, he's afar, he's afar, will never come together with techiyat hameitim. Who knows why? ... You can't. אין אפרון נין ... לתחיית המתים. Why not? Because each afar... A person is afar, right? What makes the person l'chaim? Neshamah, from Hashem. Hashem has nothing to do with gaavah. You see, this is what the Gemara says. ... Oh, that's a very good question, because that's the nisayon. Hashem is giving you a chance to do teshuvah. We're explaining why is it that a person who's a baal gaavah will not stand up by techiyat hameitim. Not up to... Yeah, so that's it, yeah. That's right. But to overdo it is not healthy, and a person here, a person won't get up with techiyat hameitim. Why? Because this is the nekudah. A person has gaavah, you hear? The neshamah and the gaavah can't go together. Doesn't go together. Now, this is what it says: עיין שם בגמרא, והוא כובד עבוד ככבים מזלות, ושכינה מייללת עליו. The Shechinah cries for him. The Shechinah looks down and says, Look at this baal gaavah, ... and it cries. It cries for the baal gaavah. והוא נקרא תועבה. That's called to'eivah, yes. Abomination. Now, ay shom b'Gemara, ufrat, im b'sipur hazeh shel klal hachavero hu mechabed es atzmo. There are two things. Sometimes you're mitlotzetz, then there's sometimes, says the Chafetz Chaim, a next madrega. You're mitlotzetz, that you should look good, right? Sometimes you smile. Adam likes to make fun of other people. Then there are times adam mitlotzetz k'dei l'hachshiv es atzmo. They say over that the Rav Moshe Feinstein—I heard this over many times—that Rav Moshe is a tzaddik v'rachah. Once they asked him what he was zocheh to such greatness in Torah. So people would say, hatzmadah, mesirus nefesh, whatever, the big things. You know what he said, Rav Moshe? Me'olam, me'olam lo nitkabadti b'kalon chaveirai. I never felt good that my friend had bizayon. Me'olam lo nitkabadti. It's a very strong statement. It's very interesting. It's Gemara. He was a kid. I know, but that's an interesting thing. I think Rav Moshe was saying a big thing. Rabbanim have—I mean, it's difficult. It's a big nisayon. You know, you show one rav over another rav, he feels. Let me tell you something. It's almost impossible. If you have a person who you're, you know, almost as good as me, and the rebbe tells him, You don't know the Gemara. What do you think to yourself? That's what you think to yourself, and I do know the Gemara. That's his kavod, the kalon chaveirai. No. And then the rebbe screams at him, and you say, Good, good, good, good. That's not his kavod. Kavod kol chaveiro means you feel good. I got it the first time. Yeah. That's not some gavah. That's a gavah, u'mitkabedti b'kalon. A gavah which comes from, my friend got bizayon and I got kavod from the bizayon, yeah? That's the worst. V'vadai over b'lav zeh. Muvad mah shekartuhu raboteinu, zal, b'ruach kodsho me'olam haba. They took this baal gaavah and they cut him away from olam haba. Ha'mitkabed b'kalon chaveiro, ein lo chelek l'olam haba. Which part? I just gave the example. Does it mean that he's putting him down in your eyes, or the fact that he's putting him down, from this mimeila he becomes...? Second one. Mimeila. You feel good, you feel... But listen, it's a nature of a person. It's a nature of a person. Gaavah, no, but gaavah means I feel bigger than you, that I feel good that you feel low. It's different. It's a nature of a person. Yes, he's a very sick man. He better go to a doctor before that... Let me tell you something. Gaavah is sickness. Let me tell you right now, don't feel like that. ... I don't feel. I never had it. Never had it, baruch Hashem. I mean, I don't have the nisayon. I don't have it. I never had that I should feel bad. Also, I never had it. I never had, I feel good that... I don't have it. I just don't have it. There are other problems, other baayot. These are not one of them. This is just not one of them. What should I do? Okay, let's go weiter.

מספר. ברוך השם, I don't have this. והרע רמי המספר, המקבל בלב, דלא תחללו את שם קדשי. Another thing, when a person speaks lashon hara, זה חילול השם, אחרי שאין בזה תאווה ולא הנאה גשמית, which is also chiddush to me. I know people speak—people speak lashon hara because they enjoy it. Unless maybe the Chafetz Chaim means that certain people that do it all the time, they do it all the time. It's a nature. They just do it because they're not even happy. Some people say, Yeah, I have a good piece of lashon hara, come with me. Ooh, come. That maybe the Chafetz Chaim is not talking about that. Sometimes people just talk all day, complaining and saying bad things about people. That's what he means. אחרי שאין בזה תאווה ולא הנאה גשמית, שעל ידי זה יתגבר יצרו עליו. He has nothing to make the—hitgabrut on. There's no taavah. Al כן נחשב העוון הזה כמרד ופריקת עול, because he's stam a chai, he's stam an animal. Yeah, a guy's an animal, likes to speak bad things about people. He doesn't even enjoy it so much. אדם רע. פריקת עול, לעשות עבירות. He enjoys to do bad. He enjoys to be a bad person, okay? ופריקת עול—yeah, it doesn't mean that. It's just not pshat he enjoys the etzem lashon hara. It does the—it's nature, the physical, for the body. No, it's not the lashon hara which was enjoyable to him. It's more stam, הוא מדבר ולא שם לב לזה. That's the worst type of lashon hara. There are people like this. They talk all day bad. They don't even know—They don't even care. He's just to speak bad, you know? Okay. ומחלל שם שמים בזה. בזה דיברנו אפילו סתם איש ישראל. And this is stam if you speak against what? An ish Yisrael. ומפרט אם הוא איש חשוב—I'm sorry, fakert—אפילו סתם איש ישראל שמדבר. U'vifrat, especially, im hu ish chashuv, shehakol mistaklim al ma'asav, v'vadai yischalel Hashem al yedei zeh. You know what it is? Again, a person is judged. A person is judged. Let me tell you something. A person is judged. A person is judged from the way he talks. Yeah. It's a very famous klal, a very famous rule. Keep quiet. A person, keep quiet, like this, like this, what? Like this, right? Like this, people are not sure if you're smart or stupid. As soon as you open your mouth, you'll take away all doubts. You heard that? You heard that a lot, huh? You keep your mouth shut. Like this, we have questions. What does the Gemara says? Milah b'sela, shtikusa b'trei. That's one Gemara, then there's another Gemara: shtika yafa l'chachamim. Kishkish karya also. That's right. An empty barrel makes a lot of noise. Gemara Metzia, very good. Kishkish karya. An empty thing, but nothing in it makes a lot of noise. Bottom line: siyag lachachma shtika. A smart person keeps quiet. You judge a person by his words. You judge a person by his words. No, so meaning, the less you speak, the more we see that you're smart. There's something about the dibur. The dibur is chachamim. The more wise, the more you talk, the less wise you are. A person is judged al pi his dibur. You should know in business also that way. The way you talk to get a good job, that's how you'll get the job. If you talk short, to the point, la'inyan, and you don't, you'll get the job. If you talk too much, you won't get the job. Just know that as a klal. A person is judged l'fi his dibur. So if a person walks around speaking lashon hara, Hashem will judge l'fi the dibur. That could be a chilul Hashem. He'll look at the Jew, he's always talking lashon hara. Then I don't say, Oh, look at the Jew in a black tefillin. Don't say, Look at the Jew, what... מדבר לשון הרע. There's a chilul Hashem involved. Uvifrat, uvifrat, im hu ish chashuv, shehakol mistaklim al ma'asav, vadai mechalel Hashem al yedei zeh. No, no, no, no. The speaker, not about who he's talking, the speaker. So if he's an adam chashuv, it's a big chilul Hashem. Achad kama v'kama, im haya aveirah zot b'rabim, v'vadai shachein gadol ad me'od, shenikra mechalel Hashem shemayim b'rabim. Let's do two more. U'le'pamim over aveirah... bilvavecha. Sometimes you... what? Bilvavecha, right? You hate your friend. Kegon, for example, im bifanav shalom yedaber... Ah, you. Two-faced. Bifanav shalom yedaber b're'eihu, u'shelo bifanav mav'ish et re'eihu bifnei acherim. Very nice, very sharp lashon. Mav'ish means he stinks up the rei'ach, the smell, in front of others. Mav'ish et re'eihu. Achad kama v'kama im befeirush mitzaveh lahem shelo yeilchu, v'yodea hu b'vadai... especially if he talks to this guy, he says, Don't tell him, don't tell him that I hate him. Don't tell him, don't tell him what I said about him. Sinas tachicha bilvavo. You have a problem, what do you do? Go to the guy straight and tell him, Listen, I hate you. Say it a little bit nicer, say it a little bit nicer.

Better cloud is what it is, yeah? Next halacha. U'famim shemesaper over gam ken alav, lo tikom, v'tila nekamah, kegon sheyesh lo sinah alav, he has a certain hatred. Aval shebikesh mimenu la'asot lo tovah, l'vasheilat mamon. For example, he tells him, Lend me money, which, by the way, usually most fights and the angers and hatred come from money, money, she'eilat mamon, you hear? Hu ki yotze bo, right? V'lo heitivo, v'avur ze noten lo sinah b'libo. And because of this, he has hatred in his heart. U'ki shera'ach achar lav shum davar genai, u'mefarsemo bifnei anashim. So now that he hates him, yeah, so he has something good to say about him, here's his chance to pay him back. So that's nekamah and netirah, yeah? Why is he speaking lashon hara? Because he's paying him back for the time. Very nice chidush, yeah? That the lashon hara itself could be a nekamah. Lashon hara sometimes, the lashon hara is a nekamah. How? Because he didn't lend him money, he's supposed to lend him money. Now he's speaking to him. Now he's doing, he said, Oh, I saw him do this, now I'll use this as a payment, nekamah, to pay him back for what he did. So, over for the lav, v'lo sikom v'lo sitor. Now, v'hu over mitchilah al netirah shebalev, al lav d'lo titor. Now this, by the way, is very important. This is a very important Chafetz Chaim. V'hu over mitchilah al hanetirah shebalev. The way it works by lo tikom v'lo titor is that retroactively, you over, which is, by the way, bichat peret, so kilkul is a bifeirush, has a shiur shalem on this inyan. When he over lo sikom v'lo sitor, machlokes Rishonim, so you have to know. The Chafetz Chaim says the way it works is, you over for the heart. When you do the maaseh, then mitchilah, you over for the heart. It goes retroactively. Some Rishonim learn that the maaseh itself is the nekamah and the netirah. The Chafetz Chaim is learning the opposite, that when you do the maaseh, retroactively you're over. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. ... Go back all the way. ... Not to, you're not over. You need a maaseh. You need a maaseh. To be over, lo tikum, lo titor. I know. So we pasken you need a maaseh. But where it works is when the maaseh comes, says the Chofetz Chaim, you're over l'mafreia, and the netirah shebalev. V'achar kach, k'shenokem mimenu, ... omer lo tikom. And then later he's over for lo sikom. Ela tzarich sheyimcha adam b'libo, he has to erase it from his heart. Now, if somebody keeps on doing bad to him, you're not mechuyav to erase it from your heart, right? Let's say somebody keeps on doing the bads. You come and say, What? ... I have to forget what he does? That's not true. Chofetz Chaim is going to explain many times that if a person keeps on hurting you, ... right? Someone comes to kill you, you have to fight back. ... Goyim have this nekudah. Goyim have this ... So I want to try. I want to see. You ever try it? Go over to a goy and beat him up. Let's see what he does. Tell him, turn the other cheek. You should tell him. ... You should beat him up, smack him across the face, say, Turn the other cheek. You know why turn the other cheek? You get one on the other side also. They have a rule in their Bible, turn the other cheek, which means mochel. The whole Christianity is based on mechilah. The whole concept, the whole... That's why the goyim, they do kol davar asur, mochel. If somebody came to kill you, you just have to stand there? It doesn't say killing, it says hitting, so maybe they'll say not killing. No, it says... stand there and accept it. That's why they don't hold of the death penalty. What's ... when they plead the Pope and they made repentance? It's called—no, it's called communion. It depends. ... We damn union. We damn shoulda communion. That's cool. You have to ask the ... Rabbi, listen carefully. Listen good, rabosai. Our Torah doesn't believe in that. You know why? Because our Torah is emes, emes min haShamayim. And emes min haShamayim means if someone starts up with you, you don't forget about it. Don't turn the other cheek. Shadow here is— That's right, that's right, that's what ... means. No, but you have to take care of it. You go to beis din, he owes you money. There's no turn the other cheek. You can say, safe, safe, forget about it. The only thing is this— ... Somebody punches you in the eye, you pay money. Money. That's beis din. That's something else. That's—beis din doesn't punish. But you yourself, if a guy's trying to punch you in the face, punch him right back. You have a chiyuv to punch him right back. The guy's punching you in the face— No, stop him. Stop him. What about someone wants to kill you? That's someone— True. Even if someone—

If someone's punching you in the face, punch him back. The bench is not b'shaas maaseh. The bench is only after. Issur revenge. What about kids? What kind of... Can you tell them somebody punched... That's a very vague question. Let me tell you something. The point is, kids you have to teach like this. If it's a one-time thing, they should go to the rebbe. If it doesn't work and it keeps on going, you tell the kid to punch back. Seriously? A child has to learn to stand up for his rights. Huh? I'm doing it because he's punching me. No one's doing it. If you tell me it's a corrupt school, I don't know, so you should be in a corrupt school. No, sometimes the rebbe just doesn't pay attention or just says, Take care of yourself, or something like that. Then it keeps on going. It's a corrupt school. I don't know, take him to school. If a child comes and tells the rebbe, This kid hit me, and the rebbe says, Take care of it yourself, the rebbe should be locked up in jail. I mean, what kind of rebbe is that? Unless it's older kids and it's a crazy school. Let's say if it's a baby thing, like, Oh, he pushed me or something. He's not. Pushed a baby. Same, if it's a serious thing and a child comes home and he's getting punched in the face every day by a different child, so, I mean, the parents should try to settle, and if not, you teach the kid to punch back. I'm not mechuyiv. A child has to know to stand his ground. What do you mean? Someone's punching you in the face, what would you do? If actually he was punched back again, then... Oh, that's what I'm telling you. That's why I answered you. If it's a one-time thing, so you let it go and don't take נקמה. But if it's a constant thing, that's what I'm telling you. This that the Chofetz Chaim says to be mochel, he doesn't mean to be mochel when the guy keeps on doing it. That's a shayteh. Only a shayteh is mochel when somebody keeps on hurting him. Chofetz Chaim means if it happened once. Especially, he's not even talking about. Let me tell you something. You know if you're getting— a person has the right to defend himself. But I'm saying, you'll know if someone comes into... Maybe he attacks. Good, so you have to find out. Find out. If you could. If you could run away, of course it's better. What, do you need the whole thing? But if you can't run away, then you defend yourself. Rebbe, is there somebody that's constantly bothering... and the only way of stopping is to punch him? Not punch him, whatever, but no, no. But he doesn't listen, doesn't get it. Use your mouth. But he doesn't understand. Use your mouth. Sit there and stone, may break my bones. No, but physically... Not physically, his words. He's only... No, I'm talking about when he's... I don't know, he's bothering by... I try to learn, he's touching me, like a baby. No, let me think. This is baby. It happens. Okay. I'm serious. Ask the mora. Mora, what's her name? Mora... ask Mora. Morah Chai. Morah Chai. Okay, let's go, come. One more, let's finish. V'im kamah eino ladof lifnei beis din mitvadin... You hear? This is a very important halacha. We learned this, right? Self-defense is mutar. Mutar. To defend yourself. If someone is coming to hit you, get up and hit him first. If he needed, I don't know why it's needed. You're in the Bronx, it's needed. You live here, it's not needed. It's needed for... Also, could be that's avodah zarah also they make out of it. I've seen these, you know, shigayon. Could be... Not about that it's not avodah zarah, but... No, it's a certain, you know, it's not bowing down avodah zarah. It's nichnasim l'shigayon. It's a whole... And they also maminim, they also maminim b'koach... a little bit. Not kosher. Larry's not kosher. Okay, let's go. V'im kam... what? What you should carry with you? Not a gun. Don't carry any gun. Now, v'im kam v'heid alav, meis. Yeah, you have your ski, you carry meis. There you go. Easy achiever, guy. Thank you, shuv. Now, let's go. V'im kam v'heid... let's go. Lifnei beis din, yeah? Mitzad issur bichidi. What happens if Ed comes in, yeah, and he knows he's not with anybody else, he's not together with anybody, he's by himself. So whatever he says is anyway lo mekubal. It doesn't mean anything. So if he comes in bichidi to say, ... hu shavua, v'lo linya lishol es ha'ish hazeh meicheskas kar shvuto, kivan shehu echad b'davar, im ken, shem bish bi'alma hu. It's not lashon hara. Shem bish bi'alma. Bish is bad. D'ka mapik alav, he's putting on him a bad name. V'over al yedei zeh gam kein alav v'lo yakum eid echad b'ish, l'chol avon, l'chol chata. ... al koto. ... Yeah, it is lashon hara. That's why you have to be careful.

So it says, chidush atzum, yeah? It says, al kol tov, al kol tov. He says like this: Mashma behedya bdivreihem, debizman habayis haya zigud chayav malkus min haTorah, min haTorah, mishum lav anal. You hear the Be'er Mayim Chayim? V'af kamina min hade'os eilu, rak li'malkus d'oraisa, aval malkus mamadrabbanan, kulam haya chayav. ... chayim is a gadol baTorah. Okay. It's a machlokes. Some say d'oraisa, a regular malkus. Some say d'rabbanan. Al kol panim, there's definitely a malkus. There's definitely some malkus. Even though it's d'oraisa, but there is no maaseh. Oh, that's the kasha. You see, I have to do sugya. The sugya says it's mashma, no maaseh. ... It's a good kasha. What do you do with more malkus? Okay, weiter. V'chol zeh shekasavnu — one more. V'chol zeh shekasavnu — let's go one more, come on. Huh? He says either malkus madrabbanan. You see the Be'er Mayim Chayim? Either malkus, and he says for the Gemara it's mashma it's d'oraisa. Lafshei maaseh, he says. Okay, weiter. Why? Another form of lashon hara, another type of lashon hara. Now, he said lashon hara for the beis din. If the beis din is saying lashon hara — yeah, because the beis din has no reason to say this. A guy walks into beis din, I have something to tell you, right? So the beis din is not always going to say it. Then after the beis din heard what he said, you know what the beis din says to him? You idiot, what did you say it for? Give you malkus for it. Now, the person speaks lashon hara, you can say back lashon hara. About him? A hundred percent. Somebody is being motzi shem ra on you. You're allowed to threaten him and tell him, because you're motzi shem ra, the way to stop him is to be motzi shem ra. A hundred percent. No. A hundred percent. If a person is being motzi shem ra on you, what you do is, you tell him, I'm warning you. Huh? I can't hear what. I'll tell you the truth. You want to— can I be honest with you? I don't mean to insult you. I don't mean to put you down, chas v'shalom. There's a lot of halacha that you learned that you don't know the real halacha, meaning you know the chumrot, and there's halacha l'maaseh. I only talk halacha l'maaseh. I don't know chumrot. I'm not interested. I tell you the way it is. This means, like, talking about you. That's right. That's what I told you, like I said. It happened once, it happened once. But if a guy walks around being motzi shem ra on you, you tell him, listen to me, I'm going to fight you back and I'll be motzi shem ra on you. A hundred percent. Here, listen, I'm not talking about a shaygetz. We're not talking about a shaygetz. I'm talking about tzaddikim. I'm talking about shaygetz in the street. It can happen. That's not true. You have families, you have stories, it happens. These things happen. You have to know these things happen. Where does he say this? If it's brought down, where does it... Somebody is coming to hurt you, you hurt him back. You stop him. You're mechuyav. If somebody, you're mechuyav to stop him. But that's only after many times. If somebody is being motzi shem ra on you. Every time you try to stop him, if you're taking the ... l'achar hamaaseh. L'achar maaseh is the ... What's the meaning? L'achar maaseh means he spoke with Shorah last week. You can't walk around speaking lashon hara because he spoke last week. What should you do? You should be mochel him. You should be mochel. I mean...