Personal Insights: Sensitivity in Medicine, Patience Through Hardship, and the Meaning of Wealth

Transcript

But I had very, very interesting insights. I learned from the day, very interesting insights. And I was moved to even share not only today's speech with you, so to speak, and the things I learned yesterday, maybe down to daily, but it's kedai to, you know, share with you things that the day brings and teaches me. Why not? Why shouldn't you? Okay, let me begin with my day. You know what? Maybe some water. That's one thing. My day was masked with a lot of things that were worrying. You probably didn't realize it because I come in and you don't never see really, I mean, much that, you know, what's going on inside my heart and my head, which is something which is kedai to learn. It's a thing that as you get older, I mean, you young guys, so it's understandable that the stresses of your lives you can read on your face, and also the community that you come from has this thing that you're able to express, you know, their moods. No, it's part of the, you know, each person has his own. It's wise, as well as a maturity, not to have your inner... Feelings and issues and stresses expressed on your face. A person has to learn to be above that. You go, you talk, and every day should be the same. Okay, like I said, it comes with time and maturity. Fine. The stresses of the day was I myself had to go to the doctor, and I had no idea what he would tell me. The other stress was that in the afternoon we were going to get the results from my father's test that he had to take last week. Okay. Baruch Hashem, I came back from the doctor. The doctor was shocked by the turnaround in my health, my health matzav, ad kedei kach that clean bill of health. Baruch Hashem, mamash a clean bill of health. He couldn't believe it. And to me it wasn't a big chiddush because, you know, I'm working on it. It wasn't such a big chiddush. But the stress of the day was my father's results. Let me tell you what happened with that and show you how the velt, what it means on one hand, a doctor, a person who deals with people, the health of people, and it's not just strep throats; he deals with cancer patients, right? And at the same time, the words of Chazal are so true even by such a person: Tov sheb'rofim l'Gehenom. Unbelievable thing. Chazal teach us, Tov sheb'rofim l'Gehenom. The best of the doctors belong in Gehenom. The shaylah is, what do Chazal mean? What did they do wrong? What does a doctor do wrong? So, there are many different pshat, and I always thought the taich was that the roifeh, as good as he is, you know, he starts to believe in himself. He starts to teveist, and he starts to lose the reality of what the emes is, a manig and a boireh. That's the way I understood it growing up. I got a little older, and I started to have more insight into things, and I started to think maybe the pshat is that the doctor loses his touch for humanity. Like, you know, it's a, yeah, you see so many patients, and they mean nothing to him, you know. The Rambam has a whole tefillah for a doctor, and he stresses this nekudah, that I shouldn't lose my touch, my feeling. It's part of the tefillos harofeh that the Rambam had. Being himself a doctor, he made up such a tefillah, and he understood the emotions of a regular doctor. Yesterday I learned a new insight into Tev Shebroifim L'Gehinnom, and I understood it to mean that the roifeh not only, you know...

He loses his sensitivity. Sometimes the gaiva and the lack of sensitivity leads him to being a rasha mamash, rishus. How could a doctor do a ma'aseh rishus? I mean, he's not doing a ma'aseh rishus, right? You're right. He gives you the shot. He can come and say like this: either he holds he's the rofe, or he loses his sensitivity to your feelings. But that he should become a rasha from it? Tell you what happened yesterday, and I realize, rasha mamash, rasha, rasha. The doctor might have been a Yid. I don't know. He's not a frum Yid. It wasn't wearing a yarmulke, or maybe he's even a chash. I don't know. He's an older fellow. The results to the test came back in the morning already. I mean, he gets them in the morning. As a matter of fact, he probably got them a few days ago, so it doesn't take— it takes one day to the lab, two days, three days. The results, he had it already. When the patient— when he gets this result, if he had any feelings, he would call the patient, you know, By the way, I got the results. You have nothing to worry about, right? Or if, let's say, there is what to worry about, so then you come and say, you know, he doesn't feel comfortable, you know, he has to prepare himself to tell the patient. So we could either look at it as a callousness, or it's depending on what the results are, okay. But if it's, let's say, good, so pashut, if he had any feelings, he would call up and say, By the way, don't have a miserable day. I already got your results, right? If he tells you to call at a certain hour, why do you have to call at a certain hour? I mean, what do you give the person calls earlier and gets the results? So we have to say, well, till you get in after lunch, until you have to this, and then let's say you have patients, so there's a certain fun. But let's say the patient didn't call. So what you can have is the secretary telling, by the way, don't have—came back okay. I mean, what's the big deal? It's not, right? So even if, let's say, you don't want to share your daily activities, you want to go eat your lunch, you have to, and you're not interested in phone calls from your patients, okay? Right? You're not interested in all that. Okay, fine, but so leave a message with the secretary, okay? Let's say that is not where you're hoping, but at least when you call up at 5:15 when you were told to call, well, you'll find out. So when you call up at 5:15, when you're supposed to call, that's for surely when you should get your results, right? Could you tell him to get your results, right? You waited the whole day. You told him to call at 5:15 already, which means is you do your day, and then—so, but you told him to call at 5:15, so when the guy's already calling, he should—and if you can't come to the phone, so leave a message, right? The nurse goes and says, Let me talk to the doctor. Goes to tell the doctor, said that he can't talk to you right now, but he wants to talk to you. So as soon as he finishes with his thing, he'll call you. Okay. When you hear that, what does that tell you? There's a problem, right? And a malamed. If the wife of the person calls from out of country, because she's worried, right? The response that the person gets is, Let me see you in a second. You're not written on the list as one of the people that we can give information to, right? To give over. So, I'm sorry, we can't talk to you. Again, just say, Don't worry, right? You don't have to give the information. Just say, Don't worry, right, if you know the results, right? If you know that it's nothing. What is a normal malamed? Normal malamed said, Just say not to worry. You can't be liable on anything. So you can't answer the wife, you can't answer the person, and the answer you give is what? The doctor wants to talk to you. So right away you think that there's a problem. He'll be finished in a half hour and he'll talk to you. Half hour comes, he doesn't call, and you call in again. So, what should a doctor... leave a message, someone's calling, he's worried, right? The doctor is busy doing his zachin, whatever, in the office, and he needs another half hour, but he wants to talk. Again, stress, right? Be madgish, you know.

Half hour passes, right? He doesn't call, you call back again. The doctor's busy, so you send the person to ask the doctor, is there something to worry? The answer comes back, he can't talk right now because he's in the middle of doing whatever he's doing. He'll talk to you, he'll call you. So, what are you telling him, right? Two hours later, gets a phone call from the doctor. Two hours after this whole story, you get a phone call from a doctor. There's nothing to worry. It's nothing. There's just nothing. What did Chazal say when they said, ...? Now that's what they meant. It's a pathetic story. I would never believe that a professional person would behave this. You make a mistake, you make a... What are you doing? I mean, it's two hours. What are you... People are calling, family members are calling. ... Chazal knew what they were talking about. Mitzad sheini, what was the lesson to be learned from here? The lesson to be learned is a person should never worry, because mechteisa, mechteisa. Why worry? Maybe it's nothing. I missed this famous song from Breslov about it. Breslov makes up, but it's a good yesod, you know, daga minayin, mechteisa. It's the point of it, you know, mechteisa. Nimtza she'adam doag al olam shelo. Chazal say, nimtza she'adam doag al olam shelo. Make a cheshbon. The worry was for weeks, was two, three weeks of worry. And then I realized in one second, the whole thing was not ... I mean, what, three weeks of worry, you know what I mean? Is it in your hands? Huh? Is it in your hands to control? It's called maturity. Maturity. As you get older, he's a lesson that you have to learn from life. Okay. To make a long story short, by 7:15, when we get the information, after two hours of thinking that it's not, yeah, I got a fax, right, from Israel. Thank you very much. It was a difficult day. It was a difficult day. The day was difficult. No, I sat down to learn. It was very rough. I can't even explain it. My wife came home late last night from work. It was a difficult day. Today in the morning, I make a phone call to find out whatever happened to the sefer on Kiddushin. What happened? I can't get—I tried, I can't get a hold of the guy. I never heard from him ever again. Kitzur, I call up. He picks up the phone. He says, It's min haShamayim you calling me. I'm in the middle of writing the introduction to the sefer, and it's coming out next week, and this is the introduction that I'm being sent. So I realized the tremendous... Yesterday, you know, the worry and the stress, and all of a sudden, everything you see works out l'tovah. The ... a person doesn't have the patience, and he lives in the moment without thinking, Tomorrow's gonna be a better day, nothing ever happened. You know, it's like... This worry was nothing, and all of a sudden everything turns, and you become a whole different person because the day is a good day. A person has to learn this yesod, and I think it's something you have to work on. Tomorrow is going to be better. Every difficult day that you have, you won't even remember that the day was difficult. What you'll remember is you accomplished through the difficulties. The accomplishments you'll remember, but the stress and the... you won't remember it. And the next day could be ki'ilu lo haya. So things turn so quickly. Leilisyaiish-like. In other words, if it's difficult today, tomorrow could be a completely different matzav. It could be completely all of a sudden, out of nowhere, things just, just, you know. A person has to learn this. Unfortunately, you know, they say that youth was given to the young. Pshat. Until you become a chacham and you're able to be relaxed and able to deal with life, you already lost all your koiches. You're going to get old. Had we knew when we were young things that we come to havanah when we get older. This is a tremendous havanah in life.

Things have a way how to work out. At the end of the day, you look back at all the matzavim you went through. It's not what you thought. It's not as bad as it sounded, and you don't even remember that it happened. You don't even remember the difficulties around it. So save yourself the whole stress and unhappiness that thinking to work out comes. That's what comes l'tovah means. Comes l'tovah is not just, I say it, or... You look back at zachin that you went through. Here, take a look. Any guy thinks to himself of the dating process or something, who remembers? You found your wife and that's all, finished. So if you were able to go through the matzav, realizing that one day I won't even remember the whole thing like it's not negeiah, and the next day it's, Baruch Hashem, you're married and... But maybe you will save yourself so much anguish nefesh and so much... And you learn that when you go through it, tomorrow is a better day. Tomorrow you're looking forward. I remember my grandmother. She was very not well with her back, and she used to lay for years and years. She used to lay in bed. Ad kedei kach she didn't even go to shiva brachos from her own children. She never went to... She couldn't get out of bed. She had... She was from the first ones to get this, what do they call that, the epidural. She was from the first ones, and then they botched it. She was from the first ones, like the epidural for the back with the baby. Today it's nothing. Today everybody gets it because it's healthy. They know how to do it. Even people who are not going through childbirth maybe should... It's a good thing to have. No, I'm just kidding. Halcho panim, she was from the first ones, and she became paralyzed from it. I mean, her back was a problem all the years. Yeah. She didn't even go. I'm telling you, she told me that to my uncle Chaim's wedding, she went with a brace, and she couldn't even walk down the aisle. Yeah, that's how bad it was. Yeah, that was the problem. All the years, my grandma for like 20 years laid in bed. She laid in bed. That's all she did. She laid in bed. She couldn't move. So I'm trying to tell you, the day my Zayde was niftar, she decided. She has no choice. She has to start. And she never got up from her bed ever since then. Never. My grandmother never laid in bed ever since my grandfather was niftar. She never laid in bed. So it's a remarkable thing. You think for the 20 years she laid in bed, she ever thought that one day the whole thing would just stop? I mean, who would? I mean, it's the farthest thing on her mind that it would ever stop. So I once asked her, I said, But how'd you do it, though? I mean, how'd you, I mean, day after day, week after week, simchah after simchah, you just couldn't move. So she said to me, I always said to myself, Tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow will be a better day. So what happens at the end was that she lived 20 years after my grandfather was in his 20-something years, right, after, and she never had a bad day since then. I mean, as far as the back, I'm saying as far as the laying and the pain. She's still alive? No, she was just niftar recently. But I'm saying, but it's a tremendous, tremendous lesson in life. Tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow will be a better day. And the mood that you were in yesterday, you won't even remember that you were in that mood and why you were in that mood. So what's the point of being in a bad mood? This is the amkus of gamzu l'tovah, not just the sayings of gamzu. Some people say gamzu l'tovah, but the truth is it is gamzu l'tovah. At the end of the day, you realize nothing. As they used to say in the Chofetz Chaim, that Nachum Ish Gamzu, what happened? He realized that the light, the horse, that everything was that he shouldn't get robbed by the robbers, right? Rabbi Akiva, right? He shouldn't get robbed by the robbers. So he said that he found out the next day. He found out the next day the why, and then when he looked back he would say, Baruch Hashem, the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me. Not only it's something to feel bad about, for karet, you thank the Ribono Shel Olam for it. Imagine, what? The light went out. Baruch Hashem, I'm so happy that the light—the next day you were happy that the light went out. So then when you look back and say, Well, I was very unhappy the day before, so it was mamash for nothing. It's extremely for nothing. What happens? You have to wait till the Ribono Shel Olam will show you the why, and then when the why comes, right...

Understand, people don't have patience, says the Chovos. The chisaron, the, what do we call, the oymek of the problem is this thing: we don't have the patience to wait to see the why, and therefore we're not happy. In other words, the Chazal state in Chazal, the chiddush the Chofetz Chaim is, you will end up seeing, just like Rabbi Akiva saw the next day, you'll eventually see the why is l'tov. Why is l'tov? Yeah. The thing is patience, and that we know we all lack. The person doesn't have the patience to wait to see why. And if we did, we would live gam zu l'tov. So this was a tremendous lesson. First of all, the way Chazal understood: you come, a rofe, doctor, this doctor that my father went to, is this world-renowned. He has a name, the best. You want to know something? I would never—my father has to go again for checkup—I wouldn't go to him. He's a rasha. I see rishus. The man was a rasha, a rasha, rasha, rasha. This is tov sheb'rofim, again, Chazal understood. A person could be, a person could be high class, yeah, and he can come highly recommended, and Chazal call him a rasha. Chazal call him a baal Gehinnom. Tov sheb'rofim—what's tov sheb'rofim? He has a good reputation, the best, comes highly recommended. Tov sheb'rofim. Such a good—I'm not talking rofim, baalei Gehinnom. Tov sheb'rofim. The best recommended doctor. Chazal teach, by the way, there could be a rasha leinan. What do you mean? He's patient, he's doing it. Chazal knew. Chazal knew toiv sheberofim. And the second limud is, you see daga minai. See, the Ribono Shel Olam turns yesterday to today. Suddenly, you know what I mean, just be patient. Sudden change. Be patient for it. Take all matzavim in your life, 99.9% of them worked out l'tovah. So the one that you think, hakadosh baruch hu not, maybe it will be. Think of all the worry and all the things that you spent time thinking about it. It was all for naught, all for naught, for nothing. You would have gained much more if you sat and learned, did something constructive. It's a tremendous nisayon, not easy. To tell it to a young guy, it's hard. But you should know mature people think that way, especially if you have yiras Shamayim also added to your maturity, and mimeila you survive. Tell me, how do people survive concentration camps? We can't survive if the breakfast is no good, if the wife didn't make kichels, the way we asked, we become completely out of commission. I'm going to think about it. She said, take the guy who went into the concentration camp, he wishes these were his problems. And he survived it, and he came out, and he built families. You have to grow up, so to speak, in your way of thinking, in your way of talking. And we all have to grow up. It's not only you, it's me. These are the lessons that we learn in life. One day you will reach it. So you might as well do it earlier than later, because you're saving yourself a lot of agmas nefesh. I'll end off with the famous story that my father used to say over, and it's—I hold a tremendous musar. They say over that there was a guy who went into a restaurant, and they served him the meat, which is the special of the day. You know, a European restaurant. There was old and smelly, you know. It's like by the weddings, you know, they serve you the stuff. So what's-his-name used to say, the bal musar, the short one, what's his name again? Reb Kalinsky. He used to say over this polka, this drumstick, you've danced at many weddings already. He used to say, that polka, sheketanst af a sach chasenes, already danced at many weddings. And then he used to say over another thing. That's why they call it schnitzel, because schnitzel means... they serve you by the weddings.

They serve you schnitzel. Most of them, I don't know, maybe they still do it, but in my days that was like the delicatessen, because they can't serve meat. They don't have it. They don't know what it looks like even. They make the chicken, but it should look like meat, schnitzel. Same schnitzel back from then. Right. It's the same one. Same one. I always say that a yeshiva, you have to have derech eretz for. It's older than you. You come, you make fun of the food in yeshiva. It's older than you. You have to have derech eretz for it. Akapanim. He said, What's schnitzel? Schnitzel me'asma. Schnitzel me'asma. Akapanim. So the waiter puts it down, and the guy's looking, There's no way I'm gonna eat this. So he tells the rebbe, You better eat it. I'll tell you why. Because if you don't eat it today, a schnitzel, you're gonna eat it tomorrow as meatballs. And if you don't eat it tomorrow as meatballs, you're gonna have it on the third day as blintzes. You're gonna end up eating it anyway. So you might as well get it over and done with today. Eventually you're gonna... What's the mussar of...? Somebody can mussar. You're matziv. You're gonna end up learning these lessons anyway. Whatever lesson you have to learn in life, you know, you're gonna learn it. So you might as well save yourself the agmas nefesh and get it over and done with earlier. These are maturities that you'll gain eventually. So you might as well, you might as well learn it earlier and save yourself all the agmas nefesh and stresses. Gam zu l'tov is not just a saying to get you through the day, to pacify you when there's a problem. It's not just gam zu l'tov, and eventually you'll see it and you'll understand it. And if... you know, the Chofetz Chaim used to bring a gevaldige mashal. He said— That. Chazal teach us that yisurim is mema'erkin aveinos shel adam. A person is going to come to Shamayim, you hear, and they're going to make the entire court case a scale. They'll measure mitzvahs, aveiros. He says, imagine a story like this. A guy comes, you hear, and they start measuring the mitzvahs and aveiros, and they realize that the aveiros are more than the mitzvahs. Gefela, gefela, terrible, yeah. What do you do now? And now, Rabosai, let's understand aveiros. You don't even understand how many aveiros we do during the day. It's a chapela. Baruch Hashem, with bnei Torah, it's a mistama. I imagine that the mitzvahs are more than the aveiros. But if you're not a ben Torah, right, make a cheshbon. You're not a guy that sits and learns. You're a guy davens a half hour in the morning and you miss minyanim for Mincha, Maariv. So make the cheshbon. Your day could consist of many more aveiros than mitzvahs, right? You come to Shamayim, you hear, and you're looking, and the scales are tipping to the aveiros. All of a sudden a group of malachim come, and the malachim say, Wait a minute, we have sanegor. We have a way out. What's the sanegor? Yisurim. The man went through a lot of yisurim. He had a wife that used to yell at him. He said, I'll look with the zach, right? So let's come and put that on the scale, you hear. All of a sudden they put all the yisurim, and the scale is jumping up and down because it's so borderline, yeah, and the scale stops. Tiny drop, yeah. More on the aveiros than the mitzvahs. You know what this guy is going to do? He's going to beg the Ribono Shel Olam, Ribono Shel Olam, why could you give me one more patch? You couldn't give me one more... I could have tilted the scale on that one little more, yeah? One little more problem. What? You're going to beg for that piece of... for that piece of yesurim. A person doesn't realize that his matzav in life is the best that could ever happen to him, no matter how difficult it is. Zehu asher asameach b'chelko. Chofetz Chaim used to say, it doesn't say zeh asher asameach b'mah sheyesh lo. He's happy with what he has. I heard from... say over from the Chofetz Chaim, b'mah sheyesh lo means what he has. Maybe he has nothing. Some people have nothing, right? What does it say? Zeh asher asameach b'chelko. But he knows it's his lot in life. Even that nothing, the Ribono Shel Olam gave it to him. That's his lot in life. It's where the Ribono Shel Olam wants. So you're happy with that. You're put into the situation with the nisyonos, the yisurim that's meant for you. So you make the best of it, and you're happy with it, asameach b'chelko, and with that you have ashirus. These are the lessons of life which are כדאי to learn. And the younger you are, take it from...

If someone's a little older, you're gonna learn eventually anyway. So you might as well take them earlier and save yourself some agmas nefesh and time. Okay, let's stop over here.